Critical Failures II (Caverns and Creatures Book 2) (11 page)

Chapter 13

Tim, Cooper, Dave, and Julian followed Butterbean along a small trail through an ever darkening forest. The trees themselves were thin and spindly pines. They grew out of rocky soil and their pitiful needles looked more grey than green. The lack of other life was conspicuous. No birds flying around or squirrels chasing one another up tree trunks. The silence was disquieting, all the more so because Julian had the sneaking suspicion that it was a false silence. Something was out there, watching them, maybe even following them.

“Do you guys notice anything strange about this place?” asked Julian.

“Other than that it’s creepy as fuck?” offered Cooper.

“The elevation seems to be rising,” said Dave. “I’ll bet you that this leads up to that big cliff overlooking the city.”

“I wasn’t talking about the topography,” said Julian. “I feel like we’re being watched.”

“I’ll grant you it’s a creepy forest,” said Tim. “But don’t let your imagination run wild. Just stay close together and we’ll be okay. Butterbean looks like he’s still hot on some trail.”

Indeed, the wolf sniffed eagerly at the ground ahead of them, wagging its tail and barking, seemingly impatient for them to catch up. The party could only move as fast as Dave, who was trudging along slowly due to his short legs and the encumbrance of his armor.

It wasn’t long before the burning in Julian’s thighs told him that Dave was right. They were definitely traveling uphill. Every now and again, he’d catch a shadow flicker by in the corner of his vision, but turning quickly revealed nothing. He could feel that Ravenus shared his unease, and he’d sent the bird out a few times to fly in circles around the party, but he never brought back news of having seen anything.

Cooper stepped off the trail to pee. The steady trickle of urine on bark was the only sound for miles it seemed, until the ground gave way beneath him. On his way down, his dick must have hit a tree root or a rock or something.

“Fuck,” he said as he sprayed piss all over his face. He was standing upright, but he was only visible above the shoulder. The rest of him was submerged underground.

When he got his dick under control and spat the urine out of his mouth, he began to climb out of the hole. He had both arms and one leg out when he sank suddenly back into the hole.

“Yeeoooww!” he shouted. “Something’s got my foot!”

Tim and Dave grabbed his arms and pulled. Whatever it was that had a hold of his foot from below wasn’t letting go of its catch without a fight. Julian wanted to help, but couldn’t find a convenient place to take hold of Cooper. He considered grabbing him by the ears, but didn’t think that would be very helpful. Though Tim and Dave pulled as hard as they could, they were slowly losing the struggle. Cooper was sinking deeper into the hole.

If Julian could only get a line of sight on the creature, he could at least blast it with a Magic Missile. He leaned around every way that he could think of, but could catch sight of nothing between Cooper’s huge body and the dust everyone was kicking up in the air.

Butterbean growled and barked. Ravenus flapped around in a panic. Tim’s feet and Dave’s boots scraped along the rocky ground. All of that was drowned out with one long wet fart.

Whatever had a hold of Cooper’s foot let go. Cooper flew out of the hole, propelled by Tim, Dave, and possibly his own flatulence.

Dave immediately crawled over and laid a healing hand on Cooper’s shredded foot. “I heal thee.”

Julian wanted to watch the skin on Cooper’s foot mend itself. It was a gruesome, yet fantastic sight that he had been witness to in the past. But there was no time. The creature, having braved its way through Cooper’s fart, finally showed its face.

“What the hell is that?” asked Julian. A furry head looked back at him. It was long and brown, with a white stripe running from the top of its head down to its nose. Its mouth dripped blood and strips of Cooper’s foot.

“It’s a badger,” said Tim.

“Like hell it is,” said Julian. “That thing is bigger than I am!”

“It’s a dire badger,” said Dave. He and Cooper were now back on their feet. Cooper was limping as his wound was only partially healed.

“Oh come on,” said Julian. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Do you mean to tell me that – Hey, where’s Tim?” Julian looked back at the spot where Tim had been standing, but Tim was gone.

