Closed Doors (20 page)

‘My ma is having the baby,’ she yells and everyone is still. Granny doesn’t say anything, just grabs for her coat. Everyone knows Granny was a nurse. She was a very famous nurse on the island.

‘I’ve wiped a lot of arses around this town,’ she says.

Granny doesn’t have time for brollies or scarves. She only cares for Mrs McFadden.

‘I should come,’ says Ma, grabbing for her jacket.

‘No,’ says Granny and she’s very firm with Ma.

Ma steps away from the coat rack where all kinds of jackets and hats are hung.

Granny runs out the door to Mrs McFadden and leaves Ma all worried and wanting to help. Da takes Ma’s hands.

‘If she needs you she’ll call for you,’ says Da. ‘Let’s go bin the scones before she comes back.’

Ma doesn’t laugh and neither do I. We feel frightened for Mrs McFadden and Da’s joke is stupid anyway.

A long time passes eating cucumbers and yogurts. Ma stares sadly out the window at the McFadden house. She doesn’t even see Dirty Alice running towards us until she’s banging like a madwoman on our front door.

‘The baby is coming. You have to come help my ma. Shirley says so. Mrs McFadden’s screaming her head off.’

I want my ma to say no, but since it’s Dirty Alice’s ma who is screaming and not Dirty Alice I’m glad my ma grabs for her coat.

‘You stay here, Alice,’ says Ma.

‘I will not,’ says Dirty Alice.

‘You can’t help anyone at the house,’ says Ma.

‘You can’t tell me what to do!’ screams Dirty Alice. ‘My da will go mental if he finds out you’ve crossed our doorstep.’

‘Then why are you here?’ asks Da angrily.

‘Because there’s no one else to ask and Michael’s granny says so.’

‘Then do as you’re told,’ screams Ma and then rushes out the door in a great fury.

This scares Dirty Alice and I’m glad. She can’t talk to my ma like that. No way!

‘Maybe you should go, Da?’ I say.

‘No, son, best leave the baby stuff to the women,’ he says.

‘But I’m a woman,’ says Dirty Alice.

‘You’re a little girl,’ I say.

‘Not too little to kick your head in,’ she snaps at me.

‘That’s enough of that, wee miss,’ says Da. ‘Go into the bathroom and grab yourself a towel, then come into the living room for a bite to eat.’

‘I’m not hungry,’ says Dirty Alice.

‘You’ll have a little bit of something,’ says Da.

And she does. She practically eats us out of house and home. She even eats Granny’s scones. She must have been starving to death.

The next thing Luke comes rushing to the door and tells Da he has to come. It’s a busy night.

‘I don’t think that’s right, Luke,’ says Da.

‘Don’t be a baby,’ says Luke and like a very serious little woman. ‘It’s a desperate situation. She’s in agony. I can’t be fetching water and keeping her cool at the same time. She’s sweating buckets and Rosemary has to sit behind her for support.’

‘For Jesus’ sake,’ says Da and then goes for his coat, but not as fast as Ma or Granny.

‘What about us?’ says Dirty Alice.

‘Stay here,’ says Luke.

‘I don’t want to stay with him,’ says Dirty Alice.

‘I don’t want to stay with her,’ I say.

‘Oh, behave yourself, the pair of you,’ says Luke. ‘This is important. Your little drama will have to wait.’

They run off and leave me with Dirty Alice and Frankie. Frankie is friendly. I am not. I don’t say a word. I hate her and suddenly I hate Frankie.

We just sit there until Dirty Alice,
capital D
, says to my amazement, ‘I am sorry I kicked your head in.’

I want to slap her face for that but I say, ‘You only won because I let you. Boys can’t hit girls.’

‘If they’re tough they can,’ she says.

‘Shut up,’ I say.

‘I hate you,’ she screams. ‘And I don’t want to stay here with you. My ma is having a baby and I want to see what happens,’ she says.

‘Me too,’ I say and stand up to get my coat.

‘You can’t come to my house,’ she says.

‘All my family are at your house,’ I say.

‘They shouldn’t be there either. My dad will go mad.’

‘We’re helping your fat ma have a baby. He’ll have to lump it,’ I say.

‘Fine. Come,’ she yells. ‘See if I care. God, you’re so immature.’

I hate her for saying this word.
Immature.
All the girls are saying it right now, like they’re big women or something and all the boys are little lads, but I hate it the most because Dirty Alice has said it. I should call her a daft cow but I don’t. We have to go see Mrs McFadden have her baby and that is more important. I wonder if stupid Christo’s still her boyfriend.

