Complicated Love 2 (3 page)

Before I can argue, Lane is on the interstate headed to the pool house ready to deliver me home. To be alone. I know I am tired but I don’t want them to hurt him. I don’t know what to do so I let him drop me off at the pool house and watch him drive away to his parent’s house.

When Lane comes back a few hours later, he looks as exhausted as I feel. I asked him about his parent’s reaction and he refuses to tell me what they said. Which means it was pretty bad. He was right. I had a cup of soup and slept the whole time he was gone. I was tired. Even if I didn’t admit it, I was glad I didn’t go with Lane.

It feels great to have him slide into bed with me after worrying about him for the last few hours. I wonder if it will always be like this.It makes me sad that he can’t talk to me about his parents. I know he is protecting me but I want him to be able to open up to me about anything.

Instead of pushing, I turn over and kiss his beautiful lips. He’s my husband. I love him so much. He kisses me back and runs his hands down my hips. “I love Keira Callahan.” He whispers.

“I love you Lane Callahan.” I whisper back and he unbuttons my shirt and makes love to me over and over again.

Lane

Meeting with my dad was a mistake. All he wants to do is cause trouble. He has the audacity to judge Keira and her family. He claims that Keira is like her mother. He thinks she trapped me. My dad thinks that Keira, my sweet wife, stalked me and seduced me. I just let him talk. But then when he claims that she is screwing around on me I’ve had enough. It’s worse than the night I told them about our marriage and Peanut. For weeks, they have been silent and now this? I am about to lose my cool in this fancy bistro.

“If you say another word about Keira I will leave and never speak to you again.” He knows I am serious.

“Does the truth hurt or scare you Lane?” He has the audacity to ask. He’s so smug and arrogant. I can imagine that’s the same face he gives to all the women he’s screwed around with. I’m sure they fall for his faux confidence. But all I see is man scared to get old.

“ Are you joking? You have no idea what you are talking about.I begged her to marry me when she found out she was pregnant with your grandchild.” I have to take a breath. I can feel my anger rising. “Listen and listen good. Dad, if you or mom ever want to see my son or daughter and your grandchild you better drop this crap. I’ve had enough.”

My dad grabs my hand as I try to leave. “Lane. Wait. Just listen. Look at her family for God’s sake. Her mother barely raised her. She has you fooled by thinking it was all your idea. But she knew you’d offer to marry her. I know women like her and her mother…”

“That’s it. I’m done. Stay away from me and my wife.” I can’t take it so I walk out.

I am cranky as crap. I haven’t really talked to Keira today. I’m exhausted. The work assignments are heavy and the thought of school makes me grumpy. Going home to a grumpy wife who is tired is not what I feel like doing. But, I love Keira and I know she needs me. So I head home after work.

Keira is asleep. Dinner is on the stovetop. I can eat and study then head to bed.

Part II

Keira

Oh no. There’s blood.

“Lane.” I can barely speak. This can’t be happening. Not now.   “Lane, wake up!” I scream.

He can’t hear me. “Okay I can do this.” The dull ache in my back tightens slightly as I get up. I can’t do it. Oh God not my baby. Please God, no.

I slowly crawl to the bathroom door and open it.

“Lane!” I close my eyes in pain and scream his name.

He bolts upright to a sitting position immediately,“What’s wrong?”

Before I know it he’s at my side. “Keira, baby, what the matter?”

“It hurts.” I cry out in pain. “It shouldn’t hurt.”

He looks at the trail of blood from where I’ve been crawling on the floor. “Holy crap, Keira, your bleeding. I’m calling an ambulance.”

I nod.

Lane

I am so tired .Between school and work I am exhausted. I know Keira wants to talk. We haven’t seen much of each other in the last few weeks. She’s been home alone most days. At sixteen weeks, the nausea is gone but she still sleeps a lot. Fall classes just started. I registered full time and I work as a full time intern. I need to study more, but I need to work on the projects I’ve been assigned to at the firm. This has been a hard few months. I work all day and study in my downtime at night. I fall in the bed exhausted.

Keira has tried adjust. She cooks every day and cleans. Her grades are great. Peanut is growing strong. But she’s lonely. I know she is. She could go to campus but she wants to be able to rest during the day since we only have my car. My parents made sure to let me know the night I told them about Peanut that all I could keep was my car. They would no longer be helping me in anyway.

Gramps says they are in shock. They’ll get over it once the baby comes. But who knows. My dad says I’ve ruined his political career but I doubt it was me. It was probably one of the many assistants he’s banged over the years. The campaign wasn’t going well before Keira and I were married so I refuse to take the fall for that.

All of that means nothing as I watch my wife whimpering in pain on the bathroom floor. I don’t think I can take much more. I want to run out of here. I called Gramps as the ambulance pulled up. I’ll send Sloan a text once we get to the hospital.

“Keira, baby, it’s gonna be okay.” I say it even though I know it’s not. I didn’t miss the look on the face of the paramedic as they put her in the ambulance. I don’t think she’s really coherent. She’s not really talking just moaning in pain.

I am so scared. This can’t be happening. It just can’t. She’s only sixteen weeks pregnant. The doctor said everything was fine at the last visit. But there is so much blood.

“We’re here Mr.Callahan.” The lady EMT says as we pull up to the hospital emergency room. “You’ll need to do a little paperwork. Just stop at the desk while we get your wife settled.”

I shake my head. “I’m not leaving her.”

“I know you want to help your wife. We have to get her settled so you have time to talk with the admissions counselor.” The male paramedic says gently. Before I can’t speak, Gramps walks in behind me.

“You go ahead Lane, I have the insurance information. Go take care of your wife.”

