November
Authors: David Mamet
ACCLAIM FOR DAVID MAMET’S
November
“Hilarious.… the poetry of Mamet’s pugnacity—with all its half notes of contempt, rage, and terror—really swings.… [President] Smith … brings oxygen to Mamet’s rhetorical brilliance.… Mamet has dealt an ace.”
—The New Yorker
“Breezy … punch-line-packed.”
—
USA Today
“A raucous comedy.”
—
The Times
(London)
PLAYS
Romance
The Voysey Inheritance
(adaptation)
Faustus
Boston Marriage
The Old Neighborhood
The Cryptogram
Oleanna
Speed-the-Plow
Bobby Gould in Hell
The Woods
The Shawl
and
Prairie du Chien
Reunion
and
Dark Pony
and
The Sanctity of Marriage
The Poet and the Rent
Lakeboat
Glengarry Glen Ross
The Frog Prince
The Water Engine
and
Mr. Happiness
Edmond
American Buffalo
A Life in the Theater
Sexual Perversity in Chicago
and
The Duck Variations
FICTION
The Village
The Old Religion
Wilson
NONFICTION
Jafsie and John Henry
True and False
The Cabin
On Directing Film
Some Freaks
Make-Believe Town
Writing in Restaurants
Three Uses of the Knife
South of the Northeast Kingdom
Five Cities of Refuge
(with Rabbi
Lawrence Kushner)
Bambi vs. Godzilla
The Wicked Son
SCREENPLAYS
Oleanna
Glengarry Glen Ross
We’re No Angels
Things Change
(with Shel Silverstein)
Hoffa
The Untouchables
The Postman Always Rings Twice
The Verdict
House of Games
Homicide
Wag the Dog
The Edge
The Spanish Prisoner
The Winslow Boy
State and Main
Heist
Spartan
Redbelt
November
David Mamet is a dramatist, director, novelist, poet, and essayist. He has written the screenplays for more than twenty films, including
Heist, Spartan, House of Games, The Spanish Prisoner, The Winslow Boy, Wag the Dog
, and
The Verdict
. His more than twenty plays include
Oleanna, The Cryptogram, Speed-the-Plow, American Buffalo, Sexual Perversity in Chicago
, and the Pulitzer Prize–winning
Glengarry Glen Ross
. Born in Chicago in 1947, Mamet has taught at the Yale School of Drama, New York University, and Goddard College, and he lectures at the Atlantic Theater Company, of which he is a founding member.
A VINTAGE ORIGINAL, JUNE 2008
Copyright © 2008 by David Mamet
All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Vintage Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.
Vintage and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
CAUTION:
This play is protected in whole, in part, or in any form under the Copyright Laws of the United States of America, the British Empire, including the Dominion of Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union, and are subject to royalty. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, radio, television, and public reading, are strictly reserved. All inquiries concerning performance rights should be addressed to the author’s agent: Ron Gwiazda, Abrams Artists Agency, 275 Seventh Avenue, 26th Floor,
New York, NY 10001.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Mamet, David.
November : a play / by David Mamet.
New York : Vintage Books, 2008.
p. cm.
“A Vintage original”—T.p. verso.
1. Presidents—United States—Drama.
PS3563.A4345 N68 2008
812′.54—dc22
2008004925
eISBN: 978-0-307-79374-4
v3.1
This play is dedicated to Jeffrey Richards
I have not bowed to current academic nostrums about nomenclature or accepted the flyblown philacteries of Political Correctness. So I do not acknowledge the existence of hyphenated Americans, or Native Americans or any other qualified kind. They are all Americans to me: black, white, red, brown, yellow, thrown together by fate in that swirling maelstrom of history which has produced the most remarkable people the world has ever seen. I love them and salute them, and this is their story.
