Crossing the Barrier (39 page)

Nicole looked at Lily with a warm smile.

A soup and a salad later, they made their way to Lily’s new apartment and emptied the car of their purchases.

“Well, we did forget something,” Nicole said with a frown as they unwrapped her things. “You’ll need to wash all of this before putting it away, and we forgot to get you soap, of all things. We’ll finish unpacking and we’ll come back tomorrow.”

They were still unpacking when Lily’s phone rang. They all turned to look at her purse.

Lily’s heart stopped.

The phone hadn’t rung in two days, and she could only stare at her purse, hoping with all her heart it was Malakai. She was so afraid she couldn’t move.

Sandra snatched the purse from the counter and fished for Lily’s phone. She grabbed it and glanced at the caller ID. With a sigh, she swiped her finger on the display.

“Hi, Charlie,” she said.

The air escaped from Lily’s lungs.

Charlie.

Not Malakai.

Before she could stop them, tears came to her eyes, and she let a sob escape her.

Not Malakai.

“Oh, dear! We also forgot tissues,” Nicole said, coming to her and taking her in her arms. “I know it’s hard, honey. I know.”

“I miss him,” she cried.

“I know.”

“Why, Nicole? Why?”

“I don’t know, honey. I really don’t. That boy is so in love with you, I don’t understand what’s going on in his head.”

Lily cried harder, holding on to Nicole for dear life. All she ever wanted was to be loved, but now Malakai had rejected her. Faintly, she perceived Nicole’s concern for her, and she held on to the feeling, hoping the shields were gone for the thousandth time since they had slammed back into place.

Of all the things in her life, her shields were the only thing that remained whole.

Chapter Seventy-Three

MALAKAI

All of Tuesday
and Wednesday, Malakai had the impression he was walking outside of himself. Lily hadn’t been at school, and he felt her absence keenly.

But he was no longer with her.

He rationalized, for the hundredth time, it was better for him to have left her now than later, after they had shared more than what they had already.

It hurt so, so much he felt like an elephant had taken permanent residence on his chest.

When he walked into his English class that Thursday morning, he saw her. She was sitting on the opposite side of the classroom from her usual seat, in the first row, and was gazing out the window. She looked so pale and incredibly sad. Malakai wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms and tell her he had been wrong, but he couldn’t. She was no longer his to comfort.

After she had left, David had shown up pretty angry. He had asked Malakai what happened, but Malakai didn’t tell him. That had made the center angrier, and as he had left, he told Malakai he had better fix this.

But Malakai had no way of fixing it.

He took the last seat in the row next to the door, the farthest seat from Lily.

At lunch the two previous days, Malakai had sat at his usual table, David next to him. They hadn’t talked. In fact, Malakai hadn’t spoken to anyone, and everybody had pretty much left him alone. He was glad of that. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to try and survive the rest of the year and leave, taking comfort in the knowledge that in five months he would be far away from this place.

Now that he was sitting in the classroom across from her, he couldn’t help himself; he just stared at her. He found it strange she didn’t even seem to know he was there, as she should have felt him. His pain was so raw, so deep, it was palpable, and he doubted a tree would have remained oblivious to it.

He didn’t hear any of the lesson. He didn’t know how the hotstopper from his long forgotten coffee ended up in his hand. He hadn’t even realized the bell had rung until he saw Lily stand and disappear out the door.

Malakai grabbed his books and his half-drunk coffee and made his way to his next classroom.

When lunchtime came around, Malakai was ready to hide in the gym and punch the bag until it dropped from its hinge. He had a constant pain in his chest, and it had nothing to do with a heart attack.

He slowly made his way to the cafeteria, went to buy his lunch, and sat at his usual table. A few minutes later, David walked into the cafeteria with Lily, talking to her, smiling at her. Malakai’s heart shattered all over again. David liked her too, and now he was going for her.

Malakai was so confused he barely registered they weren’t touching, he barely understood what it meant, but they were so close he couldn’t stop the flare of jealousy that crept into his heart.

“Wow! With David again,” Zoe said from the next table over.

“Shut up,” Malakai growled, the only thing he had said at the lunch table since their return from the holiday. He must have sounded quite scary because everybody turned and looked at him with different expressions of surprise on their faces.

A few moments later, Lily walked out of the cafeteria with her lunch, and David walked to their table with his. Everyone remained quiet, looking at David and Malakai, waiting to see what would happen next. When nothing did, they went back to their lunches.

How could his best friend go with…?

He couldn’t finish the thought; it just hurt too much. Malakai pushed his half-eaten tray toward David, who never had enough food, grabbed his bag, stood, and left.

He had to let her go.

He had to live with the fact he was the one who had left her.

Even if he didn’t like it, she had every right to find happiness wherever she could, even with David.

Chapter Seventy-Four

MALAKAI

Malakai had no
idea how he ended up there. He was at the school football field, sitting on the third row of the bleachers, looking at the empty field in front of him. It had begun to rain a while back, but he didn’t care. All he felt was the pain in his heart, the pain of seeing Lily with David at lunch earlier.

Gone was her easy smile, and he was the one who had put the sadness in her eyes when he had let her go.

When he had said no.

When he hadn’t followed her.

The rain was now pouring down on him, and he didn’t have the strength to move anymore. All he wanted to do was crawl in the middle of the field, roll in a fetal position, and sleep…Never mind the rain.

