Chasing Butterflies (18 page)

Thank God for
small favors. Shelly had class, so all I had to do was walk her there and pay her a few compliments before she forgot all about Lenny. A small price to pay so Lenny could have the happiness she had every right to. It made me sick in my gut, but I’d do it because I was pretty sure I was still a goner for her.

When Chance and I walked in the house, we found Sawyer and Ashton sandwiching a redhead.

“My eyes,” Chance called out.

“You blind too?” I said in all seriousness while trying to hold back a laugh.

Sawyer’s reply should have pissed out his guest. “Caring is sharing. You guys can join in.”

“Um…” I pretended to think about it while holding my chin. “No, I’ll pass.”

Chance brushed by me and headed to the kitchen on the left. “No thanks for me either. I, uh, don’t like my sexual experiences buffet style.”

Sawyer sighed, while Ashton remained silent. “Let’s take this upstairs.”

He took the girl’s hand, and they were at the foot of the stairs before I caught Ashton roll his eyes before getting to his feet. I glanced away when he started to look in my direction.

“Mark my words,” Chance began. “Sawyer will own a sex club before he’s twenty-five. That guy…” He shook his head.

“And what about Ashton?”

“Don’t underestimate him. He’s more Batman, and Sawyer is Robin. I’m telling you.”

“And what does that make us?” I asked, more amused by his analogy.

He shrugged. “Mere mortals.”

The next day found me in class staring at my grade back for the psychology exam. I needed help. Out of all the classes I had, that one was kicking my ass. So I found myself back in the library.

“He’s back,” she announced when I sat down. “Though I’m not sure why. Shouldn’t you find your girlfriend?”

It was the way she said it that had me smiling on the inside. She was jealous. Calling her out on it wouldn’t do me any good. So I used another tactic.

“I need a favor.” Her eyes narrowed, so I rushed on to explain. “Your notes didn’t exactly help. I failed the test.” I pulled out the evidence and slid it across to her. “I can’t see how I answered the questions wrong. You did take this class, right?”

She nodded and lifted the paper to look it over.

“Here is your problem. You answered the questions verbatim like you memorized his lecture word for word. You should incorporate the text to show you did read.”

She slid her chair over and started to explain. For several seconds her words diminished against the faint scent of wild berries. However, I caught myself and focused on the task. She used my text book to illustrate what I should have done.

After the first example, I’d gotten it. Yet, I let her go through each question just to spend more time with her.

Her phone chimed much later, and the lines etched in her face looked as though she’d gotten seriously bad news.

“I’ve got to go. I’m late.”

As organized as she was, it didn’t take even a minute before she was packed and on her feet.

“Can you help me tomorrow?”

She paused. “We both know you’ve gotten it. You let me go on because you know my weakness for helping people. You’re smart enough that you don’t need me. But if you really need help, you should ask Brie. Psychology is her thing.”

I wasn’t calling Brie, and she knew it. The other part of her statement about not needing her was wrong as well, which made me dumb. She had someone and yet, I wanted to chase her until she saw reason.

That night our place was far too quiet except for the noises coming from down the hall. I swore that Sawyer would win gold in the sex Olympics if it were considered a sport. The guy had a girl every night. The only thing I had was a couple of pictures I’d snapped on my phone of Lenny at the ice cream thing on campus. She hadn’t known, and I stared at her imagine like some lovesick fool.

Channeling my aggression, I worked out my Lenny issues with the weights that next morning. Thankfully, I didn’t have psychology that day, so I didn’t have to rush to class.

“Moore,” Coach said as I walked by his office. “Come in.”

I did and sat where he indicated.

“You’re doing really well, son. I appreciate your dedication.”

That was new. Coach was easy about showing his displeasure and harder on doling out the compliments.

“Thanks, Coach.”

“But don’t kill yourself in there on the weights. You got girl problems, find another girl, or do whatever. But don’t risk hurting yourself or this team because of chicks.”

Shit, was it that obvious.

“Yes, Coach.”

There was so not anything else to say. So I headed out when he waved me in the direction of the door, feeling like I was in the middle of the final play of the game with Lenny. I had to either throw a Hail Mary or admit defeat. The next time I saw her I could easily put my heart on the line, or walk away. It was time I made that decision.

After leaving Kelley
in the library, I practically ran. By the time I got home, I was tired and hungry. As much as I wanted to crawl in my bed and get some early sleep for once, I had responsibilities. I made dinner, which was the least that was expected of me.

A hand clamped around my throat. “What is it with you these days? I feel like you’re testing me.”

I could barely get air in my lungs, let alone speak. He pulled me back into his chest and worked a hand around my waist to my jeans. Bile rose in my throat. I hadn’t realized I was doing it until he said, “Stop shaking your head. It’s always no with you. I feel like I need a crowbar to spread your legs.”

On instinct, I locked my thighs together. Violently, he shoved me, and I stumbled forward. Too late to stop my momentum, I connected with the wall and went down. As I lay there panting, I thought, and not for the first time, to make a run for the kitchen and a knife. I could kill him. Then again, life in prison didn’t seem worth it. So I stayed down, playing possum. Air left my lungs when I heard the front door open and close.

