Consume Me (A Burning Desire Novel) (41 page)

I wasn't aware that anyone else was in the
apartment until I’d heard an unfamiliar sound coming from outside my room. I
was so taken by my fear and confusion that I hadn't been alert to what had been
happening around me.

I walked outside the room on shaky legs;
my mind had disintegrated from my body; or was it the other way around.

I found Caden pacing through the living
space; I froze. He was naked from the waist up; his expression was one of pure
annihilation and fury.

I'd never seen him like that and it scared
the hell out of me. I wanted to run away from there, from the whole world.

The man I loved tried to rape me.

The thought made my insides claw at each
other to the point of hurting.

It was only when I had enough courage in
me to walk towards him to ask him to leave and never show his face again that I
realized that he was mumbling rapidly and unclearly.

"No, no, no, no, no...."

He kept going on and on and.

My first thought was that he was panicked
about what he did, that he regretted it, that he was drunk and had been taken
by the moment.

I took notice of something behind the
couch; I squinted and winced to the pain to the back of my head. I was trying
to assess what was.

It was a hand.

I peeked further and saw a woman's face. I
thought I was hallucinating, and looked at his face shaken and confused.

His eyes were cold and fearless; there was
a scary sparkle in them. In addition to something, I couldn't understand. He fixed
me for a while, and then took a deep calming breath.

"This is your fault."

He'd said moving back, revealing the rest
of a woman's body lain on my carpet in the biggest flake of blood I'd ever
seen.

My heart pounded violently, it was literally
trying to push out of my throat, by breath hitched and I was barely standing.

"Who is she? Is she ...”

I couldn't say the words.

He looked at me, his face nude of any
compassion.

"It's my wife."

My wife, my wife, my wife...

It kept echoing in my head as if the word
was unfamiliar to my vocabulary.

"Your wi..."

How was it possible?

It took
me a moment to assert that no matter who she was, she needed immediate
attention. I ran to the bathroom and picked up something strong and some towels
then grabbed my phone and ran back to her.

I had no idea what I could possibly do;
I'd little knowledge about any first aid or CPR. The only things I remembered,
I'd learned from some mandatory courses I’d attended during my first year in
college. I kneeled in front of her. I couldn't detect where the blood was
coming from, and there were so much of it. I thought she might've been bleeding
from everywhere.

"What'd you do?"

I yelled looking at the man I barely knew.

"It's your fault..."

Caden kept on repeating.

I kneeled closer to see if she was
breathing; it was slow but definitely existent. I put towels all over the blood
then sprayed one with lots of perfume and brought it to her nose.

"Wake up, wake up, please wake
up."

It took what seemed like the longest minutes
in my life, but she eventually coughed in the piece of fabric and I let out a
breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

I didn't wait any longer to call 911, and
give them my address.

I'd no way to explain to them what had
happened to her and Caden was frozen, staring at the blood.

"My baby."

Caden's wife finally breathed out trying
to stand.

I stopped her from moving as I'd been
instructed by the woman on the other side of the line.

"Get away from me."

She stuttered.

Her eyes were full of blame and hatred,
aimed at me like daggers through my core. I wasn't in any state to explain,
apologize, or say whatever I needed to do and say.

Caden didn't move an inch to try to attend
to her; I was speechless and thankful for being strong enough to remain calm.

I heard a key turning in the doorknob and
Ryan's laughter echoed through the apartment.

I rose to my knees, even more thankful to
have him and Jude home.

"What the fuck."

Jude yelled and ran to me the second I
fell into his sight.

"Oh my god."

Ryan followed him next to me.

"What the fuck happened here? Who is
this?"

Jude screamed at Caden pointing to the
general direction of the room and Caden's wife.

He had the nerves to look at him with
disgust; the man seemed to be blaming everyone but himself

"It’s his wife, I don't know what
happened. I called 911."

It was all I could manage to say before I
lost all ability to talk or move.

My head pounded; my eyelids got heavy and
my whole body numb.

The voices became mere humming in the back
of my head and my vision darkened

I felt
a hand caressing my hair gently and nudging me lightly into a fuzzy state of
wakefulness. I steadied myself slowly on the stool and felt Ryan's hand stroking
me. I blinked in surprise; I didn't realize I'd been sleeping.

I turned to Ryan.

His expression had changed, but I couldn't
fathom it either.

"Where's Eve? Is Jude okay?"

I panicked when I didn't see Evelyn.

