Cut Too Deep (33 page)

The five of them opened the sliding glass door. Hadley heard female voices. Miller’s posture tensed.

“Mamma must be here,” Otto said to Quinn and Aggi. He turned to Hadley. “She’s going to love you, doll. Come on in and meet her.”

Hadley went to follow the three men when Miller grabbed her arm.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Can it wait until after I meet your grandmother?”

His forehead creased. “No, Nana can wait. I need to speak with you.”

Hadley pulled her arm free. “You’re being rude!”

Miller opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, his nana entered the room, her eyes moving between Miller and Hadley.

Hadley smiled at the woman, who looked like an older version of Noemi. She approached her grandson with her arms high, her hands reaching for his face. His grandmother took both of his cheeks in her hands and held them.

“Mi, bello, my sweet, Giovanni. I’ve missed you.”

The room closed in around Hadley as the name Giovanni looped through her brain repeatedly, attached to memories of a boy and the grandmother he often visited. A boy she shared her darkest secrets with, who vowed to protect her—a boy who befriended her years ago and would never betray her. Miller couldn’t be Giovanni. He would never keep something like that from her. Hadley trusted him. He wouldn’t disappoint her.

She sought the truth in his eyes, and it hurt like hell when she found it.

“I can explain,” Miller said calmly.

She blinked and swallowed against the dryness in her mouth. Hadley looked around. They were alone now. Giovanni’s grandmother from her past was Miller’s nana from her present. Miller was Giovanni.

Miller’s eyes were filled with a recognizable sadness. She saw his sad eyes before as a scared child when Hadley told him about her father and he vowed to protect her.

“Please, say something, Love.”

“I need to get out of here.”

Her stern voice masked her pain, but Miller felt it. He wanted to push Hadley and force her to discuss how she felt, but pressuring her would cause an argument they may never get past.

“I’ll take you home.”

Hadley didn’t look at him. She went upstairs to the bedroom to gather her purse. She couldn’t cry, which she welcomed. She felt numb and angry and betrayed. Miller deceived her. She wasn’t ready to confront him. Her heart splintered, but she had to maintain her composure.

She pulled her phone out of her purse and texted Mac, asking him for his address and if it was okay if she came over. He texted back instantly with the address and asked if she was all right. Once Hadley texted back she was fine and would be there soon, she put her phone in her purse and stormed out of the room.

Miller stood at the bottom stairs for her.

“I said our goodbyes.”

“Of course you did!”

“Hadley.”

“Don’t!”

They left through the front door and got in Miller’s car. Hadley’s arms were folded over her chest, her jaw tight, and her eyes trained out of the front window. The wall between them was a solid sheet of ice. Miller navigated the narrow roads while chewing a hole in his cheek. When they reached the interstate, Miller couldn’t maintain his silence any longer.

“I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be, but when we get home, I’d like us to talk about this.”

“And where exactly is home?”

Her words offended him deeply. Hadley was looking to pick a fight, but Miller refused to participate.

“My condo is your home.”

“In that case, I’m not going home.” Hadley held her phone out to him with Mac’s address on the screen. “Take me to Mac’s, please.”

His nostrils flared on a sharp inhale.

“Why do you need to go see Mr. Walsh?”

Her arms remained folded, but she turned her head faintly toward Miller.

“Because, I need someone to talk me off the ledge before I jump.”

“You can talk to me.”

Hadley uncrossed her arms. She slapped her thighs and turned to face him.

“Let me re-phrase. I need someone to talk to that I can trust.”

She sliced straight through his heart. “That hurt, but I’ll take you to Mr. Walsh’s.”

Hadley turned, resting against the passenger door, her eyes looking out the window. She silently cursed the tears she’d been unable to prevent from rolling down her cheeks.

Miller couldn’t look at her. He’d done everything to show her she could trust him. His not disclosing his identity was for her, to protect her. Hadley would never see it that way, though. For her, the world was very much black and white. It either is or it isn’t, but for Miller there was a convoluted area of gray where her heart existed, and he vowed a long time ago to safeguard it. There was one truth left to be told, but he refused to tell her, until his investigator found out who it was that thought they owned her. Hadley may have been shutting him out and not want to see him, but that would not prevent him from keeping his promise this time around. Hadley would be safe.

Miller pulled up to Mac’s building in the village. His eyes darted around, inventorying all of the ways in, how the entry system operated, and if there were any visual security cameras. Genetti Industries specialized in military operations. The cloak Miller invented started the company, which led to large contracts, but the company also had small subsidiaries that handled private security. Mac’s building was small scale in comparison to the projects Miller’s company generally handled. In less than an hour, he would have eyes on her.

As Hadley reached for the door, Miller’s deep voice cut into her. “I know you love me.”

