Crushing (19 page)

Veronica was bustling around the kitchen when we got inside. She was pulling something out of the oven. She always thought practically. Whatever needed to get done, in a crisis or not, she was your girl.

“You’re here!” She rushed around the counter and pulled me into a hug. “Rory, you scared me so bad. Are you all right?”

“I’m good. Thanks.”

“Okay, well, I made food. I figured someone would be hungry.” She looked quickly at Jackson and then back at me.

“I’m starved, Ronnie,” Jeremiah said, rubbing his stomach and strolling into the kitchen. “What did you make?”

“I made mini meatloaves, macaroni and cheese, a chopped salad with chicken, and I, uh, I picked up a cheesecake from Portolli’s.”

I noticed these were some of Jackson’s favorite foods. They were mine too, but . . . hmm.

“Sorry, I cook when I’m worried.” She looked embarrassed.

“You can come here anytime you’re worried, Ronnie.” Jeremiah was lifting the lid of a casserole dish.

Jackson just rubbed her shoulder as he walked through to the kitchen. “You’re a lifesaver, Ron. Thanks.”

Now that I was home, I felt exhausted all of a sudden. More of the creep factor was crowding in my head. Memories of feeling the backseat of the car pushing against my face and my arm behind my back were coming in flashes. I had felt so powerless. I had never been that scared. It was like my sense of safety was all a lie. There was no safe place if someone I thought was a friend could do that. And I knew if Gage hadn’t shown up, I couldn’t have stopped it myself. He could have…

Time to get out of my own head.

“I’m going to go upstairs to take a shower.” Three heads turned my way frowning.

“I’ll come up with you,” Veronica said.

“I’m okay, Ron. Really.” I gave my best shot at a smile.

“I’m coming,” she insisted.

I should know better than to get in her way. She’s like a bulldozer when she puts her mind to something.

“Come on, then.”

In the shower I scrubbed hard. I felt like I needed to get that creepy feel off my skin. It didn’t really work, but I felt a little better after. When I came back to my room in my bathrobe, Veronica was sitting in the middle of my bed with movies spread out on the comforter in front of her.

“What sounds good—
Breakfast Club
and lots of teenage angst;
Princess Bride
, which is funny no matter how many times we see it; or
Phantom of the Opera
with that hunky Gerard Butler?”

“I think
Princess Bride
.” I was thankful she thought to come up with something that was sure to shut off my brain for a few hours. “Can you stay?” I really hoped she could. I didn’t want to sleep alone, and Jeremiah and Jackson snoring on my floor again would not be conducive to a good night’s sleep.

“I already told my dad, and of course he was fine with it. He’ll probably have his newest crazy over while I’m gone.” She pulled a face. “I told him what happened though, and he said to tell you to let him know if you needed an attorney. He doesn’t handle that kind of case, but he has plenty of attorneys in his office that he can get to help.”

“I actually already have one.”

“How did you get one so fast?”

“Mr. Elliott had one there before my brothers could even get there.”

“Wow. He must pay a lot in retainers.” She looked awestruck.

“Why?”

“Well, it’s not like TV. Lawyers don’t jump up and go running to the police station for just anyone. He must really be the big time.”

That made me start thinking about Gage again. I hadn’t heard from him. I had been checking my phone every few minutes, but nothing.

“I haven’t heard whether Gage got released or not. I think I’m going to text him.”

“I’ll get the movie set up.” She grabbed it and moved off the bed.

I went out onto the balcony and sat in the lounge chair.

I’m worried. Are you okay? Did they let you out yet?

I pushed Send and waited. And waited. I finally went back inside. Veronica started the movie, so I made myself comfortable and tried to watch. I was too distracted worrying to really pay attention, but I was glad I could pretend I was doing something.

About halfway through the movie Jackson came into the room.

“Got a minute?” he asked.

Veronica pushed Pause on the movie.

“Nathan Elliott called. He wanted to see how you were.”

“Is Gage home?” I asked.

“He said they’re both home and to tell you everything is fine.”

Why had he called instead of Gage?

“Okay, thanks.” I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. Why wouldn’t he text me back?

“Also, Mom and Dad are on their way home from the airport.” He was frowning. “Are you ready for the Spanish Inquisition, or do you want me to figure something out?”

Jackson had spoken to my parents on the phone already twice briefly, but I knew what was coming. They would want details. Lots of them.

“Maybe I’ll just pretend to be asleep when they get here?”

“Good luck with that. If you need me to run interference, let me know.” His eyes flicked to Veronica, who looked adorable in her pajamas.

