Chance (14 page)

He grabbed her wrists
again and pinned them up above her head once more. Then he thrust his hot, hard
cock against her. Now panting and extremely willing, she opened her legs
further for him, and pushed her pelvis up to meet his blind thrusts. Finally,
he entered her roughly, groaning as he pushed in deep. She gasped in a mixture
of passion and pain.

After several thrusts of burning
pain, her natural lubrication enabled his aggressive jabbing to become more
enjoyable. She soon found herself caught up and lost in his energetic
lovemaking. Her arousal grew and tension began to build. She felt an orgasm
closing in on her slowly.

Just before she reached
her climax, Logan suddenly groaned loudly, as he spasmed and throbbed in
release. Without waiting for her orgasm, he flopped to one side with his head
resting on her shoulder. She lay there, panting and uncomfortably aching and
throbbing from her lack of release. She sighed, resigned to her fate of going
without sexual fulfillment. That was nothing new for her.

However, to get to the
point where she was this close to an orgasm was much rarer for her. She'd often
simply went through the motions of sex, just to please Logan. Therefore, she was
usually happy to have him come just so he'd let her sleep, or so she would get
to cuddle with him afterward. This time, she wanted, even needed the stress
release of a climax.

Charlotte wondered
whether this time he'd make her pregnant. Ever since their wedding, Logan had
stopped wearing condoms. He wanted to have children as soon as possible. Of
course, he hadn’t insisted or forced her. It was merely insinuated and
suggested, as was his style. It was said in a way to make it sound as if she'd
had a choice.

He put the idea into her
head that he wanted to have kids with her and even though she didn’t actually
want them, she said nothing to contradict him. She'd never wanted to have children.
Hell, she'd never wanted to get married, either. Look where that had gotten
her. Charlotte couldn’t even imagine herself as a mother, but somehow, he'd
manage to get his way. He always did.

He had her wrapped around
his little finger and they both knew it. He manipulated her so easily. He had a
few things he did besides scaring her witless to get what he wanted from her. Logan
would give her his sweet, besotted look to pull at her heartstrings or he'd act
all insecure and scared, asking her if she still loved him. She just couldn’t
say no to him, she couldn’t resist.

Besides, there was always
a chance she wouldn’t get pregnant. She’d had unsafe sex with someone before
and nothing had happened. Perhaps she was infertile. For the most part, she tried
to block it out. She told herself it wouldn’t happen—it
couldn't
. She
went through her life as if she was living in some kind of dream, disconnected
from reality and daydreaming about becoming a famous designer.

“You can call your boss
now, sweetie,” she heard Logan say, as his started to catch his breath, pulling
her out of her reverie.

For a moment, she'd actually
forgotten all about her fears and anticipation of possibly getting pregnant.
She sat up; concerning herself with more immediate worries, such as the fact
Logan was insisting she quit her job.

"You
really
want me to quit my job?" She sat up and looked at him.

"Yes, I do. But…well,
obviously, I'm not going to
make
you quit," he answered
diplomatically. "You have to actually want it yourself. It has to be
your
decision."

"The thing is...ever
since I was a kid, I've always wanted to be a designer and—" she said,
fearful of where her words might lead.

"…and the job you're
currently in is getting you nowhere," Logan interrupted.

"Oh…well that wasn't
what I was going to say. Actually, I think it's helping me and it does have
some prospects. I know things are moving slowly, but they're definitely moving
and—"

He cut her off again, "Oh,
give me a break," he scoffed, waving a dismissive hand through the air.

"You'd be better off
working on your designs from home, being your own boss. I could be your manager
or something. I've got contacts."

"You?" she
questioned him, extremely curious what he meant.

"I can get contacts.
I can get contacts for anything and anywhere I'd like," he said
confidently.

Something about the way
he'd said it sent a shiver down her spine. She didn't doubt he could get
whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it.

"I just thought you
might like the idea of getting to spend more time with me," he shrugged, and
then rolled over to face away from her. She wondered whether he was going into
one of those sulky moods that would make her feel guilty and create an odd
atmosphere between them. She touched his shoulder gently.

"I do like that
idea. That part sounds great," she said, hoping her words helped.

"I think it sounds
great, too," he said enthusiastically, as he turned over to face her again.
She saw he was smiling hopefully.

"How would that even
happen? Won't you be working most of the day?"

He shook his head.
"I'll be at work
some
of the day. The majority of the time, I
actually run things from home."

She remained silent, not
voicing any of the myriad of questions that were running through her mind.

"I'll actually need
to do
some
work, though," she warned him. "I need to feel
useful and productive. Working always meant so much to me. I'm not just going
to lie in bed all day with you."

"Of course not. I
don't lie in bed all day, anyway."

