Complete Works of James Joyce (314 page)

RICHARD

I doubt that.

BERTHA

(With a slight toss of her head.)
O, easily if I had wanted to.

RICHARD

(Darkly.)
Perhaps you are sorry now that you did not.

BERTHA

Perhaps I am.

RICHARD

(Unpleasantly.)
What a fool you were to tell me! It would have been so nice if you had kept it secret.

BERTHA

As you do, no?

RICHARD

As I do, yes.
(He turns to go.)
Goodbye for a while.

BERTHA

(Alarmed, rises.)
Are you going?

RICHARD

Naturally. My part is ended here.

BERTHA

To her, I suppose?

RICHARD

(Astonished.)
Who?

BERTHA

Her ladyship. I suppose it is all planned so that you may have a good opportunity to meet her and have an intellectual conversation!

588

RICHARD

(With an outburst of rude anger.)
To meet the devil’s father!

BERTHA

(Unpins her hat and sits down.)
Very well. You can go. Now I know what to do.

RICHARD

(Returns, approaches her.)
You don’t believe a word of what you say.

BERTHA

(Calmly.)
You can go. Why don’t you?

RICHARD

Then you have come here and led him on in this way on account of me. Is that how it is?

BERTHA

There is one person in all this who is not a fool. And that is you. I am though. And he is.

RICHARD

(Continuing.)
If so you have indeed treated him badly and shamefully.

BERTHA

(Points at him.)
Yes. But it was your fault. And I will end it now. I am simply a tool for you. You have no respect for me. You never had because I did what I did.

RICHARD

And has he respect?

BERTHA

He has. Of all the persons I met since I came back he is the only one who has. And he knows what they only suspect. And that is why I liked him from the first and like him still. Great respect for me she has! Why did you not ask her to come away with you nine years ago?

RICHARD

You know why, Bertha. Ask yourself.

BERTHA

Yes, I know why. You knew the answer you would get. That is why.

RICHARD

That is not why. I did not even ask you.

BERTHA

Yes. You knew I would go, asked or not. I do things. But if I do one thing I can do two things. As I have the name I can have the gains.

RICHARD

(With increasing excitement.)
Bertha, I accept what is to be. I have trusted you. I will trust you still.

589

BERTHA

To have that against me. To leave me then.
(Almost passionately.)
Why do you not defend me then against him? Why do you go away from me now without a word? Dick, my God, tell me what you wish me to do?

RICHARD

I cannot, dear.
(Struggling with himself.)
Your own heart will tell you.
(He seizes both her hands.)
I have a wild delight in my soul, Bertha, as I look at you. I see you as you are yourself. That I came first in your life or before him then — that may be nothing to you. You may be his more than mine.

BERTHA

I am not. Only I feel for him, too.

RICHARD

And I do too. You may be his and mine. I will trust you, Bertha, and him too. I must. I cannot hate him since his arms have been around you. You have drawn us near together. There is something wiser than wisdom in your heart. Who am I that I should call myself master of your heart or of any woman’s? Bertha, love him, be his, give yourself to him if you desire — or if you can.

BERTHA

(Dreamily.)
I will remain.

RICHARD

Goodbye.

(He lets her hand fall and goes out rapidly on the right. Bertha remains sitting. Then she rises and goes timidly towards the porch. She stops near it and, after a little hesitation, calls into the garden.)

BERTHA

Is anyone out there?

(At the same time she retreats towards the middle of the room. Then she calls again in the same way.)

BERTHA

Is anyone there?

(Robert appears in the open doorway that leads in from the garden. His coat is buttoned and the collar is turned up. He holds the doorposts with his hands lightly and waits for Bertha to see him.)

590

BERTHA

(Catching sight of him, starts back: then, quickly.)
Robert!

ROBERT

Are you alone?

BERTHA

Yes.

ROBERT

(Looking towards the door on the right.)
Where is he?

BERTHA

Gone.
(Nervously.)
You startled me. Where did you come from?

ROBERT

(With a movement of his head.)
Out there. Did he not tell you I was out there — waiting?

BERTHA

(Quickly.)
Yes, he told me. But I was afraid here alone. With the door open, waiting.
(She comes to the table and rests her hand on the corner.)
Why do you stand like that in the doorway?

ROBERT

Why? I am afraid too.

BERTHA

Of what?

ROBERT

Of you.

BERTHA

(Looks down.)
Do you hate me now?

ROBERT

I fear you.
(Clasping his hands at his back, quietly but a little defiantly.)
I fear a new torture — a new trap.

BERTHA

(As before.)
For what do you blame me?

ROBERT

(Comes forward a few steps, halts: then impulsively:)
Why did you lead me on? Day after day, more and more. Why did you not stop me? You could have — with a word. But not even a word! I forgot myself and him. You saw it. That I was ruining myself in his eyes, losing his friendship. Did you want me to?

BERTHA

(Looking up.)
You never asked me.

ROBERT

Asked you what?

BERTHA

If he suspected — or knew.

ROBERT

And would you have told me?

BERTHA

Yes.

ROBERT

(Hesitatingly.)
Did you tell him — everything?

BERTHA

I did.

591

ROBERT

I mean — details.

BERTHA

Everything.

ROBERT

(With forced smile.)
I see. You were making an experiment for his sake. On me. Well, why not? It seems I was a good subject. Still, it was a little cruel of you.

BERTHA

Try to understand me, Robert. You must try.

ROBERT

(With polite gesture.)
Well, I will try.

BERTHA

Why do you stand like that near the door? It makes me nervous to look at you.

ROBERT

I am trying to understand. And then I am afraid.

BERTHA

(Holds out her hand.)
You need not be afraid.

ROBERT

(Comes towards her quickly and takes her hand. Diffidently:)
Used you to laugh over me — together?
(Drawing his hand away.)
But now I must be good or you may laugh over me again — tonight.

BERTHA

(Distressed, lays her hand on his arm.)
Please listen to me, Robert... But you are all wet, drenched!
(She passes her hands over his coat.)
O, you poor fellow! Out there in the rain all that time! I forgot that.

ROBERT

(Laughs.)
Yes, you forgot the climate.

BERTHA

But you are really drenched. You must change your coat.

ROBERT

(Takes her hands.)
Tell me, it is pity then that you feel for me, as he — as Richard — says?

BERTHA

Please change your coat, Robert, when I ask you. You might get a very bad cold from that. Do, please.

ROBERT

What would it matter now?

BERTHA

(Looking round her.)
Where do you keep your clothes here?

592

ROBERT

(Points to the door at the back.)
In there. I fancy I have a jacket here.
(Maliciously.)
In my bedroom.

BERTHA

Well, go in and take that off.

ROBERT

And you?

BERTHA

I will wait here for you.

ROBERT

Do you command me to?

BERTHA

(Laughing.)
Yes, I command you.

ROBERT

(Promptly.)
Then I will.
(He goes quickly towards the bedroom door; then turns round.)
You won’t go away?

BERTHA

No, I will wait. But don’t be long.

ROBERT

Only a moment.

(He goes into the bedroom, leaving the door open. Bertha looks curiously about her and then glances in indecision towards the door at the back.)

ROBERT

(From the bedroom.)
You have not gone?

BERTHA

No.

ROBERT

I am in the dark here. I must light the lamp.

(He is heard striking a match, and putting a glass shade on a lamp. A pink light comes in through the doorway. Bertha glances at her watch at her wristlet and then sits at the table.)