Conservative Affairs (25 page)

I’m sorry.

It was the only reply Jo had. She truly was sorry—not for being a lesbian, not even for sleeping with Madeline, if she were to be honest. But she was sorry that it had jeopardized all of their work, all of their jobs. Sorry that it had come to this.

These were talented people, though. They would all go out and find new jobs. They would not be damaged by Jo and Madeline’s actions. They would be known as former Stratton employees, yes. But they could truthfully say they hadn’t known, hadn’t had a part in anything that had happened. Not that she and Madeline had broken any laws, no just ones anyway. Whatever they needed from her, she would give. She would put it in writing and sign in blood if that’s what was needed.

Jo put her head in her hands, wanting more than ever before to simply disappear. She thought for some reason of those Southwest Airlines commercials. The ones that said, “Wanna get away?” at the end. Right now, her life could be turned into one of those commercials. Jo would lay money that no one in their right mind would want to change places with her right now.

Finally Jacquelyn arrived. Ian cleared his throat, breaking the silence in the room.

“Thank you all for coming tonight on such short notice,” he said.

Jo looked around the room. His greeting was really not necessary in this setting. He and the others looked shaken and on edge. Their faces suggested they already knew the truth or thought they did. How they knew, Jo was not sure, but it was clear they knew something.

Ian continued, “Mayor Stratton, Jo, this is our second meeting of this nature today. Jacquelyn, Gabe and I had one earlier. We understand you have something that you need to bring to our attention now. So, I will let either of you—or both of you—speak. Then we can discuss what action needs to be taken.”

Jo glanced at Madeline, who simply nodded.

“Okay,” Jo said, her voice shaking as much as the rest of her body. “I guess I will be the one to fill you in.” She tried to remember to breathe. “I want to start by offering everyone in this room an apology.”

She turned to look each of them in the eye. Gabe stared right through her. Jacquelyn’s look could have killed, and Ian sat stone-cold at the end of the table.

She swallowed. “I apologize for my hesitation too, but…there’s no easy way to jump into this. What I need to say is that I’m…a…lesbian.” The sentence was the hardest one she had ever had to string together.

“I’m a lesbian,” she had to repeat it aloud to confirm to herself that she had just publicly admitted it for the first time. “And though I am not really sure how or why…things have happened between Mayor Stratton and me.”

“What kind of things?” Jacquelyn demanded.

Jo glanced toward Madeline for help, but she was staring at the ceiling again. Jo let out a sigh. She was on her own here.

“We slept together,” she admitted. “We didn’t do it before she filed for divorce, and we did our best to keep it from public attention, but the truth is, we slept together.”

Gabe looked like he might cry. Jo could not bear to look at him. In addition to driving his job into the ground, she had crushed his heart.

“Why are you bringing this to our attention now?” Ian asked.

Jo and Madeline had rehearsed what she would tell them, but even so she felt as though she were betraying Madeline’s confidence. “I wasn’t her first,” Jo said softly.

“We need the whole story, Jo,” Ian prompted impatiently.

“Natalie Longworth,” Jo said. “You all will remember the name. She was the woman John Stratton was caught with and photographed with. She was the woman who started this whole mess. She was also Mayor Stratton’s roommate in college.”

Jo hated talking about Madeline as though she was not in the room, but she had little choice, given Madeline’s sudden aversion to speaking with staff.

“They were lovers in college. Natalie is now threatening to tell the press about her and Mayor Stratton—and about what she assumes happened between Mayor Stratton and me,” Jo finished. She hung her head at the admission, wanting desperately to crawl back into the hole where no one knew her secrets.

No one spoke, and the silence threatened to swallow Jo whole.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, wanting to cry.

“Don’t apologize.” Madeline spoke with such strength that Jo did a double take.

Was this the same woman who had sat motionless through her entire confession? Was she now jumping to Jo’s rescue?

Jo met Madeline’s gaze and saw a new fire burning within her eyes.