—Paul M. Johnson,
A History of the American People
PRODUCTION NOTES
November
received its world premiere on January 17, 2008, at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre, New York.
| Charles Smith | Nathan Lane |
| Archer Brown | Dylan Baker |
| A Representative of the | |
| National Association of | |
| Turkey and Turkey | |
| By-Products Manufacturers | Ethan Phillips |
| Clarice Bernstein | Laurie Metcalf |
| Dwight Grackle | Michael Nichols |
| Director | Joe Mantello |
| Scenic Design | Scott Pask |
| Costume Design | Laura Bauer |
| Lighting Design | Paul Gallo |
| Production Stage Manager | Jill Cordle |
THE SETTING
AN OFFICE
THE CHARACTERS
CHARLES SMITH
,
a man in suit
ARCHER BROWN
,
a man in suit
A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF TURKEY AND TURKEY BY-PRODUCTS MANUFACTURERS
,
a man in suit
CLARICE BERNSTEIN
,
a lesbian
DWIGHT GRACKLE
,
a Native American
ACT ONE
Morning
ACT TWO
Evening
ACT THREE
Morning
At rise
,
CHARLES SMITH
and
ARCHER BROWN
in an office
.
CHARLES:
(
Reading a list
) What is this? What is this? One spot in Cleveland One in Cincinnati … Why?
ARCHER:
You see the polls?
CHARLES:
What happened to never say die?
ARCHER:
I saw the polls.
CHARLES:
You saw the polls, how bad can my numbers be?
ARCHER:
You broke the machine.
(
ARCHER
hands
CHARLES
a sheet of paper
.)
CHARLES:
Can these numbers be right? These numbers can’t be right.
ARCHER:
They’re right.
CHARLES:
Why? Why? We won the first time, Archie. Four scant years. Why have they turned against me now?
ARCHER:
Because you’ve fucked up everything you’ve touched.
CHARLES:
We’re a forgiving people.
ARCHER:
Time to cash out, Chucky. Sell a couple pardons, call it a day.
CHARLES:
Nobody’s spending any money on me. That’s the problem, Archie. They dint cut me off, I’d be beating the other guy into Marshmallow Fluff. All I need, I need, some
money
…
ARCHER:
And an issue.
CHARLES:
How about “continuity.”
ARCHER:
You’ve screwed the country into a cocked hat.
CHARLES:
Yes, but at least I’ve done
something
. What has the other fella done? Have you thought of that?
That’s
the basis of an ad! Get me the committee.
ARCHER:
They’ll let you keep what you got, put it in your pocket, but they ain’t buying any more air.
CHARLES:
(
To phone
) Get me the committee.
ARCHER:
You’re done, Chuck … (
The phone rings. To phone
) Hello.
CHARLES:
Gimme that. (
Takes phone
) Barry … Cathy. Hi. Hon? Hon, can I … Cathy, I can’t talk now … (
To
ARCHER
) Can my wife take the couch? (
To phone
) Take, take the couch where, hon?… Why do you assume we’re going home … (
To
ARCHER
) ’Cause she hasn’t seen any ads on TV. And can she take the couch?
ARCHER:
No, she can’t take the couch.
CHARLES:
No, you can’t take the couch, hon. (
To
ARCHER
) She had it re-covered.
ARCHER:
It was re-covered with taxpayers’ money.
CHARLES:
It was re-covered with taxpayers’ money, Cath. (
To
ARCHER
) Can she reimburse the taxpayers? And does she get a discount because the couch has been used … Cath? (
To
ARCHER
) Get me out of here …
ARCHER:
(
Loudly
) Mr. President, Iran has launched a nuclear strike.
CHARLES:
What?
ARCHER:
Iran has launched a nuclear …
CHARLES:
Ca … Cath? Iran has launched a nuclear strike … (
To
ARCHER
) Or could she
uncover
the couch and take the unupholstered couch …
ARCHER:
She can’t take the couch. (A
second phone rings
.
ARCHER
answers
.) Hello. Barry, one moment.
CHARLES:
(
To phone
) Cath, I have to, Cath, I’ll have to call you back. I’m not being cheap, Cath … I’m … I’m, yes, I’m trying to save money, ’cause WE’RE GOING HOME BROKE, Cath, and we’re being bombed by Iran, so I have to hang up. (
ARCHER
hangs up
.)
ARCHER:
Why is the couch so important to her?
CHARLES:
She wants it for the Library.
ARCHER:
The Library?
CHARLES:
My Presidential Library. (
Pause
) What are you telling me? (
Pause
) I gotta have a library. Archie? Don’t I have, like, a, uh, a Library, uh, an Exploratory, uh …
ARCHER:
No.
(
Pause
)
CHARLES:
What is it about me people don’t like?
