Cinderella's Christmas Affair (11 page)

She stretched over him to reach the box of condoms. While she fumbled to get one from the box, he latched onto her nipple and suckled her. She dropped two condoms before she finally had one. She reached between their bodies and put the condom on him. Then stroked his length a few times until he sat up and grabbed her hips.

Holding her still, he thrust upward and into her. She gasped at the size of him, he was bigger than she’d expected. Her sheath stretched to accept him but she felt too tight.

“Come on, baby, you can take me,” he said. He rubbed her back in large circles and soon her body had adjusted to the too-tight feeling of having him inside her.

“I can’t wait any longer,” he growled against her neck.

He thrust upward into her, pulling her hips down to meet his. His pace increased until they were both frantically striving toward the pinnacle. Her nipples abraded his chest with each thrust. He suckled at the base of her neck, whispering hot sex words against her skin and urging her on. Telling her she was beautiful and sexy. The most woman he’d ever held in his arms.

She held his shoulders and caressed his back. He slid his hands from her hips to her mound, touching her exactly where she needed to be touched. And sending her over the edge. She cried out his name as he gripped her hips harder and thrust up into her once, twice and then came with a shuddering growl that rocked her bed, body and her world.

She lowered her head and rubbed her cheek against him. His heart thudded under her ear and she closed her eyes for a moment savoring his closeness and memorizing his scent.

The scent of sandalwood still lingered in the air when Tad opened his eyes the next morning. CJ was full of surprises and secrets. He hadn’t expected the sensual massage she’d given him or her aggressive behavior in bed. Taking a strand of her hair in his hand, he brought it to his nose and inhaled deeply. Arousal spread slowly through him. They’d made love twice more in the night and though he should be satiated he wasn’t. If he had his way he’d keep her in bed for at least a month.

His stomach growled. He knew it was close to dawn because of the sunlight creeping in under the closed window blinds. He scanned her room for a clock but couldn’t find one.

Her bedroom was an oasis of calm prints and Asian inspired furniture. The candles she’d lit last night were thick chunky ones in muted tones. And the large mirror over her dresser showed the two of them on the bed. He leaned up on his elbow to see them better.

The expression on his face was fierce. He looked like a predator. By contrast CJ looked like prey laying underneath. Cursing under his breath, he rolled to his back.

He stretched his arms over his head. The more he came to know CJ the less he really understood her. She was complex and deep, revealing the important details of herself grudgingly.

But last night had opened his eyes. He’d come to realize that CJ used more than dyed hair and contacts to keep the world at bay. She’d also hidden the sensual side of her nature.

A woman who hid from the world. A woman who was trying to protect herself.

Had he played a part in that? Had his careless comments more than ten years ago wounded her in some way that she’d never recovered from?

He glanced over at her, she faced away from him. Her long hair curling on the soft cream-colored pillowcase. The feminine curve of her back called to him. He reached out and traced a pattern over her skin.

She was so soft and so fragile, he thought. Sleeping next to him her guard was down and her vulnerability was apparent. Rolling onto his side, he pulled her toward him, wrapping his body completely around her.

He wanted to wake her up and vow to be her protector. To make a noble speech the way knights of a more chivalrous age had. But he wasn’t a chivalrous knight. He was a twenty-first century man who had vulnerabilities he didn’t want the world to see.

Marrying her seemed more dangerous now than it had before. The first time he’d proposed it had been straightforward. He liked her, he wanted to sleep with her, she was someone his parents would adore. But these new protective urges she was inspiring puzzled him.

She moaned a little in her sleep, shifting in his arms. Her buttocks rubbing against his hardening shaft. He swept his hands over her body, and she mumbled in her sleep again, undulating against him.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty,” he said, nuzzling the vulnerable curve of her neck.

“Tad?” she asked.

“Who else would it be?”

“No one else,” she said. She rolled over to face him. Her hands came up to cup his jaw. Her fingers stroking over his beard stubbled cheeks.

