Conflicted (The Existing Series Book 2) (5 page)

M
y hands went
to my head as I banged it against the door. Too many thoughts raced through my mind with everything that I had to do to get ready to be rid of this place. I won’t even get started on the doctor’s appointment that loomed in the recesses of my mind that I refused to acknowledge. That would have to wait for a different day. For now, I had to focus on Grace. On the move that would put us where we’d be the happiest.

I brought my left hand down and curled my fingers into a fist and hit the door to let out a final bout of anger so I could get the packing started. My fist instantly felt the sting the hard wood left behind.

I hopped up off the floor, bouncing up and down as I moved my arms back and forth to liven me up some. I leaned my neck to the left to alleviate some of the tension that had coiled there. As I was finished up stretching, a knock on the door diverted my attention.

Reluctantly, I walked the short distance to the door and opened it without checking to see who was on the other side. Big mistake on my part. The last person I wanted to see stood outside, shivering against the harsh wind. Part of me wanted to let her freeze just for what she’d done.

“What do you want?” I snarled as I held the door.

“We need to talk.” Her firm voice hung in the air as I waited for more.

“There’s nothing left to discuss. You made your bed. Lie in it.”

I was done.

Beyond done.

I tried shutting the door, but she held her hand out stopping the door from closing all of the way. Apparently, she wasn’t finished.

“I’m serious, Weston. We’ve got some things to discuss. Can I come inside? It won’t take long,” Mackenzie asked as she looked off into the parking lot.

I should slam the door in her face. Make her feel an ounce of the pain that we’ve had to endure for the past few days.

Only I wanted this resolved.

Over.

So Grace and I could move past her deceit.

I moved aside and allowed her to enter what should still be our home. Only soon it would be a new family’s.

She walked over to the couch and sat down. Her leg instantly started to move up and down, showing just how nervous she was to be here. Only I didn’t care how she felt right this second. I didn’t want to let her in. I didn’t want her to be sitting before me. I just wanted her gone. She moved her head down to look at the floor; her hands were in her lap and ringing her fingers back and forth.

“How did we get here, Wes?” she whispered, her voice so low that I almost couldn’t make out what she’d said.

“You tell me, Mackenzie. I knew we weren’t in the best of places, but never in my wildest dreams did I think you’d up and leave.” My voice drifted off and I thought about how I did actually dream it. Dreamt it before it had occurred. I couldn’t contain the slight laugh that escaped at the irony of what I’d just said.

My chuckle caught her attention and she looked in my direction, tilting her head to the side. The questioning look that crossed her features was gone in a flash, like she’d realized she didn’t have that right anymore.

She kept her gaze trained on my face. Her eyes moved back and forth like she was memorizing just how I looked. Which was odd even for her.

“We were so happy when we moved in here. It’s crazy to think that it’s been almost three years since that happened. It doesn’t feel like that long,” she stated, her voice grew weary toward the end and her lip started to tremble. Something wasn’t right, but I was too angry to care. The memory of what Grace had to endure fueled my rage and caused my fists to clench instantly at how she’d clung to me just this morning for fear that I’d leave, too.

She stood and walked over to the wall where all the portraits of the past three years hung. The precious moments that we’d captured of our happy family were scattered in different size frames through the entire length of the wall. She took each and every one in, touching ones that she could reach. I should ask what this was all about. I should care that she seemed upset. But she gave our daughter up. She didn’t have the right to have me care anymore.

“Why are you here?” I demanded. I had to get her out of here. The sight of her made me madder with each passing second.

Her fingertips grazed the length of the frame she was staring at. I knew each picture and its placement like the back of my hand. It was of the day Grace was born. The three of us just mere minutes after she took her first breath. The fact that she was even remotely thinking of our precious miracle pissed me off to no end. She left Grace.

“Where’s Grace?”

“You don’t get to ask me that. It’s none of your business where she is. You lost that right when you walked away,” I all but shouted at her.