When we get to Dirty Alice’s door we are red in the face and soaked right through. It’s crazy weather. The whole scheme is pitch black, all the lights are off, all the telephone lines are down and everyone is huddling in the dark in their houses hoping the lights will come back on, especially the McFaddens.

Luke opens the door and all we can hear is poor Mrs McFadden screaming like a madwoman.

‘What are you both doing here?’

‘It’s my house too,’ says Dirty Alice and pushes through Luke like he’s a breeze. I wait first. I don’t like the idea of barging about the place like Dirty Alice does and the screaming is scaring me.

‘I suppose you’d better come in,’ says Luke. ‘Go into the living room and wait there. Do not come upstairs or I’ll go mental.’

I wonder what that might look like but I do as I am told.

I have never been in Dirty Alice’s house and it is very clean. She even has brown-and-orange wallpaper and it feels like felt.

‘Don’t touch my walls,’ nips Dirty Alice. ‘Don’t know where your hands have been.’

‘I let you eat our food,’ I say.

‘I don’t care, stop touching things,’ she says.

I put my hands in my pockets while Mrs McFadden screams all kinds of things. I hear Granny telling her to let it all out. I hear doors opening and closing. I hear footsteps walking across the landing and thumping down the stairs, but no one comes into the room. I am trapped in it with Dirty Alice.

Their living room is very nice, I think to myself. Mrs McFadden has made it all lovely because she is lovely. It has more furniture than her last house and she has plenty of ornaments. She likes people in old-fashioned clothes and angels. She also has china dogs. I like the dogs the best because they are very happy and they’re chewing on bones and things.

Da comes in and he’s sweating and looking very ill.

‘What are you both doing here?’ he asks.

‘Alice made me come,’ I say.

‘And if Alice told you to jump in the Clyde, would you?’

Dirty Alice thinks this is hilarious and it makes me annoyed at Da.

‘How is my ma?’ says Dirty Alice.

‘She’s fine. She’s fine,’ says Da, rubbing his neck with a cloth.

The screaming gets louder.

‘She doesn’t sound fine to me,’ says Dirty Alice.

‘That’s what it sounds like when women have their babies. They’re very noisy and say all kinds of things, but then the baby comes and they’re all back to being nice.’

‘Why is it taking so long?’ says Dirty Alice. ‘I want to see the baby.’

‘Baby is taking its time. It has a big head so it’s very uncomfortable.’

‘How big?’ I say.

‘I don’t know, it’s what Granny says. She’s trying to pull the thing out of her.’

‘Did you see?’ says Dirty Alice.

‘Indeed I did not, that’s no place for a man to be.’

‘Then what are you doing up there?’ says Dirty Alice.

‘I am wiping the sweat from her brow,’ says Da.

‘So what are you doing in here?’

‘Toilet break.’

‘Then you must be lost because this is the living room,’ says Dirty Alice.

‘You’re quite the little madam, aren’t you, with all these questions, Alice?’ says Da and with a curl in his voice.

‘What is Luke doing?’ I ask.

‘He’s a good boy, that Luke,’ says Da.

‘But what’s he doing?’ I say.

‘Everything he can,’ says Da.

Ma yells for Da. He has to go back but you can tell he’d rather stay and touch the wallpaper, maybe admire the happy dogs and never go upstairs again.

‘I have to go now,’ says Da and before long he is thumping up the stairs to where Mrs McFadden is having the baby with the big head.

‘Let’s go look,’ says Dirty Alice.

‘We’re not allowed,’ I say.

‘Who cares what they say. Come on.’

I don’t want to go. I am afraid. I don’t want to see a lady have a baby, especially a lady who used to be Miss Connor and danced in her bedroom.

‘OK,’ I say and follow Dirty Alice to the stairs. When we get to the top the door is wide open. I see Granny kneeling with Luke at her side and yelling, ‘Louisa, you’re doing great, give it plenty,’ but poor Mrs McFadden is crying because she can’t. Da is wiping her forehead and Ma is sitting behind her and holding her tight. Ma is telling Mrs McFadden that she can do it, that she can get the baby out of her. There is blood everywhere and Mrs McFadden’s legs are wide open. I feel sick and wish I was blind. I run away, but Dirty Alice stays until Luke pushes her out of the room and shuts the door. Dirty Alice is raging and bangs on the door but nobody cares.

‘I hate him. Acts like he knows it all,’ says Dirty Alice.

I feel ill at what I have seen. I want to go home through the rain and to Frankie and the pickles.

That’s when Mr McFadden walks through the door. He took the emergency boat from Gourock and is back in time to hear Mrs McFadden screaming like a banshee.

‘What the hell is he doing here?’ says Mr McFadden, who is wet to the bone and deaf as a post.