She was pliable right now, still more asleep than awake. Leaning down he kissed her. She twisted against him, bringing her thigh up over his hip. He thrust against her center. Not entering her just letting them both feel each other.

He rocked them both back and forth, bodies moving together until they climaxed. It wasn’t a huge world-rocking orgasm like the one they’d shared in the night, this one was more suited to the soft morning. He tucked her closer to him.

“This can’t be real,” she said.

“It can be.”

She groaned, opening her eyes. “Please don’t bring up marriage now.”

“Why not?”

She tried to push away from him but he refused to let her budge. “Tad.”

“I’m not letting go until you talk to me. I know there’s more to your hesitation than the flimsy reasons you’ve given me.”

“How do you know that?”

He shrugged. He wasn’t sure of the right words to use. The ones that came to mind felt crass and too harsh for the woman in his arms.

“Why is this so important to you?” she asked turning the tables.

He didn’t want to talk about himself. But she stared at him with those deep brown eyes of hers. “Uh…it’s complicated.”

“My point exactly.”

“I’m not like you—afraid of marriage. It’s just that…I’m going to sound like a sap when I say this.”

“I won’t think you’re a sap,” she said, leaning up to kiss him.

At least she wasn’t trying to leave the bed. He took a deep breath. “Have you been home lately?”

“Not in four years. Marnie lives in St. Louis and my mom’s buried in Orlando so there’s no reason to go to Auburndale. Why?”

“My mom’s been having some heart problems, she spent three weeks in the hospital last summer.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. What does she have to do with your wanting to marry me?”

“My parents are tired of waiting for grandkids and are always bugging me to settle down. Until my mom went into the hospital I didn’t take it seriously. I felt like I had all the time in the world, but I don’t. My folks are older and this would make them happy.”

She leaned up on her elbow. “What about your happiness?”

He grabbed her and pulled her down on his chest. “I’m happy with you.”

“Really?”

“Really. You’re so open, honest and fun-loving.”

“You sound like a personals ad.”

A niggling thought at the back of his head warned him that things weren’t going as smoothly as he thought they would. He knew he should tell her more—maybe let her glimpse that dream he had in his head of her as his wife and two little kids playing at their feet. But instead of being quiet he said, “You’re just what I want in a wife.”

She pushed out of his arms and stood next to the bed. “But I’m not any of those things.”

She pivoted and walked out of the bedroom into the connecting bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

CJ stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She scarcely recognized the naked person reflected there. It had been a long time since she had love bites on her neck and beard burn on her breasts.

Her thighs were pleasantly sore and her center was still a little dewy from her latest orgasm with Tad. He was a generous and skillful lover.

She’d known that if she slept with Tad everything would change between them. She’d been prepared to let him see a part of herself she normally hid from the world. What she hadn’t been prepared for though was realizing that she’d shared her body with a man that didn’t even realize she hid anything.

She fingered the mark on the bottom of her neck, remembering how he’d suckled her there before he climaxed that first time. What was she going to do? If they were having an affair it wouldn’t matter. But he wanted marriage—to make his ailing mother happy.

She raked her hands through her hair. What was she going to do? Bracing her hands on the counter she leaned in close to the mirror. But no answers came to her. Frustrated by her thoughts, she stepped into the shower.

She let the hot water steam the room before she opened the glass door and got inside. The water washed over her, sluicing away the doubts and the fears racing around in her mind.

One fact kept resurfacing, Tad was the kind of man she’d been secretly searching for. Which made him doubly dangerous to her. She liked that he worked hard to make his life a success. She liked that he was community focused. She liked that family was important to him. The only missing ingredient was that Tad saw her as the kind of woman she could never be.

That he thought she was open and fun-loving made her wonder if she really gave off that impression. Didn’t he realize she’d never let anyone see the real her? That her work persona was one huge superficial layer that she used to make everyone believe she belonged there. In the office she was successful and energetic because that’s what she needed to be to achieve her career goals. It was a role she played, an outer shell to protect the woman she was inside.

