Compulsive (Liar #1) (18 page)

He lifted his head from my shoulder. “I have to go to
the hospital. Rita’s going crazy alone there.”

“Yes, you should go. Do you want me to drive you?”

He pulled back farther, but his hands stayed wrapped
securely around my forearms as if he required them for strength. “No, thank
you. I’ll be all right.” A moment passed between us where we spoke without
words. An exchange of strength and support. A will I hadn’t known was there,
but wanted Daniel to have. His hands slipped from mine. He paced to the door
where he stalled after pulling it open. When he looked over his shoulder, I saw
a different kind of worry. “I’m sorry I have to go. Will
you
be all
right?”

His concern for me in his own time of need crippled
any defenses I had left. I nodded, fighting back tears that could possibly keep
him from his family. “Yes,” I whispered. “Go.”

--------------------------

The pounding I heard was in my head and in my heart, not from my
knuckles on the front door. That sense of dread deep in my chest dwarfed any anxiety
I’d felt meeting with my father earlier that day. My fist floated, parallel to
the wood, at first unable to make a connection. Fruitless stalling wasted
precious time, so I banged on the door with urgent purpose. The door flung open,
bringing me face-to-face with a red-eyed, dirty blonde in need of an ironing
board.

“Laurie, I need to see Alyssa, please.”

Keeping the door in place, she arched her back and
yelled to someone I couldn’t see. “Speak of the devil. Here she is now, Teddy.
Demanding to see my daughter.” Her attention came back to me with an
exaggerated brow lift. “
My
daughter.”

Laurie and I rarely crossed paths and typically were
civil. She understood I picked up the slack, and I didn’t rub her incompetent
face in it. Tonight appeared to be a different story. The only explanation I
can think of is that she found out I lied to her last week when she’d asked if
I was in her apartment. Alyssa had watched one of those chainsaw movies and
wanted me to come over to check the place out in case one of them had escaped
out of the television.

I kept my voice low and calm. “I’m sorry to bother
you. I wouldn’t if it weren’t extremely important.”

“More important than homework? You know, that thing
she hardly ever does because most of the time she’s hanging around your place.”

Alyssa appeared behind her mother, a playful defiant
grin on her face. “Hey, Gray.” Her expression dropped as soon as she noted
mine. “What?”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Oh, don’t mind me,” Laurie said, throwing her arms up
and pushing the door wider at the same time. She disappeared into the apartment
to the sound of the television in the background.

“What is it?” Alyssa repeated, the desperation in her
voice apparent.

My head shook while I searched for the words to lessen
the crushing blow to this sweet, innocent teen. I reached an arm to her and
pulled my lips taut before saying, “Come here.” She ran to me and locked an arm
around my waist.

“You’re freaking scaring me.”

“I need to tell you that Jessie is not doing well.”

“What happened? Where is she?”

“She’s at the hospital…and she’s in a coma.” Her angel
eyes looked up at me for answers I didn’t have. “I’m sorry, Alyssa. I don’t
know anything else.”

“Will you take me?”

I glanced questioningly to the empty space where her
mother had been standing. “I, uh. You should ask your mom.”

“Ask me what?” Laurie came back into view, hand on hip,
and a greasy bearded male not far behind.

Alyssa stepped mid-way between them and me. “I need to
go to the hospital.” Her mother sighed and rolled her eyes, setting Alyssa off
to the kitchen before she could answer. She swiped a sweatshirt off the back of
a chair. Laurie snaked her arm as she tried to pass.

“Did you hear me say you could leave?”

“I have to, Mom. Please!”

“That sick girl always seems to be sick. How do I know
you’re telling the truth? It’s just like all those homeless creatures you keep
bringing home.”

Alyssa wrenched her arm away; the sweatshirt fell to
the ground. “Are you freaking serious right now?”

I took a step forward. “Laurie…would you like to come
with us? See for yourself?” I’d meant to be reassuring, but my own words
escalated my anxiousness. “Because right now, there’s a tiny fourteen-year-old
girl lying in a hospital bed in a coma. And you’re looking at her best friend.”

Time ticked away. Silence broke by the person I least
expected to hear from. Teddy stepped around Laurie and swiped the sweatshirt
from the ground. “Oh, let her go see her damn friend.” He handed it to Alyssa
who smiled and then glanced to Laurie who shrugged. We were out the door a
heartbeat later.

* * *

“Let’s go.”

“I can’t.” Alyssa stared out the windshield with her
seatbelt still securely in place.