"I'll need to
contact publishers and marketing experts; try and get my designs seen by people
in the industry, send off my work, write letters. I'd need your support,"
she said hopefully, trying to talk herself, as well as Logan into this plan.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Anything
you need," he smiled at her encouragingly. "I'm one hundred percent
behind you."

"I know you are,
sweetheart," Charlotte smiled back, sitting up and reaching for her phone.

In the end, she left the
room to make the call. The conversation didn't go very well. It actually became
a bit heated as her boss tried to persuade her to stay in her current job. He
couldn't understand why she was giving up her position and trying to wing it on
her own. The more she tried to explain it, the more ridiculous it sounded to
her own ears, as well.

What could I say? I
can't say I'm married to a controlling and dangerous man who doesn't want me to
work. It's humiliating even to think he simply wanted me there for him
twenty-four hours a day, every day—to screw at will. I'm supposed to be there
for his every whim, to be isolated from the outside world. Oh, and by the way, he's
a murderer and possibly even a drug lord or something, so don't screw with him.

However, it was too late
to keep her job, now. Logan had put the idea in her head and now she was almost
as set on it as he was. She had that in common with her husband. They were both
rather strong willed. Once she got set on an idea, it was almost impossible for
anyone to change her mind. She could be quite headstrong like that, when it
came to certain things.

When she returned to
their bedroom, she was a free woman. Charlotte was jobless and essentially in
Logan's care, at least financially. She tried not to think about her dependence
on him as being essential or permanent. She tried to rationalize it would only
be temporary, until she got her solo career off the ground.

Charlotte told herself
and others that she was self-employed now. Not that she really saw any 'others'.
Although she still wrote to her parents and told them of her career move. Once
she gave up her job, she spent the majority of her time in the house, rarely
leaving except with Logan. It was as if he was becoming her entire world.

Occasionally, Charlotte
would go out to shop or to get something to eat or drink. However, over time,
it got to the point where Logan didn't even like her doing that. He became so
paranoid. He'd claim men in the supermarket, restaurants or anywhere she went,
would hit on her and try to steal her away from him. The more she protested,
the angrier he'd get. He only seemed to become more protective and paranoid over
time. In the end, it was just easier for her to keep her mouth shut and do as
he said. It always was.

Since her wedding, Charlotte
hadn't seen any of her friends in person. Things had been tense between the
girls ever since the argument they'd had at her Bachelorette party. And knowing
none of them particularly approved of her relationship with Logan had definitely
put a huge wedge between her and them. The fact Logan knew where they stood
didn't make it any less tense.

While her friends had
been polite and vivacious at her wedding, she sensed a distance growing between
them. Afterwards, she decided she just didn't want the stress of them questioning
her life choices. She didn’t want to have to feel as though she should have to
defend herself or her relationship.

Of course, her discovery
at her wedding reception added to the rift between them, knowing they'd been
right, at least about some of their suspicions. The fact Logan was dangerous
and controlling made it harder for her. She had trouble admitting it to
herself, yet she couldn't face them finding out. It would make it seem even
more real to her.

Charlotte decided to push
any of the nagging doubts she'd had about whether she was doing the right thing
by marrying him to the back of her mind. She’d almost convinced herself she loved
Logan more than anything in the world—that he
was
her world.

Just as she'd done when
she'd left her career for Logan, she decided she'd put all of her focus and everything
she had into her marriage. The last thing she wanted was to have anyone
attempting to tear down the façade of happiness that she clung to for dear life.

In the end, Logan was the
one who tore it down.

They continued to make
love without using birth control. Every time, Charlotte continued to fret and
worry about the possibility of getting pregnant until her next period arrived.
When it finally did come, she'd feel amazing relief. Perhaps it was a sign
subconsciously that she knew their relationship was not as it should be. Maybe on
one level, a tiny part of her knew the good times couldn't last; one day, no
matter how much she tried, she'd be unable to please him. At some level, she
knew something would tip their relationship over the edge…eventually.

The stress and fear of
her becoming pregnant continued to build every time they'd had sex. It finally became
too much for her. She knew she had to do something, so one day when Logan was away
on business, she left the house and saw a doctor. She had him prescribe the
pill for her. It was something she felt she had to do for her own sanity.

Of course, she didn't
tell Logan about what she'd done and she knew that she never could. However, it
was worth it to her if it meant she'd have less chance of getting pregnant. This
decision was a positive one for Charlotte. She felt as if a significant weight was
lifted off of her and she felt better about herself; empowered. She only felt a
tiny bit of guilt about deceiving him.

She was in a buoyant mood
over the next month and he even told her she was glowing. He said he wondered
if she’d finally gotten pregnant. She told him her next period wasn’t due for
two weeks and they'd know for sure then. Again, she felt guilty about the whole
thing, but thought she could keep up the pretense for as long as she needed.
She didn't want to have a baby. She was sure of that.

