Cruiser (11 page)

We finally reach the shop and walk up to the counter. Rosie orders her favorite vanilla and chocolate cone drizzled with hot fudge and Reese’s pieces, and Cruiser turns to me. “Chocolate chip cookie dough?”

I smile and
nod. He returns it. He hardly ever smiles a real genuine one. I’ve forgotten how warm it looks.

We get our cones, pay, and head to a table in the back. Cruiser pulls a chair aside to make room
for Rosie, lowering himself on the chair near her. I sit across from him.

“Rosie, did you hear Lex’s pom squad placed first?” Cruiser asks, licking his cone.

“First place? Cool.” Rosie crunches some Reese’s pieces. “Were you there?”

My eyes lock with his. I don’t realize I have my tongue out like it’s frozen in place. Cruiser’s eyes drop to my mouth. My stomach does a cartwheel.

“Yep,” Cruiser says, bringing his eyes to my sister. “She was kickass. And might I say, the best dancer on the team.”

My cheeks heat up. “He’s just flattering me.”

“Nope. I say it like it is.”

Rosie’s eyes widen as she stares at us. She’s not thinking…God, is Cruiser flirting with me?

I need to change the subject and fast. “Rosie, did you ask that boy from your bus to come over?”

“A boy?” Cruiser asks
, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “What boy?”

“She rides a special bus to school,” I
tell him, feeling relieved that this is neutral territory. “Another kid in a wheelchair rides with her. I’ve been trying to get Rosie to invite him over.”

Rosie shrugs. “I don’t want to ask him anything. He’s weird.”

“What do you mean by that?” I ask. She needs to be with people her own age. She used to be such a lively girl, and popular amongst her friends. She can be that person again, despite her handicap. She can be even more. But she just won’t give herself a chance.

She shrugs again. “I don’t know. A few weeks ago, I was eating a snack on the bus. And he was
staring
at me. So I asked him if he wanted some. He just spun his head away and stared out the window.”

“He’s just shy, Rosie Posie,” Cruiser says. “I
bet he wants to be your friend. How about you listen to your sister and ask him to come over?”

Rosie
makes a disgusted face. “No way.”

He chuckles. I stare at his chest as it moves up and down. It’s so ripped. I have no idea how much he works out.
I peeked from the guestroom window once and saw him on the bench in his room. I shove the image of his bare chest away.

Someone’s foot touches mine and I jerk back. Was it Cruiser’s?
My knees quake when I realize it was. Rosie can’t move her legs.

“Well, ladies, looks like I finished my cone,” he says, his eyes on me. Does he know I pulled away?

Crap. Some ice cream just dripped onto my shirt. I grab a tissue and dab at my chest, then freeze. Dabbing at my
chest
? What the heck am I doing? I look up and find Cruiser staring at my stain.

“We should head back,” I say, w
anting to be anywhere but here.

“Can I buy you girls anything?” Cruiser asks. “Some candy from the counter?”

“Yeah, Snickers!” Rosie says. Ice cream drips onto her front too, and rolls down to her pants. “Oops.”

Cruiser’s eyes catch mine. “Skittles, Lex?”

He remembers my favorite snack. I’m so tongue-tied, I just manage a nod. Cruiser heads to the counter.

“Are you and Cruiser friends now?” Rosie asks.

I look at her. Is there an underlying question to this question—is she asking me if something’s going on between us? Is something going on between us? There
can’t
be. “Yeah,” I say. “We’re friends.”

“That’s cool.” She takes a big lick of her cone. “
Why were you mean to him before?”

I wish she hadn’t brought this up. I don’t like discussing the accident with her. True pushing it away or pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t help, but I just can’t discuss it with her. It brings me back to that awful night, and I can’t stand the memories. “It doesn’t matter, Rosie.”

“Is it because of my accident?”

Such an innocent and blunt question. I don’t understand how the memories don’t haunt her. “It’s more than that, sweetie, but I’m trying to get over it. I should have been doing this a while ago
.”

“Ready to go?” Cruiser hands Snickers to Rosie and Skittles to me. His hand brushes mine. An electric jolt passes through me and I jump to my feet. I really don’t want him to get the wrong idea here.

“Let’s go,” I say.

We make it back home and I wheel Rosie up the ramp. Cruiser stands near the steps and I look back at him. I don’t want the day to end. Is that wrong? If I want to spend more time with Cruiser, am I cheating on Rey? But it can’t be cheating, not if we’re just going to be friends.

“Do you want to come in?” I ask.