They’d had deeply soul-satisfying sex, she thought. She’d realized last night when she’d held him under her that there was more to Tad than any other man she’d taken to her bed. More than Marcus who’d taught her what pleasure could really be. She’d seen the man Tad really was and recognized layers still existed between them.

Frustrated with the world in general she wanted to scream but didn’t. She took her loofah and angrily soaped it up. Scrubbing Tad from her body with rough strokes of the sponge. Except that even after she’d cleaned her entire body, she could still smell him on her. The shower door opened and a blast of cool air entered the stall with her.

Tad stood there naked and unsure. The way he watched her told her that he knew something was wrong between them. Understood that she wanted something more from him—but had no idea what it was.

She didn’t know if she could do this. Maybe there was a reason why secret crushes usually weren’t realized. Perhaps some people weren’t meant to be more than a far-off fantasy. Her heart ached a little at the thought that this was probably the end for them.

“Ah, baby. Don’t look at me like that,” he said. He rubbed his hand on his chest through the patch of hair there. He smelled of sandalwood and sex. Primal instincts urged her to say to hell with forming a relationship, just grab him and make love to him again.

But her heart was weary. “Like what?”

Tilting his head to the side, he watched her carefully for a moment then said, “Like I’ve disappointed you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest to protect herself. “Well you have.”

“How?”

She’d forgotten how hard it was to talk to men. “If I have to tell you it won’t mean anything.”

He threw his head back, cursing savagely under his breath. Finally he looked at her again. “I can’t read your mind.”

She knew what he meant. But she didn’t like letting anyone know she had any insecurity. It wasn’t just Tad, it was any person. Even her sister Marnie who’d seen her at her lowest now believed that CJ was a fabulously successful ad executive. “I’m not expecting you to.”

“Then tell me what the hell I did wrong?”

She just shook her head. How could she tell him that he didn’t know her? That she wasn’t the woman he remembered or the one he thought he knew. That she was an amalgam of them both and a silent third woman that lived deep inside her soul.

He sighed, stepping into the shower and closing the door behind him. He took the loofah from her hand and dropped it to the floor, then pulled her into his arms.

He tipped her head back and lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss he gave her was filled with masculine impatience and a tenderness she didn’t know he was capable of.

After a few minutes, he lifted his head. “What’s wrong?”

His gray-green eyes were so serious and patient. She had the feeling he’d hold her like this for an eternity until he received the answers he was seeking. Dropping her head, she mumbled softly, “You don’t know me at all.”

“You haven’t let me.”

Nine

A
fter CJ got out of the shower. Tad grabbed her soap and washed himself. He wasn’t going to keep chasing her. He’d done that with other women before and had been left with empty arms. CJ had changed a few images in his head last night. Marriage, though still important to him, might not be the right thing with her.

He turned off the water and dried off. He used CJ’s razor to shave and nicked himself twice. Hell, this wasn’t his morning. He wrapped the towel around his waist and entered her bedroom.

CJ stood in front of her mirror wearing a silk bathrobe. He watched her tame her wild curly hair into a neat looking ponytail. Then she applied her makeup and put in her contacts. She passed over the jeans and sweatshirts in the closet and chose instead a pair of camel colored wool trousers, an ivory cowl necked sweater and some fancy ankle boots.

Watching her dress was like watching a transformation. And he realized what she’d meant earlier. He hadn’t realized how much of herself she hid from the world. But that didn’t mean he didn’t know the real woman.

She took a strand of pearls from a teak jewelry box and put them on. Then added matching earrings. Still he could only stare at her.

She was donning her armor, putting layers of clothing between them. He was tempted to say the hell with it but his gut said getting her out of his system wasn’t going to be as easy as walking out the door.

“It’s not going to work,” he said at last.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. Lipstick pencil in one hand, eyebrow raised. A haughtier look he’d never seen on her face. It made him want to throw her on the bed and slowly peel each of those flimsy layers away until all that was left was the naked writhing woman who’d left his arms.