Keira is laying quietly as they transfer her from the stretcher to the bed. The room is cold and pale with blaring lights shining on her. The paramedics gather their materials and leave quietly.

“The nurse should be here shortly.” The paramedic says quietly.

“I’m already here” The nurse says as she enters.

Keira

I have searched my mind over and over. I did everything right. So why am I having a miscarriage? The doctor confirmed what I already knew. My baby is dying inside me.

My husband is silent. The doctor explains that the fetus is still inside my body and will have to be removed. “The fetus in no longer viable. I’m so sorry,” he says. The tears create a curtain of blurriness as they slide down my cheeks. Lane is at my side holding my hand. His breathing catches. He flinches at the words. “We will have to perform a small procedure to clean the uterus. The nurse will prep you soon.” And just like that the doctor leaves.

My resolve breaks. My baby is dead.
My baby is dead.
“I know baby. I know. Let it out.” Lane says as he holds me to his chest. I clutch my belly. I don’t want this to be happening to me - to us.

They move my bed to another area of the hospital. It’s cold. “Please slide up.” The nurse asks. She’s speaking but I can’t hear any words. I can feel Lane’s presence but I can’t look him in the eye. He rubs the hair from my eyes and kisses my forehead. His voice is a low hum. He’s trying to comfort me. But I can hear his sniffles.
Don’t cry baby.
His tears are running from his face into my hair.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper.

“Shh.” Is all he says.

Another nurse enters the room to escort Lane to the waiting area. He kisses me on the lips. “I love you. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Lane

Its like de ja vu. I am waiting again for Keira as they take my baby from her body. Gramps is waiting for me. Sloan is here, too, I walk into my Gramps strong embrace.

“It’s gonna work out.” Slone says.

“There’s no more baby. My little Peanut is gone.” I whimper like a little kid.

“Lane, I am so sorry.” My gramps holds me tighter allowing to cry it all out like I did when I was a small boy. Sloan pats me on the back for comfort.

“Thanks for being here.” I turn to Sloan and shake his hand.

“Of course, have you called her aunt? “I shake my head. I can’t. Not yet. “I’ll call. Give me the number.” I pull it up on my phone. Sloan takes the phone and walks out the doors of the waiting area.

I want to walk back in there and grab my wife. If I could do this for her I would. She is all alone back there while they remove my baby from her body. All our plans and all our dreams are being taken away with this baby. Our life was in this baby.

After an hour , the nurse comes to get me so I can see my wife. She’s resting under heavy blankets. She looks so peaceful but I know this is a nightmare for both of us.

Keira

“Are you okay? “ He asks for the one hundredth time in two days.

“I’m fine Lane.” I snap at him. “Sorry.” I regain my composure. “I really okay.” I hope I sound convincing because I need to stop thinking about this pain.

“It’s just that you’ve been so quiet since you got home.”

“Lane!” Oh crap, the tears have started. “I said I’m fine. Yes, you’re right. I
am
quiet. They just took my baby!” Lane flinches. “Just leave me alone.” I whisper. I have to roll over. I don’t want to see his hurt and disappointment in me. 

“No!” His voice rises. “I won’t.  Don’t ignore me. Keira? ” His voice softens, “ Baby, I’m here for you.”

I shake my head. I can’t look at him. I just can’t. Not yet.

“Please, baby. Let me help you.”  He slides into the bed behind me. I can’t hold back any longer. I sob and wail so hard I know it scares him.

I wince as I turn to face him. I am still sore from the procedure. “Did I hurt you baby?” He asks.

“No.” I croak.It just hurts all over. My heart, my soul, my everything. It just hurts. I can’t tell where the physical pain ends and the emotional pain begins.

We lay quietly. Lane finally breaks the silence. “I’m scared.” He admits. I look at him with questioning eyes. “I know you didn’t want to be pregnant. And now I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”

I sit up. “What do you mean? I wanted this baby. Are you saying this is my fault?”

“No. I just know you thought this,” He motioned back and forth between us, “was a mistake. Getting pregnant and then married. You were so unsure….” He trailed off.

“You
are
blaming me. You think I made this happen? That I made our baby die?” I scream at him. “Lane, I got pregnant because you didn’t wear a condom. You wanted me to get pregnant, even if you never admit it,
I
know it. But I married you anyway.I trusted you. And because of this… this …
situation
you’re blaming me? ”

He jumps up, pacing the floor. Out of nowhere, he asks, “So, are you going to leave me?” I don’t know how to respond or what to say. “Admit it. You want out.” He stops pacing. “So you can have your life back, right?” He says somberly. He looks so broken when he says the words.

“ I don’t know what I want.” The last few months have been hell. Lane is always busy. We hardly talk to each other. Peanut was all we had holding us together and now that bond is gone. Maybe I do want my old life back. For the first time , I have to say it.  “Lane, you’re never home. I am by myself all the time. Now you can slow down.You know? And not take care of me. I mean, what about football?”

“I don’t want to slow down. I am doing exactly what I want to do. I wanted to have you and a family. I don’t want football. I want you. But you don’t want to be here, do you?” His tone is calm but his eyes are accusing.

I don’t know what to say. Not being pregnant changes everything doesn’t it? I should want my life back,right?

My silence must speak volumes because Lane has a panicked terrified look on his face. “That’s just great. You’re leaving me.I lose my baby a few days ago and now my wife.”

“I’m right here. I haven’t gone anywhere. I am right here.”

“ You’re thinking about it. It’s okay to be honest with me.”

“I…I don’t know.I just don’t know.” My mind is all over the place. I can’t tell what I should feel from what I really
do
feel. Before I can get the words out to explain the door slams. And just like everyone else he’s gone. Once again, I have been abandoned.

Part III

Lane