Chasing the Fire (Backdraft, Fully Involved, Flashover) (23 page)

Oh, no, dear Lord in heaven
. Kelly had
been
sold?

“I will take her now.”

Pure, unadulterated anger surged through him.
“Over my dead body.”

“That can be arranged.” He nodded to his two
thugs.

They each pulled a gun.

Behind him, Kelly screamed.

Noise came from down the hall and he saw his
roommates returning after their night shift—still dressed in their
police uniforms. They halted. When they caught sight of the guns,
both pulled their service weapons. The three men turned, took off
and disappeared into the stairwell.

Nick had lied to his buddies and said the guy
was a nutcase and he’d gotten the wrong house. It was better than
telling them his sister had been human trafficked…

The phone rang again, drawing Nick out of the
awful memory. What transpired after that had changed his whole
life. Damn, the uncontrollable flashback had drained all the cheer
about his daughter’s visit from Nick. But it had quelled the urge
to go to Stacey. He didn’t deserve her. Depressed, he headed to the
fire station in a foul mood.

oOo

WHEN CORA CAME
into the bookstore the
day after Stacey’s night at Badges, Stacey had already torn her
office apart to give it a good cleaning. She’d done the same thing
to her house last night. All in an effort not to think about the
stinging rejection from Nick. Up on the ladder, she glanced down
when Cora approached the doorway. Today the woman wore a dress the
color of fall leaves, cinched at the waist, clinging in a demure
but flattering way. Her hair softly grazed her shoulder.
“Morning.”

Cora surveyed the room. “What happened?”

“I’m cleaning.”

“I can see that. I mean, what happened to
cause this flurry of housekeeping? You always do it when you’re
upset. Last time, when you lost a big bid for a set of first
editions, you put everything in the kitchenette cupboards in
alphabetical order.”

Stacey rolled her eyes. “I made a complete
fool of myself last night with Nick Evans. I’m trying to forget
about the whole thing.”

“Why don’t you come down and tell me about
it?”

“Nope. My actions are too embarrassing to
talk about.”

Cora tossed her head. “Whenever you want, I’m
here to listen.”

After rearranging the furniture, moving the
plants and dusting and vacuuming everything, every muscle in
Stacey’s body ached. Of course she hadn’t slept well, either,
plagued by her silly assumption that Nick was really interested in
her, would want to go to bed with her. She headed to the
kitchenette and found Cora there. Her friend said, “The store isn’t
open yet. We can have a few minutes alone.”

Stacey poured coffee and turned to lean
against the counter. Sipping the tart brew, she remembered when
Cora had discovered her husband was cheating and had been
embarrassed as hell. Stacey had been a staunch supporter through
all of it, even when she’d decided not to end the marriage. Was
what had transpired with Nick more embarrassing than that?

“I threw myself at Nick Evans last night.
Literally. I forced him to kiss me. Asked him to come home with me.
He wasn’t interested.”

“Well, first off, you can’t force anybody to
kiss you. Did he try to get away from you?”

Stacey frowned. “No, when I told him to kiss
me once”—she rolled her eyes— “he said he couldn’t stop at one
kiss.”

“I knew it. From how he looks at you. What
went wrong?”

She told him about his excuses: he was too
old, wasn’t good enough for her, she was freaking
wholesome.

“Stace, why don’t you believe that? His
reaction could have nothing to do with this unwarranted insecurity
you have about yourself as a woman.”

“He did say he’d done some awful things in
his life.”

“So take his word as truth. How did you leave
it?”

“I told him not to contact me for a while
except about the party. We’d do any business by email.”

“That was stupid. How are you going to
convince him that you’re good together by staying away?”

“I’m not jumping back into that fire,
Cora.”

“Honey, he’s the first man you’ve showed any
interest in since Jess died. Doesn’t he deserve a second
chance?”

“He doesn’t
want
a second chance.”

“The hell he doesn’t. He’s being noble.”

“Cora, no means no for men, too.”

She shrugged a delicate shoulder. “Okay, if
you want to give up that easily. But I wouldn’t.”

“No, you probably wouldn’t. But it’s too much
of a risk for me. I’ll find somebody else when I’m ready to try
again.”

“That’s a real shame.”