‘Ma is having her baby and the stupid Murrays are helping us,’ says Dirty Alice.

When Da arrives at the top of the stairs Mr McFadden is not pleased to see him either.

‘What the fuck is all this?’ Mr McFadden snarls.

‘What do you think it is? Can’t you hear, man?’

‘Of course I can fucking hear. What are you doing up there?’

‘I don’t fucking know,’ says Da.

Mr McFadden has lots of bags and drops them at the door. He runs up the stairs as quickly as he can and then comes out as fast as he went in.

‘Maybe I should wait here,’ says Mr McFadden, who is like Da when it comes to the baby with the big head, but then Mrs McFadden starts screaming for him.

‘I’ll go home then,’ says Da and goes downstairs, leaving Mr McFadden to hate us on his own, but Da doesn’t even get to the bottom of the stairs before the baby is here and starts to cry.

Mr McFadden goes to Mrs McFadden and Dirty Alice gallops like a horse to where her new ma and the baby are.

‘Let’s go, Michael,’ says Da.

‘You don’t want to see the baby, Da?’ I ask.

‘That’s enough for me and babies tonight.’

As we walk out the door the lights come back on. The power cut is over and it almost hurts your eyes with the brightness of it.

An hour later Ma comes home without Granny, who went to the hospital with the McFaddens.

‘Girl or boy?’ Da asks Ma.

‘Little girl,’ she says. ‘They’ve named her Amanda.’

‘Was she mad you were there?’ asks Da.

‘I don’t think she noticed,’ says Ma.

‘I’m sure she did,’ says Da.

‘You think she’ll give me a medal?’

‘You were at hand to help, it counts for something,’ says Da.

‘I hope so,’ says Ma, but you can tell she’s not sure if it should.

MRS MCFADDEN BRINGS
home the baby with the big head. Mr McFadden is very proud and goes for a spin around the block with the big pram he ordered from the mainland. It’s like a car with a huge hood; it has silver handles and big wheels. A whole boy could sit in it.

Mrs McFadden is in bed. She is having difficulty moving around after the birth of her baby.

‘Terrible tears she’s had,’ says Granny.

Granny visits regularly and helps Mrs McFadden get in and out of baths.

Ma doesn’t ask Granny if Mrs McFadden has mentioned her but you can tell she is dying to. Granny says nothing to Ma about the goings-on in the McFadden house. Dirty Alice goes around the scheme telling all kinds of lies though and I hear her.

‘I saw it with my own eyes,’ she told Marianne.

‘Did you see the blood? My ma says it is a bloody thing to have a baby.’

‘Oh, it was everywhere, but I helped my ma as best as I could,’ says Dirty Alice.

‘I think you could be a nurse or something, Alice,’ beams Marianne.

‘I could,’ says Dirty Alice.

I do my keepy-uppies. I should show her up but then she would tell everyone about how white I went at the sight of her ma’s legs spread wide with a baby squeezing out of them. I would hate that.

Tricia Law comes round the corner. Tricia is always around these days and trying her best to keep Ma’s mind off all the things she has to think about, like the court case and Mrs McFadden. Tricia is a good friend and we are secretly happy she is around for Ma’s sake.

Professor Friendly also comes and brings good news. Ma has passed her exams. Da is not too pleased to see him but hides it well. He even makes Professor Friendly a cup of tea and Granny tries to make him eat her scones, but he is allergic to flour and doesn’t have to eat one bite. Professor Friendly tells Ma she could be a teacher. Granny and Da are very impressed.

‘A teacher?’ Da says.

‘I don’t know,’ says Ma, who doesn’t believe she can be anyone except the woman walking alone in the park at night.

‘That would be great, Ma. You can be my teacher and never give me homework,’ I say.

‘You’d like that all right,’ laughs Da.

‘It would be a four-year training course, Rosemary, but I know you could do it. What do you think?’

‘Can I think on it?’ she says to Professor Friendly.

Professor Friendly tells her she has all the time in the world but he also tells her to have faith in herself and her abilities.

‘You are a star student,’ he tells Ma and this makes her happy.

Granny goes off to Mrs McFadden for a while and when she gets back there is a box of chocolates on the table. It is from Mrs McFadden. To Ma.

Ma doesn’t know what to do with herself. The card says ‘To Rosemary, thank you’ and it bothers Ma. She wants Mrs McFadden to say something like ‘Rosemary, come and visit me and we’ll forget the whole thing’ but that’s not what Mrs McFadden says. She just says ‘thank you’. I don’t care about it all. I am too excited for the chocolates, but Ma won’t let anyone touch them for a while, it’s as if she’s been given a china plate instead of a box of Milk Tray. I am annoyed.