“Malakai?” someone called, approaching him.

He didn’t even look up. He didn’t know if he could.

“Malakai, dude, what are you doing here?”

Malakai remained silent.

David sat next to him, pulling his coat higher to cover his neck. “It’s raining, dude. Let’s get out of here.”

Malakai didn’t answer. He didn’t move. He just kept on staring right in front of himself.

Maybe, if he kept perfectly still…

“What the fuck is going on?” David finally asked, getting angry all over again. “You didn’t want to tell me last week, but you sure as hell are going to tell me now. Lily’s been at my house crying her eyeballs out for the last week, and you’re sitting here in the fucking rain.

“Malakai, answer me!”

“Lily,” he whispered. His heart constricted at the thought of her, crying, alone, broken.

“Yes, Lily. What did you do to her?”

“I said no,” he said so quietly he wondered if David had heard over the rain.

“What do you mean you said no?”

“She wanted to make love, and I said no.”

“What the fuck, dude?! The most beautiful girl in school asked you to have sex, and you said no? Are you gay or something?”

Malakai shook his head. As he looked at his hands, he noticed how his cast had begun to soften where it had gotten wet.

“Okay, you’ve got to explain that one to me because I just don’t get it.”

“My mum came back. Did you know?” Malakai said, instead of answering.

“Okay. And what does that have to do with anything?”

“My mum abandoned me when I was ten years old. One day she was there, and the next, poof, she was gone. No words, no explanation, no nothing. Just gone. Now she’s back, and all I can think about is how she left me, how my father leaves me all the time, for weeks on end, and me being alone at home, day after day. Did you know that, David?” he asked, looking at the center.

“Dude, that’s messed up,” David said, sadly shaking his head, looking at the field in front of him.

Malakai turned to look at the field, his fists clenched in his lap. “My mum, she just won’t tell me why she left. She won’t tell me anything. Now I don’t know if I want to talk to her again.”

“Maybe you should,” David said calmly. “I don’t know what you’re going through because I have my mom, and she’s the most wonderful person in the world. Honestly, dude, I don’t know what I’d do without her.

“I think you should talk to your mom again. I mean, she did come back after all.”

“I know. But I don’t know what to say. I’m so angry. I’m so…”

“Hurt?” David suggested when Malakai wouldn’t finish his sentence.

Malakai only nodded, looking at his hands again, the fight completely leaving his body.

“Listen, we’ve got to get you inside. It’s raining and it’s forty degrees. You’re going to get sick if we stay here any longer.”

Malakai hesitated a moment, then nodded. David stood up, and Malakai followed him to the parked cars.

“Come, I’ll take you to my place. My sister’s at Lily’s and my parents are out. We should have some quiet time there.”

Malakai was too tired to argue. He followed David to his pickup and didn’t look back as they drove away.

Chapter Seventy-Five

MALAKAI

The sun wasn’t
even up the next morning when Malakai got out of bed, got dressed, and left David’s house. As he walked toward the school, the sun was slowly rising, and the sky was completely clear. It wasn’t warm, but it was going to be a beautiful day.

Malakai hoped it would rain.

It took him twenty-five minutes to get to the school and to his jeep. By the time he arrived, he was frozen despite the sun, and he quickly turned the heat on. With a yawn, he left the parking lot and headed home.

He had to see if he could find his mother. After spending the night thinking about what David told him, he realized he wanted to talk to her again.

When he got home, he ran up the stairs and unlocked his apartment door. As usual, he was alone, and the apartment felt emptier than ever.

How he wished he could take it all back and make his relationship with Lily whole again. But he couldn’t. She deserved better than him, better than who he was.

Malakai walked to his bedroom and opened the bedside table drawer. Inside was the envelope his mom had left him. He hadn’t dared open it, but now he was hoping she had left a clue as to where she was.

Quickly, he opened the envelope and retrieved the letter.

Dear Maki,

I know this is hard for you, and I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I may not have been the best mother in the world, but I do love you. I also hope you will change your mind and want to see me again. I am currently renting a small apartment in town (see address below), and I’m hoping to be staying a while for a well-deserved rest. I hope you will find it in your heart to come and visit me.

I love you, Maki.

Mum

Malakai glanced at the address and took his phone to map the route. It was on the other side of town. Slowly, he got up and made his way to the door. A few minutes later, he was in his jeep, driving toward his mother’s apartment complex.

Fifteen minutes later, Malakai pulled up at the gate of an apartment complex and drove inside at the same time another car drove out. Once he had found the right building, he parked his jeep and turned off the engine. He grabbed his steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. His cast was now soft all the way to his wrist from getting wet. He would have to go to the clinic to have it replaced before the day was over.

He stared up at the building for a while, uncertainty in his heart.

He was afraid of what he would find in there. He was afraid his mother had changed her mind and would close the door on him, never to talk to him again. Above all, he was afraid he wouldn’t find any answers.

He finally worked up enough nerve to get out of his jeep and walk to his mother’s apartment. He raised his fist to knock on the door but hesitated. He took a long breath, hesitating again, then he looked at the door some more. He slowly lowered his fist and sighed. He was about to turn around when the door flew open.

“Maki,” his mom said, looking at him, hope in her eyes. “I saw your shadow through the window,” she added, pointing at the window next to him. “Please, come in.”

“I…I don’t know if I should,” he said.