“It’s safe. That’s what I want now.”

oOo

“
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN
up people.” Nick
faced the Rescue Squad and Quint and Midi crews for today’s
training out in the bay. Most people didn’t know firefighters
trained in some area of firematics or medicine every day. “The
department is buying new harnesses and they want our house to be
their guinea pigs.” He held up a black harness with a series of
loops for the legs and waist.

“Looks like a new sex toy to me.”

“Yeah, Gallagher, you use many of those?”

His legs stretched out in front of him at the
scarred oak table, Riley snorted. “Eat your heart out, Ames.”

Ordinarily Nick got a kick out of their
banter, participated sometimes. But not today. “All right, pull
your minds out of the gutter. These babies are two hundred bucks a
pop. We’re gonna be the test case.”

“Hell,” Cordaro said. “The Rescue Squad uses
them the most. What if they fail?”

“The change is mostly in comfort and fit.
We’re to see if they’re better than the old ones.”

Grumbling. What was with them today? “Lisa
Beth, since you seem to be the only one taking this seriously,
would you hand them out?”

She gave him a sympathetic look and started
forward.

“Hey, can she fit them in our crotches?” This
from McCabe, her paramedic partner. “I’d be all for it then.”

“Jesus Christ!” Nick snapped. “Can’t you take
anything seriously? Don’t you know she could sue you for sexual
harassment for that comment?”

At their snickers, Nick threw down the
harness and propped his hands on his hips. “Do what you fucking
want,” he said and stormed off.

The day didn’t get any better. The entire
house was called to a fire at a condominium and Nick had gotten
embers under his Nomex gloves, which had stung like hell. Then
Cordaro had to go home because his wife was sick. Nick always let
his guys go in case of emergency, but he’d made an ass of himself
asking if somebody else couldn’t take care of her. At least he’d
apologized and sent Cordaro on his way.

An hour before shift ended, he headed to the
workout room, which smelled like dirty gym clothes. The two guys in
there left as soon as he entered. Jesus, even his men were running
from him. After opening a window, he approached the punching bag,
put on gloves and began to hit it. Hard. He’d just worked up a real
sweat when Tony Ramirez came in. Nick respected the guy and they’d
become friends after Tony was reassigned to Nick’s group. He nodded
and kept punching.

Ramirez came in closer. “I drew the short
straw this time.” The comment only reminded Nick of Stacey—and the
short straw which had started all this. He thought of what he’d
done because he couldn’t control his attraction to her. Nick
punched harder. “What do you mean, Ramirez?”

Reaching out, Tony stilled the bag.
“Something’s eating you, Nick. I’ve never seen you like this. You
been snapping at people for days, making stupid decisions and
alienating everybody on all three squads. That is
so
not
you.”

Nick stepped back from the bag. “Maybe it is.
Maybe that’s the real me and I been fooling all of you?”

“How long you been in the department?”

“Fifteen years.”

“A long time to keep up a front.”

“Hey, it’s like flashover. Things build and
build and then burst into flames all on their own.”

“Bullshit.”

Suddenly weary to the bone, Nick stepped back
from the bag and blew out a heavy breath. “Okay, I got woman
problems.”

Tony’s brows raised. “She isn’t
interested?”

“No, she’s damn interested. Long story why I
can’t be.”

Tony edged his hip on a nearby stool. “You’ve
had this sadness about you, this sobriety, since I’ve known you. Is
whatever causes that why you can’t see her?”

Nick nodded.

“Ever get any help for it?”

“In a convoluted way, I have.” He’d gone to
the police chief in NYC. Will Rossettie, his dad’s friend.

“Maybe you should try again.”

“No. I just need to live with it.”

Tony stood. “Well, buddy, you’ve totally
blown it this week. Think about what I said about counseling.
Flashover is one of the most dangerous things in firefighting.
Living with the fire building inside of you all the time, ready to
erupt, has got to be tough.”

The PA crackled overhead. “Fire on Lincoln
Avenue. Rescue Squad 7, go into service.”

Nick was glad they’d gotten a call. He didn’t
want to talk about himself anymore. He wanted to forget what he’d
done fifteen years ago.

oOo

“
WELL, THAT’S DAMN
silly.” Stacey and
Faith were having dinner at Villa Lucano a week after her thing…she
couldn’t even call it a relationship…with Nick ended. Stacey was
past the embarrassment stage and on to the feeling-bad stage.

