Colour Series Box Set (41 page)

Rowan grabs my hand and smiles at me; he’s so happy in this moment. I love these moments with him, but I love those I spend with the bad man inside him too.

When we arrive home, Rowan takes me to bed and has his way with me. He’s been honest with me that pregnant sex really doesn’t do it for him so these truly intimate moments have been few and far between lately but right now he needs to lay his claim on me. He needs this right now and good lord so do I.

Satisfied, smelling of sex and curled up close to each other we fall asleep. I love him and this baby so much that it is breaking my heart just to know that I have those feelings inside me. I have to tell him the truth, I know it now.

The nightmares rip us from our happy place late in the afternoon.

SHE’S ALIVE. SHE
lives and breathes and fucking worse she loves him. A man just like her fucking father. I hate her with every bone in my body. My soul burns with the need to make her suffer as I’ve suffered my whole life because of her father. Her scars must match mine her pain equal mine. I feel dead, so should she.

Past

I’m under the bed, I hide here often so my daddy won’t find me if he’s mad. He left already though. He shouted at my mommy about the baby that it’s not his bastard. I am not sure why the baby makes him so angry all the time it’s not even born yet. I make him angry all the time but I am here. Mommy’s on the bed above me so I can’t leave. I just lie here and hear her crying. She’s been crying for a long, long time now. I’m getting hungry and sad listening to her but I’m afraid to come out and make her cross too.

The door opens, I’m scared daddy’s back, but those are not his shoes. I know his shoes I saw them leave. Mommy screams, so loud I can’t understand what she says. I stay still I don’t move. There’s a loud bang and then quiet. The edge of the bed cover lifts and I see his face as he pulls me out by my throat. The devil’s my house and he’s going to hurt me. He hurt my mommy, I can see her blood dripping on the floor behind me.

The devil locks me in my room and I hear him leaving the house. I can’t get out, I can’t get to my mommy. I claw at the door until my fingers bleed and I’m forced to stop . I crawl under my bed and cry.

I wake up when daddy comes home. I was wrong, the devil never left - he just possessed my daddy. I know I’m going to hurt forever. The devil stole my mommy and now she can’t save me ever again.

You see the devil that stole my mother was
her
father. I killed my father, my devil when I was twenty. He fucking deserved to die; my body, my mind and my heart were crushed, broken and scarred forever by his cruelty. When killing Mick brought me no peace. I knew I had to find her, I had to have her and make her pay. The way I paid all my life, suffer the pain, wear the scars. The thing is, monsters are born of monsters I am proof of that. I didn’t want any more monsters so I never let her have my children. I took them from her like Mick took my baby brother. I took and took until I didn’t need to take anymore. We matched inside and out, I couldn’t break her any more. It was done, so I hired a monster to kill her. She died; it was nice little accident. I couldn’t afford any unwanted attention. She was dead and the devil left me alone for a while. Then I saw her in the newspaper all happy,real and alive and living the dreams I ripped away from her. She cheated death and stole my peace again. The devil was reborn. I’m that devil and this time I’ll kill her with my own hands.

I have had someone stalking her for a few months now but today’s update has me floored. She is pregnant, I want no part of that and I don’t want any part of their monster so for now I’ll wait. He can keep the stupid monster - I just want what is mine to take; her last dying fucking breath will be mine. I hate her with such a deep darkness that I know I can’t live until she dies. She will die, I won’t let her live, she needs to pay the price for what her father took; she has to pay with her life. His was not enough for me.

I’ll wait, but I’ll watch her from afar until it’s time for her to die. She will not be happy, fucking devil child. I’m not a well man, you see my mind is broken; it broke as my body broke for years and years at the hand of my father. My scars burn with the fire of hell and the only way to put it out is to kill her, again. It worked before.

“I HAVE TO GO
work now sweetheart.” I tell her as we lay tangled in each other on the couch. “Take me with?” I do a double take but the raw rage in her eyes today tells me she needs this so I will not argue with it; I know what happens if you don’t feed the kind of monsters we carry in us. That and arguing with a pregnant lady is just stupid, you will lose or she will cry and you will give up, so don’t bother.

“Okay, you might want to do this one. If you’re up to it.” I wonder about her ability to do this at eight months pregnant but I dare not even mention that out loud or I may be the one who gets killed. “Mmm hmm I am. I need this today..” She has been angry and somewhat pissy all week so I’m not going to stop her. It’s not a hard job but she hasn’t had to kill a female target yet so she might back out when we get there. I’ll take her with anyway sometimes she is all about watching and learning. I have feeling today that won’t be enough though. Some switch went off earlier in the week. She’s different. Something’s wrong but she won’t say what.