“I’m her mother,” she screamed back as she turned around to finally face me. Tears streamed down her face. Part of me wanted to comfort her. The other part wanted to strangle her. But I had to stand firm. I had to defend our daughter even if she couldn’t.

“It’s true that you’re her mother. But you lost the right when you left her.”

“You didn’t give me a choice. You told me to leave,” she shouted, and her hands flew around in the air showing just how frustrated that she’d become. Well, she deserved to be frustrated. She deserved a lot more than that.

“You were arranging to leave. Just tell me, how were you planning on doing it? Just disappearing into the night? Were you going to run with my daughter? Which is it, Mackenzie? How were you preparing to destroy our lives?”

“It wasn’t like that. You don’t understand, and I can’t make you. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t pretend when I felt like I was drowning all the damn time. You resented me, and I couldn’t fake the happiness a moment longer. I wasn’t going to take her from you. I don’t deserve either of you. I never have,” she explained. Only she didn’t explain anything. Her cryptic reasoning only made me want to know exactly what she meant. Exactly why she felt like she didn’t deserve the best thing that had ever happened to us. She’d always adored Grace. I’d never questioned her love for our daughter. Not until now.

“What the hell are you on? You’re not making a lick of sense here. And honestly, I don’t have time for you to sit here and beat around the bush. I have shit to do. I’m going to ask you again, and I want a straight answer. Why the hell are you here?” I had to get her out of here before I did something I’d regret. Said something that I could never take back. I may be angry with her. My rage may be consuming my whole body. However, my conscience would never allow me to forgive myself if I crossed the line and said something that wasn’t true.

She turned back to the wall of memories, and I used that opportunity to really take in the woman that I thought was my forever. She was pale. There was worry written all over her face. She looked like she hadn’t slept all week. There was more to it than she was letting on. I wanted to know. Needed the answers. But once they were spoken, they could never be taken back. Which is why I hadn’t flat out asked why she’d left. She’d always been a horrible liar which is why she could never keep anything from me nor surprise me.

Minutes passed with neither of us uttering a sound. The only motion that was made was her looking through all the pictures. Her back started to shake ever so slightly with each picture that she looked at. She was trying to hide the fact that she was crying.

She moved down the wall to the more recent pictures, stopping at one we’d just added the week before she left. Grace was in her arms. They were both staring at each other while Grace rested her head onto Mackenzie’s. I snapped the picture without either of them even knowing I was in the room. Right before I clicked the button, they both laughed, making the picture even more perfect than the original pose that caused me to want to capture it. I’d added it to the wall and surprised her when she got home that evening. Thinking back, we weren’t perfect, but who is these days? I didn’t want to live here which is what caused our arguments. Other than that, I loved her. Wanted to be with her. Only compromise became our biggest issue when neither of us were willing to budge on what we wanted and where we wanted to go.

The movement of her turning back around caused my thoughts to clear and take her in once again. She was always so put together and polished. Only the woman standing before me was anything but. Tears freely flowed down her ashen cheeks. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach as if something was physically hurting her. Only she stood straight up not willing to show too much weakness. It was who she was. How she handled her pain. Another reason we butted heads all the time. I had to constantly drag her pain out of her instead of her willingly sharing what was wrong with her. We hadn’t started out that way, but it’s where we ended up. We bottled up our pain and held it in until one of us exploded. Not the healthiest way to have a relationship, but somewhere along the way work and our daughter took precedence to our feelings, which caused the most grief of all.

Hesitantly, she started to move toward me. Every cell in my body screamed at me to run, but I was rooted to the spot. My eyes stayed trained on her until she stood right in front of me. My six-feet frame towered over her five-feet-four body, but she didn’t seem frightened. Instead, she squared her shoulders and looked right up at me. Never once stopping the tears that were still flowing heavily down her face. Every so often she’d hiccup and take a deep breath to hold in the amount of pain she was actually going through. With each tear that streaked her face, my heart softened a fraction more. I was still pissed beyond belief, but seeing her in pain broke my heart. I’d never forgive her for this past week, but I couldn’t pretend to be heartless anymore.

