Courage in the Kiss (4 page)

Back in the kitchen, Hadley slumped into one of the seats around the table. She let out a deep sigh and held her head in her hands. She couldn’t believe she’d done that.

She realised that, after deciding she should find someone who was willing to love her back, she’d finally had the courage to force herself to not like Maxx.

The emotional detachment hadn’t started yet, and it would be a long time before it would. But she’d seen how cold and unfeeling he was toward her, and that had been enough to change her mind.

She wouldn’t be his puppet anymore. She wouldn’t wait on him, hand and foot, and then let him act like she was nothing more than the dirt on his shoe.

Hadley went out to the hall. She glanced inside the living room and caught Maxx staring at her painting again. It made her oddly uncomfortable.

She sighed and looked inside the dining room to find Micah and Emerson already in their seats. She ventured inside, holding her hands behind her back.

“Micah,” she called, both men turning to look at her. “Could you help me bring through the dishes?” she asked, knowing he often liked to help.

Micah stood up and crossed to her, touching her arm as he passed. She didn’t know what that meant, but knew it wasn’t good. She glanced at Emerson questioningly and followed Micah into the kitchen, realising that she wasn’t going to get any answers right now.

Micah never said a word to her as he helped her take the plates from the kitchen to the dining room. That in itself was telling; Micah took after his mother, God rest her soul. They were both natural chatterboxes.

Watching him sit at the table next to Maxx, the room seemed frighteningly quiet as Hadley started to dish out the meal. When she was finished, she sat across from Maxx and stared at her plate, wondering what was wrong with everyone.

It took a moment to realise that this was why Emerson had asked to adopt her. Here she was, the only servant allowed to sit at the dining table, the only one who was trusted to cook and clean the main house to Emerson’s specifications. Though he had a cook and three cleaners, for the large house, even they treated her like one of the family and gave in to her wishes.

“Okay.” She sighed, when the silence got too much. She pushed her full plate aside and addressed the entire table. “You’ve all managed to ruin my appetite so, before anyone else feels the same, why doesn’t someone explain what’s going on?” she asked, encouraging them to be honest. She had a sneaky suspicion what it might be, but was praying she was wrong.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” Emerson replied, innocently.

“Don’t give me that shit,” she swore, looking up at him pleadingly. When he continued to ignore her, she planted her elbows on the table, holding her forehead in her hands.

She was getting a headache. If she wasn’t careful, it could go into a migraine, and then she’d be useless for at least twenty four hours.

“I don’t think there’s any need for that kind of language,” Maxx began, his eyes cold and harsh.

Hadley ignored him. She didn’t give a flying fuck what he thought right now. All she wanted was to clear the air and make sense of everything that was happening. “I’ve had too much bad shit happening today, to just sit back and watch you three waste this meal,” she protested, with a light groan of complaint. Her headache was pounding against her temples like a drum.

Emerson coughed and set his fork on the side of his plate. “I suppose there is no point in trying to hide the matter,” he said, in resignation. “We are all rather disappointed that you refuse to be part of this family,” he explained.

Hadley pulled her hair out of the bun and ran her hand through it. Maybe that would ease her headache a little.

Getting up from her seat, she walked over to the window, touching the glass, as though the Maxx of her dreams were on the other side. She didn’t know how to explain it to them, especially with Maxx there in the room. What was she supposed to say? ‘
I’m sorry you’re all so self-obsessed that only one of the three of you can see that I’m too in love with Maxx, to ever want to be his sister.’
Yeah, she could just see that going down a storm.

“I don’t see why we have to go through this again.” Her voice was full of pain and hurt, but she didn’t care anymore. She was on the verge of never caring about anything else ever again, if they didn’t quit with the emotional battery. Every day, in this house, was torture, and she couldn’t take much more.

She turned to glance at Maxx and saw the confusion in his eyes and the faint frown on his brow.

“Hadley. You know I understand,” Micah reassured her, getting up from his seat. He crossed to her and held her in a brotherly hug, touching her hair.

She needed his comfort especially at that moment, but for some reason, she pulled away. “Really, I’m okay,” she lied, watching the jealousy flare in Maxx’s eyes. She looked at Emerson, who was still staring at her in shock. “Don’t you understand?” she asked softly, almost laughing. “I don’t want to have to be adopted to be part of this family, even if that seems like it’s the only way it’s going to happen.”

