Consume Me (A Burning Desire Novel) (40 page)

I couldn't hold the tears anymore, I'd no
idea what might happen to Jude, or how Landon will react when I tell him about
Caden. I blamed myself for everything that happened, and cursed the day I was
born.

I haven't been this happy for a long time,
and when I finally embraced it, everything seemed to be crashing down on me.

It felt like I was collecting on someone
else's bad karma, because I did believe in such things.

I've never committed any unforgivable
deed, at least not that I can remember. But that might be only my opinion.
Either way, I was collecting, big time.

"I don't know what is happening, and
I'm not in the habit of being unaware of what is happening around me, but I'm
not going to ask until I make sure that Jude is alright and so are you."

Landon spoke soothingly, but I could feel
he was upset about the whole situation.

"Just know that I'm here, and I'm not
going anywhere, anytime."

I sniffed my tears and mumbled a thank you
convinced that his statement wouldn’t last once he learned the truth.

We walked out of the elevator and as soon
as we turned; I saw Ryan shifting through the hallway like a crazy person
and Evelyn sitting on a bench.

As soon as Ryan saw me, he ran to me and
took me in his arms and I burst into tears again.

Landon gave us privacy and walked to
Evelyn. I calmed my hitched breathing and swiped my tears.

“I'm so sorry Clea, Are you alright?”

Ryan had always been the most unselfish
person I've known; it suited neither his career nor his past friendship and
relationship experiences.

There we were, in the middle of a police
station, his boyfriend arrested and he was worried about me, like I was the one
facing charges.

"Don't worry; just tell me what
happened and why Evelyn isn't with Jude?"

He glanced around us with a worried look
then spoke close to me

"He doesn't want her to know anything
about Caden or what happened, so he asked for another one."

He explained.

I simply couldn't believe what was
happening. How could he possibly do that? Refuse a good representation to
protect something I didn't care about protecting any longer.

I needed him to get out, and right then, I
knew who might be his best chance.

"That's ridiculous, I need to see
him."

I brushed him off and walked to the end of
the hall where Landon and Evelyn were standing with a middle-aged Asian man.

“Clea" Landon extended his hand to
me.

"This is Mr. Ling; he was assigned to
represent Jude."

I looked at the man, then between him and
Landon. 

I extended my hand to him and managed a
smile

"Tell me Mr. Ling, do you believe you
can get him to sleep in his bed tonight?"

The man looked at me as if I’d asked him
if he would be able to climb Everest in two hours. I soon had my answer.

"I don't know all the facts; I have
to talk to the client. But they say its assault, and there were witnesses, so
it might take longer than tonight."

I nodded my understanding then turned to
the other two

"What about you guys? Can you do
something about it?"

"Boo, you can't."

Ryan interrupted again.

I waved my hand at him, asking him to let
me take care of it; it was difficult enough for me.

Landon and Evelyn exchanged knowing looks
and he brought his hands around me answering my question.

"Good."

I held back the tears and turned to
Landon.

"Go in there, tell Jude he can tell
you everything about Caden Blye, and get him back to us."

I grasped Ryan's hand.

"Tonight Landon; I beg of you."

He gave me a chaste kiss and excused
himself. I watched him go inside the room and tried to peek at Jude.

"We shouldn't stay here." Evelyn
announced gesturing for us to walk away. We didn't budge;
I wasn't going
anywhere, any soon.

She brought her hand on mine with a kindly
smile on her face.

"Let Landon do his thing in order for
your friend to be home safe and let's go have some tea."

"Let's go Boo."

Ryan agreed.

We made our way back outside in silence.
Every time I looked in Ryan's direction, I could read the worry across his
features. He was nervous, about Jude, but I could tell that he was also worried
about me with each glance he took in my direction.

We walked to the nearest coffee shop. I
was still holding on Landon's jacket. Printing his scent in my memory; drinking
it in. I sat on a stool facing a window; I could glance out and see the police
station entrance door from where I sat.

The place wasn't crowded, it was a little
past midnight, and a group of college kids was chatting loudly and another
couple sitting at a cornered table.

Evelyn sat next to me and got busy on her
blackberry. I was thankful for her comprehensive attitude. She'd been kind
tonight, and I made a mental note to myself to thank her later.

I was too overwhelmed obsessing about what
Jude might be telling Landon. Ryan handed me a hot cup of tea and squeezed me
in a hug from behind.

I took a sip of the blueberry flavored
liquid and settled myself in its warmth.

I could tell everything Ryan wanted to
say; by the way he looked uneasily at me. He wasn't sure if I made the right
decision by letting Landon know the truth from Jude; and neither was I.

But the present circumstances gave me no
other choice.

I settled my head on folded arms and
closed my eyes to stop the tears from ascending and maybe manage to relax.

Jude would've sacrificed himself for me
and accept a petty representation for my sake, so there was no doubt that I
made a worthy sacrifice.

Maybe he'd understand and won't judge
me... Maybe he'll stay.

I hoped that he would with every fiber of
my being, but he was listening to my story, the one I was most ashamed of, the
one I couldn't bring myself to tell him about.

In my tired state, I was taken back to
that night.

