Cowboy Wisdom (15 page)

J
udge Three-Legged Willie came into Shelby County and opened his court by tipping a flour barrel on its end and calling for
the culprits. One local stepped forward and said the county didn’t have no need of a judge and a court. The old judge demanded,
“By what legal authority do you over-rule this court?” The fellow grinned and drove a bowie knife into the top of the flour
barrel, saying, “This, sir, is the law of Shelby County.” And before that knife could commence to quivering, the judge pulled
out a long-barreled pistol and laid it on the barrel top. “If that’s the law of Shelby County,” he said, “then this here’s
the constitution.”

—A
NONYMOUS

V
IGILANTES
A
ROUND
!!!

N
O
M
ORE
M
URDERS
!!!

Behold the fate of this man. The same terrible end awaits all murderers.

Life and the public security is too sacred not to be protected, even by a resort to the unpleasant means of
Lynch Law

T
AKE
W
ARNING
! T
AKE
W
ARNING
!

Else, ye murderers, the fate that this brute Schramie has met with awaits you.

By Order of Committee of
Vigilantes
.

—Notice tacked to a tree from which a murderer had been hung near Denver, Colorado

T
hey shore ain’t pretty and they don’t smell good but there is somethin ’bout a cow that makes the man that owns one feel like
he’s got money in his purse.

—S
PIN
L
UCETTE
Jenkins, California 1869

A
slice of cow is worth 8 cents in the cow, 14 cents in the hands of packers, and $2.50 in a restaurant that specializes in
atmosphere.

—J
OE
M. E
VANS
EI Paso, Texas 1939

H
ere’s all you need to know about cows: They’re not smart, they’re bigger than you are, and some of them have absolutely no
respect for human beings.

—T
ERRY
H
ALL
Hastings, Nebraska 1993

N
early all I know I have learned from a cow or in a cow camp. You’d be surprised just how much you can learn from a cow. The
cow can teach you some very valuable lessons. Cows are regular in their habits, they go to the same place on the range to
graze, they want to drink from the same place in a water trough, they are the best civil engineers you can find, and they
can pick out the best possible grade to climb a mountain. A cow trail is always the best way to get out of a deep canyon.
Follow a cow trail and you will come to water, or you will find the way out of a rough country if you are lost.

—D
REW
R
USH
Casper, Wyoming 1882

Y
ou put your brand on the hip and let him run, but of course there was much to it before you got that simple work done. First,
you had to rope him. Sometimes, that took a whole team of men, for steers get bigger every day and you get older at the same
rate. Some wild boy was always in a hurry to be the one that put the brand on, but one time around with a crazy steer gone
mad from the hurt of it was usually enough. You had to stay on the boys, especially if they got the iron too hot—a small glow
was enough, for more would make a messy mark and burn the hair off the steer.

—L
EROY
L
ENNOX
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 1951

G
rown cattle have a thick hide, but in branding calves, care must be exercised not to rock the corners of the iron, and burn
through, but carefully burn a brand “cherry red,” but not too deep. The burning faces of the branding irons were usually supposed
to be oval, to avoid this burning through.

—C
HARLES
C
AMP
Long Beach, California 1928

W
hile it is easy to brand a calf, one has to keep a sharp lookout on its mother. As soon as she hears the cry of her young
she will come at you like an express torrent.

—C
APTAIN
G
EORGE
A
SH
London, England 1923

T
he only practical knowledge I have gained in ranching is that a cow will have a calf.

—G
EORGE
L
ITTLEFIELD
Austin, Texas c. 1875

I
f you teach a calf to lead, the old cow will follow.

—A
NONYMOUS
Wichita, Kansas c. 1880

D
on’t ever get between a calf and its mother—if she’s a good mother, she’s gonna charge you.

—F
ELIX
Z
UCKER
Pinole, California 1993

N
ever cower around a calving cow. Walk tall and know where you’re going—and never, ever look down at your boots. You can clean
them off later.

—D
AVY
B
USTER
Burr Oak, Kansas 1955

W
e put a bell on an old cow for a leader, and when a yearling got lost from the herd, and came within hearing of that bell,
it generally came back to the herd.

—J
OHN
J
AMES
H
AYNES
San Antonio, Texas 1920

T
he uninitiated will probably be interested in knowing just how. Corrals, as we termed them, were built, when material was
not so plentiful as now. The material was largely post oak rails, which we had cut and hauled by ox teams about five miles
from the timbered county of Caldwell County. The posts were of fine cedar timber obtained from old Mountain City in Hays County.
These corrals had to be much higher than the ordinary fence, as the infuriated Longhorns would, in their desperation to be
free, try to go over the top or break them down. Once the material was on the ground, we dug deep, wide holes, about seven
feet apart, and in these we placed two of the cedar posts in such juxtaposition as to hold the long rails which we piled one
on top of the other until they reached the top of the high posts. That being done, some of the old-timers bound the ends of
the posts together with wire or stout strips of rawhide, but at about the time of which I write we began to bind them with
smooth wire. The subdivisions spoken of above were divided into branding pens and horse corrals.

—G.W. M
ILLS
Lockhart, Texas 1922

S
ounds, like hogwash today, but a man who couldn’t sing to calm a nervous cow wasn’t enough cowboy to hold the job. At night,
cattle get nervous, and anything could make them jump up and start, so you wanted a man with a voice good for keeping them
quiet.

—J
IMMY
K
ENNEDY
Belfast, Texas 1916

I’m up in the mornin’ before daylight

And before I sleep, the moon shines bright.

No chaps and no slicker, and it’s pourin’ down rain,