Cut Too Deep (38 page)

Miller opened the door. Hadley sent him the most beautiful smile. She rushed to his arms, throwing herself at him. He lifted her up and closed his door with his foot, winking at Renee over his shoulder.

When her legs locked around his waist and her fingers tightened in his hair, Miller pushed her up against the wall. Her warm breath touched his lips that were only millimeters from hers.

“I wished for you, too,” she whispered.

Hadley kissed him with enough passion to erase every remaining trace of Theresa Jensen from his memory. She marked Miller as though she knew she staked a claim on his heart. She filled him with new life, new memories, promise, and hope.

His knees were weak. Without breaking the kiss, Miller walked to the couch and eased her down on her back. He braced himself above her, joining the front of their hips. With her skirt hiked up high, Miller absorbed her warmth against his crotch. He palmed the skin behind her knee, doubting if he should move higher. Hadley lifted her hips. He groaned into her mouth, the vibration tickling her throat. Miller accepted her movements as a welcome to continue.

When his hands roamed higher, Hadley pulled his lower lip between hers and sucked hard. His lips moved to her neck, kissing slowly until he reached the hollow spot above her collar bone.

Hadley bit her lip, lost in Miller’s seductive touch. The old voice that usually filled her mind with doubt was gone, replaced by a new one telling her how much this man loved her and how safe she was with him.

Miller remembered how Hadley told him her first time had been on a dirty bathroom floor. She deserved a first time that would obliterate all of her previous sexual experiences. Images of her guardian forcing himself on Hadley violently extinguished Miller’s burning desire, like being doused with a bucket of cold water.

His lips grazed her ear softly. “I can feel you’re ready, but I can’t allow our first time together to be on a couch in my office.”

“It’s fine.” Hadley breathed. Her desperation surprised her.

“It’s not fine for me.” Miller lifted himself from her body and stood.

Hadley sat up and tugged her skirt down, a sudden wave of humiliation washing over her. Miller knelt in front of her and took her hands. He brought them to his lips and tenderly kissed her knuckles.

“I don’t ever want to see a look of shame on your face again. I love that you came to see me. That you want me as much as I want you. If not our first time together, I would keep the door locked the rest of the afternoon and make love to you until the sun goes down. There were many mornings after I found you watching me, I sat at my desk imagining this very scenario.” He smirked wickedly. “And you thought you were the stalker.” Hadley smiled. “Go back to work. I have plans for you tonight.”

His promise sent heat to her inner thighs, warmth pooling below her waist. Hadley stood and planted a peck on his cheek as she smoothed her palm over the front of his slacks. Miller hissed a breath.

“I shall think of nothing else,” she teased.

“You might want to try.” Miller grinned playfully. “I hear your boss is kind of an ass.”

“He’ll get over it. I’m family now.”

She avoided eye contact with Renee on the way out, positive her flushed skin told Miller’s secretary exactly what they’d been up to in his office.

Her referral to herself as his family made Miller’s heart sing. With everything she’d been through, she was happy in his life. He marveled in how amazing that felt.

On the drive home from work, the anticipation in the car was palpable. They were finally going to consummate their love for one another. Although Hadley never had a healthy relationship to compare tonight to, she knew Miller would be a different kind of lover. He would be her only true lover, not a boy who took his turn with her and not a man who forced her. It had been nearly four years since her guardian last assaulted her. Her memories of those moments were sure to make an appearance. She released the thick onset of panic that began to set in before it choked her. Miller meant to nurture her, like the man in the poems he sent, not hurt her, depreciate her, or impose his will on her. Hadley trusted Miller would be more prepared to battle her past than she was if it should choose to threaten their moment together.

Their fingers were firmly intertwined as they rode the elevator in keen silence. Once at the door to his apartment, Miller pressed his body into hers until her back hit the wall. Their foreheads touched, covetously absorbing the certainty of what awaited them on the other side of the door.

“La mia bella ragazza. Lascia che ti mostri che io ti amerò per sempre. Lascia che il mio tocco essere l'unico che si ricorda. Il tuo cuore è al sicuro con me.” (My beautiful girl. Let me show you that I'll love you forever. Let my touch be the only you remember. Your heart is safe with me.)

Hadley didn’t understand a word of his ardent declaration, but her body responded with a soft ache between her thighs. She moaned, her head falling back with a light thud against the wall. Miller’s lips dropped faint kisses on the curve of her neck. He whispered sweet promises in Italian. She was ready to demand he take her against the wall in the hallway when he straightened and opened the door. She felt faint as she peeled herself from the wall, her weak legs barely carrying her inside. Miller took one of her wrists in his hand and pulled her toward the bedroom. He paused briefly before opening the door.

Vases of brilliant orange tiger lilies where placed around the room, their distinct scent reaching her senses. Hadley smiled. They were her favorite.

“How did you know?” she asked as they entered the bedroom.

“The first time we met in the park, I watched you studying them. I took a guess.”

Hadley felt flattered by his memory, desired and cherished. They’d been separated by circumstance, but they never truly forgot one another. From an old friendship spurred a new love, one that before Miller, Hadley had never been convinced she deserved. Miller made her believe she did.

“A good guess.” Hadley touched one of the petals, admiring their strength. “It’s the petals. I envy how they curl under themselves, completely wide open, and when you try to close them, they spring back, exposing their heart. I could never do that.”

“You opened up completely to me and exposed your heart.”

“There’s always a chance I’ll close back up.” Hadley turned to face the man she loved categorically, a hint of insecurity marring her features. “It’s part of who I am.”

Miller stepped close to her, closing the gap between them. Hadley smiled as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

“No, Love, it’s a part of who you
were
. There’s no chance you’ll close back up. I won’t let you.”