Cruiser

I follow her upstairs. Can’t believe she’s taking me to her royal chambers. I got to stop at every other step to breathe before I collapse and roll down the steps. All I see in front of me are her legs and the back of her short white skirt. She’s about five three so she’s doesn’t have long legs. They’re not skinny, either. They’re curvy and just so sexy.

She lays a hand on the knob and looks at me. I don’t know what to think. This is the closest we’ve
gotten since I came back, and now that it’s finally happening again, I don’t know how to behave, what to say. She belongs to my brother and I’m not taking her away from him. Though I want to. Fuck, I want to so bad.

She turns the knob and pushes the door open. It’s like walking into your old home. Room’s the same size, walls are the same color, but the place is different. The closet in the corner is bigger than I remember. She’s got a different bedspread on her bed. Used to be
solid purple, but now it’s flowers. One thing that’s the same is the shelf lining the wall—it’s got all her favorite stuffed animals. I recognize most of them, but a few are new. I know where those came from: Rey.

One in particular catches my att
ention. I walk over to the gray hippo and pluck it off the shelf. Without meaning to, I sniff it. Then I do it again. This brings me back, way back. To all those times Lex carried the thing around. She brought it to show and tell in first grade and accidentally left it in school. She wreaked havoc when it was time to go to bed because she didn’t have her sleeping buddy. I remember her mom frantically calling and asking if Rey and I knew where Hippo was. I told her Lex must have left it at school, and that led to Lex and her parents having a rough night. As soon as she came to school the next day, she found it under one of the tables.

“I haven’t been in here in a long time,” I say, still holding the stuffed animal.

“Over a year,” she says, coming to stand near me.

“Yeah.” I take a
nother sniff of Hippo. “This smells like you.”

“I have a smell?”

I put it back on the shelf. “Yeah, of course you do.”

“Hope it’s good,” she says with a nervous laugh.

It’s more than good. I catch a whiff of it whenever she passes me. The wind blows it off her hair and into my nose. I smell it on her clothes. Even on Rey sometimes.

She walks to the window and half-sits on the sill, folds her arms and looks at me. Now that we’re here, I guess we don’t know what to do. I want to catch up on all we’ve missed. Want to know how she’s doing, how she’s feeling. But I just stand by the shelf and touch some of her other stuffed animals.

“I want to thank you, Cruiser,” she says.

I look at her. “For what?”

“For being great to Rosie. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, having to come back and face everything. But she’s been happier since you started spending time with her. I can see her changing for the positive. And…” She lowers her eyes and crosses one leg over the other. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you.”

I take a step closer to her. “I’m sorry for all the shit I caused.”

She raises her eyes to me. They’re brimming with tears. “I’ve missed you, Cruise.” She blinks and a tear rolls down her cheek. I’m about to reach out and wipe it away, but I stand my ground.

“I’ve missed you too, T. Rex.”

I’m in front of her now. I should stop myself. Stay a few feet back. But I can’t. I want her in my arms. Now.

“My life hasn’t been the same without you in it,” she whispers, more tears sliding down. This time, I do reach out and rub my thumbs over her eyes, blotting away the tears. Hell, I want to do much, much more. “I’ve been
so stupid.”

“No, you haven’t,” I murmur. “I was the stupid one.”

She hiccups. Fuck, I can’t hold back any longer. I pull her to my chest and hug her tight, bury my face in her luscious hair. I want to talk about everything that happened, but now’s not the right time. Not when we’re finally rebuilding a relationship. She cries into my chest and I can’t stand it. I don’t want her to cry. I can’t bear it.

“Lex, please don’t.”

She raises her head and looks into my eyes. She’s so soft in my arms. She’s not one of those skinny-ass girls who are all bone. I’ve been with lots of them and it doesn’t feel good to hug them. Feels like you’re hugging a leafless tree. She’s got curves, this girl. So soft, yet also a little hard because of her dancing.

“Cruise? I…” Her gaze falls to my mouth.

Oh, hell. I tug her toward me and press my lips to hers. She jerks back for a second, but then her mouth opens and she welcomes me, her body sagging into mine. I kiss her and kiss her, deepen it. She kisses me back, moaning desperately.

I gently push her against the wall. Continue to kiss her like I’ve gone for days without food
and she’s my buffet. Such warm lips. Feels so damn good to finally kiss her again. Her hands come to my hair and she yanks hard, soft moans coming out between breaths. I shouldn’t, we shouldn’t. Hell, I got a million voices telling my why I shouldn’t. She’s Rey’s girl and off limits. We’re just getting back to being friends and doing this can ruin things. She was in a weak moment and going after her lips was cheap on my part. Once I start I’ll never stop. If I lose her again, I don’t think I’ll be able to live.

