Complete Works of James Joyce (318 page)

(He raises his eyes from the paper and sees Bertha standing in the doorway. Then he lays aside the paper and looks at her. A long silence.)

BEATRICE

(With an effort.)
You see, Mr Rowan, your day has dawned at last. Even here. And you see that you have a warm friend in Robert, a friend who understands you.

614

RICHARD

Did you notice the little phrase at the beginning:
those who left her in her hour of need?

(He looks searchingly at Bertha, turns and walks into his study, closing the door behind him.)

BERTHA

(Speaking half to herself.)
I gave up everything for him, religion, family, my own peace.

(She sits down heavily in an armchair. Beatrice comes towards her.)

BEATRICE

(Weakly.)
But do you not feel also that Mr Rowan’s ideas...

BERTHA

(Bitterly.)
Ideas and ideas! But the people in this world have other ideas or pretend to. They have to put up with him in spite of his ideas because he is able to do something. Me, no. I am nothing.

BEATRICE

You stand by his side.

BERTHA

(With increasing bitterness.)
Ah, nonsense, Miss Justice! I am only a thing he got entangled with and my son is — the nice name they give those children. Do you think I am a stone? Do you think I don’t see it in their eyes and in their manner when they have to meet me?

BEATRICE

Do not let them humble you, Mrs Rowan.

BERTHA

(Haughtily.)
Humble me! I am very proud of myself, if you want to know. What have they ever done for him? I made him a man. What are they all in his life? No more than the dirt under his boots!
(She stands up and walks excitedly to and fro.)
He can despise me, too, like the rest of them — now. And you can despise me. But you will never humble me, any of you.

BEATRICE

Why do you accuse me?

BERTHA

(Going to her impulsively.)
I am in such suffering. Excuse me if I was rude. I want us to be friends.
(She holds out her hands.)
Will you?

BEATRICE

(Taking her hands.)
Gladly.

BERTHA

(Looking at her.)
What lovely long eyelashes you have! And your eyes have such a sad expression!

615

BEATRICE

(Smiling.)
I see very little with them. They are very weak.

BERTHA

(Warmly.)
But beautiful.

(She embraces her quietly and kisses her. Then withdraws from her a little shyly. Brigid comes in from the left.)

BRIGID

I gave it to himself, ma’am.

BERTHA

Did he send a message?

BRIGID

He was just going out, ma’am. He told me to say he’d be here after me.

BERTHA

Thanks.

BRIGID

(Going.)
Would you like the tea and the toast now, ma’am?

BERTHA

Not now, Brigid. After perhaps. When Mr Hand comes show him in at once.

BRIGID

Yes, ma’am.
(She goes out on the left.)

BEATRICE

I will go now, Mrs Rowan, before he comes.

BERTHA

(Somewhat timidly.)
Then we are friends?

BEATRICE

(In the same tone.)
We will try to be.
(Turning.)
Do you allow me to go out through the garden? I don’t want to meet my cousin now.

BERTHA

Of course.
(She takes her hand.)
It is so strange that we spoke like this now. But I always wanted to. Did you?

BEATRICE

I think I did, too.

BERTHA

(Smiling.)
Even in Rome. When I went out for a walk with Archie I used to think about you, what you were like, because I knew about you from Dick. I used to look at different persons, coming out of churches or going by in carriages, and think that perhaps they were like you. Because Dick told me you were dark.

616

BEATRICE

(Again nervously.)
Really?

BERTHA

(Pressing her hand.)
Goodbye then — for the present.

BEATRICE

(Disengaging her hand.)
Good morning.

BERTHA

I will see you to the gate.

(She accompanies her out through the double doors. They go down through the garden. Richard Rowan comes in from the study. He halts near the doors, looking down the garden. Then he turns away, comes to the little table, takes up the paper and reads. Bertha, after some moments, appears in the doorway and stands watching him till he has finished. He lays down the paper again and turns to go back to his study.)

BERTHA

Dick!

RICHARD

(Stopping.)
Well?