“I know you’re scared, but I also know you’re a tough
girl.”

She turned to face me. “No, I’m not. It’s all
bullshit, Gray. I’m scared all the time.” Her eyes watered in front of me. I
steeled myself, knowing where this conversation could go and wanting to be
strong for her.

“Hey, that’s okay. Being scared shows that you care.”

“I hate it. I hate feeling so helpless.”

I reached over and placed my hand on top of hers. “I
know, but you have to have faith that things happen for a reason. Sometimes, we
don’t know why. Or at least not for a long time.”

“What if she doesn’t make it? We barely had any time
to be friends. And I’ve never been close to anyone who died.”

“I know this is hard to understand, but sometimes we
only get to have people in our life for a short time. And no matter how much we
care about them or want them to stay, they can’t. It’s frustrating, and sad,
and painful.” Alyssa’s hand shifted under mine. Her fingers took hold of me. “We
still have to see them as a blessing.” My voice shuddered as I spoke those
final words.

A tear slid down her cheek, and she rubbed it away
with her arm. “I’m sorry, Gray. I wasn’t thinking.”

I’d never had a discussion about my family or my
losses with Alyssa, but she’d obtained enough information snooping in my
apartment, looking at my photo albums, and talking to Nathan. “There’s nothing
to be sorry about. Listen, it’s possible we’ll get in there and she’ll be
tossing bedpans and screaming like when you first met.”

One side of her mouth turned up at the corner. “That
would be awesome.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over the side to hug
me. “I’m going to be strong for Jessie,” she whispered into my ear.

“I’m proud of you.” When she pulled back, I took hold
of both of her hands. “There’s one more thing you should be ready for.”

“What?”

“They may not let you in to see her. It could be only
family.”

By the time we entered the hospital, the sun had
almost set, stealing light and setting a sorrowful stage. We made our way
through the medical maze of hallways and corridors, arriving at a different
location than where we’d first found our two new companions almost six months
ago.

Met with grave silence, I glanced around the area, which
was practically devoid of humans. A petite nurse with long black hair and smooth
caramel skin arrived behind the desk as we approached. She led us to Jessie’s
room and confirmed we had to wait outside. She wasn’t allowed to tell us the
status of her condition.

Alyssa backed away from the small window and sat in a
nearby chair. “What do you see?”

“Daniel and Rita are in there with her.” Their backs
were to me, so they didn’t see me watching. I turned to find Alyssa with her
head between her hands. When I turned back to the scene inside the room, I saw
Jessie’s eyes slowly opening. Her thin arm rose, bringing her hand toward her
face. Two fingers touched her lips as her haunting eyes bore into me. Rita and
Daniel appeared clearly unaware of the visual. I blinked rapidly, understanding
hitting me with force, attempting to jar myself before the inevitable
completion.

“How does she look?” the shaky voice behind me said.

I shook the frightening figment from my brain,
watching it dissolve into the cold reality of a little girl’s lifeless body.

“I’m sorry, babe. I can’t see her. I’m sure they’ll
come out soon, and we can ask them what’s happening.”

“What if I cry in front of them? Is that wrong?”

I took the seat next to her, rubbing her back. “Of
course not. I understand you want to be strong, but you shouldn’t have to hide
your feelings.”

She straightened her back and shot me with a hard
stare. “You do.”

The door opened and saved me from weak excuses. Rita’s
face went from dismay to surprise to pleased. “Alyssa, Gray, thank you for
coming.”

Before I could get a word out, Alyssa popped from the
chair and into Rita’s welcoming arms. I might have felt jealous if I wasn’t so
relieved. Rita caressed the top of Alyssa’s head and pressed her lips against
her hair.

“Is she going to be all right, Rita?” Alyssa pulled
back to check her face when she didn’t answer immediately.

“I don’t know, honey. The doctors are doing all they
can, and you know Jessica is, too.”

Alyssa nodded and then peered past her toward the
window. Her arms released Rita and relaxed to her side as if the window
compelled her over. We both watched this brave girl walk up to the glass to
face her fears and show support and strength for her friend. Then, Rita turned
to me, and I stood.

“I’m sorry, Rita. Is there anything I can do? Anyway I
can help?”

She shook her head and took my hand. “Thank you for
being here and especially for bringing Alyssa. I’d like to think somehow she
knows. There’s something about Alyssa that seems to give Jessica strength.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I know Alyssa can sometimes be
a little…”

“Yes.” She smiled for a moment. “Whatever word you
were searching for, it’s what makes her special. She’s got this tough exterior,
but it’s obvious how much she cares. And I’ve got a feeling you’ve had some
influence in this girl’s life.”