ARCHER:
That you’re still here.
CHARLES:
Wait—doesn’t everybody get a library?
ARCHER:
No.
CHARLES:
It’s not in the Constitution?
ARCHER:
No.
CHARLES:
Like a lovely parting gift?
ARCHER:
No.
CHARLES:
(
Pause
) Cathy’s gonna kill me.
ARCHER:
(
Re second phone line
) It’s the committee …
CHARLES:
(
To phone
) Hel … Hello, Barry … Where do you find me …? I’m at the White House, Barry. Where are you? “Nantucket.” How are
things
out there …?
ARCHER:
(
Sotto voce
) He’s screwed you on the election. He’s holding back funds. Tell him to disgorge the funds.
CHARLES:
(
Pause
) Barry, look, you’ve screwed me on the election, I need you to disgorge the funds you’re holding for my library. (
To
ARCHER
) What do I mean, “he’s screwed me …? (
To phone
) What do I mean, Barry? I’m looking at the time buys …(
Pause
) Well, whose decision was that, Barry? “The committee?” Yeah, no, yes, that’s peachy, Barry. With the possible exception, YOU ARE THE COMMITTEE. Barry? You … (
Pause
) Well, who the fuck is the Committee, if not you? (
ARCHER
hands
CHARLES
a list
.) Three spots in Cleveland, two in Minneap … FOR THE WEEK? FOR THE WHOLE FUCKEN WWWW … WHY DON’T I JUST GO OUT AND GET CLOWN SHOES, ’N’ PUT A RED RUBBER
BALL ON MY NOSE, BE … be … because I want to: Fuck that, Barry, because I’m gonna tell you, no I’m gonna tell you why, and you can jolly well sit there. BECAUSE MY FUCKEN QUESTION TO YOU IS A SPEECH THAT YOU, and your fucken shooting party made to me out hunting quail in Bavaria, when someone turned to me and he said, “Chucky, have you read
The Three Musk
…” Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re … No, it doesn’t sound like you remember, Barry, when someone asked me: “All for one and one for all.” You remember that? And all your tame Krauts, and lifting the import tariffs, and “This is our man,” and all that happy horseshit … I DON’T
WANT
a … I DON’T … WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO WITH A TIME-SHARE IN
ASPEN
? I want to be president … (
Pause. To
ARCHER
) “The hat is empty, there are no more rabbits in it.” (
To phone
) Is this the man I knew? In the snow? In New Hampshire? BARRY, who ruined his fucken shoes going from door to door? Is this the same man? (
Pause
) Well, in what way is he different? (
Pause
) What does that mean? What does that mean? “A good one to lose”? You know who thinks that way? Losers. (
Pause
) Let’s move on. Tell me about the library. Well: Oh, okay. Good. “We have a fund.” How much money do we have in my library fund … (
Pause
) Million. (
Pause
) Thousand? (
Pause
) Four thousand dollars? (
Pause
) I CAN’T GO HOME WITHOUT A LIBRARY FOR CATHY … You know that … I should of thought of that when I invaded where? When
I
invaded where? Barr …? Barry, that was your idea … The fuck it was. The fuck it was. The fuck it was, Bar, YES I FUCKEN MIND IF
YOU PUT ME ON HOLD… ! I am the President of the United States! (
To
ARCHER
) Where is he? In Nantucket? (
To phone
) Where are you, on Nantucket? HOW ABOUT I GIVE AWAY half of the island to the Micmacs to build their hotel casino. Yes, I can. Yes, I … Yes, I can, Barry. Well, what are you going to do to me? (
Pause
) That record was expunged, (
Pause
) That record was expunged, and the statute of limitations … (Pause) Well, who’s to say what’s perjury? (
Pause. To
ARCHER
) His friend the special prosecutor. (
Pause. To phone
) Yeah. All r … yeah. All r … All right … Barry. (
Pause
) And give my best to Ginny. (
Pause; hangs up
)
ARCHER:
“Life goes on”?
CHARLES:
(
Pause
) He was gonna put me on “hold.”
ARCHER:
Everybody goes home sometime, Chucky … (
Pause
.)
CHARLES:
Couldn’t we make it rain or something, just to keep the other guys from voting? The other guys stop voting the incumbent wins, isn’ that the rule? Can’t we oh, you know, just make it rain …?
