Cole (The Leaves) (24 page)

“I mean, we’ve only been together for a few months but really, Trish, that day in the bar… I knew. I knew right then and there he was it. Cole was it. Then…” why I kept talking, I couldn’t even begin to explain, but I did, “I went to the beach with Evan and we got high and I never get high and we were totally having sex, like right there on the beach which isn’t unusual for me,” and I kept talking, “and then he was telling me to say something and I didn’t know what he meant, but that was because he was remembering something that Lisa always said to him and you know, they had been sleeping together for a while… and then when I had an orgasm, I totally called out Cole’s name. Cole’s!”

I was panting, trying to catch my breath after my diarrhea mouth episode with the mother of the man I was going to marry.

“And he is wonderful; he will be such a good dad, Trish. He has so much love. I was so scared in the beginning and I worried that even with all he had to give, it wouldn’t be enough to beat all we had working against us, but it did, he did, he just wraps me up in his heart so tight, the demons have no choice but to give up. There’s just no room for them.”

I was having a conversation with myself, but I was pretty sure Trish knew this.

“And he tells me I saved him. How on earth I could save him. He saved me!” I put my hand to my forehead. “And I never knew this feeling; I never knew what real love was. I didn’t. I thought I did and it’s so scary because you think, fuck, this is huge, so huge and what would happen if you lost it? How would you go on? But it’s like air, I need it, I need him. And it’s not just sex and you should know, the sex… it’s incredible.” She smiled patiently. “But it’s waking up next to him, and hearing him breathe and knowing he would slay a dragon if he had to for me… if dragons were real, that is. But it’s quick, yeah? Is it quick?”

I was starting to break into a sweat from the heavy breathing.

“Calm down, Anika. Just breathe. I want you to close your eyes for me. Now, I want you to imagine you’re lying in bed next to Cole. The sheets are wrapped around you both. You’re just waking up. Breathe. Slow, that’s it. Now keep your eyes closed. We’re going to stand up now.” I let her guide me, the weight of the dress was disorienting. “Now, Anika. I want to tell you something important, so listen and just breathe. You said it’s scary, how huge this love is. Well, imagine what you and Cole have and multiply it times a million. Unimaginable. That is the love I feel for my child and when my husband held him for the first time and looked in my eyes; that love we shared, if you can believe it, grew even bigger. Now, open your eyes.”

Oh, wow.

“What I see, is a young woman with a heart worthy of the love my son has to give. And you will be a wonderful mother and it’s not too soon. The two of you, it’s a real love story, Anika. Now, let’s get you into those Manolos and have a final look. And then we’re going to that coffee shop on the corner because there’s a pharmacy next door. Then you’ll know for sure.”

“Are you happy, Trish?”

“Anika. I don’t think I ever knew happy before you came into our lives and that is the absolute truth.”

I looked down and moved the skirt to see the silvery toes of my shoes when something caught my eye, a folded piece of paper with my name written in Cole’s distinct penmanship. I carefully crouched down and picked it up. I didn’t want to open it straight away. Instead, I decided to take in every detail, disappointed in myself that the thought hadn’t occurred to me before. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and went through the same motions I did the night of the Gillies exhibit. I could still feel the butterflies in my stomach as I raised my head and opened my eyes to see my painting displayed there. I could feel the sensation of Cole’s presence behind me, his smooth voice reaching out to me before he took my hand and led me to my future.

So there I stood, holding the folded paper, feeling so beautiful encased in this gown, the shoes, and the headpiece; picturing myself walking toward Cole in his three piece suit… I opened it and looked down. As soon as I began to read, my eyes, as usual, welled up with tears:

My Darling Girl,

All my dreams, all my love… all you.

Cole

***

Maybe it was wrong to keep my impending pregnancy from Aimes, but I wanted to not only be sure, I wanted to tell Cole before anyone else. I knew Trish would keep my secret and I was grateful. She really was like the mother I never had.

“You wanted gum, bobby pins and Advil for your bridal bag… it’s all there.” Trish handed it to me and I put the white bag with the red and blue logo into my purse. Aimes was having pie. Not just any pie, pumpkin pie. I really wanted pie, but I really had to pee on a stick.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t eat my pie while I’m gone, Aimes.” I teased. Poor thing. She actually lost her appetite when she started getting morning sickness. For six weeks she hardly ate and didn’t gain a pound. She was making up for it.