Logan was disappointed each
month when her period came. She tried to comfort him and console him by telling
him some couples try for years before they conceive. He became increasingly agitated
and impatient over the next couple of weeks. He finally brought home an entire case
of home pregnancy tests one day, insisting she test herself every second day.

Charlotte tried her best
to reassure him it was probably all her fault and maybe she just wasn't able to
have kids. However, she could tell he was beginning to worry he had something wrong
with
him
. He was obviously worried he was infertile.

One morning, she was
happily daydreaming about how she'd start up her business, while standing in
the stream of a steaming hot shower when Logan stormed into the bathroom and
ripped open the shower door. She saw him holding her half-empty container of
contraceptive pills in his hand. She held up her hands, reflexively, to protect
herself. His eyes screamed with murderous rage.

“I’m sorr…” she tried to
say.

Logan reached out and
gripped her by her wet hair. He pulled her naked body out of the shower,
dragging her towards the bedroom by her hair. She yelped in shock, fear and
pain as her feet slipped on the tiles while she tried, in vain, to keep up with
him and ease the terrible pain of his hair pulling. She was terrified, knowing
he was so out of control.

"Logan, please!"
she pleaded.

Her feet had just found
purchase on the bedroom carpet when he threw her bodily onto the bed. Then he threw
the pillbox at her viciously, hitting her wet, shivering body.

"You fucking, lying
whore," he spat, his voice full of disgust and hatred.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,"
she pleaded, as she quickly scrambled onto her back, and away from him, as far
as she could go on the bed. She was afraid of what he might do to her—scared he
might kill her in his current state of mind.

Logan glared at her in
the most terrifying manner she'd ever experienced. Charlotte steeled herself to
fight for her life. She thought he might just beat her to death, but was
positive he'd be violent to some degree. He looked as if he'd gone insane with
rage.

However, Logan surprised
her by turning and snatching his coat from the end of the bed. Then he stalked
out of the room. She heard the sound of his hurried footsteps fading as he
departed. Then she heard the front door slam and the squeal of car tires a few
seconds later.

She let her head drop
back onto the bed, her chest heaving with relief as tears stung her eyes.

I’m so stupid. Look at
what I’ve done… I've known just how much he wants me to have his baby. He wants
a baby more than anything. Shit, what's going to happen?

That moment was a
significant turning point in their relationship. Up until then, things had been
manageable; they'd had more good days than bad. She'd generally enjoyed their
married life. Charlotte enjoyed the time she spent with him on their dates. She
loved the way he treated her like a queen, made her meals, bought her things,
showered her with affection and attention.

She'd bask in the
positive aspects of their relationship focusing on the good things. Charlotte
had tried to forget about the all of the negatives, of which there were many.
The times when he ignored her, controlled her, scared her, shouted at her or
made her feel worthless. The isolation and dependence on him, there were so
many things she wished would change.

Of course, once they were
married, he
had
become more demanding, controlling and difficult. It had
culminated with him virtually forcing her to quit her job. After she had, he'd become
even more suffocating and obnoxious. It seemed every time she gave him an inch,
he'd take a yard. Yet, the good had still somehow outweighed the bad for her.

However, after the
incident with him finding her birth control pills, Charlotte’s life became
impossible. Logan spent more and more time out of the house, doing God knows
what. However, he expressly forbade her from leaving. Sometimes he'd lock her
inside and leave her without a key to get out. She became a prisoner in her own
home, while every aspect of her life was controlled by him.

Logan altered her cell phone
package so her phone could only receive calls and not make any. It meant he
could contact her whenever he wanted, but she couldn't contact anyone else. He closed
her bank accounts and destroyed her credit cards, forcing her to ask him for
money or to purchase things for her or her business. Whenever she asked for
money to go out shopping for clothes, he refused her.

"You don't need to
shop, I'll go for you," he was always quick to offer.

"But I want to get a
new dress," she pleaded.

"We'll go together,"
was his only compromise.

Charlotte was isolated
within her house. She desperately missed the outside world. She missed her family
and her friends; well maybe not missing
them
, as such. She missed the
freedom she had to see her friends when she wanted to. God forbid when she asked
Logan and suggest she see them. He didn't take that well—at all.

"Why do you want to
hang out with people who hate me?" he'd snap at her defensively.

"They don't hate you,"
she'd say.

"They'll just turn
you against me and then you'll leave me. If you love me, you wouldn’t see them,"
he'd say, knowing she had no choice but to obey his wishes.

She'd always end up
relenting, giving in to him. She lived in fear she'd reawaken the anger he
displayed in the bathroom when he'd found her birth control pills. She'd only feel
more miserable as a result.

Although Charlotte was
allowed to contact her parents via e-mail, Logan read them all and virtually
told her what to say. Of course, he called it making 'suggestions.' However, she
was too frightened to ignore any of what he'd have her write to them.

