Choices (15 page)

Chapter 33

On Saturday, my mom calls. I really haven’t been good about calling home, and I feel guilty for making her worry. It’s just that this last visit from Katie has me on guard. Every time I leave or come home, I expect her to be waiting for me. I haven’t heard from her again, but I’m used to it. Sometimes, she stays gone a day or two. Other times, she stays gone for months. I may be used to it, but it doesn’t mean I don’t worry.

“Hey, Dad and I were wondering when you plan to come home. It’s not the same around here without you.” I wonder if that means Katie is still gone, but I don’t ask.

“I work most Friday nights, so it’s been kind of hard to get away. I asked off for next weekend, so I’ll be there then.” I never realize how much I miss home until I talk to Mom.

“How are things going?
Everything OK?” I feel like telling her everything. But I can’t. If she knew Jenna practically lived with her boy-friend and I was off having sex with someone I’m not even dating, she might try to drag me home. For the first time, I think maybe I really am like Katie.
Slutty and batshit crazy.

“It’s going surprisingly well. My classes are so hard that I can’t get away without studying like I could back home. Jenna has a boyfriend, and I love my job. I’ve even been to so
me parties, and I love meeting new people.” When I’m trying to hide something, I tend to ramble on. It’s my camouflage, distracting enough to divert questions.

“I’m glad, Quince. You deserve it.” After we say our goodbyes, I realize I never did ask about Katie. An
d she never mentioned her.

Jenna and I have been studying all day. My English professor asked us to write a paragraph about the person who has influenced us the most and how they did so.
Seriously? A paragraph?
It seems impossible. My mom certainly has influenced me. She’s the strongest person I know, and I want more than anything to be just like her. My dad is the best. He is a war veteran, and he was shot in combat. He returned home damaged but alive. I admire him and everything he stands for.

I close off my mind and just start writing. When I am done, I read: My sister has influenced me more t
han anyone else in my life. She fights an internal battle every single day. She is mentally ill, and she abuses drugs. But she still laughs at everything. She is the person who laughs even when she shouldn’t. She knows the importance of finding humor wherever she can. In a way, she is living that life so that I don’t have to. She makes me want to be a better person, and she is the reason I succeed.

Done.
It’s nothing spectacular, but it says everything.

When I close my laptop, Jenna sits up in her bed. “Come on! Let’s get ready to par-
tay!” I’m not very excited about the party tonight, but I’m hoping I’ll get a chance to talk to Brody. Something has to give here.

“Jenna, work your mag
ic on me. I want to knock Brody on his ass when he sees me tonight.” I don’t know if my words shock me or her the most.
God, I am such a girl.

“Hell, yeah!
First, go take a shower. You still smell like Player’s. You gotta give me something to work with here, Quince!” She is too excited, and I begin to wonder if asking for her help was a good idea.

We blast music and dance around while we get ready. Jen
na looks spectacular in a plaid shirt, jeans shorts, and cowboy boots. Her legs look a mile long, and I bet Eric will have a hard time keeping his hands off her tonight. She chose a strapless sundress and strappy, heeled sandals for me.

I wasn’t allowed to look while she did my hair and make-up. When I pass her test, she turns me around to face the mirror.
Holy shit!
I’m wearing more make-up than usual, but it still looks very natural. It’s my eyes. They are brown, and I think, very ordinary looking. With the smokey eye shadow and smudged liner she added, they are anything but ordinary. She twisted my hair up on top of my head, and a few strands are loose around my face. I almost don’t recognize myself.

“Jenna! You made me beautiful!” I am still staring in wide-eyed amazement.

“No, Quince, you were already beautiful. I just dressed you up. Now, we’re going to knock ‘em dead!” She has something up her sleeve, and Eric isn’t going to know what hit him.

When we walk into the house, it is already crowded. Several guys
greet us, and I find that I’m finally feeling comfortable here. The music and dancing lifts my mood and I am ready to have fun.