“Can you please text or call Dom and let him know what’s going on? He’s texting nonstop. I’m sure he’s freaking out. I don’t want him to decide to just come over. I can’t deal with telling the whole story again. Please? And I don’t want him to decide to take matters into his own hands with Holden either.”

“Sure, Sassy. I’ll take care of it. No worries.” He left the room.

Everything felt very out of control. Was Gage mad? Did he not want to talk to me? I didn’t want to talk to my parents. I didn’t want to repeat myself again and answer all those questions, again. I didn’t want to think about or talk about any of it. My skin felt like I had ants under the first layer, and I wanted to scratch them out. My life had been so simple a month ago, and now it was all wrong.

Veronica reached over and gave me a hug. “It’s going to be all right. He probably can’t call. Maybe his uncle won’t let him.”

I nodded, but I knew that wasn’t it. His uncle wasn’t like that. Something was wrong.

“Let’s get through the thing with your parents, and then we’ll figure out what to do about Gage. Yes?”

I tried to say okay, but instead I burst into tears. I threw myself at Veronica like she was a life preserver in the ocean. I snuffled and snorted, and she just rubbed my back. What would I do without her in my life? Finally the tears slowed down, and she gently pushed me back to look at my face.

“Better?”

“Much. Sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

She frowned at me. “Did you just say you don’t know what happened? Let’s see. You were attacked and beaten by a friend, you watched the guy you’re in love with be dragged away by the police, you were interrogated in a police station, your parents are coming home to question you like a criminal. And there is a killer of teenage girls loose in our town. I’m pretty sure that deserves a good cry.”

“What did you just say?”

“What?”

“Did you say ‘the guy I’m in love with’?” I asked.

“Uh, duh. Yeah. Why?”

“I, uh, is that what you think?”

“Aurora, it’s what I know. I’ve known you since our mothers were pregnant in Lamaze class together. You’ve never acted like this around any other boy. That guy is under your skin, and he isn’t getting out. Trust me.”

“I don’t know. How can I be sure?”

“What have you been thinking about this whole time? Are you checking that phone every two minutes to see if Dom has called? Have you even wanted to call Dominic?”

“Actually, I was putting it off.”

She looked at me as if waiting for something.

I thought about what she said. She was right. It was like a great big
click
in my head. I cared about Dominic, but if I loved him, he would be the first person I would want to talk to. All I had thought about this whole time was if Gage was okay, and he was the only one I wanted to talk to. I had been fooling myself this whole time. I loved Gage, and I had been trying to not hurt Dom. He was a great friend, but he would never be the love of my life. I couldn’t think of him that way. Oh man.

“I’m an idiot.” I flopped back on the bed. I couldn’t believe it took something like this for me to figure it out.

“Ding, ding, ding, and she wins the prize!” Veronica shouted and threw her arms up in the air.

“Okay, okay—you don’t have to be so proud of yourself. How long have you known?”

She smirked at me. “Since the beach party.”

I blinked. “No way. You couldn’t have known then!”

“Well, I guess it was more when you told us about him at coffee after the beach party. I knew for sure then.” She had her “I know you better than you know yourself” smile on.

“You’re making that up.”

“Rory, you have been obsessed with him since he pulled you out of that storm drain. You have never obsessed about boys, ever. They just flock around you, and you’re polite and nice, but you’ve never shown a preference or even an interest.” She lay on her side and propped her head on her hand. “Even with Dominic, you have only ever been friendly. You do the same things with him you do with your brothers. If you had wanted to date him, it would have happened way before senior year. Seriously.”

She was right. My whole insides went wonky when I saw Gage. I went to bed thinking about him and woke up thinking about him. I’d never spent that kind of emotional energy on Dom. How had I not known? Was I too late now? Was he done with me? Maybe he thought I was too much effort with all the drama?

I heard the garage door opening, and moments later I could hear my parents coming in.

“Here we go,” I whispered.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’ll be fine.”

My parents didn’t bother to knock, but burst into my room. My mom rushed across to my bed and threw her arms around me.

“Rory, I’m so sorry. I should have been here.”

“I’m fine, Mom.” She hugged me tight, like she couldn’t get close enough.

“What is going on with you that all these things keep happening? I don’t understand. I’m never leaving home again.”

I actually had to laugh. As if her being home would have changed it. She was such a mom. “It’s not your fault. I’m okay.”

She passed me off to my dad. He hugged me and said, “I spoke to the attorney Elliott hired. We’re going to meet with him tomorrow. I don’t want you to worry. We’ll take care of everything.”