I closed the stall, ripped open the box and the wrapper like I was disarming a bomb about to blow and peed.

I looked at the time on my phone.

Then I looked at the stick.

Then I looked at my phone.

Then I looked at the stick.

Then the phone rang and I dropped the stick, which flew under the stall and into the next cubicle.

“Fuck! Hello?” I said trying to reach under the stall with my jeans around my ankles.

“Sugar plum fairy? Is that any way to talk to your favorite gay?”

I laughed. “I am so sorry, Abe. I just dropped… something and I’m in the toilet at Rozz’s.”

“Well, I’ll let you get back to business… just wanted to say, that Anthony… I think you picked a winner.”

“How was the date?” I set up the two single gay people I knew, my good friend and gallery manager, Abe and Cole’s assistant, the baby faced Anthony. I wasn’t sure at first because Abe was 37 and I assumed Anthony was really young but it turned out, he was 31. Abe explained it was different with ‘the gays’ since there wasn’t the whole biological clock issue. I didn’t know about that really, but I was happy there was chemistry.

“Can I call you back Anthony?”

“Nah doll, I just wanted to say, relax and I’ll see you on the big day! Such a catch you lucky bitch!”

He was laughing as I hung up.

I suppose if I had been thinking more clearly, I would have pulled up my pants and opened the door to retrieve the stick. I didn’t. I dropped to the floor of the stall and began to slide like a commando under the partition, elbows pulling me along, so my hands didn’t touch the floor. It was a nice place, clean, but it was still the floor of a public bathroom. Just as I realized the stick was farther than I thought, I heard the door open. The last stall opened and two white tennis shoes with tan hose entered and sat down.

My arms were almost within reach of my little stick, but there was no way I was going to get it now. I realized how stupid I was to crawl under the wall. I began to move back when I heard, “Uh, you’re either out of paper and couldn’t get some from another stall, or this little pregnancy test at my feet belongs to you?”

She was older, I assumed one of the waitresses. “The second one.” I replied, but didn’t move, completely embarrassed.

“Do you want me to hand it to you, or give you the news?” The tell-tale sounds of peeing had stopped.

“Um…..tell me.” I felt like fate had done this. I was kind of happy white shoed, tanned hose, waitress was giving me the news.

“What are we hoping for?”

“I’m getting married on New Year’s Eve so I guess either way is fine.” Honestly though, since the idea had planted itself in my head, I had my mind made up.

“Well, brace yourself babe.”

“Okay.” The toilet flushed and the door opened to her stall. “I got really drunk the other night.” I admitted for no reason whatsoever.

“Well, I had an entire bottle of red wine when I was about six weeks with my first and she’s just fine.” She paused, maybe for dramatic effect, but it was killing me.

“You’re killing me here.”

She laughed, “Well, you don’t need to worry about protection on your wedding night, babe.”

I shimmied back to my stall, planted my butt back on the seat, wiped, pulled up my jeans and gathered my belongings. When I opened the door, she was holding the test with a piece of toilet paper. “You should put the cap on and give the entire thing to your future husband.”

“Thank you.” I caught my reflection in the mirror and I was beaming with happiness. It was written all over me.

“This is good news?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“The best.” And it was the truth. Something I never even knew I wanted.

Cole

Even if my dad had said this was a bad idea, I still would’ve gone through with it. I made this business decision on my terms, but having his approval admittedly felt great and I never thought that was even a remote possibility. I had only dipped into my trust a handful of times but this… this was huge. Of course, I needed to get my mom on board, my lawyer, and the mayor who I swore to secrecy. Now I was sitting with my most trusted friend, key members of the city council, five lawyers, my mom, who had just finished with the girls and rushed here, and my dad’s best friend, the mayor.

“Gentlemen.” Handshakes all around, “and lady.” Tom Grissom kissed my mother on the cheek and I was pretty sure she blushed. “So, I think we have some papers to sign.” He said gesturing for me to have a seat.

“I am going to do everything I can to stop this Frank.” Greg Longfellow said, barging into the room. This man was a hot-head and because of that people let him have his way to avoid his temper.

