Crown's Chance at Love (32 page)

“Talk to me,” I whisper against her lips. I know it isn’t fair, but fuck I need her mouth. Kissing her deeply, feeling her hand move from my chest to the back of my neck, I pull her closer to me, as close as humanly possible. Her body is pressed tightly into mine; kissing her hard our bodies reacting to one anothers’. I pull my face away and look at her as she opens her eyes slowly and a soft smile is placed on her pretty lips.

“I like when you kiss me,” she says smiling.

“I like kissing you babe…” I start to say and my phone rings. She lets me go and I look at it, surprised to see it read
“John Calling…”

“It’s John,” I say and press
talk
.

“Hey John, bad time bro…”

“Too fucking bad,” he says seriously and I freeze.

“What’s up?” I ask trying to mask my worry in front of Sabrina.

“This is big. You with her right now?” John asks his voice is stiff and something is tightening in my gut.

“Yeah.”

“Shit dude. You need to come over here. Pat’s attorney’s called yesterday and left me a message since they couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“What’d they say?” I ask walking to the living room, leaving Sabrina in the kitchen.

“He’s getting out Mike. He is going to be released in a couple of days,” John says, his voice like gravel.

“What?” My stomach is twisting.

“Come over to my place and I’ll give you more details okay?”

“You home now?” I ask, needing to know more.

“Yeah. I’ll be here…”

“I’ll be there in an hour or two. That cool?” I tell him as I watch Sabrina come into the living room watching me. Her arms are around her waist, and she is looking at me a little worried.

“Yeah, but Mike there’s more. This deal we are working with Maxwell…there are some big red flags popping up.”

“Okay I’ll be there in a bit,” I tell him.

Pressing
end
on my cell phone I look over at her.

“Guess you have to go huh?” she asks trying to not look disappointed.

“In a little bit,” I say trying not to sound distracted. Shit! Fuck!
Breathe Mike.
I remind myself.

“Is everything okay with John?” she asks.

“Yeah. With John yes; the deal we are working on I am not so sure about.”

“Oh I am so sorry Mike.”

“It’s okay,” I say. I don’t want to leave.

The kids were gone and we were alone at her place for the first time. Fuck I wanted to do so many fucking things, yet the thing I had to do was leave. Patrick was going to be released less than four years after the accident. Shit.

“Do you have to go right now?” she asks. I should. I should leave right now and never come back. She would be so much better off without me in her life.

“No. Let’s watch a movie. If I finish with John early enough maybe I can head back. That sound okay?” I say without thinking and I can’t make myself regret it especially after watching her face brighten with a big smile.

“Okay.”

“Go get Pj’s on and I’ll put something on over here. Sound okay?” I suggest, trying calm myself down.

“Why don’t you go and that way you can come back sooner, maybe spend the night?” she suggests back and I watch as she walks to me with her sweet and sexy smile, her hands on my chest like she has to touch me, and I fucking love it. I love her hands on me.

“Okay baby.”

I kiss her softly. Her sweet tasting mouth driving me crazy. I move my mouth away from her, leaning my forehead on hers. I look at her sweet face. Her eyes are closed and she looks so sweet and young.

“I hate this part,” she says softly her eyes still closed, her warm breath tickling my lips.

“What part babe?” I ask my lips lightly grazing hers. I love the way my body feels completely alive when I am around her.

“Having to say bye,” she says so softly I almost didn’t catch what she had said. I know that I am partially responsible for having her feel that way. Hell I am completely responsible. I let her believe all I wanted to do was get to know one another. I am fucking lying to her. Now Patrick was about to be released from fucking prison.

I hate saying goodbye to her; especially on Sundays or nights we weren’t sure when the next time we would see each other would be. The cusp of the new week hung over us with the uncertainty of when our schedules would let us see the other again. As much as I had loved the couple of stolen nights of us sleeping together at my place, the way she felt next to me, I almost regretted it because I don’t want to leave her now. Those moments had made me want so much more. Especially right now. Everything feels like it is suddenly looming over me.

“Are you planning on not seeing me? Maybe get to know someone new?” I ask trying to lighten the mood, but the hurt in her eyes tells me it was the wrong thing to say.

“Yeah… you know me… maybe I should start getting to know someone else,” she says trying to be funny but I know her feelings are hurt, and I feel like an ass. She had been trying to be serious and I had made a joke. I am an idiot.

“Hey look at me,” I say pulling her pretty face up to so that I can look into her eyes.

I love her eyes. Warm and kind. They showed everything without hesitation or games. So fucking honest… too fucking honest. Her brown eyes a deep chocolate with gold flecks in them.

“I didn’t mean to make jokes. I hate this part too. I promise I will try to get back here tonight. How about tomorrow you guys come over, I’ll grill something up and we can all go swimming, what do you think?” she looks like she is about to answer but doesn’t and I worry.

“I’m sure the kids would love it..” I start to say, but she cuts me off.

“I don’t want to push you into all this Mike,” she says looking up at me, stepping back and putting space between us.

“What?” Feeling left a little unbalanced by her statement, I try not to sound defensive but can’t seem to help it, “Push me into what?”

