Chasing Circumstance (4 page)

The food was presented in such a beautiful fashion that I hesitated to eat it.  The earthy color of the mushrooms and clams, combined with the green kale they were laid upon, was set off by the intense red color of the sauce.  Deep, rich aromas filled the air and made the meal even more appetizing.   Reluctantly, I sliced into the delicateness of the mushrooms.  They were indescribably delicious, and I savored each mouthwatering bite that had been placed before me.

Upon finishing my meal, I paid the tab, tipped the waiter, and went outside.  The night air was cool against my skin and I could feel the dampness in the breeze that wafted across the lake.  Stopping to admire the view, I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders and wished that Stuart was there to warm me instead. 

I returned to where Jeffrey was waiting for me with the car and watched out the window as we headed back to the hotel.  Scotland truly was a magnificent place.  I would have been happy living here the rest of my life had it all worked out, but alas, it was not meant to be.

I changed into warm pajamas after arriving back at the hotel and made myself a cup of hot cocoa.  I sat in the living room staring at the art on the walls and thinking about the ball that was taking place tomorrow night.  The thought of finally meeting Stuart face to face frightened me to my core.  Did he know I was here?  If he did, why hadn’t he reached out to contact me? 

“Ugh!  Just shake it off!”  I spoke to myself out loud.  If anyone could have heard me, they would have thought I was crazy, and they would have been right.

Setting my cup on the counter, I picked up my laptop and signed into my blog.  I knew that writing about my adventures would help bring some closure to my day and help me rest.

“Dear You,

Where do I even begin to describe my day?  After arriving in Scotland, I slept most of the day away thanks to sheer exhaustion, a hot bath, and a bottle of wine.  I awoke just in time to witness the most beautiful sunset it has ever been my pleasure to see.  Dinner was more than incredible, and I cannot possibly find the right words to describe it at this time.  I believe my words are lost in the fog of my emotions.

Tomorrow night is the grand ball.  He will be there.  The same he that healed my heart, claimed it as his own and shattered it against a wall of lies and deceit.

How will I face him?  What will I say?  How will I hold back the tears?

I realize I must reach deep inside and pull from my inner strength.  I need to show him that he no longer holds power over me and no longer resides in my heart.  He has to know that I will not shed another tear over the loss of him.  I have to find a way to lie.

Will he be able to see through my façade?  Is it possible that he knows me so well that he will know I’m lying?  Will he reach out to take away my pain?

See?  There I go again!  I’m getting all wrapped up in that fairytale ending!  “And they lived happily ever after…”  What a line of shit!

I should probably close for now.  I think the combination of the wine and my total exhaustion may be going to my head. 

So tonight, dear readers, I leave you with this question…

Is there such a thing as “happily ever after”?

~Amia”

CHAPTER FOUR

I spent the morning lounging around my hotel room and simply relaxing until early afternoon.  I debated calling Stuart to find out if he knew I was here and that he would be meeting with me, but eventually decided against it.  I think I was scared of his reaction.

After soaking in the bath and doing all the girly things one tends to do in there, I began to get ready for the ball.   My dress had been steamed by the hotel staff so that it would be perfect.  I sat, wrapped in a towel, in front of the dressing mirror in the bathroom and just looked at myself.  Though I looked as I always did with the same blue eyes and same brown hair, I couldn’t seem to find my self-confidence.  I jokingly wondered if it had flowed down the drain with the bath water.

“Well, I guess I should start with my hair.”  I don’t know who I was talking to, but the words left my lips as if I were speaking to someone other than myself.  I had never been to a ball before, so I did a bit of internet research to find an appropriate hair style. 

I decided to curl my hair into drop curls and pin some of the tendrils to the top of my head allowing the remainder to flow softly down the back and sides.  I liked how natural and soft it felt across my shoulders and the sides of my face.  When it was all in place, I pinned strands of crystals into the curls and sprayed it lightly with hairspray to help hold it.

I applied a moisturizer to my face and then sipped at a glass of wine to give it time to work before applying my make-up.  The moisturizer felt cool and creamy against my skin.  I was beginning to feel pampered.  I had considered taking advantage of the gorgeous spa in the hotel but decided against it.  I was simply too nervous to be around people right now.

When I finished applying my make-up, I sprayed perfume over my entire body. I decided against stockings and wore only my corset and matching panties under my gown. The tulle was soft against my bare skin and it made me feel sexy and daring. Slipping on my new Fendi heels, I grabbed my black lace shawl, my sequined handbag, and walked into the awaiting private elevator.

As the doors to the lift opened and I stepped out, I felt the eyes of the people in the lobby watching me. I smiled a shy grin, lifted my chin in feigned confidence, and walked outside where my driver awaited my arrival.

“You look stunning tonight, Miss Amia.” Jeffrey complimented me while he opened the door to the limousine and took my hand as I sat down.

“Why thank you, Jeffrey.  I feel stunning.”  I smiled at him, and he closed the door.

The butterflies burst in my stomach as the car started moving.  This was it, I was about to meet Stuart face to face.  I sat in utter silence throughout the drive while I tried to collect my thoughts and get my nerves under control.  It was a pointless exercise.