The ground began to rumble under Julian’s feet. He leapt out of the way just in time to avoid a second dire badger head poking out of the ground.

“Jesus!” he shouted, scrambling up to his feet. He stumbled backward a couple of steps and raised his hand toward the badger. “Have some!” The Magic Missile struck the badger just below the chin, singeing its fur and pissing it off. It looked at Julian with an expression in its eyes that he had seen only in one other living creature. “Cooper!”

The badger climbed out of its burrow like a furry snake with Hulk arms, hissing and drooling, eyes locked on Julian. He mumbled a protective spell just in time to wrap his body in a faint blue light which caught the creature’s first swipe. The claws were razor sharp, and as long as Julian’s fingers. If they could burrow through this stony ground, his meager spell was only going to offer a modicum of protection.

The second claw proved Julian’s assessment correct, ripping through the blue light, through his serape, and into his chest. Julian screamed, but the badger wasn’t done with him. It lunged forward at him, biting deep into the muscles and tendons between his neck and shoulder.

Julian and the badger rolled on the ground before he finally broke free. It had taken a souvenir. Julian’s vision swam when he saw his own flesh hanging from the badger’s teeth. He was too shocked to feel pain just yet, but he could feel the weakness setting in from loss of blood.

Butterbean tore into the badger’s side with his teeth. Even Ravenus flew down and pecked at its head. The badger didn’t even seem to notice. Its eyes never left Julian.

“Dave,” Julian called out weakly, making an effort not to throw up when he spoke. Dave was occupied fending off attacks from the other badger. He was alone. Where was Cooper? Where was Tim?

Cooper, as it turned out, was right behind him. “I’m really angry!” he shouted. He brought his axe down on the badger’s back, not seeming to notice or care that he almost chopped Ravenus in half.

The badger was in bad shape, bleeding at least as badly as Julian was, but it didn’t even spare Cooper a glance. It tensed its body for another lunge at Julian and was just about to strike when something fell out of the tree above it.

It was Tim, dropping down on the giant badger, sword-point first, with his entire weight behind it. This finally brought the beast out of its homicidal frenzy. It hissed and howled, spraying blood and spittle all over Cooper while Tim twisted the blade and scrambled its insides.

As the light of life faded out of the creature’s eyes, Julian’s attention was suddenly refocused on Dave’s cries for help. He looked over to see Dave squaring off with the other badger all by himself. Both of them were splattered in blood. It was impossible to tell whose was whose, but from the way Dave was staggering, Julian guessed that at least some of it was his.

Cooper was the first to Dave’s assistance. “Fuck you, badger!” he shouted, the thunder in his voice shaking the air around them. His axe missed the badger, but sliced straight through the trunk of a tree. The poor wretched pine didn’t have a chance. It exploded into splinters where the axe met its trunk, and began to fall.

Dave stepped up, looked the badger in the eye, and spat out a gob of blood. A growing hatred for animals burned bright in his eyes, and bristled on the leopard fur of his forearm.

“Why the long face?” he said, swinging his mace with two hands into the badger’s elongated head. The sound of crunching bone briefly eclipsed the sound of falling tree. But that big bastard was still on its feet.

Julian, barely able to sit up, made his own scant contribution to the fight. He raised an arm that felt like it was made out of lead, pointed a finger weakly at the badger and breathed the words “Have some.” This Magic Missile sputtered and sparked as it flew, but eventually it found its way to the badger’s ass. That furry bastard wouldn’t be ordering Mexican food anytime soon.

Tim pulled his sword out of the dead badger, looked up to see a tree falling down on him, and dove out of the way. Butterbean made it out of the way as well. Ravenus was not so lucky. He got caught up in a tangle of branches and was slammed into the rocky ground.

Julian could feel Ravenus’s fear as he was forced to the ground. He felt a sensation like having the air suddenly forced out of his lungs when the tree landed. It was too much. He fell on his back and passed out.