She pulls away and catches her breath. My chest is rising and falling. My body’s all wound up, on fire. This feeling—I love it and I hate it. I need it to stop, but I need it to continue. I need her to tame it.

“We can’t,” she pants.

She’s right. So right. I
need
to. But I can’t. “We shouldn’t,” I say.

She stares into my eyes, biting down on her bottom lip. I can see it all. Her heart’s saying the opposite of what her brain’s telling her. Her body’s
resisting too. She doesn’t want me to stop.

“T. Rex,” I murmur.

She grabs hold of the back of my neck and tugs my mouth back to hers. I clutch her waist and throw her onto her bed, then climb on top of her. She pulls me closer to her and her lips are begging, her moans are pleading. Fuck Rey and fuck what ramifications might come out of this. I want her. And she wants me.

Lex

I’m going to throw up.

My hair feels like a mop, my
skirt is so wrinkled I bet Mom will have to pay double at the cleaners. I smell like Cruiser.

I sit
up on my bed. What did I just
do
?

Cheater. Cheater
.

I pull my knees to my chest
and bury my face in them. Tears seep into my skirt. I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe I did that. Me, cheat. I’m so against cheating. I swore I would never do that to anyone. Just because my hot ex-best friend shows up and makes me feel these amazing things I’ve never felt before, it gives me the right to cheat on my boyfriend? I yell into my knees. I hate myself.

After a few minutes, I raise my head and wipe my eyes. The room is dark now. I’m not really sure when he left. An hour ago? Two? I reach for my bedside lamp and turn it on, filling my room with a soft glow. I need to talk to Dani, but where’s my phone?

Downstairs.

The clock displays 8:37. Mom should be in the kitchen putting away the leftovers from dinner, Dad should be in the den, and Rosie should be watching Disney. Just a regular
night for them. They didn’t just cheat on their boyfriend.

“Lex,” Mom says when I walk into the kitchen. She shuffles over and gives me a hug. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you, but Coach Lewis told me some of the parents caught your performance on tape. I’m sure you can borrow it.”

That’s not exactly the point, but now’s not the right time to bring that up. I have a more pressing matter on my mind and I need to find my freakin’ phone.

“Are you okay, honey?”

Um, not really. I’m so dizzy. I head to the pantry and rummage around for something, anything. Chocolate. I grab the bar and crack off a piece.

“You haven’t eaten dinner, Lex. Are you hungry? I’m putting the food away, but should I prepare a plate for you?”

“No, thanks.”

“Are you tired from the meet? I knocked on your door for dinner, but you were wiped out. Is something going on?”

You don’t even know. “Was Cruiser here?” I blurt.

Mom gets a container from the cupboard and dumps the meat inside. “Yes, he was playing a game with Rosie. Rey dropped by when you were sleeping. He didn’t want to wake you.”

God, Rey came over right after Cruiser and I…?

Some of the chocolate melt
s on my palms. I run my hands under the faucet. “Mom?”

She looks up from the container. “Yes?”

What happened with Cruiser is about to burst out of my mouth, but I press down on my lips. I can’t speak to my mom about this. We used to be really close before the accident, and I wish we had that same relationship now. But I don’t think I would have been able to talk to her about something like this even back then. I need to talk to someone, but that person is not my mom, no matter how much I want to rebuild our close relationship. So I shake my head and say, “Never mind.”

She walks over to
me and pats my head. “I’m here for you if you need me.” She opens the fridge and places the container inside.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

I head to the living room and find Rosie watching
TeenNick
. “Cruiser told me to tell you goodnight,” she says.

Bile rises in my throat. I
need
to take a shower.

“Thanks. Did you see my bag?”

Rosie points her thumb to the recliner, where my bag sits. I unzip it and pull out my phone. Lots of missed calls and texts from Rey, a few messages from Dani. I open the last message Rey sent me.

Hope you
’re okay. Dropped by earlier. Call as soon as you can. Miss you xoxo.

I scroll through the texts.
Why am I expecting a text from
him
? Didn’t we do enough?

“Why do you look like that time last year when you
walked home in that storm?” Rosie asks. “Your hair’s so frizzy and floppy and it looks like an elephant sat on your clothes and wrinkled it.”

I touch my hair.
“Always loved how soft your hair is, T. Rex.”
I fold my arms over my stomach and squeeze tight. “I fell asleep. Good night, Rosie.”

“Don’t you want to watch
Degrassi
with me? You said you wanted to see this episode.”

Watch a teen drama all about hookups and breakups? I think I
need
to pass on that one. “I wish, but I’m really tired and I need to make some phone calls…” How can I face either of them?

