Come as You Are (62 page)

Nocturnal penile tumescence,
203

“No” messages,
155
,
156

Nonconcordance.
See
Arousal nonconcordance

Nonjudging,
308
–13,
315
–17,
323

emotion coaching in,
310
–12

healing trauma with,
316
–17

tips for beginners,
312
–13

Normality,
2
–3,
5
,
9
–11,
34
,
176
,
307
,
325
–26

Nucleus accumbens (NAc),
80
–81,
84
,
350
–51
n
14

Olivia (composite),
7
,
118
,
129
,
148
–49,
179
,
299

anatomy-response (non)connection in,
15
–16

arousal nonconcordance and,
197

context and,
89
–90,
223
–24

desire and,
223
–24,
225
,
256
–57

dual control model and,
50
–51

the little monitor and,
285
–86

meta-emotions and,
302
–3

sexual self-acceptance and,
39
–40

stress and,
119
–20,
180
–81,
283

One Ring.
See
Emotional One Ring

Oprah
(television program),
46

Oral sex,
170
–71

Orgasm,
6
,
265
–92,
322
,
324

absence of (anorgasmia),
45
,
280
,
364
n
24

through clitoral stimulation,
272
,
274
,
275
,
292
,
322

defined,
267

different ways to have,
271
–72

difficulty with,
279
–81

dual control model and,
4

ecstatic,
282
–92

as an evolutionary bonus,
276
–78

extended,
343
–45

in the four-phase model,
44

genetic factors in,
349
n
9

laboratory studies of,
43
–44

meta-emotions and,
314
–15

nonconcordance in,
269

practice and,
289
–92

simultaneous,
160

in the triphasic model,
45

unrecognized,
281

through vaginal penetration,
2
–3,
16
,
272
,
274
–76,
292
,
322

variation in,
266
–67,
269
–71

what it is not,
267
,
269
–70,
271

“Origin of Love, The” (song),
131

Outer labia.
see
Labia majora

Ovaries,
17
,
20

Over-identification,
178

Oxytocin,
135

Pain

context and,
80

during sex,
27
,
40
,
141
,
238
,
320
–21

Paralanguage,
200

Parasympathetic nervous system,
48
,
115

Patriarchy,
203
,
275

Pavlovian responses,
65
,
85
,
196
,
207

Penis,
17
,
20
,
275

anatomy of,
21
,
22

circumcision of,
26

size of,
205
–6

Perel, Esther,
239
–42

Peripheral nervous system,
197
–99

Pfaus, Jim,
62

Pfizer,
46

Photoplethysmography, vaginal,
194
,
212
,
356
n
3

“Pink Viagra,”
46
,
213
,
239
.
See also
Erectile dysfunction medication

Placebo effect,
47
,
197
,
351
n
14

Plateau (sexual response phase),
44
,
45

Plato,
131

Pleasure,
87
,
137
,
281
,
287
,
288
,
291
,
292
,
302
,
324
.
See also Eagerness; Enjoying

Pleasure centers of the brain,
84

Porges, Stephen,
116

Porn,
26
,
31
,
33
,
34
,
40
,
176
,
193
–94,
301

Pregnancy-arousal myth,
210

Prepuce.
See
Foreskin

Pride and Prejudice
(Austen),
136
,
159

Primal screaming,
122
,
124
,
290

Project Unbreakable,
209

Prostate,
28
,
274

Proximity seeking,
133
,
136

PTSD,
121
.
See also
Trauma

Pudendum, derivation of word,
16
–17,
205

Pukall, Caroline,
320
–21

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
(Gottman),
310
–11

Rape.
See
Sexual assault/rape

Rapid eye movement (REM) sleep,
203

Rats, experiments involving,
62
–63,
79
,
80
–81,
85
,
86
,
88
,
117
,
196
,
202
,
237
–38,
252

Redliners,
52
,
89

Resolution (sexual response phase),
44

Responsive desire,
3
,
6
,
227
,
256
,
294
,
296
,
297
,
307

changing one’s attitude toward,
324
–25

the chasing dynamic and,
245

gender differences in,
225

the little monitor and,
236

percentage of women experiencing,
225
,
257

Restaurant analogy,
197
–99,
204
,
205
,
207
,
209
,
221
–22

Romance novels,
136
,
161
–62

Romantic/implicit cues,
72
–73