He awoke some time later. That was a pleasant surprise. It was later in the day, probably nearing evening. The darkness and grimness of the forest had become a bit darker and grimmer. He sat up.

“Ravenus!”

“We’re all fine, thanks,” said Cooper, sitting on a rock right next to him.

“Where’s Ravenus?”

“Your fucking bird is fine.”

Ravenus hopped out from behind a nearby tree. He raised a wing. “So happy to see you awake, sir. I’m afraid I took a bit of a tumble.”

“What’s wrong with your wing?”

“It might be broken.”

“Dave!” Julian called out. “Do you have any heals left?”

“I was saving one for you,” said Dave, wiping blood and bits of bone from his mace.

“I’m fine,” said Julian. “Ravenus has a broken wing.”

“You’re not fine,” said Dave. “We patched you up, but you’re still at only a quarter of your full hit points.”

“I told you he wouldn’t go for it,” said Tim.

“Listen,” said Dave. “Your affection for this fictional bird is charming, but we need to –”

“He’s not a fictional bird,” said Julian. “He’s right fucking here.”

“We’re in a game. If the bird dies, well, he never really existed to begin with. If you die…” He shrugged.

Julian struggled to his feet, only now feeling the intense pain between his neck and shoulder. It had been covered with strips of his serape. “Heal Ravenus, or I won’t accept any healing.”

“You’re not thinking straight!” said Dave, anger brewing in his voice. “We’re in a dangerous forest. This is my last fucking spell. If I waste it on a bird, you are probably going to die if we run into anymore badgers, or whatever. There could be worse things out there. And who knows what we’re going to be up against if we find Katherine?”

“Zero level,” said Tim. Julian and Dave looked at him. Cooper scratched his ass.

“What?” said Dave.

“Do you have any zero level healing spells available?”

“Those only heal one hit point a piece. They’re next to worthless.”

“Worthless for a full grown multi-level adult with a serious injury, maybe,” said Tim. “But what about for a bird with a broken wing?”

Two zero level healing spells were all it took to bring Ravenus back up to his full health. Dave’s remaining first level spell brought Julian back up to minor scrapes and bruises.

“Well that’s it,” said Dave. “My healing is all tapped out. How much farther do you think we’ll have to climb before we get to wherever the hell it is that we’re going?”

Tim looked at Butterbean, and then at Ravenus. “Ravenus, you can’t talk to wolves, can you?”

“What makes you think that I’d be able to talk to wolves?” said Ravenus.

“Just a shot in the dark.” Tim’s shoulders dropped. “There’s no way to know.”

“We’re not going to be able to stand another attack,” said Dave.

“Well I’m not going back without finding Katherine,” said Tim. “Julian. Do you have any of those horse spells?”

“You mean Mount?”

Cooper giggled.

“Shut up, Cooper,” said Tim. “Yeah. Do you have any Mounts?” He gave Cooper a warning look. Cooper held in the laugh.

“I used up two first level spells with those Magic Missiles,” said Julian. “I’ve got two more left. So I can summon two horses if we need them.”

“I think it’s our best shot,” said Tim. “We’ll ride the magic horses as far as we can. If anything attacks us, we’ll just hope we can outrun it.” He looked around for any naysayers.

“It’s as good a plan as any,” said Dave. “Personally, I don’t like our odds of surviving even if we turned back now on foot.”

“All right,” said Tim. “Let’s not waste any more time then. It’s getting late, and I would really like to limit the time we spend out here in the dark.”

“Horse,” said Julian. A light grey horse appeared before him, complete with saddle, bit, and bridle.”

“Cooper,” said Tim. “See if that horse can carry your weight.”

Cooper mounted the horse, which didn’t seem bothered at all by his weight.

“Okay good,” said Tim. “Help me up. If he can carry you, I shouldn’t be much more of a burden to him.”

“Horse,” Julian said again. This time a black horse appeared, but otherwise this horse was identical to the first one. “I guess we’re riding together,” he said to Dave.