Crossing the Barrier (36 page)

Her father, sitting next to her on her bed one night, holding her small hands in his huge ones. The news broadcast had been talking about this man who had vanished, leaving his family behind, and Lily had been scared her father would disappear too. She had been eight years old.

“Daddy, I’m scared.”

“I know you are, but I’m not going to disappear,” he had said, caressing her hair.

“But what if you do? What if you get lost? What if you can’t find me anymore?”

“Lily, my flower, as long as you’re in this house, I will always come back to you because I’ll know exactly where to find you.”

Lily turned to Nicole, her eyes wide. “Oh, my God, Nicole,” she said, bringing her hands to her mouth.

“Lily, is it possible you still wish, somewhere deep inside, that your father might return one day?”

Of course she did and not just subconsciously. Her father was dead, and he would never be back, but she had dreamt of him coming home so often she stopped counting. She definitely wanted him to be with her, alive again, back at the house.

“You know, I don’t think your dad left you the house to chain you down, and, in a way,
that’s exactly what you’re doing to yourself. I think you would be better served if you sold it. I think that’s what your father would have wanted.”

Lily nodded. Nicole was right; her father would have wanted her to move on, to go to college, and to create a life where she would be happy.

It was the hardest decision Lily had ever faced in her short eighteen years of life, but as she left Nicole’s house, she knew what she had to do.

As she drove back to school, her mind drifted to another one of her problems, one that was making it increasingly difficult to be in a classroom: her lack of shields. She remembered what Sandra had suggested a month prior about trying to ride the wave instead of fighting it and frowned. She hadn’t given it any more thought then, especially since November had been easier, but now she was at the point where she had to try something. The winter exams were coming up in a week, and the status quo was no longer acceptable. She would have to do something about it, and do it fast if she wanted the remainder of her dreams to become realities.

It was with
a heavy heart that she slowly made her way into Charlie’s house later that afternoon. She found him in the living room, reading a professional journal.

“Charlie?” she called, as she walked in.

He put his journal down and looked at her. “Are you okay? You look preoccupied.”

“I…Can I talk to you?”

“Yes, sure. Come,” he answered, tapping the sofa next to him.

Lily took the seat and looked straight ahead, trying to gather her thoughts. “I’ve made a decision,” she said slowly. Her heart was so heavy she could have sworn it had turned to stone. “Once the court decides, I’m going to sell the house.”

“Are you sure?” Charlie asked gently after a few moments of silence. While he was happy, even relieved by her decision, Lily knew he was also worried. “Are you absolutely sure? Do you need more time to think about it?”

“No. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for the last week. I’m sure. It’s…it’s the right thing to do,” she said quietly, looking down at her hands.

She was letting go.

As much as it tore her heart, in a twisted way, it felt good, like a weight was slowly lifting from her shoulders.

“Okay,” Charlie said sadly. “I’ll get with my people on Monday, and we’ll make it happen. You still have time to change your mind, you know.”

“I won’t,” she said, standing up. “It’s not my home anymore.”

She slowly walked away and climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Once inside, she took her phone and dialed Sandra.

“Hey, you okay?” Sandra asked.

“I did it,” Lily said, her voice breaking. “I told Charlie to sell the house.”

“Oh, Lily. Want me to come over?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Sandra must have been speeding because she drove her mom’s car into the driveway ten minutes later.

“You know, I’m glad you decided to sell it,” she said, once they were sitting in Lily’s bedroom. “You’re going to be so much happier elsewhere, I mean without Beatrice and all.” Sandra clenched her fists at the mention of the woman. “What finally convinced you?”

Lily told her what had transpired in her discussions with Malakai and Nicole. As she spoke, Sandra’s expression fell.

“I loved your dad, too, you know,” she finally said. “I’ve kept playing clarinet in his honor. I have every intention of joining the band in college, too.”

Lily hadn’t even thought of that. College was coming soon, and she would have to look into playing too. She just couldn’t give up now, especially since she had become so good at it.

“So, what will you do next?” Sandra asked, bringing her back to the conversation.

“Well, I can’t very well stay here,” Lily said, looking around the room. “Charlie wouldn’t like Malakai spending the night. Imagine when we will, you know, be more involved…”

Sandra chuckled. “I guess that would complicate things. But wait. Does that mean you won’t stay with us either?”

“Sandra, I couldn’t. I would feel like I’m invading. I don’t want that. Besides, your mom would be even more against Malakai spending the night.”

“Well, you’re not wrong on that one,” Sandra said, rolling her eyes. “So, I guess you’ll be getting your own place, then.”

“I think it’s the best thing to do. But I’m scared. I’ve never been on my own before.”

“None of us have…Well, Malakai has, in a way, but other than him, we’ve never really been on our own. But that’s exciting if you ask me. Your own place. Wow!”

Sandra was, in fact, envious, and Lily just didn’t understand why. Sandra had this wonderful family life. Why she would even want to give it up to move out on her own was beyond her.

“Lily, whatever you do, you’ll be fine.”

Lily knew Sandra believed it.

Chapter Sixty-Seven

LILY

The following Tuesday
, after a weekend spent reviewing all the decisions she had to make, and especially after the news she had received the previous night, Lily’s mind was made up: she was ready to try what Sandra had suggested.

She had to.

She had to figure out a way to survive without depending on everyone, especially now that she would move out on her own. So instead of heading to her fourth period like she should have, she texted Sandra.