She sighed, folded her arms across her chest, and made her way to the door. This was it. She’d reached the end of her rope and she couldn’t argue about this any longer. “I’ve been alone my whole life, so unless all my dreams come true soon…it looks like that’s the way it’s going to stay,” she finished before she slipped out of the room and retreated upstairs.

Maybe this was how her life was supposed to be? Perpetually alone.

Hadley spent the rest of the night in her room, gathering her emotions. She thought about phoning Conway and pouring her heart out to someone who would understand, but decided against it. She’d put herself in this mess, and it was her responsibility to get back out of it.

She wasn’t speaking to Emerson or Maxx, and, even though she did the things they asked, she wouldn’t exchange pleasant conversation with either.

The next morning, she woke in a pleasant enough mood to be decent to anyone.

“Morning, Micah,” she said, with a smile, as she wandered through the hallway, lifting the vase on the centre table and polishing underneath it. She looked back at him and saw the sad look on his face. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he sulked, as he sat on the stairs.

Hadley sat beside him and nudged him gently.

He turned and smiled at her softly. “It’s just…I can’t stand you lot arguing the way you do.” He sighed. “I just think that you’re smart enough to work your way round this.” Without another word, he got up and walked out the front door, his hands in his pockets.

She knew he was right. He’d had to cope with her temper and mood swings for too long. She had to do something about it. This was his summer holiday, for crying out loud, and she was ruining it. He was supposed to be enjoying himself, spending quality time with his family and friends, before the next term started. And what had she done? She’d made it miserable, so far.

Getting up from the stairs, Hadley walked into the library and found Emerson reading his paper. “Emerson,” she called, waiting until he looked up at her, before putting on a brave smile. “Can I speak with you in the dining room?” she asked.

Emerson frowned as he nodded, but at least he’d agreed. It was more private in the dining room, and she needed privacy to say what she’d never wanted to say.

On their way across the hallway, Hadley realised that Maxx had been spending a lot of time in the living room and went to tell him of her decision. She looked around the room and noticed that not only had her painting been moved from the fireplace, but Maxx was sitting in the armchair, asleep, with the painting on his lap.

Hadley wanted so much to take the painting away and let him sleep. He looked so peaceful and relaxed, so unlike his business-self. But she knew that what she was going to say to Emerson was important and he should hear it as well. She lifted the painting, and Maxx woke instantly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly, as though he actually cared and could tell how upset she was. In reality, he was probably just curious as to why she’d woken him.

“I…I need to talk to you and Emerson in the dining room,” she explained briefly, walking to the fireplace and setting the painting back in its place. “It’s important,” she said, as Maxx stood up and brushed his hand over his jeans and T-shirt. She couldn’t help but think how great he looked in the combo; casual and relaxed, yet he still kept his air of authority.

“Now?” he asked with that demanding, frustrated tone that said this could wait until later. It was that business voice of his that spoke of commanding others to do his bidding, because he was the big cheese at work.

“Yes…” Hadley replied, hurt at the tone of his voice. She left him to follow at his own will, not bothering to wait for more complaints.

Once inside the dining room, she stood at the window and shivered. She couldn’t even tell if it was her own thoughts creating the chill, or if the temperature in the room had really gone down.

Rubbing her hands over her arms, she turned to see Emerson taking a seat at the head of the table and Maxx leaning against the door frame, his hands in his pockets.

“Hadley, what’s this all about?” Maxx asked, almost sounding genuinely concerned.

A tear fell from her eye as she heard the delicacy in his voice when he said her name. For a second, she closed her eyes and imagined that he really felt something for her and was begging her to stay, because he loved her.

“I have to leave,” she confessed to the one solution she could see to her problem. The one thing that could stop Micah constantly having to suffer because of her. She turned away from them, staring out the window. She couldn’t bear to see their reactions.

“What do you mean you have to leave?” Maxx asked angrily, making his way toward her. “Leave for where? You’ve got nowhere else to go,” he continued, grabbing her by the shoulders.

For a minute, she actually thought he truly wanted her to stay, but didn’t know how to say it to her face. But when she saw the anger in his eyes, replacing the love and wanting she realised should be there, she knew it wasn’t true.