"Shush Boo, look over there."

He gestured behind me, and through the
glass to the police station entrance.

I turned, not knowing what I should've
apprehended.

In front of the door, I could barely
distinguish Evelyn's face; but recognized her peplum dress; she was standing
with three men and a police officer.

It took me a moment to realize that one of
the men was Landon. Since I had his jacket, he was standing in his dress shirt.

I stood on shaky legs; the new heels were
hurting me, so I took them off and run to the door.

"Don't do that boo, you could hurt
yourself."

Ryan chased after me.

I quickened my pace towards the station. I
stumbled into a car. I was still unfocused, my thoughts incoherent.

It felt like that night, with Caden
happened seconds ago.

He could still hurt me. He could still
scare me.

The realization in itself felt like a
violent stab.

Ryan's hand grabbed mine as we crossed the
street and he steadied my pace with his.

Landon and the other person were still
talking with Evelyn.

"Oh thank heavens."

Ryan breathed out. I raised my head back
up and followed his gaze; Jude was the one standing behind the officer.

All the worry and burdening feeling left
me and I climbed the stairs running towards him, and buried my face in his
chest.

At that
moment, I felt like no one understood what I'd been feeling, except for him.

Jude was the only man in my life that
truly understood me. We've been through so much together, and he never let me
down.

Tears of relief prickled my eyes. It had
been the scariest hours of my life. I wouldn't take a guess at how much time
had passed, but it felt like the longest wait in my entire life.

It took
me to another time, another period of our lives.

Jude had faced many problems before,
especially back in France. Admittedly, he was a troubled adolescent, angry at
the world and the injustice he had been through. However, over the years,
things had changed. He'd learned to focus on important things, started
visualizing a brighter future for himself, and worked hard to claim his
success. He never pushed people, but rather pushed himself, and I always
admired him for that.

That was why, I was horrified by the idea
that anything could happen to him, even more, than I would've been for myself.

He wrapped his arms around me in a
bone-melting embrace. He needed it too. I could feel it; no one could ever
understand him as much as I did either.

I still had no idea what happened between
him and Caden, but I was certain that he was pushed beyond his limits, and his
embrace confirmed my thoughts. I returned his hug, hoping that the bit of
strength I had left was enough for him to comprehend that I was right there
with him and that I loved him more than anything in the world.

"Thank you, I have no idea how this
happened, but you have my eternal gratitude."

Ryan's tone showed that he meant his
words.

I didn't hear an answer, but I was
suddenly aware of something powerful hanging in the air around me.

It was something revealing, yet I couldn't
explain it.

I wanted to keep still in Jude's arms. He was
silent, didn't say any word, but his silence was self-explanatory to me. I
stroke his back and pressed myself against him one last time before letting go.

When I raised my eyes to his level, I saw
something I hadn't expect to see.

When I
took the decision to let Landon take care of his situation, I knew I'd get
myself into trouble so I expected a certain level of anger, but I knew he'd
understand eventually. Instead, I found immediate relief and a level of
comprehension I would've never pretended to expect.

I brushed the disturbance I felt at the
revelation. I didn't want to read too much into it, I had a feeling it had
something to do with Landon, and since I was prepared to lose him, I put it on
hold until I get a chance to apologize and thank him.

Which were probably the last things I'll
do with the man I'd irrevocably and totally fell in love with.

As soon as I let go of my friend, his
partner threw himself at him.

Ryan kept a good attitude about the whole
situation. He'd only heard stories about Jude's youth and used to joke about
'the meditation-guru' and the unlikelihood that he had any violent fiber in his
body.

So witnessing the whole situation had to
be shocking to him.

I stood next to Evelyn. The looks I got
from the others told me that I offered an interesting spectacle around me
tonight.

The thought abhorred me. 

I avoided Landon's gaze. I knew that if I
looked at him, I'd lose what was left of my density. I had no idea what he
thought about the whole situation and couldn't bring myself to look at him and
see any signs of disdain or disappointment.

I had to remain calm and accept that I'd
lost the man I gave myself to, body, and soul.

It was
only at that moment had I realized that I was prepared for this ever since the
day I'd met him. I destroyed a family and now I was reaping the repercussions
of my actions.

"Well, I must say it."

The little Asian lawyer broke the awkward
silence and we all turned our attention to him.

He was addressing Landon, who was hovering
more than a few inches over him.

God, he was so beautiful.