I was not one of those people.

“It’ll be a giant waste of time, Greg” This was from council member and lawyer, Mark Royce. “None of us want to see the canyon developed or anything else for that matter. The city doesn’t want it.”

“That strip along the coast is an eyesore.” He argued.

“I disagree.” I interjected. “It’s a part of the history of this city and all it needs is some T.L.C.”

“What? A tattoo parlor, a bunch of apartments, that should be condemned, and a bookstore that’s been closed for five years? It serves no one in the community.”

“If you want perfection, Greg, you need to move somewhere else. This city needs the eclectic balance. It’s known for it. And you’re outnumbered. You take this to court, you will lose your seat. That’s a promise.”

“Tom, everyone knows your relationship with Richard Carlyle. This is favoritism, plain and simple.”

“While some of that statement is true, everyone also knows that you’re a self-serving asshole that only ran for city council so you could buy up property and develop the hell out of this city. This is done. We’re here to sign. You had your chance two months ago and not one person here is going to support you.”

“This is bad business, Frank.” The man was seething. “And you…” he whipped his head toward me and I heard a door open behind at my back, “you are just like your old man.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Thanks.”

He pushed back from the table and spun on his heel to make a hasty exit coming face to face with my dad.

“Greg. How are you? Trying to insult my son and turn the state into an over-developed strip mall?” My dad only had to stand there and he was intimidating.

“You’re one to talk.” He jeered.

“Jealous, Greg?” My mother walked toward the man and leaned in close. I had stood up when this confrontation began, as did Olaf, so I was able to hear exactly what my mother said to him. “You know, Greg… Jennifer and I co-chair together for, what did you call it? The ‘kid’s cancer crap’? Don’t worry, your money is most welcome for those ‘bald death-row brats’?” His face began to redden even more. “I go to Pilates three times a week. Did you know that? No, of course you didn’t. But you must have wondered when you propositioned me last year at that dinner your wife hosted. And even more interesting is that those three days I do Pilates, I seem to end up chatting with a sweet woman, by the name of Kirsty, who told me all about the man she’s been sleeping with for three years. How he keeps her in a townhouse in Laguna Hills and how they have a two-year-old.” Obviously my dad knew all of this. Only Olaf and I could hear but still, it was enough for his red face to pale. “Do not fuck with my son, Greg, or so help me God I will bring scandal to your life with one phone call to the woman who does my nails.”

He straightened, rolling his shoulders back. The others in the room went on as if we weren’t even there. “Are you threatening me, Patricia?” He bit out, attempting to gain the upper hand.

“You can think of it that way.” She put her hand on his chest and he looked at it as if it was acid to his flesh, “But I know when your little girl died, it almost destroyed you and Jen. And I know each and every time she lost one pregnancy after another, she was devastated because she wanted nothing more than to give you a child. She made you what you are Greg and we both know it. If you keep pushing everyone like this, your greed is going to destroy more than your marriage. Go home, Greg. Cole is doing this for the town he lives in and loves… not to make a buck.”

***

Everything had been signed. I was now heavily invested in real-estate and I felt fucking fantastic about it. This was a business deal I could have a clear conscience about. Even better, I knew Anika would feel the same way.

“Where to next, Cole?” Olaf’s smile and mine were a matching set. “Your mother was fantastic.”

“Who knew?” I grinned as we pulled in front of the tattoo shop.

“Are we getting matching tats? Some kind of best-man thing?”

“No. You’ll see.”

I rounded the car and met him on the sidewalk. “Cole, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you… happy. I like this side of you.” My dashing friend gave me the man-back-slap of approval.

“Me too.” I opened the studio door to see a petite blonde arguing with Nico. He had done all of Anika’s ink, as well as the two oak leaves I got as a symbol of solidarity. I knew this strip of businesses, cottages and apartments had been under threat of redevelopment for a while. I also knew that Nico owned this business. His parents had bought the equipment and set him up with a mentor who taught him everything he knew. Along with his artistic talent, he definitely had a gift and Anika’s back was a testament to that. But it was what he did with that gift. His staff was loyal and also gifted according to Anika, but he was known for taking whatever pain you were carrying in your soul, transfer it to your skin and help you heal. I found the process cathartic.