We find
Eric and Declan in the kitchen talking to a few other guys while they pour drinks. We join them, and I am happy when Declan hands me a bottle of water. He looks great in shorts and a polo shirt. He really does have nice legs, long and tan. He hasn’t shaved today, making him look ruggedly handsome. His easy smile and dimples make him irresistible.

“Wow! You look amazing,
Quincy!” He slips an arm around my waist and pulls me to him for a quick hug. He presses his lips quickly to the top of my head, and my heart skips a beat. It’s a very boyfriend thing do to.

“
Well, thanks! It’s all Jenna’s handiwork. I let her play dress-up with me tonight.” I really do feel good about myself, and I’m trying to embrace this newfound confidence.

At that exact moment, while I’m smil
ing up at Declan, Brody walks through the backdoor. Reaching behind him, he pulls the girl from Player’s through the doorway behind him. Suddenly, it’s as if we are the only people in the room. Voices fade, and all I can hear is the sound of my own heartbreak. Brody’s eyes flash with something when he sees me. Anger? Defiance? I can’t tell. Looking away, he guides her through the crowd. My chest tightens, and my throat constricts. It feels as if someone has kicked me in the stomach, and tears threaten to spill over. I’m not sure if it’s out of hurt or anger. Probably both, but at this moment, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is getting rid of her.

“Right, Quincy?”
Declan’s voice interrupts my internal struggle. I don’t have a clue what he’s talking about. I nod my head in response, but I cannot take my eyes off Brody and the girl. He stops to talk to someone, introducing her to his friends. I can’t hear what he says, but I have the sudden urge to throw a childish tantrum, to claim my man and rip
her
hair out. Jealousy is proving to be a worthy opponent, and I am losing the battle.

“
Quincy. Hey, are you alright?” Declan is trying to get my attention. I tear my eyes from Brody. Shaking my head, I try to erase what I just saw. 

“Yeah, umm…. Yeah. I just got lost for a minute.” I take a few deep breaths. I’m fight
ing my own body as I will myself to gain some control. “So, ummm… what were you saying?”

Declan scans the room, and his eyes rest on Brody.
“Oh, great. I’ll never get any sleep tonight. She’s the loud one.” I turn and watch as they walk out of the room. A sick feeling settles in my stomach, and I think I may throw up.              

I
am saved from having to respond when I see Jenna weaving her way through the crowd toward me. She has a worried look on her face, and I know she has seen Brody. I’m so relieved to see her that I push my way to her. “Have you seen them?” She asks.

I only nod in response. Taking my hand, she pulls me through the crowd to the nearest bathroom. We squeeze inside
, and I still can’t speak. “Shit, shit, shit! I’m going to kill that boy. Are you OK, Quince?”

My entire body begins to shake, and I feel tears gathering behind my eyes with such force my head aches. Each breath is a struggle, and I gulp for air.
“Slow down, Quince. One breath at a time.” She coaches me as my breathing normalizes, and I am embarrassed. I have never lost it in front of anyone, not even my best friend.

“Did you see her? Jenna, she’s beautiful. She’s everything I’m not, and he’s obviously sleeping with he
r. I should have known he would never want a girl like me.” I wish I could undo it all. “I’m so stupid!”
Stupid, stupid girl
.

Jenna takes me by the shoulders and leans down to look me in the eyes. “Quincy Priest, how many times do I have to tell you? You are
beautiful. You are unlike anyone I’ve ever met. And listen to me. That ho has nothing on you. You hear me? Nothing.” Turning me toward the mirror, she says, “Before you go talk to him, you need to work it out with this girl right here.”

I look at my reflection. I am pale, but otherwise, I look just the same. Jenna made me beautiful, but I’m not feeling so beautiful on the inside. “I slept with him, Jenna. I knew he didn’t want anything more. I should have expected this.”

“Don’t be crazy, girl. Don’t you see? That boy is just trying to mess with you. And if you want him, you need to suck it up and go get your man before that nasty ho does.” I get the feeling I’m playing a game that has no rules.

