Creed of Redemption (S.I.N. Rock Star Trilogy #2) (20 page)

I’m so lost in Diesel right now. My pussy feels so full as I grip his every thrust. I need him deeper still, only the grip he has on my hips is restricting my movements. He is only giving me the amount of dick he wants me to have.

“Please go deeper, Diesel,” I beg and he arches an eyebrow at me. He angles his hips and slams into me a few times and my pussy becomes an inferno. He slows his pace, but I need hard, deep, and fast.

“Can’t come yet, baby,” he teases as he slides his dick out of me. My pussy immediately clenches at its disappearance.

Diesel stands me back on my feet and my legs feel weak. Holy hell this man is strong. His lifts and the flips have my head swimming. I need a second to adjust to the position change. I didn’t even know he had that in his bag of tricks. It’s hot as hell.

“Get out of your head and get your sexy ass on the bed, Lourdes,” he commands. I wobble over to the bed and crawl onto it. “I like that view. Stay just like that.” I’m on all fours for him. He walks up behind me and slaps each ass cheek again. The delicious sting has my pussy dripping with need. I clench my pussy once more to dull the ache, but it only intensifies. “So fucking wet,” he says.

“Fuck me, Diesel. I need your thick cock to fill me—to make me come.”

“In time, princess,” he teases as he kneels down to lick me from behind again. The feeling is fucking amazing, but then he stops. His teasing has me so wound up, I feel like I’m about to explode from his deprival. He builds me up over and over again, forbidding me from having my release. I don’t know how much more I can take. “Head down and ass up, baby, so that pussy opens up for me.” Fuck, I love his dirty talk. He can have anything he wants if he will just let me come.

I do as he instructs and he inserts a few fingers. He massages my insides before replacing his fingers with the tip of his beautiful cock. I throb around him. I back my ass up to him until his cock is resting at the hilt. He restricts me from moving farther, so I can feel his girth. I put a greater arch in my back to entice him to move. I need him to come undone. He wraps my hair in his fist and pulls at the same time he slams into me.

I meet him stroke for stroke, my legs beginning to feel weak as my orgasm nears. When he pulls out of me, once again before I can get my release, my body collapses in defeat. He flips me over onto my back, but I just lay there. I can no longer move. Tears stream down my face in frustration and the room blurs into a haze.

“There it is. True submission,” Diesel smirks. His voice sounds like we’re underwater. He wipes my tears away. “No tears, baby. Now I’m going to give you what you’ve been wanting all night.”

He pushes my legs over his shoulders and eases into me. In this position, his cock is almost too much. He starts slowly, but then he finally comes undone. He fucks me hard and fast. He deepens his strokes, but I’m numb.

“Fucccckkkkk, baby,” he screams as he pulls out and comes all over my stomach. I close my eyes because the out-of-body experience is a foreign one. I feel so out of control, but he seems to get off on seeing me like this. I didn’t even cum. What the hell is going on with me?

He jumps out of the bed and comes back with a damp towel. He begins to clean me up and I just continue to lay here—embarrassed that I just zoned the fuck out.

“Diesel, I—” I begin, but he shushes me with a single finger to my lips.

“Enough for tonight, baby. Let me just hold you.” He slides in bed next to me and pulls me into his arms. He kisses the top of my head and actually rocks me.

The motion is soothing. The foggy haze begins to dissipate and I snuggle closer into his arms.

“Sleep now, Lourdes,” he says. His rocking slows, and I know that he is out. I replay the night back. He stated that was enough for tonight which means he didn’t give me his all. He’s still holding something back. I don’t get it. I don’t understand what made me cry, or why it got him off, for that matter. His tender care for me afterwards proves he doesn’t want to see me hurt so why was it that he could only cum after seeing my tears. I’m so confused. I don’t know how to feel about tonight. I wanted all of him, the part of himself that he doesn’t show to anyone else, so I’ll try to understand.

I’m more embarrassed about my own actions. I had this beautiful man on top of me, fucking me like a sex god and I just laid here motionless and numb. Honestly I don’t see how he could have gotten off. I totally checked out and it was beyond my control. It was like I was here, but I wasn’t. He might as well have been screwing a corpse. That has never happened to me before. I went from insatiable to frigid. He just got his nut and then called it quits. He probably thinks I can’t handle the shit he’s into and from my reaction tonight, I’d say he’s right. I asked for this. I need to be by myself right now.

I ease his arm from around me until I’m completely out from under him. I try to remember where I first removed my clothes. I crawl around on the floor until I finally find them. Diesel turns over in the bed, but thankfully stays asleep. I throw my dress back on, foregoing the heels. I can’t find the panties so screw it. I tiptoe out of the door, with my stilettos in hand, careful not to wake him.