"I've heard bits of tales about your
way around the law. Witnessing it is a whole other story Mr. Davis."

Landon nodded. I only took a quick glance.
His eyes were watching me intently. It sent shivers through my body. I hugged
his jacket around me and looked at my naked feet against the ground.

"It will be refreshing to have a
shark in the small, lawyer pond that is this city.”

The other man continued without receiving
any attention from Landon.

"It will be nothing short of an
adventure."

Evelyn announced.

I wasn't sure what they were talking
about; I was tired and couldn't understand any of their talks. I felt a buzzing
next to my hip. I took my phone out of my clutch. It was my mother.

"Let's
go."

Landon addressed the general presence, but
I could feel his eyes on me. My heart felt heavy.

That was it.

I’ll thank him and say my goodbyes to him.

When I gathered my courage to talk, he
silently gestured for me to stand next to him.

I conceded and moved to his side.

"Calvin will drive you back to my
house."

He said to Jude and the others, grabbing
the small of my back.

"Clea and I will join you
shortly."

His voice was stern and his words were
terse.

It was my commandeering lover.

"I'll just be at the hotel, we need
to get there early."

Evelyn squeezed his hand and gave me a
gaze I couldn't discern.

It felt compassionate.

He just nodded again.

We said our goodbyes to the others and
walked back to his car.

We've
been circling around the city for an hour. Landon didn't say a word after he’d
admonished my naked feet and the possibility of getting hurt stepping on
something.

I didn't know what to say, where to start.

So I kept silent..

I didn’t see the point in wasting so much time;
he didn’t speak to me, nor looked at me for that matter. I was a ball of
tension and anxiety; I wanted him to say something; anything.

But all I got was endless sighs and
clenched jaw.

Every time he took a breath in, I thought
he was going to finally talk, my heart stopped each time.

I was scared to say anything.

What would I say?

I dated my professor; he was married and
had a child on the way. His wife found out about us, came to confront him, and
had a miscarriage.

He knew all that already.

But why wasn’t he speaking?

In truth I was a little relived, despite
my brooding state; I could use the delay and contemplate what was going to
happen next.

It hurt me to think that I won’t see him
again, that he’d never get to know how I felt about him, that I’d never wake up
in his warm arms wrapped around me.

Landon knew; he knew I was a home-wrecker.

That was what I was called around my old
campus. When I’d filed the restraining order against Caden, it went public. The
school had him suspended and reviewed my grades with other professors. I still
had the same notations but had to face some sanctions.

It wasn’t bad for me; I’d aced all my
exams and had one of the highest GPA’s in a renowned school. Caden on the other
hand, he’d been put in a very delicate position.

They suspended him for the rest of the
semester; and with the charges, I’d filed against him; it got worse and they
fired him.

He still managed to get a professor
position at another school; they’d been begging him to join them, and since I’d
dropped the charges by then; the restraining order was the only thing that
remained and it wasn’t public.

I graduated in absentia; especially when
I’d been encouraged to drop the valedictorian speech from the school
administration.

It had been hard to face any of my friends
on Campus; other than Mia and Faith. All the other girls had been stabbing me
with dirty looks and gossip.

It’d started before the exams; I couldn’t
bear to stay inside the apartment; spent some nights at Mia’s place then moved
back to the boy’s room during exam week.

After my last day; I took the first plane
and head to visit my brother.

Caden didn’t budge; he still called me and
sent texts and e-mails. At first, they were cutting and hurtful; he’d called me
all sorts of things.

Then the emails got apologetic and he
begged me to meet him.

After that, I’d stopped reading them
altogether.

It got better with time; and with all the
travels and distractions, I stopped thinking about him. At first, I couldn’t
even sleep without freaking out. I’d had nightmares about that night, the
violence, the despiteful look in his eyes, his wife bathing in her blood. I’d
wake up in the middle of the night sweating, and unable to breathe.

Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered
all the mockery and insults I’d gotten from people; and it build my guilt.

It took me a while to make peace with it;
I’d accepted what I’d done and tried my best to move on.

I was
finally happy; I’d met Landon and fell in love without even realizing it. I gave
myself to him, my body, and my heart. I was scared; it was an indelible
feeling. I was afraid that I wasn’t good enough for him.

I knew I wasn’t
.

I didn’t deserve such an amazing man.
Especially after I’d broken a family; if she didn’t get to be happy again, I
didn’t deserve to be either.