The next day, I wore an infinity scarf around my neck, the first layer tightly against my throat. I needed to rework my schedule so I could get a job. I wasn’t sure how much I could take.

When I reached class only to find out it had been cancelled for the day, I thought for sure luck was in my favor. That was until I turned to find Kelley leaning on the wall, staring at me.

I felt like a fish being lured to the bait despite knowing it was a trap. What choice did I have? I asked myself as I strode in his direction. The closer I got, I heard passersby say things like,
Great game, dude, you were awesome. Call me
.

His eyes never strayed from mine as I watched him say things in response.

“This is boarding on creepy,” I stated.

“What? Me getting out of class and seeing you?”

I scowled, having no response.

“Fine.”

I didn’t get two steps away before he said, “Do you want to grab lunch?”

“What, so we can reminisce about the past?”

“Kind of. I have some questions, like do you know what happened to Joel?”

Defiance had already formed roots in my gut. And I’d paid dearly for it. Still, I couldn’t help taking back my freedom in small ways. So I found myself following him to the café.

“He and Trina took off after graduation. I’ve seen a few pictures of them posted online. But other than that, I haven’t talked to him.”

“I saw that coming.”

“Yeah, they were a thing all the way until graduation and still are if the pictures are to be believed.”

I thought he’d ask about Debbie and Ox. Instead, I was surprised.

“Did you get your prom? The limo, the whole deal?”

I could have told him the truth. I could have outed myself right then.

“Did you?” He shrugged, which only made me realize my mistake. “You know what? I have a free hour. I should probably go to the library and get some work done.”

My escape opportunity came when a gorgeous blonde walked up to Kelley as if I didn’t exist.

“I heard about tonight. I’m so going to be there,” she said to him, totally ignoring me.

The way she touched his arm felt like a brand, and I wanted to slap her hand away. Clearly, as I stayed put like quick set concrete had been poured over my feet, I’d lost my mind.

“Lenny.” I glanced up. I had no idea what he’d said to the blonde. She gave me the once-over and dismissed me as she walked away. He spoke again, and I trained my focus on him. “I get it. I lost my chance with you. You have someone else to make you happy. You’re happy, right?” I nodded because I couldn’t choke out the lie. “We’re having this thing tonight at the house. It’s just a small group of us. You should come. Bring your boyfriend and Brie.”

“Brie?” I asked, like the idea of bringing my boyfriend was even possible. If I even explained whose get-together it was, he would go Mike Tyson on me.

“Yeah, you know. If we could get her and Chance in a room, maybe they can work things out.”

“I never saw you as a matchmaker.”

His broad shoulders rose and fell as he pushed back his hair from his face. “It’s easy to see when two people want to be together.”

Mismatched eyes so vivid in color stared at me with so much intensity, I swallowed.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Anyway, it’s the middle of the week. What’s the occasion?”

The smile that graced his beautiful mouth was the saddest I’d ever seen. A phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen.

“I finally got one of these.” He held up the phone. I caught a flash of a woman’s picture. “Sorry, I have to take this. But to answer your question, it’s my birthday.”

I took the
call while heading into the café. Lenny could have come, but she didn’t.

“Hey,” I said into the phone.

“Kelley. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

I could hear the smile on her face. She got a kick out of me calling her that.

“Do you have plans?”

The plans I wanted with Lenny weren’t happening. She was happy, and who was I to break that up? I shouldn’t be selfish wanting her for myself if someone else was there for her. Wasn’t that what a good guy would do? But was I good?

“Aww, you know, this and that.”

“Un huh, like you don’t have all the girls in that school in some sort of mating frenzy.” She laughed.

I groaned. “Don’t say mating. It’s weird.”

As her laughter subsided, she said, “I taped your game and watched it. You were every bit as good as I knew you were.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m going to get off and come to one. It’s hard, though.”

“I know,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I feel bad. I used to make all your games.”

“Really, it’s cool.”

“I should probably get back to work, but I wanted to call you. There’s just one thing.” Her pause was a little too long.

“What is it?”

“Your dad.”

He wasn’t a topic of our conversations. Once we’d rid ourselves of him, he wasn’t brought up unless the school reminded me that a parent needed to sign certain forms.”

“What about him?” I asked through clenched teeth.

“I ran into him. He’s in town and has been asking about you.”

Asking implied she’d talked to him more than once.

“Is he bothering you?”

“No.” Another lingering pause suggested that the asshole had gotten to her. He had that charm about him. Had she been duped? I wouldn’t be.

“If you see him again, tell him I’m not interested in anything he has to say. Okay?”

“Kelley?”

“Pam, no.” I regretted saying her name. I didn’t have to see her to know she cringed. “Look, Mom, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Like I said, I should get back to work.”

“I’ll call you later.”

“You better. I have to sing you happy birthday.”

“Are you sure about that?”