“I want to say to all of you as well that I’m sorry who I am was not who I always appeared to be. I was not straightforward with you all, and I am the one who owes the apology.” Madeline took a deep breath. “What Jo has said to you all is true, and it took great courage for her to take that step tonight.”

Suddenly Madeline was not some weak victim. She was the mayor again—the strong, confident boss who had led them all thus far—and she was making her power known. Jo felt a tingle of relief go through her body. She would not have to face this fight alone.

“I think you all owe Jo some respect,” Madeline added. “To be sure, our actions have not been the most admirable. In fact, they were wrong—not because we are both women, but because of my position and because of the effect that they will have on the work that we have been doing. I apologize for trying to keep this out of the public eye, but I will not apologize for sleeping with a woman. That part of our relationship is not wrong, and neither was my relationship with Natalie Longworth.”

The silence lasted for only a few seconds. This time it was Gabe who broke it.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Jo?”

“Which part was I supposed to tell you?” Jo asked.

“That you’re a lesbian. I think that you know you could have trusted us.” Gabe appeared genuinely to be hurt, but his words made no sense to Jo given the tacit warning he’d given her when he’d told her about his brother. He seemed to realize at the same time that he might be on shaky ground with his comment. A look of fear flashed across his face as she began to answer him.

“Gabe,” she said carefully, “I think it is unfair that I should have to disclose to my colleagues who I choose to sleep with. You are not required to go around telling everyone that you like to sleep with women. Nor are you required to disclose information about
acquaintances
of yours who date individuals of the same gender. Why should I—or anyone else for that matter—be held to a different standard?”

The question obviously hit its target. Perhaps what they all needed was a little bit of perspective.

“How would you like it?” she asked, turning to Jacquelyn and Ian. “What would you do if your decision to follow your heart made you a criminal in the eyes of your co-workers?”

Ian shook his head. “It is not the same thing, Jo.”

“What do you mean it isn’t the same?” Jo asked.

Ian was normally calm and collected, and his level-headedness made him a great manager. But now, suddenly, he was transformed. He was enraged.

“I have a wife,” he bellowed. “Because that is how it is supposed to be. I am a man, and she is a woman. That is how it is supposed to be. You don’t get to decide on a case-by-case basis, and you do not get to change the rules.” He shot an angry look at Jo and then turned to Madeline. “What the hell were you thinking to engage in such depraved and unnatural behavior?” he demanded of her.

“Ian,” Madeline said calmly but with authority, “I do not demand much, but I demand that you drop the homophobia. We have stated clearly that we know what we did was inappropriate, and we are prepared to deal with the consequences. You will show respect to Jo and me both as people and as lesbians.”

At her use of the word “lesbian,” Jacquelyn and Ian sat up straight in their chairs looking as if someone had doused them with ice water. The word struck a chord within Jo. She smiled, noting it as the first time Madeline had identified herself so clearly. At the table, Gabe remained motionless, defeated.

“You may disapprove of us, you can fault us for our affair—but be civil, all of you,” Madeline continued with unparalleled confidence. “Am I understood?” As she asked the question, she made a point of surveying each individual face.

Gabe nodded and Jacquelyn looked away.

Ian continued to fume in the corner. “I am not going to sit here and listen to the two of you explain this away. You may be my boss, but I will not stand by while you say that you have done nothing wrong by sleeping with another woman. We are
not
going say that to the media, to the public or to the rest of the staff.”

“And just what do you expect me to tell everyone then?” Madeline asked. “Remember when you answer that you are not only impacting me and my career, my life and my future, but you are impacting the career, life and future of this promising young woman.” She pointed to Jo.

“She forfeited a say in the matter the minute she came to work for you,” Ian said. “It is all a part of the job. We accept that when we come to work for a public official. Anything you say or do can be called into question. When it does, we each have to step up and ‘take one for the team.’”

He pointed at Jacquelyn. “If something you were quoted as saying in a press release went terribly wrong, if we took a position on something and the ‘facts’ we based it on turned out to be incorrect, she would take the fall for you. Plagiarism, faulty statements, a spelling error, being misquoted—any of that and she would be the public scapegoat. It comes with the territory.”