******

I'd
waited for Caden for hours past what we'd agreed to.

The candles had burned out and the smell of
chocolate had worn out. He was unreachable on his cell and I started to get
worried. 

Sometime close to eleven, I buzzed him
upstairs, and got rid of my sad face. I was resigned to spend an agreeable
night. Once past the door he'd taken me in an embrace and had apologized
explaining that he had to take his sister back to Long Island.

He smelled of alcohol and cigarettes; He
went straight to the bathroom and took a shower.

When he came back to have dinner; he'd
barely touched his plate before he’d said that he was full and would rather
move to the cake.

I'd thought he might've had dinner with
his sister and didn't want to disappoint me by refusing to eat all together.

We went to the living room where I had a
nice ambiance prepared for us. I put all of the thirty-three candles on the
cake and made him make a wish.

We ate, drank, and danced like a normal
couple in love with each other. I'd been relaxed and happy, especially after I
saw his appreciative face when I’d given him the bow tie.

It felt better than I’d anticipated. Well
at least at first; Caden had been very distant and precarious for a while. I’d
been scared to lose him and that was the main reason I’d convinced myself that
it might’ve been time for us to move to the next level.

Admittedly, he’d been very patient with
me. He still had his moments; whenever I backed away from any intensifying
moment between us, he’d get frustrated and call me a prude or a teasing tart.

It was his way of insulting me, without
actually doing it; but as soon as he’d calm down, he’d apologize.

He’d promised to take me to have dinner
with his mother and sister. I’d never met them, only his brother and sister in
law.

I’d insisted on being discreet to avoid
any entanglements with college administrations; he didn’t mind.

I was stressing out; not completely ready
for it.

But pushed it out of my head and resigned
myself to do it.

When he levered himself on top of me, and
started kissing me, my courage was still nowhere to be found to let me unleash
myself and let go.
I was tense.
He
kissed me repeatedly trying to make me respond with a little passion.

I usually did, when we kissed, but I had a
curious feeling in my gut that kept holding me back, no matter how much I loved
him.

He stopped for a moment, only to take me
to my room in his arms. The gesture should've made me eager, yet I'd felt empty
and even more hesitant.

"I can walk."

I'd said smiling weakly at his face.

"I know you can Kitten, but I'd
rather carry you."

"Okay, just let me get in the
bathroom for a second."

I'd asked gently.

"No need, you're perfect."

He ignored me and pushed through the door,
settled himself and me on the bed.

He'd crawled onto the bed and started
kissing me again.

I'd relaxed and kissed him back until I
wrapped my arms around him and my brain around the idea.

His kisses were passionless, just hungry,
like a savage. He didn't care how I responded. He took of his tie and
unbuttoned his shirt.

"Touch me."

He'd said and I'd conceded.

He brought his hand to my breast and
violently stretched the hem of my dress to reveal my bra. I wasn't feeling good
about it. I wasn't a prude, I just didn't like the way he did it.

I'd grew uncomfortable, almost
suffocating.

" Wait, Caden, stop."

I'd breathed out, suffocating.

He didn't.

"I'm tired of waiting, just let go
Kitten."

He said nibbling my neck down my breasts.

He sounded serious, yet I didn't stop
shuffling under his hold. I wanted to breath, to get out of the room and the
house altogether.

I pushed him away, but he was way stronger
than I was, he didn't move an inch.

"Please Caden, I don’t think I’m
ready, I can't breathe."

I was pleading past the chocking I was
feeling. I wasn't ready.

He slammed my mouth bluntly and silenced
my complaints.

I felt like I was out of oxygen through my
whole body, unable to breathe or shout.

I stilled for a beat, gathering enough
force to fight him off.

Everything went blank, I could only hear
his echoed voice in my mind, calling me things he never did and forcing himself
onto me.

“Come on you little tease.”

It lasted for several minutes.

Caden thrust his hand between us and
shoved it down my pants and it was all it took to push him off me with
everything I had in me.

I'd been fueled by pain and anger. My fear
of him was my most valued source of strength.

Images of him shredding through my
intimacy, my body, my heart, flashed between my eyes.

It was so surreal, so much so, that I lost
consciousness for a while.  

Creasing
sounds reasoned in the back of my mind; the next minute it was a pounding
sensation that felt so loud and hurting that it took me a while to get back any
awareness of my surroundings.

At first; I thought that the whole thing
must've been a nightmare; Caden was nowhere in the room. I'd been laid on the
floor.

I blinked ruefully and pushed on heavy
feet. Once I gathered all my senses, I realized that I hit my head on my
nightstand. I brought my hand to the back of my head, it was tingly, and it
hurt like hell; a mixture of burning and cutting, it was damp.

I'd been bleeding.

Tears started streaming endlessly. I was
sad, furious, and confused all at once.

I couldn't believe Caden would do that to
me.

Do what exactly? How long had I been out?

I was taken by a fearful thought, did
he...?

I couldn't hold my tears, yet I didn't
feel different. Other than my head wound; everything else felt as normal as it
could be giving the situation.

There was little damage to my dress and my
underwear was intact.

I'd started praying eagerly, thankful that
he'd gained some sense and stopped before it was too late.