Meet me at the cafeteria
.

A few minutes later, Lily was waiting for Sandra a few yards away from the cafeteria entrance. It was close to the second bell when Sandra finally showed up.

“What’s going on?” the tall blond girl asked, joining her.

“I’m trying it.”

“Trying what?”

“Going in and trying not to fight it,” Lily said, taking a few steps toward the busy hub. She glanced inside at the fourth period lunch crowd. “But I don’t want to do it alone.”

“Whoa! Stop. We have classes in two minutes.”

“I’m not going. I’m doing this. I would like you to be with me, but if you don’t want to, I’ll do it by myself.”

“Why not wait for our lunch period?”

“Because Malakai won’t let me do it,” Lily answered with a sigh.

Malakai had been protective with a vengeance the last few days. He had fussed over her, always there, always afraid she needed something, or something would happen to her and he wouldn’t be there to help her. Lily loved the attention, but she wished he would stop being so worried all the time. She was, after all, eighteen, and she was not a porcelain figurine that could easily break. Granted sometimes, she did feel that way…

“He would worry, and he wouldn’t let me try. You know I can pass out from this. Malakai…let’s say Malakai wouldn’t want that to happen, so it’s better if he doesn’t know.”

“Lily, you’re insane. Do you really think now is the right time for this? I mean, with all that you have going on.”

“It may not be, but I’m at a point where I’m just very, very determined. I have to figure out something and sitting on my butt and waiting for my shields to come back is no longer an option. You saw what happened at the competition and now, I can’t even get to my first classroom without flinching every step of the way. Doing nothing is not working anymore, Sandra. Tried it. Didn’t work. Time to go to plan B. I have to try this. I can no longer live this way.”

“Hold on. There’s something you’re not telling me,” Sandra said, raising her hands in front of her. “Something else that’s driving you to do this.”

“I got into Rice,” Lily said quietly, looking at the ground between them.

“You did?” Sandra asked, her eyes wide.

She hadn’t told anyone, not even Malakai. She had found out when she checked her application status the previous night, and now just thinking about the rest of her year and how her lack of shields affected her made her stomach cramp.

“Yeah. And now if I don’t figure this out, I’ll never make it. Will you help me? I have to try this and…I don’t want to try it alone,” she said, looking at her friend again.

“You know I’ll help,” Sandra said with a firm nod. “I don’t like you doing this when Malakai and David are not around, however, but I’ll help. So, how do you want to do this?”

“Let’s find an empty corner and go from there.”

They made their way into the cafeteria, Sandra’s shoulder touching Lily’s, and a few moments later, they sat on the ground in a quiet corner, facing each other. Sandra was holding on to her hands and looking expectantly at her. The cafeteria was full of students, mostly sophomores, and thankfully, Lily recognized very few of them.

“Okay, when I tell you, let me go,” Lily said.

She closed her eyes and took a couple of breaths to calm her racing heart. This was bound to be one of the hardest things she had ever tried, and the only reason she was going through with it at this point was because Sandra felt so hopeful it would actually work. But now that she was about to try it, Lily believed she should run with all her might and get away from this place. She must really be desperate and insane for even conceiving to try this crazy idea.

“Remember what you did when you were at the stadium during the games and do the same,” Sandra encouraged, calming some of Lily’s doubts.

Lily nodded. She had to do this. Her future depended on it.

“Okay, let go,” she said, bracing herself.

The wave of emotions came crashing into her at the speed of sound.

“Let it flow, Lily,” Sandra coached.

Lily fought her natural instinct to fight, but she was quickly losing the battle with herself.

“Let it flow,” Sandra repeated insistently.

Lily just didn’t know how. Before she knew it, she found herself fighting the wave instead of embracing it. Again, she tried to stop fighting but she was rapidly getting exhausted. Suddenly, the wave stopped and Lily felt Sandra’s worry wash over her.

“You were about to pass out,” Sandra said sadly.

Lily opened her eyes and looked at her friend.

“Lily, I hate this.”

“It has to be done,” Lily said with a firmness she didn’t feel. “I have to do this.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s try again,” Lily said, keeping her eyes open this time.

She took a few deep breaths again, and once she thought she was ready, she nodded.

The wave of emotions was as brutal this time. Lily tried to let it flow through her, and she seemed to be succeeding until she felt something that was stronger and more discordant. Someone was thinking of hurting someone else, and Lily pushed against these feelings to chase them away. And the harder she pushed, the more her head throbbed. Slowly but surely, her vision began to darken around the edges. It was almost all black when the chaos was replaced by deep concern—Sandra’s deep concern.

“My God, Lily, stop!”

Lily was panting, and her head felt like it would explode. “No!” she said firmly, despite how she really felt. “I almost had it this time.”

“No! Stop! I can’t watch you do this to yourself.”

“Sandra, I have to do it. I have to succeed.”

“Yes, but at what cost?”

“At the cost of my sanity if need be.”

“Lily…”

“Again!”

Lily closed her eyes this time and calmed her breathing. She had to do this; she had to succeed. This time, she hesitated. She was so tired, and her head was killing her. She didn’t know if she had the strength to try again.

She took a few more breaths, then braced herself before nodding to Sandra. Then Sandra let go. The moment she did, Lily knew she would fail. She was on the defensive again. As the sounds of the cafeteria began to fade, she wondered if drowning felt that way.

Then darkness claimed her.

Chapter Sixty-Eight

MALAKAI