“I don’t know about that, but I do know that Alyssa
feels just as lucky to have found Jessie. And when she pulls through this,
they’ll be that much closer.” Her lips stretched thin as she patted my hand,
sending a familiar ache to my chest cavity. What do you say to a mother who’d lost
hope? She glanced down the hallway and back at me. “Actually, you could do
something for me. I need to speak with the nurse, and I have to check in with
my husband. He’s trying to get home. If you could stay a while in case Daniel
comes out.”

“Of course.”

When she spoke, her next tentative words, her
expression lost some of the pain and hopelessness and became determined. “For a
therapist, my brother’s not great about sharing his emotions.”

I nodded with raised eyebrows.

“He is a man after all,” she continued. “But, I have
noticed he seems…different around you. Could you possibly talk to him? Take his
mind off things?”

“I’ll do my best, Rita.” I attempted a reassuring
smile, but it felt inadequate from my end. Rita drew in a deep breath before
plodding down the hall and pulling her cell from her pocket. The loneliness and
helplessness seeping from her pores awakened emotions I’d long since kept under
lock and key. I didn’t fight them out of respect for what Rita was going
through.

For the next five minutes, I stood vigil behind
Alyssa, viewing through the window. Daniel sat on the edge of the bed, his lips
barely moving as if he were whispering a tender tale. Even with only his
profile in view now, his face radiated intense agony. I yearned to comfort him
and wept inside, knowing most likely he wouldn’t allow it. Seeing Jessie lying
there and with the floodgate of emotions open, I fought against thinking of
Noah. My sweet angel, who’d barely graced my life, yet had a monumental impact.
I concentrated my thoughts on Daniel, taking in his pain, determined to be
strong for him if he’d give me the chance. Then, his head rose and turned
toward the window, as if he sensed me watching over him. A flash of panic shot
through me. What if he saw my presence as an intrusion? His poignant eyes told
me otherwise.

Moments later, he was up and walking toward the door. Both
Alyssa and I backed away from the window.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, looking at Alyssa after his
eyes darted in my direction. “Thanks for coming.”

Alyssa gave a nod and opened her mouth. I could tell
she wasn’t quite sure what to say to him. She held back, and Daniel turned to
me. “Thank you both.” We stayed linked in a wordless conversation for several
seconds before Alyssa’s voice cut in.

“I want to call my mom and let her know I’d like to
stay a little longer.”

I’d heard her, but my focus hadn’t left Daniel.

“Gray, is that okay?”

“Oh, um.” I turned to find wide, desperate eyes.
“Sure. Let her know I’m here, and if she needs to talk to me, that’s fine,
too.”

Alyssa stepped to the back of the hallway to place her
call while Daniel and I stayed outside the door to Jessie’s room.

“Can I bring you anything?” I asked. “Coffee?
Something to eat?”

“No, thank you. I appreciate it, though.”

With every second that ticked off in my head, I felt
more useless and more of an intrusion. What the hell did I think I was going to
do here? “You know, we don’t have to stay. Alyssa will be fine. She just needed
to see her and get an update.”

“Well, there’s really not much anyone can do now, so…”

I couldn’t take his cold, distant demeanor personally.
It was exactly how I would react. Yet, Daniel had practically forced me to open
up. “Daniel, do you want to go somewhere and talk for a few minutes?
Honestly…it’s why I came. Not only to bring Alyssa.”

“Gray.” He sighed as he shook his head. “I’m doing all
I can to keep it together for my sister.” His eyes went to the door. “That’s my
girl in there. I practically raised her, but I can’t let myself face this right
now and fall apart. So please… let it go.”

“Okay, I understand.” My head bobbed aimlessly while I
thought of something else to say or do. “I’m going to grab some coffee, maybe
check with Rita on my way. Can you let Alyssa know I’ll be back?”

When I returned, the hallway outside Jessie’s room was
empty. Until then, I hadn’t thought about the fact that I was responsible for
Alyssa and a shot of fear went through me. Had she gone to the restroom and
Daniel and Rita had gone inside the room? My head turned from side to side as I
approached. Then, I took one last look back toward the nurses’ desk. I stepped
up to the window and peered in, hoping I wouldn’t have to disturb them to help
me find Alyssa. My breath caught as I quickly inhaled, seeing Alyssa sitting
alone with Jessie. In addition to visitors needing to be family, no one under
eighteen was permitted either.