“Okay, Dad. Did he say anything about Gage? Is he in trouble?”

“The Cosgroves are pressing charges, of course. So we’ll see.”

“What! Why? How can they do that? Holden was in the wrong. He grabbed me. Gage was just trying to help.”

He sat down on the bed next to me. “I know Gage is your friend, and I know he was helping, but he beat Holden pretty badly. With his history, honey, it doesn’t look good for him.” He rubbed my arm.

“What do you mean?” I was starting to cry again. This couldn’t be happening because of me.

“He might end up going to jail. No one saw Holden hurting you except Gage, and a lot of people saw Gage fighting with Holden. I’m sorry, honey.”

“We’re going to press charges against Holden, right?” I asked.

He and my mom exchanged a look, and then he said, “Well, if we do that, you’re going to have to go through a lot. It may drag out, and they can make you look bad. I’m not sure we would even win. We’ll do whatever we have to do to make sure Holden never hurts you again, but I’m not sure a court case is the answer.”

“But we need to help Gage. He can’t get in trouble because of me.” This couldn’t be happening. I did not want to be responsible for ruining his life.

“We’ll talk to the attorney tomorrow and see what’s what. Gage hasn’t been charged yet, so we’ll just pray it works itself out without any of that.”

I nodded. He had brought in his medical bag, and he checked me out before he kissed me on the head and left the room with my mom. They made sure to tell me to come get them if I needed anything. What I needed was my life not to be such a mess. How did I get here?

I sent one more text, even though I was pretty sure he wouldn’t respond.

I’m sorry
.

I was walking through the woods next to the golf course. It was peaceful and calm. The willows swept the ground, and the oaks swayed over my head. I could hear the loons out over the channels, even though I couldn’t see them. It was just before sunrise, and I took a deep breath of cool, clean air.

Then something changed. The air got still and everything went silent. All the living things were holding a collective breath. I heard something crashing through the brush and the trees. In a hurry. A voice in my head screamed, “Run!”

I took off, but my legs wouldn’t move fast enough. I wasn’t going to get out into the open. I wasn’t going to make it. It was going to get me, whatever it was. I heard ragged breathing coming up behind me. I don’t know how I could hear it when my own breathing was so loud in my ears.

I felt a brush at my back, and I sat up in bed screaming.

My heart was pounding, and Veronica had my arms and was shaking me.

“Rory, wake up!”

My dad came hurtling into the room in his pajama pants and a T-shirt. My mom followed right behind him in her nightie.

I was trying to catch my breath. “Just a dream. Sorry.” I sucked in air. I must have screamed more than once.

“Okay, okay.” My dad put his hands on his hips and huffed out air.

“Oh, honey. Are you all right?” My mom rushed over to my side of the bed and hugged me.

I looked out the windows and saw just the barest of gray light out there. No sun yet. Oops. I woke up the whole house at the crack of dawn. Crap.

“Sorry. Sorry. Go back to bed. I’m okay.” I could see Jackson and Jeremiah lurking in the doorway. As usual, I was the source of all drama in the house.

“It’s fine, honey. We all have to be up.”

I heard Jeremiah grumble. “No,
we
don’t. I’m going back to bed. The next person that screams better be bleeding.” He stomped back to his room.

Ahh. A little normalcy was what was called for. Veronica and I giggled.

Jackson rolled his eyes and made himself scarce.

My mom kissed my forehead. “I’ll make breakfast.” As she left the room, I heard her call back over her shoulder, “Apple Brown Betty!”

Jeremiah shouted from down the hall. “Jackson, if you eat it all before I get up, I will give you a beat down.”

“Get up and you won’t have to worry about it,” I heard Jackson bellow as the shower turned on in the boys’ bathroom.

Then I heard Jeremiah’s door slamming. I loved my family. Even in a crisis, food was of utmost importance.

Veronica and I ate my mom’s Apple Brown Betty until we could barely move. I couldn’t believe how hungry I was until I remembered I hadn’t really eaten since breakfast yesterday. As wonderful as Veronica was to cook last night, I had been too upset to eat, so I had just pushed it around my plate.

“I guess I’m off to school.” She made a face at me.

“Sorry. Next time
you
get attacked, and I’ll go to school.” I glared at her.

“I see your point.” She sighed and hopped off the bar stool at the breakfast bar. “I’ll be praying for it to work out.” She hugged me and grabbed her backpack.

“I’ll call you later,” I shouted as she went out the front door.