She laughed, and I knew we were good. “I feel like maybe I should Skype you and sing it for all your friends to hear.”

“Now I know you hate me.”

“Never that. You have the best day, and I’ll talk to you tonight.”

Later, after our small get-together turned into a full-blown party, I stopped watching the door when Lenny didn’t walk through it.

Standing by the kitchen island pouring drinks, Shelly appeared with a large cake in her hands. People started singing and all that faded away when the door opened and Lenny finally walked in.

My eyes had been trained on her. I hadn’t even noticed that the song had ended. I didn’t notice Shelly until it was too late.

“Happy birthday, Kelley.”

Warm lips met mine as everyone cheered. I pulled back and searched for Lenny. I caught sight of her back as she made a hasty exit.

“Lenny,” I said, moving around the counter and to the door.

I caught up to her outside. She spun around, her dress catching the breeze, giving me more view of her gorgeous legs. Her mouth opened as if she started to say something, but closed before she could.

Jumping on the opportunity to explain, I said, “Len—” before she cut me off.

She shook her head and her dark hair spilled around her shoulders. “It was a mistake to come here.”

“Why, because you wonder what there could be between us?”

Fuck it. I was tired of being the better guy. I wanted who I wanted.

“Exactly. I do wonder what would have happened if you stayed. But you didn’t.”

“It wasn’t my fault.” Fucking Ox had ruined my one chance.

“Does it really matter?”

Our conversation was eclipsed by piercing words not too far from us.

“You’re never going to change, given what I saw in there. I’m not like those girls, Chance. All we can ever be is friends. So just stop, okay? I don’t want to hate you anymore.”

We faced each other, and I saw resignation in her eyes. “She’s right. The best we can hope for is friendship.”

She must have thought I was fucking around again, and I had to set her straight.

“Len, I can explain about the phone call earlier.”

Her hair danced around her face as she shook her head. “You don’t have to.”

“I do. It was my stepmom. Well, sort of.” Pinched brows added to her confused expression. “My dad didn’t exactly marry her, but she did become my mom.”

As I told Lenny the story, I slipped into the memory.

We’d been staying with Pam for a few months. Dad had steady work, and Pam was easy-going. I’d started school for my senior year, and with football practice, I wasn’t home a lot. Things were semi-normal. Only, I knew it wouldn’t last.

Summer storms that included some lightning had canceled practice that day. So I’d gone home on the bus. The small house wasn’t much, but it reminded me a lot of our old house in Galveston because Pam had decorated it to feel like a home.

I walked in on an argument. A part of me wanted to turn around and go to the library, but the slur in Dad’s voice was all too familiar, and I couldn’t leave Pam to face that alone.

“You can take your sorry ass out of here if you think you can talk to me like that.”

His fist balled as he growled, “Woman, don’t you—”

My bags thumped to the floor as I quickly moved to stand between them.

“Don’t,” I warned.

I wasn’t small anymore. My growth had come quickly and so fast, I didn’t have clothes that fit.

Dad huffed. “So what’s it going to be, boy? You think you can take me?”

I’d avoided Dad’s fist for the most part since we left Texas. So I had no idea if I could. But I held my ground.

“Try me.”

He laughed and turned his head to the side. I’d been taken by surprise too many times to know his game. So when the swing happened, it missed me by a mile. I, however, landed a solid punch his chest, sending him backward to fall on his ass.

“You don’t know what you’ve done. You’ve gotten us both kicked out. And I ain’t taking you with me.”

“He can stay,” Pam said in a rush. I turned to look at her over my shoulder, and she nodded. “You can stay with me, honey.”

I faced my father again as he got to his feet and teetered to stay upright.

“He’s my son. You can’t have him if I call the authorities.”

“But you won’t,” Pam said smoothly.

“And I’ll be eighteen soon.”

“So get out, James. And don’t come back.”

Blinking back into focus, Lenny gave me a hesitant smile and something I didn’t name swimming in her eyes.

“I’m happy for you. She sounds great.”

“She is.”

“You deserve that and more.” She lifted on her toes and kissed my cheek. “Happy birthday, Kelley.”

The kiss ended far too quickly, my face all tingly and shit. I watched her fall back to her feet and cast her eyes away. She began to turn away, but stopped.

“I forgot. I got you this. It’s nothing big, especially seeing that fantastic cake. You can throw it in the trash. They didn’t have much of as selection. It was this or one with Barney on it. I hope your birthday wish comes true.”

“If it were your birthday, what would you wish for?”

Her response was curious and made me wonder if I had hope.

“Freedom.” The word bounced in my head. “What about you?” she asked, walking backward as Brie linked her arm through hers.

It was my Hail Mary. “A second chance.”

My attention wasn’t on the small box she gave me. I watched as her smile disappeared as they hopped in Brie’s car and drove off.

Chance stepped over, grief wafting off him. “What did she give you?”

I opened the box to find a perfect cupcake inside. It reminded me of the ones she’d made me for my birthday years ago. The only difference was the candied butterfly stuck in the icing.