The car came to a stop, and moments later, Jeffrey opened my door and took my hand to guide me out.  “Knock ‘em dead, Miss Amia.  You’ll be just fine.”

“Thank you again, Jeffrey.”  I smiled through my nerves as I stepped onto the sidewalk in front of Trades Hall.  It was a magnificent, historic building and the ball was to take place in the Great Hall within its walls. 

Stopping at the door to check in with the attendants, I was handed an exquisite black and silver mask with crystal accents.

“What is this?”  I questioned the usher as I accepted the mask.

“This is a masquerade ball, Ma’am.  All guests are required to wear one.  Please, place the mask over your eyes and Aaron will escort you into the ball.”  He motioned for a second usher to accompany me to the ball room.

I placed the mask over my eyes and pulled my hair over the elastic band so it was hidden under my curls.  “Thank you, Sir.”  I offered a slight curtsy to the attendant.

“It is my pleasure, Ma’am, and may I add, you are the picture of grace and delicate beauty.”

Blushing slightly at his compliment, I looped my arm through Aaron’s and walked with him down a long hallway and into the Great Hall.   

It was brilliantly decorated with white and silver strips of silk flowing from the center of the ceiling out to the walls and down to the floor.  There was a grand chandelier in the center of the ceiling with hundreds of lights dancing through the crystals that hung around them.  The orchestra was set up at the far end of the hall and was playing a mix of light adult contemporary music.  A bar sat on one side of the room and a buffet on the other.  People were mingling throughout the room talking, laughing, and dancing.

I scanned the room for Stuart, but the masks made it difficult to pinpoint him.  Turning to thank the attendant for the escort, I walked toward the bar.  A drink was called for to help calm my nerves. 

“May I have a French 75, please?”  I smiled at the bartender as I ordered my drink.

“Coming right up, Miss.”  He turned away from me to mix it.  I nervously looked around the room again for Stuart.  “Here you are,” the bartender said as he handed me my drink.

“Thank you.”  I accepted it and tried to tip the bartender.

“No gratuity is necessary, Miss.”  He waved off my money and turned to help the next patron.

I saw a group of people gathered around a man across the room. The part of his face that was visible looked a bit like Stuart so I made my way over in that general direction.  I stood near the group and eavesdropped on their conversation.

“Yep, tomorrow is the big day.  We’ll be releasing our newest software package to the world.  It will aid in the organization of multiple multi-media files and make for quicker access.”  I recognized his voice immediately.  It was Stuart.

“Who’s handling your campaign?”  A random voice from the crowd questioned him.

“All I’ve been told is its some big wig from Millian’s based out of New York.  I tried to get them to keep it in house, but I guess that the owner of Noraprise and the owner of Millian’s are friends from way back.  We’ll see tomorrow if I was right or not.”  Stuart laughed with the crowd of people around him.

“I’ve heard of Millian’s.  They’re rated pretty highly.”  A female spoke up in answer to Stuart’s reply.

“I’ve heard the same thing.  I used to know someone that works there.”  I thought to myself, ‘Used to know?  Really?’

Stuart continued, “I’m not one to trust word of mouth though.  I prefer to go with my gut, and my gut is saying we should have stayed in house.”  Stuart sounded a little cocky to me, but maybe my personal feelings were getting in the way.  Either way, this was going to be even more difficult than I had anticipated.

I stepped closer to the group.  “Tell me, Mr. Cairns, why does your gut tell you that you should have stayed in house?”  I softened my voice to try to disguise it.

“We have very talented people in our office that I am sure were up to the task, and I don’t see why we have to farm out our work.  Local jobs mean local pay.”  Stuart looked directly at me as he spoke.  “You seem familiar, do I know you?”

“No, I do not believe that you know me.”  I wasn’t lying.  He didn’t really know me.  If he had, he would have known that my love for him had been real.

“Excuse me folks, I do believe I am going to get this beautiful woman a drink and get to know her.”  Stuart stepped away from the crowd and stood in front of me.  “Are you sure we don’t know each other?”  He touched my hand as he spoke.

“Define the word ‘know’, Mr. Cairns.  Does anyone, truly, ever know someone?”  I wondered how long it would take him to recognize me.  How had he not put the clues together?

“Amia? Is that you?”  He whispered my name as he reached for my mask.

I pulled away from him and smiled.  “Mr. Cairns, this is a masquerade ball for a reason.”

Recognizing my voice, Stuart said, “I… I… I can’t believe you’re here.”  He sounded shocked as he stumbled over his words.  “You’re really here.  Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?  I thought Jo would have made the trip herself.”  We walked to the bar to get another drink.  I think he needed one more than I did, but I was curious to see how this was going to play out.

“I was sure you would have been told who was coming in from our office.  I started to reach out to you so many times, but I just couldn’t make myself do it.  Stuart, is this going to be awkward?”  I ordered another French 75 and sipped at it as we spoke.