“Now, come on. Let’s get out of here before someone breaks the door down. I’ll cover for you if you need to leave or anything.” I nod and give her a quick hug before she opens the door.

There are a few people waiting in line, and I try to maintain my composure as we walk past. Declan and Eric are waiting nearby, and we join them. As I scan the crowd, my mind races again.
What am I going to do?
Part of me wants to find Brody and claw his eyes out, but a very real part of me wants to run.

“We want to dance.” Jenna announces. My eyes dart to hers, and she smiles reassuringly. I wonder what she’s up to, but I follow her to the dance
floor. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and begin moving. Before long, I am lost in the music. Declan dances behind me, and I press my body against his. I wish I could convince myself that he is all I need.

When the music slows, I turn and wrap my arms around his waist. We dance slowly, as he rubs slow circles on my lower back. I feel a tear roll down my cheek, into his shirt. I am ready to leave.

I rise on my toes and tell Declan I need to go get a drink. He asks if I want him to go with me, but I shake my head. I need to be alone for a minute.

When I get into the kitchen, there are several guys mixing drinks. On
e of the guys yells, “Hey, Quince, try one of my famous Fuzzy Navels!” I start to shake my head, but instead, I reach for the drink. Maybe it will help calm my nerves. I drink it quickly and reach for another. It burns a path down my throat into my belly, but I can already feel my nervous energy slipping away. I walk away, not really sure where I’m going.

Just when I decide that I might
leave, I see Brody. He is leaning against the wall, and the girl is standing between his legs. When he smiles down at her, my blood boils. I watch as he takes her hand and leads her up the stairs.
Oh, hell no.

I sit my drink down on a table and make my way through the crowd. I can’t see Brody, so I take the stairs quickly. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I know I have to talk to him. If she wants him, she may have a fight on her hands.

When I reach the top of the stairs, I see the door to Brody’s room closing. Without thinking, or even looking to see who is watching, I dash down the hall and catch the door. When I push it open and step inside, Brody’s eyes widen in shock. He staggers as he pushes the girl behind him. “What are you doing, Quince?” He’s been drinking. I can smell it on him. And I hear it in his voice.

I take several deep breaths as I prepare myself for whatever happens next. “Get her out, Brody. Get.
Her. Out.” I have no idea what I’m doing. And I might even be completely psycho. All I know is that I want that girl away from him.

Turning to the girl, he says, “Whitney, can you wait outside a minute?” So, now, she has a name.
Bitch.
She walks around me like she’s afraid I might hit her
.

When the door close
s behind her, I slump against the wall and slide to the ground. “Why, Brody? Why did you bring her here?” The gates open, and tears run down my face. He is suddenly by my side, on his knees, wrapping his arms around me. I try to fight him, but he holds on tighter. Everything I’ve been holding in since I saw him walk through the door, I let it all out. “Tonight, I came here for you!”

“
Shhh. Shhh. Just hold on to me, baby.” I wrap my arms around his neck, and he pulls me into his arms as he stands. Holding me close, he whispers, “Just stay here. I’ll be back in a minute.” He gently lays me on the bed, kissing me lightly on my forehead.

T
he door opens and closes. Curling into a ball, I cry until I fall asleep. I startle awake when the weight of the bed shifts. Brody lies down behind me, pulling me into him. He locks his fingers with mine. For a long time, we lie silently, each alone in our thoughts.

“Last night, when I walked in and saw you asleep on his lap, I almost lost it. You were sleeping so peacefully, and it reminded me of how you looked when you were asleep next to me at the cabin. He was touc
hing your hair. And I was pissed. I wanted to kick his ass because he was touching my girl. But you aren’t mine.” He absently runs a hand through my hair as he holds me close. “You gave yourself to me, but you don’t belong to me.” He lets out a long breath and nuzzles his face into the curve of my neck.