Her parents wanted them
to get together, especially after Logan and she had promised to do so at their
wedding. They'd promised to stay in touch more regularly. Somehow, though, she'd
always end up telling them that they were too busy, right now. As Logan would
suggest, she'd write that their work schedule was hectic and she’d arrange
something with them later.

She never told them she
quit her job. She knew how they’d react; they wouldn’t understand. They’d tell
her she was making a mistake. They might even question her relationship with
Logan. This would be serious, especially with him reading all of her e-mails. That
would only serve to make things even more difficult between them. She was
afraid he'd eventually stop all of her communication with the outside world.

Charlotte's father wrote
to tell her the fantastic news that he'd been re-elected as mayor. He'd invited
them to visit for the weekend. However, she was unable to write back an
appropriate response without Logan wanting to give some kind of input. She was,
nevertheless, extremely proud and happy for him. It would've been nice to go to
their home for the weekend, but Logan immediately dismissed the idea, with a
short, “We’re too busy.”

In the immediate
aftermath of the contraception incident, Logan had returned after a few hours,
seemingly calm. He'd asked her quietly and evenly whether she wanted to have
children with him. Knowing how he’d react to the truth, that she wasn’t sure if
she'd
ever
want children, she'd thought her answer over very carefully
before responding.

“I do. Of course, I do…I
just don’t think that I’m ready for them, right now. Maybe we can try again sometime
in the future,” she lied.

“The
near
future?”
he was trying to get his way, of course.

“Well, yeah.”

“In a month or so, then?”
he asked hopefully.

She shrugged her
shoulders, earning her a look, one of his unreadable expressions.

“A month or so sounds
fine,” she hastily agreed, not wanting to provoke him any further. She knew
this was an emotionally charged subject and she was walking in eggshells.

Logan seemed calmer about
it after that. He'd accepted her decision and went back to wearing condoms for
the time being, but only if she agreed to get off the pill. It was a relief,
but she knew it would only be temporary. It also did nothing to alleviate the
growing problems within their marriage and the suffocated, depressed mood that pervaded
her everyday life.

Charlotte’s work began to
suffer. She regretted ever having quit her job. She couldn’t concentrate at
home. The atmosphere was too oppressive. She had no privacy or freedom. Logan
constantly loomed over her, watching what she was doing, listening in on every phone
call she’d get from potential business partners. He became increasingly and
even insanely jealous, even of women; accusing them of being lesbians and
trying to steal her away from him.

It was intolerable. Day
by day, he began to wear her down. The weeks dragged into months, with no signs
of improvement. Her friends would occasionally get in touch with her by e-mail,
but their responses became more guarded and controlled. It was as if they were
aware of Logan’s involvement in her replies. Sometimes, he'd even dictate
sentences for her to include in her letters. It was hardly a surprise the words
she typed came across as not her own.

The decision she'd
eventually made to leave him did not come lightly. A large part of her didn’t
want to admit she’d gotten herself into this huge mess. She hated that she’d
made such bad choices by falling for him and allowing him to control her as he
did. She realized she should've gotten out months before they'd gotten married,
when she'd first seen the signs of his unpredictable and frequently frightening
behavior.

Knowing her friends had
seen signs and had meant well when they'd cautioned her about marrying Logan,
only made her feel worse. They had been right. They tried to protect her and
save her. Yet she’d side with Logan. She'd been so blind. She'd been truly
stupid in her life decisions.

At her wedding reception,
when Charlotte had discovered Logan was involved in a business where he'd order
people to commit murder, that should've been enough to scare her away from him.
She should've run screaming from the reception. Yet, she still decided to stand
by her man, even when she realized she barely even knew who he was. Upon
reflection, she figured that given everything she did know about him, she must
be as crazy as he was.

She’d tried so hard to
persevere with their marriage, to make it work between them. But she realized
the importance of getting away from Logan before their one-month ‘condom period’
was up—before he insisted, they try for a baby again. If they had a child
together, she’d be tied to him forever. She knew she’d never be able to leave.
That was presumably what he wanted, perhaps a huge part of the reason for
pushing her into having his children.

Logan's violent outbursts
seemed to be getting worse, as well. It had worsened to the point where she
worried he'd lose control enough to beat her. She feared he'd be capable of
killing her if he lost his temper too badly. He was incredibly unstable and
volatile. He’d been close to striking her on too many occasions—she was sure of
that.

It might've been wrong of
her, and even selfish. However, Logan's dubious and still elusive career choice
was only a minor part of her decision to leave him, in the end. Intellectually,
she knew she should feel worse that he'd been involved in ending the lives of
people. Yet, that seemed so far away, almost unreal to her. That knowledge only
seemed to contribute to her fear of him in a selfish way. She knew he was
capable and not beyond killing, therefore, he could kill her.