Pushing him away from her, she sat on the window seat and turned away. She couldn’t bear to look at him. After all the time she’d spent loving him, all he could do was yell at her and try to tell her what to do.

“I’ll stay for the party tomorrow night, but then I have to leave,” Hadley explained, for Emerson’s sake. “I’m not sure where I’m going or what I’m going to do, but I have to get out of this house and do something with my life.” She directed her comments at Maxx, who was running his hand through his hair and swearing under his breath.

“I’m sure Conway’s mum will take me in for a few days and, after that, I’ll get a place of my own.” Hadley didn’t know if that was a good plan or not, but it was the only one she had.

She crossed to the door, too afraid of their reaction to let them speak or try to make her stay. But she stopped, with her hand on the handle, when she realised there was something important she had to ask. “All I ask is that you let me tell Micah. He deserves to hear it from me,” she said, and then she left.

She shut the door behind her and fell to the floor, unable to contain her tears any longer. She couldn’t believe she’d actually done it. She’d said she was leaving and she was going to see it through. After all these years.

And it hurt more than she’d ever imagined.

After what felt like forever, the door opened behind her and Maxx’s familiar voice sighed and muttered something she couldn’t make out over the sound of her tears.

Hadley sat on the floor, head on her knees, sobbing. She didn’t bother looking up at him, knowing that it would only remind her of the growing pain in her heart. She heard him take a step forward and hesitate.

With a sigh, Maxx lifted her into his arms and made his way upstairs, causing her heart to stop for just a second.

What was he doing?

Hadley was so caught up in her pain that she couldn’t comprehend the compassion behind his touch as he carried her into her room and lay her on her bed. She looked up at him, her sobs quiet and contained, as he leaned over her, brushing aside a strand of hair from her face.

Maxx lay a blanket over her, apparently unsure if her uncontrollable shaking was from the cold or from her tears. “Sleep it off, then we’ll talk,” he suggested in a quiet voice, before leaving the room.

As instructed, Hadley slept, comforted by the thought that she’d finally had the courage to do what was needed. She didn’t allow herself to think about Micah and how upset he’d be. She knew it would only cause doubts to arise and confuse her even more than she already was.

Getting up from the bed, she changed clothes and moved over to the mirror to see the state of her hair. Running her fingers through it, making sure it was in place, she tied it into a loose ponytail, down the side of her neck. With a yawn, she left her room and headed for the kitchen.

Glancing at her watch, she gathered that it must be about time to make dinner.

“Shit,” she swore, as she stopped and looked at her watch. It was six o’clock. She was supposed to have the dinner on the table by now.

Hadley ran down the stairs and was about to turn the corner, to go to the kitchen, when she heard laughing from the dining room.

Coming to a halt, she made her way inside, cautiously.

After running, she felt a little light-headed again and hoped it wasn’t her headache coming back. She would need to take some painkillers before bed.

“Hey, Had…have a nice sleep?” Micah asked as he spotted her, his voice quiet amidst the laughter.

Hadley looked around the room and noticed that Maxx was staring at her. Self-consciously, she touched her hair and placed a strand behind her ear. Seeing her unease, Maxx smiled and turned to his dad, speaking quietly to him.

Emerson looked up at her and struggled to hold back his laughter.

“Did I step into the twilight zone or something?” she asked, as she sat on the seat closest to her. Feeling dazed and confused, she held a hand to her head, feeling a little nausea joining her headache. She was definitely getting a migraine.

She groaned out loud, rubbing her temple as she fought the urge to be sick.

Micah got up from his seat, only to be pushed back down by Maxx. “But…she doesn’t look so good,” he complained.

Maxx got up, and shocked her by taking his place at her side. He crouched in front of her and gave her face a searching look. He frowned, apparently not liking what he saw there.

Hadley didn’t even flinch. That was nothing new. He’d never liked what he saw, when he looked at her.

Maxx held his hand to her forehead and tutted. “You’re burning up,” he commented, smiling faintly, as their eyes locked.

Hadley’s heart skipped a beat as she saw the compassion and meaning behind his smile. Wow...her migraine must have been really intense, if it could make her hallucinate kindness from Maxx.

“Come on, princess…back to bed with you,” he ordered, far too sweetly, as he helped her up. “Are you okay on your feet?” he asked, as he crossed to the door and opened it.

Everything went black as Hadley fell to the floor.