The music is still going strong out back, but no way am I returning to the party. I find the bedroom that Lily and I changed into our swimsuits in earlier. Luckily the room is empty. I was afraid all of the bedrooms would be taken by now. I can’t decide if I should put the lock on the door or not. Brooke and Lily may need to come in here to sleep later. On the other hand, I don’t want someone stumbling in here after I’m asleep, looking for a place to have sex. Mind made up, I put the lock on the door. I’m glad I had the idea to bring up something to sleep in. I change into my sleep shorts and tank, then crawl into this bed fit for a queen, with its million thread count sheets.

My phone buzzes on the charger next to the bed. I think it may have been Diesel waking up to find me gone, but it’s text messages from Brooke. I didn’t have my phone on me and I only pulled it out of my bag when I changed into my sleep clothes.

There are like ten missed calls and even more messages. All asking where the hell I am. I reply back to her text since I’m not in the mood to explain shit that I’m not sure of myself.

Me: Sorry just saw your missed calls and texts. My phone was upstairs in my bag.
I hope my message will suffice and she can go back to partying with Jack, if she even gets this right now.
No such luck.

Brooke: I was worried that you may have been drunk off your ass somewhere with some douche trying to get in your pants. Where are you?

Me: I’m fine Brooke. I’m calling it a night. I’m in the bedroom that is the first to the right. I locked the door so I wouldn’t be disturbed by people looking to find a hook up spot. I can unlock it if you’re coming up.

Brooke: I’m glad you’re okay. Keep your phone close. If things don’t work out with Jack, I’ll be joining you tonight. Let’s wish me luck though. I accidentally felt it and he’s pierced.

Me: Good luck with that.
That’s Brooke. She sees something she wants, she just goes after it. Michael is a fool for not snatching her up. Most don’t even get that option.

Brooke: Thanks Chica. Talk to you in the morning—hopefully.

I leave the phone next to my pillow in case Lily or Brooke call to get in the room but I highly doubt it. Xander is not going to let Lily out of his sight, especially if he has an opportunity to get some real alone time with her. Plus Jack would have to be a dumbass to turn down Brooke, so it looks like I’ll have this wonderful bed all to myself. I’ll ponder the Diesel thing tomorrow, but tonight I just want to sleep.

I
t’s time to get ready for rehearsal this morning, but I don’t even want to leave this room. What the fuck was I thinking last night? The worst fucking demon I possess showed itself last night. Lourdes never stood a chance. She started us down that path of me unleashing my kink, but I should have stopped it. I look around this room now and instead of reminiscing about how good it felt to have her again, I’m ashamed. I fucked up. I didn’t properly assess her readiness for the shit that gets me off. I let my own lust cloud my judgment. Orgasm denial is one thing, but my desire to completely break someone through this denial is just plain evil.

Experienced submissives will normally enter psychological subspace when denied their orgasm for an extended amount of time. The pleasure is so intense, their mind shuts down and the body surrenders to the total will of the Dom. The decision to submit comes from the body and not the mind in this instance. It is the ultimate form of submission and a sign of complete control. It can’t be faked. After I’ve reached this pentacle of control from my submissive’s body, I can then allow myself to cum. The submissive is rewarded with multiple orgasms—only this didn’t come to pass with Lourdes. I was caught off guard by her tears last night and I reacted terribly. I came so fucking hard because those tears were like a gift. A twisted, fucked-up gift. It was her surrendering to me in a way that nobody ever has before. Her intense need for me was overwhelming. I fucked her so hard to give her what she desperately needed. I wanted to feel her cum around my cock and she didn’t.

It was then, the magnitude of my actions hit me. The woman lying there with me was lost in subspace and completely broken. I’ve never been riddled with so much guilt like this. And now to wake up and find out she’s not still here by my side, scares the shit out of me. Did I go too far? I know I need to go find her. This may have just set us several steps backwards. I need to fix this.

The house is really quiet so I’m guessing the guys are still in their rooms hungover. I’m glad I kept my drinking to a minimal last night. I search for Lourdes and I finally find her in the library of all places. Her back is to me as she admires some books in front of her. She pulls one from the shelf and when she spins around, I’m there in her personal space. She drops the book in surprise. I bend down to pick the book up for her and I can tell she doesn’t know where to look. She looks all round, anywhere but at me. I place the book back on the shelf and grab her hand. The awkwardness between us is palpable, but I have to try to normalize things again.