ARCHER:
We don’t have that technology.
CHARLES:
In some secret, uh uh …
ARCHER:
No.
CHARLES:
“Facility,” or something.
ARCHER:
No.
CHARLES:
The panic level: raise the panic level!
ARCHER:
Nobody cares.
CHARLES:
They don’t care about the panic level?
ARCHER:
No.
CHARLES:
After all our work?
ARCHER:
Nobody cares. They hate you. Everybody hates you, and you’re out of cash. Go home.
CHARLES:
I would hate to think. That the people were deprived of a choice. Because one side … simply ran out of cash.
ARCHER:
That’s the American way.
CHARLES:
Well, that makes me throw up. (
ARCHER
hands him a piece of paper
.) What is this?
ARCHER:
Today’s off-the-cuff remarks.
CHARLES:
Can’t they stick that thing in my ear?
ARCHER:
The last one got stuck in your ear.
CHARLES:
(
To self
) That’s right. (
Re speech
) “We must and can and shall move forward.” I’m supposed to say this about what?
ARCHER:
Whatever they ask you.
CHARLES:
How can Bernstein write this crap?
ARCHER:
She didn’t write it.
CHARLES:
Bernstein didn’t write it?
ARCHER:
No. She’s on vacation.
CHARLES:
Aha. (
Pause
) It
almost
: were I of a paranoid
bent
, would make me
opine
. That somebody was out to get me.
ARCHER:
I don’t follow.
CHARLES:
That, one, the committee has ceased spending money on me …
ARCHER:
Yeah …
CHARLES:
At the same time. As my
speechwriter
. Has chosen to take a vacation. Why?
ARCHER:
Your ten o’clock is in the anteroom, with fifty thou …
(
ARCHER
hands him papers
.)
CHARLES:
Get Bernstein to rewrite this crap. Where is she?
ARCHER:
She’s technically still on vacation.
CHARLES:
Get her to write it on vacation.
ARCHER:
She’s already working on vacation.
CHARLES:
What’s she working on?
ARCHER:
She’s working on your concession speech.
CHARLES:
OH FUCK THIS FUCKEN LIFE AND EVERYTHING IT
STANDS
FOR. Fucken Bernstein. Sinking ship …
ARCHER:
Chuck.
CHARLES:
I don’t get a vacation …
ARCHER:
She hasn’t had a vacation in four years.
CHARLES:
Well, she lives for her work. She hasn’t got a family.
ARCHER:
She lives with that girl.
CHARLES:
Well, they haven’t got children.
ARCHER:
She went to China to pick up a kid.
(
Pause
)
CHARLES:
She went to China to pick up a kid.
ARCHER:
She went to adopt a baby …
(
Pause
)
CHARLES:
She
went
to
China
to
adopt
a baby.
ARCHER:
What’s so extraord …
CHARLES:
Aren’t we at war with China?
ARCHER:
Not yet …
CHARLES:
Well, it sounds like treason to
me
.
ARCHER:
How?
CHARLES:
She, after four years. Goes to China, to quote quote complete her
family
. To raise a child. Which she could not DO, if, if I were to serve another term. (
Pause
) Oh, I begin to see it, I begin to see it: Why does she go now. Yes. Bernstein. Why “now”?
ARCHER:
Why now what?
CHARLES:
For it is not her “quote” biological
“clock,”
as she is
buying
the child, so whence this sudden rush of wings?
ARCHER:
All right …
CHARLES:
She GOES TO CHINA,
NOW
, because, she raises the kid NOW, because I’m out of OFFICE. THAT is why it’s fucken
treason
.
ARCHER:
… Chuck.
CHARLES:
To
China
.
ARCHER:
(
To phone
) Get Bernstein to come in.
CHARLES:
… the only place you can get a meal on Christmas?
ARCHER:
… Chuck.
CHARLES:
… Chinese restaurant.
ARCHER:
… Chuck.
CHARLES:
They’re always open. Fucken chinks. They got all the time in the world … and they don’t mind working themselves to death … Sell you the ground they walk on, sell the offspring of their wombs. Fucking Bernstein. Fly’n off to
China
, her vacation. What’d she get, a baby girl?