“The chaos that is my life Mike. Sometimes it feels like you are giving me the green light, that you want to be here. But there are other times that…”

“When what honey?” I can feel my body starting to tense. What the hell was I doing that made her so nervous?

“When you hold back, and for the most part it’s fine. I totally get it…”

“Get what?” I ask, not able to help myself.

“I bring a lot to the table,” she says, her eyes wide and slightly sad.

“None of it’s bad babe.” I try to reassure her, not able to tell her how much I care. I can’t until she knows the truth. The look on her face tells me she isn’t convinced.

“I get that Mike, but it’s a lot.” She bites her lower lip and I can’t seem to look away from it.  

“I just want to be clear about one thing though,” she starts to say, her sweet face now serious.

“What’s that?” My voice is a bit hoarse with worry.

“I get that your are hesitant and holding back.”

“You do?” I ask my heart slightly racing at the thought that she actually knew the truth.

“Yeah. I mean, you and Holly were together for so long, and then now you and I. It’s not like I bring in the easiest situation either. That being said, when it becomes to be too much Mike, all you have to do is tell me.” Her eyes open and are slightly glassy without tears. God she is so fucking strong and beautiful it makes my heart ache.

“What do you mean?”

“If you want an out it’s okay. I mean when you want one… all you have to do is call it quits. Tell me. No games or hurt feelings. I don’t want you to feel obligated to be here or hang around. I want you to know that I’d get it, if what I bring to the table is too much,” she says clearly rambling and nervous.

“You think that is what’s holding me back? What you bring to the table?” I ask completely dumbfounded and she nods. She fucking nods. She thought her situation was too much for me to handle. That that was what made me hesitate. Fuck me.

Part of me wants to shake her and tell her how much I fucking care about her; spill all the words I have been choking on. Tell her how how I care about the four of them. The other part of me is ashamed at myself for letting her think that this could be the case at all.

“Baby, shit. It’s me. You’ve seen what my schedule is like with work. How I have to leave at the drop of a dime. How busy my schedule gets. I want you to be sure about me. Not the other way around. The other way around, I like what you bring to the table. Your kids are great. You’re great.”  Her eyes still glassy, she looks away. God I wish I could tell her more.

“Come here,” I tell her, but she is still looking at me with her guarded eyes, and I just want those warm chocolate pools to turn warm for me.

“Mike you should get going, John needed you,” she says sounding slightly defeated.

“Come here,” I repeat and she looks at me. She isn’t moving. So I go to her. My hands going to her round hips, pulling her body into mine. My mouth going to the crook of her neck, kissing the soft skin there. Moving my lips to her ear I say,

“I want to be here. The moment you don’t want me here you tell me. This thing goes both ways.”

“Mike…” she starts to say but I interrupt her, moving from her ear to look at her pretty face.

“Shh. Kiss me babe I have to go. I’ll try to finish with John as fast as I can.” She stands on her tip toes her lips falling onto mine and I want to cheer for small accomplishments. She kisses me. I love when she kisses me. They start off shy and sweet and heat up fast. I just wish I could stay to let them get as hot as she wanted. Breaking the kiss and saying goodbye almost killed me.

Mike

John bought a new place, a large amount of land in the Hollywood Hills. The house was Old Hollywood and he was getting work done on it. The house had been extremely run down almost abandoned by some old Hollywood movie star, and when she died her kids sold the property. John loved investments and he jumped on this monstrosity for some unknown reason. The place was so run down it even needed a new fucking road built.

As I am about to bang on the door, John opens it up smiling brightly. Too brightly.

“You are finally fucking here,” he says laughing standing at the door in grey track pants and a white t-shirt.

“Shut up,” I mumble as I follow him into what he has converted into his study.

Sitting on the antique leather chair across the desk from him I notice he looks exhausted.

“So what did the attorneys at Patterson and Rowinsky have to say?” I ask, a dull ache starting at my temples.

“Overcrowding and good behavior. He is being let out Thursday Mike,” he says calmly, but the way he is watching me makes me feel like I am under a microscope.

My little brother, after killing two men while driving drunk, is now going to go free.

I know part of me should be happy about his impending freedom, but somehow it doesn’t feel right. An image of Sabrina’s kids flash in my mind. Three great kids are growing up without a father. Sabrina without her husband. Yet my brother is going to be free to live his life.

“Shit,” I say running my fingers through my hair leaning further back into the comfortable chair.

“Seems your dad knew. Walt is renting him a house in LA. A small two room cottage, nothing fancy.”

“Fuck… you serious?” I ask.

My fucking dad. Patrick was his weakness. He had loved Patrick’s mom. She had been his one, but he had chosen money and social standing over love. Now he lived in a huge house, shared a room with a woman he couldn’t stand and every Tuesday morning he took pink roses to the cemetery where Lorelai Evans was laid to rest. I felt bad for him, but in life we all make decisions and have to live with the consequences.

Consequences.

What would my consequences be? What would happen between Sabrina and I once she knew the truth? What consequences would I be living with once my lies came to the light? I felt my stomach twist and turn, making me feel sick.

“Now with Maxwell Financial, we need to make a trip to New York this week. Something about this CEO isn’t rubbing me the right way. I was going through the contracts and…”