Cathy Hopkins - [Mates, Dates 06] (16 page)

Damsel
in Distress

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There was only one
person to turn to and luckily he was still awake when I called. He only lived
up the road and said he’d come straight out on his bicycle to get me. While I
was waiting for him, Josh phoned my mobile and said that he was looking for me
but wasn’t sure which way I’d gone when I ran out of the park. I said I was
sorry for throwing up and told him to go home as I was all right.

Twenty minutes later,
I was curled up safely on the sofa in Ben’s garage with a cup of tea and three
rounds of Marmite toast.

‘Thanks,’ I said as I
brushed the crumbs away from my mouth. ‘I was starving. I missed supper and
only had a snack when I got it after the gig.’

Ben grinned. ‘More
like a classic case of the munchies.

It often happens when
people smoke dope.‘

‘Have you smoked it?’

Ben shrugged. ‘Gave it
a go. Not my scene, though, really. I prefer to have a clear head.’

I was surprised, as
he’d never mentioned it before and I thought I knew all about him. Plus he
didn’t seem the type.

‘I didn’t like it very
much,’ I said. ‘Made my head feel very thick, and back at the gig, it had a
weird effect on me, like everyone was watching me. And later, in the park, even
the
trees
seemed to be watching me.’

‘Yeah, well, on an
almost empty stomach, the effects would be amplified. No wonder you felt
strange. Plus, there are different types of dope and they have different
effects. Some can be quite hallucinogenic and make you feel like you’re seeing
things, other types just make you sleepy. Plus it’s different for everyone.
Some people it disagrees with. Take ecstasy, for example. Some people take just
one tablet and it kills them, others seem to be fine. Hell of a risk, though.
It’s still early days, and researchers are still looking into its long term
effects on the brain. Personally, I’d rather stay clear and not take any
chances… And drink, that affects people differently as well. Some people get
all happy when they’ve had too much to drink, others depressed and melancholic,
others get aggressive and argumentative, others just throw up. I guess it
depends on your body chemistry.’

‘Yeah. My stepmother
Anna is really funny when she’s been drinking. Something seems to happen to the
volume control on her voice. She starts talking
really
loud but
doesn’t realise it.’

‘So, what’s been with
you lately, trying all this stuff? I thought you were Miss Straight White and
Bright. You know, well into health foods…’

‘I know. I was. I am.
I just wanted to try something different. Part of it was wanting to be more
grown-up, more sophisticated.’

Ben started laughing.
‘And doing the technicolour yawn all over Josh was part of that, was it?’

‘Not quite all over
him, but I think I did get him a bit. I’ve never been so embarrassed in all my
life. I doubt if I’ll see him again.’

‘Maybe you will. Maybe
you won’t. But throwing up over someone is an interesting seduction tactic. Er,
not one I’d try again, though.’

Now that I was safe,
fed and warm, I started to see the funny side. ‘Well, magazines are always
telling us that when starting a new relationship, it’s good to let someone see the
inside of you that you don’t show the rest of the world.’

Ben laughed again.
‘Yeah, but I don’t think they meant literally, as in what you ate that day. At
least he’ll never forget you.’

‘Yeah. Oh God, Ben.
It’s been such a weird time lately. All I wanted was for people to take me
seriously and treat me like an adult and I seem to have done nothing but act
like a right twerp.’

‘I don’t think that
being grown-up means that you have to smoke or drink or anything,’ said Ben. ‘I
think that being grown-up means finding out what you want as an individual and
having the voice to say so, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Loads of
fakers at our school drink and smoke because they think it looks cool. To me,
that’s not what being cool is about. Being cool is being true to yourself.’

‘It’s hard to say no
sometimes, though.’

‘Why?’

‘Dunno. It’s like you
feel pressurised to do stuff or try new experiences. Like tonight in the park,
I didn’t want to seem like a baby, you know, doing stuff for the first time.
And I didn’t want to refuse Josh’s offer of drink for fear of offending him.
And then, well, later, I didn’t want to come across as uptight.’

‘You’re too nice,
Izzie.’

‘That’s what Josh
said.’

‘There will always be
people you’ll offend. What’s that saying? You can’t please all the people all
of the time. Never go along with a guy just because you’re afraid of offending
him. You have feelings too. What do
you
want? You can’t make everyone
like you, Iz. And you shouldn’t try to be someone you’re not just to please a
boy. If you do, you’ll lose yourself. Just be who you are. Don’t do stuff with
a guy unless you really want to and the time is right. If a guy’s the one for
you, he’ll take you at the pace you want to go.’

‘Ever thought of being
an agony aunt, Ben?

He smiled and put his
arm around me. ‘Auntie Ben. Yeah, if the music doesn’t turn out maybe I’ll go
for a new career.’

It felt so comforting
to sit there snuggled up to him for a while. No pressure, no stress. If you had
to pick an animal to represent how others see you, Ben, I thought, you should
pick a big old sheepdog. Cuddly, safe and warm.

At that moment, we
heard a car pull up outside.

Ben looked out of the
window. ‘Taxi’s here,’ he said.

Ben walked me out and
saw me into the cab. ‘Here’s a tenner,’ he said. ‘Should be enough. Got your
keys?’

