Complete Works of James Joyce (315 page)

ROBERT

(As before.)
Do you like the effect of the light?

BERTHA

O, yes.

ROBERT

Can you admire it from where you are?

BERTHA

Yes, quite well.

ROBERT

It was for you.

BERTHA

(Confused.)
I am not worthy even of that.

ROBERT

(Clearly, harshly.)
Love’s labour lost.

BERTHA

(Rising nervously.)
Robert!

ROBERT

Yes?

BERTHA

Come here, quickly! Quickly, I say!

ROBERT

I am ready.

(He appears in the doorway, wearing a dark green velvet jacket. Seeing her agitation, he comes quickly towards her.)

593

ROBERT

What is it, Bertha?

BERTHA

(Trembling.)
I was afraid.

ROBERT

Of being alone?

BERTHA

(Catches his hands.)
You know what I mean. My nerves are all upset.

ROBERT

That I...?

BERTHA

Promise me, Robert, not to think of such a thing. Never. If you like me at all. I thought that moment...

ROBERT

What an idea?

BERTHA

But promise me if you like me.

ROBERT

If I like you, Bertha! I promise. Of course, I promise. You are trembling all over.

BERTHA

Let me sit down somewhere. It will pass in a moment.

ROBERT

My poor Bertha! Sit down. Come.

(He leads her towards a chair near the table. She sits down. He stands beside her.)

ROBERT

(After a short pause.)
Has it passed?

BERTHA

Yes. It was only for a moment. I was very silly. I was afraid that... I wanted to see you near me.

ROBERT

That... that you made me promise not to think of?

BERTHA

Yes.

ROBERT

(Keenly.)
Or something else?

BERTHA

(Helplessly.)
Robert, I feared something. I am not sure what.

ROBERT

And now?

BERTHA

Now you are here. I can see you. Now it has passed.

ROBERT

(With resignation.)
Passed. Yes. Love’s labour lost.

594

BERTHA

(Looks up at him.)
Listen, Robert. I want to explain to you about that. I could not deceive Dick. Never. In nothing. I told him everything — from the first. Then it went on and on; and still you never spoke or asked me. I wanted you to.

ROBERT

Is that the truth, Bertha?

BERTHA

Yes, because it annoyed me that you could think I was like... like the other women I suppose you knew that way. I think that Dick is right too. Why should there be secrets?

ROBERT

(Softly.)
Still, secrets can be very sweet. Can they not?

BERTHA

(Smiles.)
Yes, I know they can. But, you see, I could not keep things secret from Dick. Besides, what is the good? They always come out in the end. Is it not better for people to know?

ROBERT

(Softly and a little shyly.)
How could you, Bertha, tell him everything? Did you? Every single thing that passed between us?

BERTHA

Yes. Everything he asked me.

ROBERT

Did he ask you — much?

BERTHA

You know the kind he is. He asks about everything. The ins and outs.

ROBERT

About our kissing, too?

BERTHA

Of course. I told him all.

ROBERT

(Shakes his head slowly.)
Extraordinary little person! Were you not ashamed?

BERTHA

No.

ROBERT

Not a bit?

BERTHA

No. Why? Is that terrible?

ROBERT

And how did he take it? Tell me. I want to know everything, too.

BERTHA

(Laughs.)
It excited him. More than usual.

ROBERT

Why? Is he excitable — still?

595

BERTHA

(Archly.)
Yes, very. When he is not lost in his philosophy.

ROBERT

More than I?

BERTHA

More than you?
(Reflecting.)
How could I answer that? You both are, I suppose?

(Robert turns aside and gazes towards the porch, passing his hand once or twice thoughtfully over his hair.)

BERTHA

(Gently.)
Are you angry with me again?

ROBERT

(Moodily.)
You are with me.

BERTHA

No, Robert. Why should I?

ROBERT

Because I asked you to come to this place. I tried to prepare it for you.
(He points vaguely here and there.)
A sense of quietness.

BERTHA

(Touching his jacket with her fingers.)
And this, too. Your nice velvet coat.

ROBERT

Also. I will keep no secrets from you.

BERTHA

You remind me of someone in a picture. I like you in it... But you are not angry, are you?

ROBERT

(Darkly.)
Yes. That was my mistake. To ask you to come here. I felt it when I looked at you from the garden and saw you — you, Bertha — standing here.
(Hopelessly.)
But what else could I have done?

BERTHA

(Quietly.)
You mean because others have been here?

ROBERT

Yes.

(He walks away from her a few paces. A gust of wind makes the lamp on the table flicker. He lowers the wick slightly.)

BERTHA

(Following him with her eyes.)
But I knew that before I came. I am not angry with you for it.

ROBERT

(Shrugs his shoulders.)
Why should you be angry with me after all? You are not even angry with him — for the same thing — or worse.

596

BERTHA

Did he tell you that about himself?

ROBERT

Yes. He told me. We all confess to one another here. Turn about.

BERTHA

I try to forget it.

ROBERT

It does not trouble you?

BERTHA

Not now. Only I dislike to think of it.

ROBERT

It is merely something brutal, you think? Of little importance?

BERTHA

It does not trouble me — now.

ROBERT

(Looking at her over his shoulder.)
But there is something that would trouble you very much and that you would not try to forget?

BERTHA

What?

ROBERT

(Turning towards her.)
If it were not only something brutal with this person or that — for a few moments. If it were something fine and spiritual — with one person only — with one woman.
(Smiles.)
And perhaps brutal too. It usually comes to that sooner or later. Would you try to forget and forgive that?

BERTHA

(Toying with her wristlet.)
In whom?

ROBERT

In anyone. In me.

BERTHA

(Calmly.)
You mean in Dick.

ROBERT

I said in myself. But would you?

BERTHA

You think I would revenge myself? Is Dick not to be free too?

ROBERT

(Points at her.)
That is not from your heart, Bertha.

BERTHA

(Proudly.)
Yes, it is; let him be free too. He leaves me free also.

ROBERT

(Insistently.)
And you know why? And understand? And you like it? And you want to be? And it makes you happy? And has made you happy? Always? This gift of freedom which he gave you — nine years ago?

BERTHA

(Gazing at him with wide open eyes.)
But why do you ask me such a lot of questions, Robert?

597

ROBERT

(Stretches out both hands to her.)
Because I had another gift to offer you then — a common simple gift — like myself. If you want to know it I will tell you.

BERTHA

(Looking at her watch.)
Past is past, Robert. And I think I ought to go now. It is nine almost.

ROBERT

(Impetuously.)
No, no. Not yet. There is one confession more and we have the right to speak.

(He crosses before the table rapidly and sits down beside her.)

BERTHA

(Turning towards him, places her left hand on his shoulder.)
Yes, Robert. I know that you like me. You need not tell me.
(Kindly.)
You need not confess any more tonight.

(A gust of wind enters through the porch, with a sound of moving leaves. The lamp flickers quickly.)

BERTHA

(Pointing over his shoulder.)
Look! It is too high.

(Without rising, he bends towards the table, and turns down the wick more. The room is half dark. The light comes in more strongly through the doorway of the bedroom.)