“You’re pretty confident.”

His gaze full of avid lust roamed up and down her body, putting an end to the conversation. Hadley shivered, but her insides were on fire.

“Turn around and take off your shoes.”

Hadley did as he said. Miller drew her into his warm embrace, her back to his front. He squeezed the tops of her shoulders before his hands slid down her arms, applying light pressure. Goosebumps sprinkled her flesh along the way. His fingers curled around her hip bones, tugging her closer. He groaned into her hair. Slowly, his hands moved to her lower back. Miller slid the zipper on her skirt down, watching the cream fabric descend to the floor and puddle at her feet.

“Step out.”

When she lifted her feet out of the skirt, his eyes traveled up the defined muscles of her dancer's legs. A guttural growl erupted in his throat when he caught a glimpse of the nude colored lace panties peeking out from the bottom of her blouse. He grabbed her waist and spun her around to face him.

Hadley saw the hunger in his eyes that matched her own. His hands disappeared under her blouse. Warmth caressed her breasts when his hands molded to each of them, kneading carefully. She closed her eyes, breathing in a deep reassuring breath. His hands moved under her arms, lingering on her ribs.

“Arms up,” Miller instructed softly.

She slowly lifted her arms above her head. Miller’s hands moved up her ribcage and arms, removing her blouse. He stepped back and admired the beautiful woman before him. She owned his heart. Her trembling displeased him. Miller frowned and pulled Hadley close. His hand held her jaw as he gazed into her soft brown depths. She held her breath.

“We can stop anytime.”

Miller’s unhurried attention calmed her, made her feel safe. Hadley slowly exhaled, then shook her head and held his hand close to her face. She maintained his gaze, unblinking, and whispered, “Don’t stop, please.”

Sex with Miller was about overcoming an insurmountable fear for love. Hadley didn’t want to waste a second contemplating the decision. She wanted to breathe him in and soak up the intensity of a moment she never thought she’d experience.

He grinned wickedly before spinning her back around. With his hands cupped around her waist, Miller slowly massaged circles with his thumbs on her lower back. He dug his thumbs in further, as though he could force his love into her skin. Then, he pushed them up her back along the ridge of her spine until he reached her neck, causing her head to fall forward with a soft moan. He brushed her hair off her back and rubbed her shoulders before sinking the tips of his fingers into her skin again and dragging them to her bra clasp. A shiver rolled through Hadley. She inhaled a ragged breath of air.

Miller released her bra and pushed it down her arms, kissing her shoulders. Then he dropped to his knees behind her. Hadley glanced down over her shoulder nervously as his fingers curled over the top of her panties. He slid them ever so slowly down her legs, his gaze drinking in every inch of smooth skin along the way. She lifted one leg, then the other, and he tossed her panties to the side. Miller palmed the sides of her glorious ass in his hands, pressing delicate kisses along the small of her back. His hands moved to her inner thighs and down to her knees. He stood and instructed Hadley to lay down on the bed on her back.

Hadley propped herself up on her forearms to watch Miller undress. He was far too anxious and turned on to undress himself as slowly as he had her. Within seconds, Miller stood before her in all his naked glory. Her eyes traveled over his body with heated concentration. She licked her lips. Miller was masculinity in its rawest form. A God-like figure from another time, broad and defined, every inch of him solid muscle. Blessed in his endowment and confidently so, he held no trace of embarrassment in his nakedness.

Miller climbed her frame and covered her body with his. His palms pressed flat against the mattress on both sides of her head.

“I found you, Love.” He stared at Hadley intently, speaking with conviction. “You are my other half, and now I am whole.”

Hadley felt the same. She lifted her head, sealing their lips together. He lowered his arms and returned her kiss with hot-blooded intensity.  Their union culminated his efforts to convince Hadley she deserved love. Months of careful tenderness and honesty, a care Miller had taken to reach a place with her where she trusted him with her heart and her body.

Their breaths grew heavier, fierce with passion as the kiss they shared made them both ravenous for more. Miller held her thigh, his lips trailing kisses along her collarbone to her shoulder.

Tears sprang free from her eyes, not from painful memories, but the joy of being with him in the most intimate of ways without questioning the decision and without a trace of shame. Hadley craved his touch since the first time she saw him, and the patience Miller had showed her to wait until her readiness became unquestionable was overwhelmingly emotional. Their hands were everywhere, followed closely by their lips. When his fingers pushed inside her, testing her, Hadley arched from the bed and cried out his name in wild pleasure.

Miller groaned loudly. “I want you, Hadley.”

“Yes,” she cried.

Miller rolled off of her long enough to retrieve a condom from the night stand and roll it onto himself. Hadley kept her eyes on him the entire time, her body alive and yearning for him to return. And when he did, his brown eyes sparkled as he hovered above her.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Hadley uttered breathless, the anticipation more than she could bear.

Miller leaned down and kissed her zealously, as if to claim her. When he entered her, he knew beyond words how much he loved her—that he would give his life for her. She shattered his expectations of love. He felt the sharp ache in his chest when he touched Hadley before, but being inside of her was beyond any measure of love Miller had ever felt for anyone.

Their bodies moved rhythmically, and as they climbed towards release, both were lost to the raw passion of their lovemaking. They came rushing down together. Their emotions spiraling much like they always had, only now, the crash was met with an overpowering ecstasy that left them both clinging to each other in blissful satisfaction. Hadley felt a mighty sense of security in his arms, their love proof that regardless of the abuse she’d suffered, she was still capable of enjoying a consensual sexual experience with the man she loved without the humiliation of who she used to be.