I nodded. ‘And
hopefully Mum and Angus will still be happily in dreamland.’ I gave him a hug.
‘Thanks, Ben. You’ve been a real mate.’

‘Talking of which,’ he
said. ‘Get together with yours. They’re a good lot and when you’re out, it’s
important that you all stick together, look after one another, make sure you
all get home safe. And never leave each other alone with boys that you don’t
know well.’

I pinched his arm. ‘Since
when did you get so grown-up?’

He smiled back. ‘Since
you started acting like a five-year-old.’

C h a p t e r
 
1 5

Ground
Rules

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Sunday was Mums
birthday and Angus had insisted that she have a lie-in as a treat. I went down to
the kitchen and prepared a tray - a cafetiere of coffee, orange juice, toast
and the chunky marmalade that she likes. Then I cut a rose from the fence in
the back garden and put it in a small vase next to my card and present for her.

Angus was already up
and pottering in his study. ‘That looks nice,’ he said as I went past.

‘It’s for Mum.’

‘Good for you.’ He
smiled. ‘She’s probably ready for a cup of coffee now.’

Mum was still dozing
when I tiptoed into her room. I watched her sleeping for a few moments and felt
really warm towards her. She looked so young and vulnerable somehow, lying
there with her hair splayed on the pillow, one arm thrown above her head. Did
you ever stay out at night and misbehave? I wondered. Somehow I couldn’t
imagine it. She’s always so efficient, organised and controlled. A typical
Virgo, according to my astrology book.

She opened her eyes as
I put the tray on the bedside cabinet, then got up and sat on the edge of the
bed.

‘Is that for me?’ she
said, rubbing her eyes.

I nodded. ‘Happy
birthday.’

‘Oh Izzie, how lovely.
Thank you. And a present.’

I watched as she
opened her card and present.

‘Oils for the bath,’
she said, taking the lid off one of the bottles and sniffing. ‘Mmm. Lovely’

‘It’s got lavender and
rosewood in it - aromatherapy oils. They’re supposed to be good for
relaxation.’

‘It smells divine,
Izzie. Thank you so much.’

‘And… and I wanted to
say I’m sorry I’ve been a pain lately and that I really do appreciate you as a
mother.’

She laughed. ‘OK, what
have you done now?’

‘
Nothing,
’
I said. Luckily, I’d managed to
sneak back in last night without waking her and Angus. What she doesn’t know
won’t hurt her, I thought. ’Mum?‘

‘What?’

‘What were you like
when you were my age?’

Mum laughed. ‘Pretty
timid, really.’

‘Did you ever do
anything stupid?’

‘What, like you at
Nesta’s the other night?’ ‘Yes. No. I mean, didn’t you used to experiment with,
I don’t know, cigarettes? The occasional drink?’

‘Not really,’ she
said. ‘Let me think. I did try a cigarette once, but hated it. As you know,
I’ve never smoked. Drink…When did I have my first drink? I didn’t really drink
until I was at university and then not a lot. Couldn’t afford it on my
student’s grant. Oh dear. Am I a terrible disappointment? Boring? I’m afraid I
was never one for experimenting much and there wasn’t as much on offer out
there, or at least not that I was aware of. My parents were so strict with me,
and to tell you the truth, when I did finally leave home and go to college, I
thought I’d lived a sheltered life compared to the rest of them. I was a bit of
a late developer, really. That’s why… I look at you and you’re
so
different to how I was — I suppose that’s why I fear for you. My endlessly
curious Izzie. You were always the same, from the moment you were born. Into
everything. Restless. Always asking questions. We may be mother and daughter
and have some similar features — eyes, the shape of our hands… but your spirit
is your own and as opposite to mine as it could ever be. And now, so grown-up,
still curious, and yet… I don’t know. I can’t help but worry about you and
what’s out there. For one thing, the streets felt a lot safer when I was young.
I thought nothing about walking home on my own at night. These days, I’d never
let you do that.’

Tell me about it, I
thought. Last night is not an experience I want to repeat in a hurry. ‘Well,
it’s nice to have someone worry about you,’ I said.

Mum smiled. ‘I can’t
help it. And I know I overreact sometimes, but it’s only because I care. I know
that there are drugs in school and a lot of teenagers smoke and drink. It’s
just I want you to enjoy your adolescence, enjoy being young, and yet you’re so
busy wanting to grow up and leave it all behind you. And boys… I… I worry that
in wanting to grow up, you’re going to feel pressurised to rush into things
before you’re ready. Just promise me that you’ll be careful, whatever happens.’

‘I will and I’m OK,
Mum. Honest. And I’m learning. Yes, it is mad out there. And yes, you can feel
pressurised, but I think I know when to say no or yes. Or whatever.’

‘And… um, how’s your
stud? Has it healed up?’

I laughed. At last,
she’d acknowledged that she knew about it. ‘Yeah, it’s good now. But… er, how
did you know about that?’

She grinned. ‘You know
very well. Your diary, of course. I
am
sorry about that, Izzie. It was
wrong of me. I should have respected your privacy. But you know what? No one
gives you a rule book on how to be a teenager, and, well, no one gives you a
rule book on how to be a mother either. And reading your diary was a mad mistake.’