“Maybe so, Faith,” Stacey responded, rubbing
a finger over the red-and-white-checked tablecloth and staring at
the wine-bottle candle in the center. “But it’s what he said.”

She shook her head. “I meant your
insecurities.”

“Easy for you to say. You don’t seem to have
any feelings of doubt.” Funny, she’d only now noticed that Faith,
with her waist-length blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, was
wholesome and healthy looking, and Stacey found
her
feminine.

“I do. I did, anyway.” She cocked her head
thoughtfully. “Did you know Rick told me pretty much the same thing
before we got together—that I was too good and innocent for him?
What’s
with
men?”

“Protector genes are hardwired in all of the
good ones, I guess. You’re so happy now, I can’t believe you had
such a rough start.”

“I thought I’d lost him. It was a horrible
time in my life.”

“How’d you get together?”

“He came to his senses. A lot of things
happened to him in the past. I forced him to tell me. We worked out
a relationship after that.”

“Nick says he did terrible things.”

“There’s terrible and there’s terrible.”

“I know. I can’t imagine what it could be,
but whatever’s got him so down on himself, he shouldn’t have to pay
for it for the rest of his life.” She shook her head and picked up
the menu. “Let’s stop talking about this. It’s ruining my
appetite.”

They were halfway through cheesy fettuccine
Alfredo and asparagus when someone came up to their table. Stacey
practically choked on her food when she looked up at Nick. “I saw
you when I came in.” His face was lined with fatigue and his pretty
green eyes were bleak. I’m meeting Will Rossettie here.” He nodded
to Faith. “I know he and Rick are close. How are you, Faith?”

“Really good.” Her eyes got a mischievous
sparkle. “You?”

“I’ve been better.” He faced Stacey. “Hi,
Stace.”

“Nick.”

“You look tired.”

Shit, what was he doing? She didn’t want his
solicitousness. “I am tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I’ll get over it, no worries.” She glanced
pointedly at her food.

He actually shifted from one foot to another
like some teenage boy. “Oh, your meal’s getting cold. I, um, didn’t
want to ignore you.”

“Thanks for stopping by.”

After he left to go to his table, Faith shook
her head. “He looked at you as if you’re tonight’s dessert.”

“Faith, did you fight for Rick?”

“Yes, for a while. But in the end he had to
come to grips with the whole thing alone.” She glanced over at
Nick, who was seated in a corner by himself. “Maybe he will,
too.”

Stacey didn’t respond. She didn’t think Nick
would change his mind and she’d be damned if she’d get her hopes
up.

oOo

“
HEY, SON, HOW
are you?” Will
Rossettie dropped down in the chair across from Nick.

“Hey, Will. Wow, retirement agrees with
you.”

“Lost thirty pounds, am walkin’ every day.”
He winked. “I’m even dating.” Nick knew his wife had died soon
after he’d come here.

“What about you? Any women on the
horizon?”

His gaze strayed to a table across the way.
Stacey looked good tonight. She wore a pink two-piece outfit, and
the color shouldn’t go with that hair, which she’d straightened so
it came way past the middle of her back.

“Almost, but it didn’t work out.” The words
came out hoarse and…yearning.

“Sorry to hear that.”

They each ordered a Scotch. When it came,
Nick took a slug and the tart taste jolted him. Sipping his own,
Will stared over at Nick the way he always did when he was going to
lecture. “You know, nothing’s gonna be right until you get rid of
the albatross that’s been around your neck for the last fifteen
years.”

“Why is everybody telling me that?” His voice
raised a notch.

“Because it’s true.” Will’s eyes blazed with
anger. “You made a mistake. You’ve paid in guilt for years. You
gotta let it go, Nick.”

“I can’t.”

“You know, I’m involved here. I remember the
circumstances.”

“You were right in what you told me. I don’t
blame you for any of this.”

“Yeah, but you can’t let yourself off the
hook.”

His gaze strayed to Stacey; the lights from
above bounced off of her hair. “I wish I could, Will, I really wish
I could.”