My dad came in dressed in a suit. A little fancier than his normal attire.

“Are you almost ready? We have to leave soon.”

“Ugh. I’m going.” I slipped off the bar stool and made my way slowly upstairs. I didn’t really want to relive the whole thing again, but maybe it would help Gage.

The appointment was pretty much what I expected. Mr. Lowell went over everything with my parents, and nothing much had changed. I insisted, over my parents’ objection, to press charges. I didn’t care how bad it was going to be. I was going to tell my side, and Holden needed to be stopped.

When we got out of the law office, I got a text from Gage. My heart started pounding.

Can we meet?

Sure. When?

1:00 @ Running Latte?

K see you then.

This exchange made me nervous for some reason. I couldn’t explain it exactly, but I knew something was off. No greeting. No banter. No flirting like usual. He didn’t say more than he had to, and he wanted to meet in public. I know girls go crazy analyzing what guys text or say. Usually I’m not like that. This time was different. Something was really wrong.

I told my parents I was going to grab a coffee in town, and I know they were thinking about saying no.

“Running Latte?” my mom asked.

“Yup. I’m meeting Gage, so you don’t have to worry. I won’t be alone. It’s the middle of the day, anyway.” As soon as that was out of my mouth, I remembered that Holden had attacked me in broad daylight. In the parking lot at school. I guess my argument wasn’t so great. I felt the creeps start to make their way back in. My skin was starting to get crawly again, but I couldn’t say anything or they would never let me go.

“I have a few things to pick up in town. Why don’t I drive you and drop you off? You can just text me when you’re done.” My mom gave me her best Southern hospitality smile. I think she knew. Today I was okay with being overprotected.

“Sure. That would be great.” I smiled back as best I could, but I saw something in her face that made me think I was right. It’s hard to fool moms sometimes, and that was probably a good thing. Did I look like that much of a mess?

She dropped me off right in front, and even though I didn’t check, I was sure she waited for me to go inside before she drove off. When I got inside, Gage was already there. He had commandeered the comfy chairs in the corner all the way in the back. He stood up when he saw me. He wasn’t smiling, and I could tell something was wrong.

“Hey.” I smiled at him.

“Hey.” He glanced at my cheek and looked away.

“How did it go with your attorney?”

We sat down. His face was grim, and he still wasn’t looking at me. “Fine. I actually just need to say something.”

“Okay.” The hair on my arms was standing up. This didn’t sound good.

He finally looked me in the eyes. “We can’t hang out anymore, Rory.”

It was that bad. I felt my throat starting to close. The tears were clogging my airway, and I didn’t think I could even get a sound out when I squeaked, “Why?”

He looked out the window. “I am not a good person to be friends with. I have a history that I can’t get away from. I was trying to start over here, but this whole thing with Holden is probably going to be a big deal. I think it’s better if you just stay away from me. I think you should stick with Dominic. He’s a nice guy. You deserve that, Aurora.”

Even though I had known something was wrong, this was like a kick in the gut.

“Let me get this straight. Holden attacks me. You save me, and somehow you’re bad for me? And did you just tell me to date Dom? What am I—some kind of toy you can pass around? What is really going on here, Gage? Why would you say that?”

“I have a violent history. It’s out there now, so there’s no use trying to get away from it.” He took a deep breath. When he looked at me, I could see it on his face that he was very serious about whatever he was about to say.

“When I was little, my dad used to beat my mom. He would come home drunk or just pissed off. If either of us said something he didn’t like, or even if we didn’t, he would go off. She would always try to draw his attention to herself to keep him from getting at me. One night he just lost it and killed her. He stabbed her with a kitchen knife. I was five. My dad took off, and nobody has seen him since. That’s when I came here to live with my grandparents.”

I was shocked. I couldn’t imagine what that must have been like for him. I wanted to give him a hug, but his body language was shouting “no trespassing.”

“Do you understand, Rory? My father killed my mother. I come from bad, and I’m turning out just like him. I’m probably going to jail for assault and battery.” He looked away. “Stay away from me, Aurora. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t approach me at school. I won’t talk to you.” He got up, walked out, and didn’t look back.

I sat there for a minute, unable to process that this was really happening. I was shaking all over. I got up and made my way to the ladies’ room. Thankfully it was available. I went to the sink and splashed some water on my face. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a girl whose world was now totally upside down. I had fallen in love for the first time, and right when I figured it out, I had lost it. I had ruined his life. I was spoiled and impulsive, and I didn’t listen. He had thrown everything away for me. What a jerk I was.