Without even thinking, I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her slender frame. The moment her head hit my chest, she broke down. Full-fledged sobs broke free which caused her knees to buckle. Only I wouldn’t let her fall no matter how mad I was. She needed this at the moment and apparently, she needed it from me.

I moved us over to the couch and sat us both down without breaking our connection. She lifted her feet to lay them across the couch, but never once did her head leave my chest. I held her tighter and ran my fingers across her scalp the way that I knew calmed her down, only this just caused her to break down more. I never wavered in my touch, I just continued to let her get the emotions out while I tried to soothe her pain. No matter what we were going through, I’d been with this woman since I was a sophomore in high school. Even though I wanted to hate her, she was the mother of my child. I knew I was contradicting myself, but I still loved her. I still cared for her. Love never disappears, it just fades. Our love may have faded over time, but that’s because we let it. We stopped caring about the relationship and settled into our routine. Instead of getting stronger over time, we allowed our love to wither away, choosing comfort and familiarity instead of fighting to keep our love alive.

There was no coming back from this and the thought tore my heart to shreds. I’d loved her for most of my life. For the past ten years she’d been mine, and now we were nothing more than two broken people floating through life.

Her sobs were almost non-existent at this point, but I continued to rub her scalp gently until they ceased. She raised her head off my chest moments later, but she didn’t look at me until she wiped her tears away with both hands.

Once she was done, she finally looked up at me. The emptiness in her eyes caused my chest to tighten because they used to be so full of life. Something had drained the life right out of her. I needed the answers she held off in giving me. The not knowing caused my head to pound and my anger to start to drift to the surface again. She was stalling for a reason, only I couldn’t handle it any longer.

“Why are you here, Mackenzie?” I demanded, refusing to hear anything other than her reasoning behind her presence in the one place I didn’t want her to be.

She peered over at me and opened her mouth only to close it just as fast as she opened it. If she didn’t answer me soon, I’d snap. I wasn’t going to play this drag it out of her game. Not tonight.

She reached into the purse that sat on the floor, the one I didn’t even see her bring in and sit down, and pulled out a manila envelope. She looked down at the envelope and caressed it with one hand almost as if she was scared with the contents, then handed it over to me. Reluctantly, I took it from her almost too afraid to find out what it held.

“What’s this?” I asked without even bothering to open it. I didn’t want to play games with her any longer. I wanted her to tell me what the hell was going on. Give me answers that I deserved.

“It contains legal documents for you to look over and sign. The gist of what it states is that I am fully relinquishing my parental rights to Grace and handing you sole custody of our daughter,” she revealed, and just when the last word left her mouth, she bit her trembling lip as more tears escaped.

What the ever loving hell was going on here?

This wasn’t the woman I knew. There was no way in hell I’d ever think she’d leave let alone sign her rights away.

“You’re giving our daughter up?” I choked out, refusing to believe what I just heard. It was different when I just thought she was leaving. Part of me always thought she’d return when she got her head on straight. The legality of what the manila envelope that felt like it was burning my hand contained made this situation even more confusing and painful than I’d ever thought possible.

“I have to do this. I know you don’t understand, but you will someday. One day when I have the courage to tell you the full story. It’s not about loving her or you. I’ve loved you since we were teenagers. That’s never wavered. I’ve loved her ever since I knew she was growing beneath my heart. Even more so when I heard her first cry. But I have to go,” she revealed, causing tears of my own to well up in my eyes.

She was right; I didn’t understand, but from the looks of things I wouldn’t any time soon.

“Once you sign the documents, there are instructions in the envelope on how to return them to my lawyer. He’ll file them with the court system. We’ll have to go in front of the judge to make it official and then it will be finalized,” she explained. The more she spoke of what would occur, the more her voice wavered and trembled with the amount of emotion she held inside.