“No, it’ll be fine.  I’m just a bit shocked that you’re here.”  He drank his Scotch in one swallow and asked for another.  “Listen, Amia, I’m sorry about…”

I cut him off before he could finish.  “Don’t be sorry, Stuart.  It was what it was, and there is no going back, no changing it.” I stood close to him and kept my voice down so that our conversation remained private.

“You look incredible.”  Again, Stuart drank his Scotch in one swallow.  “Would you like to dance?”  I could tell he was very nervous. 

“I would love to.”  I set my glass on the bar and accepted Stuart’s hand.  As we walked out onto the dance floor, he spun me around and into his arms.  “I didn’t know you could dance.”  I was surprised by his ability.

“There are a lot of things we never took the time to get to know about each other.”  He pulled me tight to his body.

“We?  I’m not the one that…”  My words were stopped by Stuart’s kiss.  I felt myself melt into him and his arms tighten around me as though he were holding me up.

“You’re here now.  This moment is real.  Let’s just focus on this.”  He spun me around, and after pulling me back into his arms, he kissed me once again.

“Mr. Cairns, do you believe it is acceptable for you to take such liberties with me?”  I smiled as I flirted.  All thoughts of getting even flew out the window.

“I don’t see you stopping me, Miss Durant.  Nor do I hear you complaining.”  Stuart laughed and then jokingly said, “Now shut up and dance with me.”  He held me tight as our bodies swayed to the music.  When the song ended, we each got another drink and made our way to a table in a quiet corner.

“Where are you staying?”  Stuart sat across the table from me.

“At the Blythswood Square Hotel.  Jo booked the penthouse suite for me.  I arrived yesterday morning.”  My hands shook slightly as I sipped at my drink.

“The penthouse suite?  Well, Jo’s spoiling you, isn’t she?”  Stuart reached across the table and held my hand.

“I’m worth spoiling.”  I winked at him as I replied.

“So I see.  You know, I was hoping it was you that would be coming, but I was afraid of being let down.”  He looked down at the table.

“Why would you hope for such a thing?  You were the one that ended this, Stuart.  You were the one that made it quite clear that you used me and that I meant nothing to you. I was merely a bandage to help you heal.”  I pulled my hand away from his and finished my drink.  “I think I need another one.”  I stood to acquire my fourth drink.

“Please, sit down.  I’ll get it for you.”  Stuart stood and looked into my eyes as he spoke.  “I’m sorry, Amia.  I was in a bad place, and I took it out on you.  Can you forgive me?”  He smiled softly at me.

“Forgiveness is not an issue.  Make this one a double, please.”  I sat back down and returned the smile.  I wanted to tell him there was no issue because he didn’t deserve my forgiveness.  I wanted to tell him that it was not an issue because I didn’t give it enough thought to justify it, but now that I was here, I didn’t know what I was feeling.

“I’ll be right back.”  I watched as he walked away.  I felt overcome with emotion and took a deep breath to settle my nerves.

We spent the rest of the evening at each other’s side.  Stuart introduced me to his associates and friends and told them I was the representative from Millian’s.  I noticed the shock on some of their faces when he explained who I was and realized that he must have told them about me when we were a couple.  In between chatting with groups of people, we danced, laughed, and talked until the ball was over.

“It’s midnight.  Does this beautiful princess turn back into Cinderella?”  Stuart kissed my hand.

“I’m afraid so.  That is unless her Prince Charming would like to escort her back to her palace.”  The alcohol had chased the nerves from my brain, and I found it easier to speak my mind.

“It would be my honor.  Let me call for a taxi and we shall be on our way.”  Stuart smiled at me again.

“No need for a taxi, my chariot awaits us.”  I put my arm through his and we walked outside to where Jeffrey was waiting for me.

“A limousine?  You really are spoiled.”  Stuart laughed when he saw my car and driver.

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m worth spoiling before you’ll believe it?”  We stopped at the side of the car and waited for Jeffrey to open the door.  “Thank you, Jeffrey.  Back to the hotel, please.”  I got into the car followed by Stuart.

The ride back to the hotel was deafeningly quiet.  He held my hand, but no words were exchanged between us.  It was as though we had said everything we needed to say at the ball.

After arriving at the hotel, I thanked Jeffrey and reminded him of my appointment the next afternoon.  “Should I be expecting two for the journey, Ma’am?”  Jeffrey asked as he closed the car door behind us.

“You should have no expectations whatsoever.  Goodnight, Jeffrey.”  I took Stuart by the hand and led him to the private elevator that brought us to my suite.

When we reached the top floor, I told Stuart to make himself at home, and I excused myself to change out of my gown and into more comfortable clothing.  Entering my bedroom, I thought of what Jo had told me and began to leave on the lingerie I was wearing under my gown, but I decided against it and opted for sweats and a t-shirt instead.  I didn’t want to appear presumptuous.  A part of me was hoping that maybe we could work things out.  I thought about how badly he hurt me, but now that I was here, now that I saw him face to face, I felt differently.  When I finished changing I washed my face, took my hair down from the top of my head, grabbed a robe, and went back out to the living room to join Stuart.