He pointed at Gabe. “If you miss a meeting, he takes the fall. If you decide not to take part in a charity, an event or a committed engagement, he shoulders the responsibility and says it was his error. The public cannot be upset with you for missing anything, so he takes all the heat.”

“Additionally,” Ian continued, “if one of them—if any staff member—is caught doing anything inappropriate while working for you, they take the heat. They know that they represent you wherever they go. And that when someone on staff is caught doing something that will garner negative press, they are likely to be asked to leave.”

“I know that, and I am grateful to all of you for your service,” Madeline said, looking at each of them. “Truthfully, I am. And while I am ashamed of the timing of matters and the fact that they occurred when I was her boss, you have to take her behavior into consideration as well.”

Jo could feel all eyes turn to her. “It’s okay. I’m prepared to come to terms with whatever the fallout may be,” she said. “I don’t deserve any special treatment in this matter.”

“No, you sure as hell don’t,” Ian said, turning to face Jo. “You see, we have protocols for this sort of thing.”

“The gay sort of thing?” Jo asked, trying to alleviate some of the tension, but also needing to seriously ask the question.

“No,” Ian answered. “The sort of thing where you are going to give this office a bad name. When you do that, there are repercussions.”

“Let me guess,” Jo cut him off. “I’m fired. Is that it?” She emitted a tired sigh. “Ian, I resigned this morning, remember?”

Ian nodded curtly. “I guess that’s right. You’re no longer a Stratton employee—not that it means much anymore—but it does mean that you are dismissed from this meeting.”

She stood, positive that this was no longer worth the fight.

“Well, then, thank you all for the opportunity to work here. I have learned a lot and enjoyed my time with you. Again, I extend my apologies to you all.”

Jacquelyn appeared relieved that Jo was leaving. Gabe’s expression was torn. There was a part of him, obviously, that was deeply hurt by Jo’s confessions tonight and another part that still cared for her. She hoped they could stay in touch after this storm blew over and life went on—in whatever direction it might go for Jo.

Ian cleared his throat. “That’ll be all now, Jo.”

“Goodbye then.” He waved a hand at her, signaling her to leave.

As she walked past Madeline, she leaned down. “I will be waiting in the car.”

To her surprise, Madeline reached up and wrapped her arms around Jo’s neck, pulling her closer. Right there, in front of her senior staff, Madeline kissed Jo deeply and passionately.

Jo pulled away after a second, but Madeline added a small peck on the lips to finish off the kiss. “I will be out in a little while,” she said as Jo walked out of the room.

Standing in the hallway, Jo savored the rush of having kissed Madeline that publicly.

“That is what you are condemning. Do you understand that?” Jo heard Madeline’s voice boom. “I care about Josephine Carson, and here you are, shutting her out for returning those feelings.”

Jo fought the urge to stay and listen. She had no idea what she was going to do with her future. She had been kicked to the curb, was without a job and was now a step closer to being publicly out once and for all. Very soon everyone—her parents and sisters and most of those living in this part of the nation—would know that she was a lesbian.

The fact that her family would know made her heart pound. She had decided to tell them eventually, but she hadn’t been prepared for it to occur almost immediately. Everything she had worked so hard to hide from them her entire life was going to come avalanching out of the closet in a very real, very public fashion. She walked to the car, trying to envision what that was going to be like. Somehow she knew it was going to be exponentially more difficult than anything she was imagining.

Chapter Twenty-Five

The fluorescent lights in the conference room hummed, and a cell phone made a muffled vibrating sound under the table. Other than that, everything was silent.

Madeline sat proud and tall, ignoring the judgments being shot at her from every corner of the room. It wasn’t easy. With every passing minute, this day felt more and more like one of the Salem witch trials. At one point in history, she recalled, they had publicly dunked women thought to be witches. If they survived, they were said to be witches. If they didn’t, well, then that was just their bad luck.

That was how today felt. If you are thought to be a lesbian, you will be put out of office. If you really are a lesbian, you are condemned to live a “life of sin.” If you’re not, well, sorry about that—you’re still out of office.