We had another doctor’s appointment this week and he has scheduled her for a C-section in four weeks time. She is not impressed having wanted a natural delivery. Secretly I am relieved. Childbirth sounds fucking horrific. The thought of it has me swallowing the bile rising in my throat. I know she’s afraid of doctors and having them hurt or take the baby away from her. I understand her fear, but the doctor doesn’t. He thinks she is another earth loving hormonal crazy woman. Which, she somewhat is. I was given a long, long lecture about how I am under no circumstances to leave Avery; I’m to go where the baby goes even if that means leaving her. I don’t know if I could make that choice but she has made me promise on all things holy that I will not leave Avery alone with anyone. I have no doubt that if I did she would kill or maim me after.

I’m terrified of the day coming. If I’m to be honest it all scares the shit out of me, but I love her more than anything in this world, her and our baby girl. I’ll die for them both.

But right now I agree to take my stubborn pregnant wife out to murder someone. We understand each other, this is who we are and that’s alright. When you are born into a life of crime, and particularly a life of murder certain things are a given. It’s in you and nothing will take it away.

“Let’s go then sweetheart.” I say as I stand to go to the office and get ready for the job ahead. I keep a bag for her in here now too. She isn’t going to let this go so I am embracing it. She did that for me. Her darkness, her monster was hidden under the hurt and abuse for so long, it was there but it just hadn’t found a way out of her. She needs this every bit as much as I do. Maybe more. I never had to suffer the darkness of another.

She kisses my cheek as she changes into a pair of dark jeans and a black lace top that fits very snug over her baby belly. She knows that the whole pregnant lady thing is not a turn on for me at all. I don’t find it to be all hot and glowing and sexy, to me it’s gross. I just can’t do it easily. I was honest right in the beginning that I was not turned on by the bump, but in that shirt with her bra all showing off her now very big boobs I have to adjust myself in my pants a little. Fuck my wife is sexy. Her colourful skin shows through the lacy top and I cannot help but want to do very bad things to her on my desk right now. But right now we have a job. When we get home I intend to do all kinds of bad things to her on my desk or any place I can get her.

I was already nursing a hard on when we left home but now, holy fucking shit-balls. The sight of her with her gun pointed at the quivering mess of a woman at her feet has me straining against my pants. When I see her like this, in control and filled with the rawness of taking the life of another person I want her even more. I know we are meant for each other in the most basic way. We fit.

The crying woman is asking her why, spewing things like
you’re pregnant you can’t be a killer
. Ha stupid bitch that makes her want to kill you even more right now. See this woman decided that she was going to play god, she took control of a situation that she had no right to interfere in and now, now she is going to pay for it. Lauri is just the person to do it. When I told her that her husband wanted her gone because she forced her stepdaughter to have an abortion, she got a smile on her face. I know that smile. I get it when I have to kill someone who really deserves to die. I keep that smile for the scum of the earth. This woman she made a big mistake, I know her husband personally. I have worked for him before, never a personal job only business but she should have known better than to cross that man. He has bodies in his wake and you don’t cross him and live.

He dances on our side of the fence, a hard cold man who loves his daughter more than money and he loves his money a whole lot. Trophy wife over here was just stupid. Fucking stupid. Babies are a trigger for Lauri and she said she needed this but now I know she will enjoy it even more now. Lauri rarely talks to her victims unless they are rapists. She gives this lady the same little talk.

“You took something that didn’t belong to you?” She states very calmly to the mess of a woman on the floor her eyes go wide as she sputters out her words, “I never stole anything.” Lauri puts her foot on her head now pressing it into the dirty ground. “Wrong, you stole a life. An innocent baby that had no voice but that of its mother and you took it away. You selfish coward. I’m going to take something from you. Your life for that life. Then it’s even.” She doesn’t talk back to Lauri this time and I watch her tears fall onto to the red dust below her head. Lauri bends down slowly and not very gracefully to whisper something to her and she closes her eyes tightly so that her nose wrinkles and Lauri pushes the gun into her temple before firing it. She empties the gun in her head. Overkill I know but I wasn’t about to stop her. I can see it straight away, she’s alive again. I fucking love her. I clean up, I always do, and then I make the call to tell the customer that it’s done before I return to my wife waiting in the car. Car sex is out since she is getting so big but I know that’s what she is thinking. I plan to give her exactly what she wants over my desk when we get home, baby bump or not.