BERTHA

You have not spoken to me.

RICHARD

I have nothing to say. Have you?

BERTHA

Do you not wish to know — about what happened last night?

RICHARD

That I will never know.

BERTHA

I will tell you if you ask me.

RICHARD

You will tell me. But I will never know. Never in this world.

BERTHA

(Moving towards him.)
I will tell you the truth, Dick, as I always told you. I never lied to you.

RICHARD

(Clenching his hands in the air, passionately.)
Yes, yes. The truth! But I will never know, I tell you.

BERTHA

Why, then, did you leave me last night?

RICHARD

(Bitterly.)
In your hour of need.

BERTHA

(Threateningly.)
You urged me to it. Not because you love me. If you loved me or if you knew what love was you would not have left me. For your own sake you urged me to it.

RICHARD

I did not make myself. I am what I am.

BERTHA

To have it always to throw against me. To make me humble before you, as you always did. To be free yourself.
(Pointing towards the garden.)
With her! And that is your love! Every word you say is false.

617

RICHARD

(Controlling himself.)
It is useless to ask you to listen to me.

BERTHA

Listen to you! She is the person for listening. Why would you waste your time with me? Talk to her.

RICHARD

(Nods his head.)
I see. You have driven her away from me now, as you drove everyone else from my side — every friend I ever had, every human being that ever tried to approach me. You hate her.

BERTHA

(Warmly.)
No such thing! I think you have made her unhappy as you have made me and as you made your dead mother unhappy and killed her. Woman-killer! That is your name.

RICHARD

(Turns to go.) Arrivederci!

BERTHA

(Excitedly.)
She is a fine and high character. I like her. She is everything that I am not — in birth and education. You tried to ruin her but you could not. Because she is well able for you — what I am not. And you know it.

RICHARD

(Almost shouting.)
What the devil are you talking about her for?

BERTHA

(Clasping her hands.)
O, how I wish I had never met you! How I curse that day!

RICHARD

(Bitterly.)
I am in the way, is it? You would like to be free now. You have only to say the word.

BERTHA

(Proudly.)
Whenever you like I am ready.

RICHARD

So that you could meet your lover — freely?

BERTHA

Yes.

RICHARD

Night after night?

BERTHA

(Gazing before her and speaking with intense passion.)
To meet my lover!
(Holding out her arms before her.)
My lover! Yes! My lover!

618

(She bursts suddenly into tears and sinks down on a chair, covering her face with her hands. Richard approaches her slowly and touches her on the shoulder.)

RICHARD

Bertha!
(She does not answer.)
Bertha, you are free.

BERTHA

(Pushes his hand aside and starts to her feet.)
Don’t touch me! You are a stranger to me. You do not understand anything in me — not one thing in my heart or soul. A stranger! I am living with a stranger!

(A knock is heard at the hall door. Bertha dries her eyes quickly with her handkerchief and settles the front of her gown. Richard listens for a moment, looks at her keenly and, turning away, walks into his study. Robert Hand enters from the left. He is dressed in dark brown and carries in his hand a brown Alpine hat.)

ROBERT

(Closing the door quietly behind him.)
You sent for me.

BERTHA

(Rises.)
Yes. Are you mad to think of going away like that — without even coming here — without saying anything?

ROBERT

(Advancing towards the table on which the paper lies, glances at it.)
What I have to say I said here.

BERTHA

When did you write it? Last night — after I went away?

ROBERT

(Gracefully.)
To be quite accurate, I wrote part of it — in my mind — before you went away. The rest — the worst part — I wrote after. Much later.

BERTHA

And you could write last night!

ROBERT

(Shrugs his shoulders.)
I am a welltrained animal.
(He comes closer to her.)
I passed a long wandering night after... in my office, at the vicechancellor’s house, in a nightclub, in the streets, in my room. Your image was always before my eyes, your hand in my hand. Bertha, I will never forget last night.
(He lays his hat on the table and takes her hand.)
Why do you not look at me? May I not touch you?