“’Kay. Goodnight.”

I don’t remember climbing the steps to my room. All I remember is flipping through Rey’s messages and feeling like I want to throw up everything I ate today.
Love you. Miss you. Can’t wait to watch that documentary on extreme jobs. Heard you kicked ass at the meet. Wanted to give you a congrats kiss.

I lie down on my bed, dial Dani, and smash my pillow to my face. “Thought you died on me,” she says.

Tears run out of my eyes and drench the pillow. I swallow the lump in my throat. “I cheated on Rey.”

“
What?”

Saying it aloud makes me sound like such a
bitch. What girl would cheat on someone as sweet and caring as Rey? Who in their right mind would throw him away for someone like Cruiser?

Me. And I’d do it again if I had the chance.

Oh, God. I need to stop thinking like that.

“Lex?”

“Yes,” I croak.

“All the way?”

“No. Just…making out mostly. Some touching was involved, too.” A chill goes down my spine at the memory of Cruiser brushing his hand over my body. I shiver.

“Wow,” she says. “What happened to just being friends?”

“I guess that didn’t work out,” I mumble.

“Details, please?”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We were talking at first. I invited him up to my room, but I didn’t think…”
Liar
. “I mean, we talked and then we kissed, and then we were on my bed making out and then…I fell asleep. When I woke up he was gone.”

She’s quiet for a few seconds. “Wow.”

I run my hand through my hair. It’s so knotty. When Cruiser raked his fingers through the strands…God, I
need
to stop thinking about that. “I cheated, Dani. I cheated on my boyfriend with his
twin
brother.”

I get up and walk to the window, pulling the curtain
aside. Rey’s shade is up and I can see clearly into his room. He’s reading a book, looks like SAT prep. His phone’s sitting beside him. The guilt takes over, consumes me. I snap the shade closed.

“So ask yourself this question, Lex,” Dani says. “Why
did
you make out with Cruiser?”

I fall down on my bed. “I don’t know!”

“Bzzz. Try again.”

Because I love the way he makes me feel, I love the feeling of being with him. I want things to go back to how they used to be, before all this BS.

“I don’t know,” I say again.

“Okay, so let the therapist lay it out for you. You want him, and I don’t mean as just friends.”

“So? I want to eat a six-hundred calorie cheesecake every day. It doesn’t mean I should do it.”

“Well, if you’re living on tofu, I say go for it.”

I scratch my head. “What’s that mean?”

“It means that you’re
not into Rey anymore. You want his brother, and you’re going to drive yourself crazy until you get him.”

Tears spring to my eyes. “But I can’t, Dani!
I love Rey. He’s caring and is always there for me, and he’d never hurt me. He’s always made me feel loved and appreciated and taken care of. Most of the time, anyway, but that’s because he’s under a lot of stress. How can I break his heart? And how has Cruiser made me feel? He knew how I felt about him. Yet he threw those girls in my face.”

I rub my arms over my eyes and nose. Where’s a tissue when I need one?

“First of all, he was hurting, too. Second of all, you didn’t exactly welcome him with open arms after the accident. You hurt him really hard. And third of all, you don’t know what will happen with Cruiser. You don’t know what can be until you try.”

“I need to break up with Rey,” I say. “I cheated on him. It’s not right to stay with him if I cheated.”

“You don’t need to tell him, you know. I mean, if you decide to stay with him. Just make sure if never happens again.”

I rub my arm over my face again. “It’s the right thing to do, regardless if we’ll stay together.”

“Will you tell him you cheated with Cruiser?”

My heart sinks. It’ll crush him when I break up with him. It’ll crush him even more
if he discovers I cheated on him with
Cruiser
. The Dalton twins have never really been competitive, but growing up, I knew how left out Rey felt. It was no secret that I was closer with Cruiser. Sometimes it felt like we were fighting over him. If Rey knows I was with him…it might ruin their relationship. I can’t do that to them.

Breaking up with Rey is the right thing to do. He deserves to be with a girl who hasn’t cheated on him. It hurts my heart to admit that, and I know I’ll miss him like crazy. A part of me is yelling to shove these thoughts away and stay with Rey, because I love him. But I also know that this…
thing
with Cruiser won’t go away. Because as much guilt as I’m feeling now, I can’t help but feel a warmness in my heart when I think of Cruiser. When I remember the feeling of his body close to mine. The romantic words he whispered in my ear.

Tears blur my vision. I don’t know what any of this means. I don’t
know
what’s going on with me. But I need to break up with Rey. It’s the right thing to do.