Hadley turned her head. “That’s the problem, Miller Giovanni, I do love you, but I thought you were different, only you aren’t! You’re exactly the same as any other person in my life I let myself love. You want to control everything. You want to decide what you think I need to know.”

“That’s not it at all!” Miller interrupted. “I decide based on what I think your heart can take.”

Rage consumed her now. “It’s not for you to decide, damn it!”

His eyes reflected a look of steel, but he smiled confidently. “Oh, Love. That is where you’re dead wrong!”

She squeezed her fist and growled through her teeth.

“And that’s where we disagree.” Hadley inhaled, holding his gaze. “Is there more you haven’t told me because you don’t think my heart can take it?”

“Yes.”

“Is it about my past?”

“Yes.”

“But you won’t tell me?”

“No.” His flat tone infuriated her.

“Why?”

Miller frowned. “You’ll leave me.”

“Well then, you’re a fool, because I may leave you anyway.” Hadley swung the car door open angrily. “I can’t do this right now. I have to go.”

“I won’t give up.”

She didn’t turn to look at him but said, “You already have.”

M
iller dialed Armonno’s number and gave him precise instructions. He then drove down a side street, parked, and walked to the back of Mac’s building. Within twenty minutes, Armonno and Antonio were there with an equipment van. Miller detailed what he wanted and went back to his condo.

An hour later, Miller sat in his study with his lap top open, staring at the camera feed from Mac’s building. He could see every entrance and hallway, along with Mac’s front door and balcony.

Hadley spent two hours filling her friend in on everything from childhood Giovanni, the night her parents died, the role she had in her father’s death, Miller’s wife, why he was in Thailand, and Miller’s betrayal. She felt remarkably composed and relieved to have it all out in the open. Her friend knew everything about her now. Well, almost everything. Hadley would never share her ward to guardian relationship with anyone. It was too dark and unscrupulous—aberrant even. Hadley would never share that part of her life with someone she cared for. Storing it away was easiest on her heart.

Mac’s skin paled as Hadley finished her story.

“That is some seriously messed up shit. I don’t know how you’ve gotten along as well as you have.”

Hadley hung her head shamefully.

“I haven’t.”

“You’re wrong. Think about how far you’ve come. Seriously, girls with your background don’t often finish high school, let alone college. You have a great job, a man that loves you, and friends.”

When Hadley looked up at him, Mac hated what he saw. She was self-doubting to a fault.

“Correction, I have one friend.”

Mac scowled at her. “All I’m saying is let the past go. Is it fucked up? Absolutely! Does it have to hold so much power over you?” Mac held up his middle finger and shook it in the air melodramatically. “Fuck no! Send it packing! Let it go!”

Hadley looked away. “It’s not that simple. There’s a gap from the night my parents died. I feel like whatever is missing will set me free. Miller admitted he knows things from my past also and refuses to tell me. I hate not knowing. It’s draining.”

“If you don’t let it go, it might keep you trapped. Miller doesn’t want to see you hurt anymore and neither do I.”

Hadley leaned against the back of the couch and brought her knees up, hugging them to her chest.

“I can’t let it go. It nags at me. When the detectives got there, I was at our kitchen table eating the spaghetti my mom made for dinner. She left it on the stove, waiting for my dad to get home. I have to know what happened between lying next to my dead mother and eating sour spaghetti three days later.”

“I’m sure you were traumatized and in shock. Maybe you’re mind doesn’t want you to remember. Maybe you felt so guilty, you blocked it out.”

Hadley released her legs and turned to Mac.

“When my father dropped to the floor, I felt relief, not guilt.” Hadley knew it made her a terrible person, but it was the truth. “His reign of terror was over. And if shock is responsible for blocking my memories, then why can I remember killing him? Wouldn’t that be what I needed to block out? Something else happened.”

Mac shook his head.

“You’re reaching. Look, I think it’s more plausible that once you went into shock you blocked everything from that point on out. If you were eating old food, God only knows what else you experienced. My guess is the smell was horrendous. You were starving and abandoned, and your mind shut down. But you need to let it go. There are no good memories in those three days, and I think it’s time you moved forward.”

Hadley sighed. “Are you talking about Miller now?”

Mac smiled and nodded. “I understand why he didn’t tell you who he was, especially now.”

“I don’t!”

“It’s the same reasons I don’t tell you certain things, and I didn’t know your story. My guess is, Miller thought he would remind you of a past you were trying to forget and then you wouldn’t want him around. He’s worried about these men in Thailand and knew if you were no longer with him, he couldn’t watch over you. I’m sure he lives with serious guilt about putting you in harm’s way.”

Hadley knew Miller did, but it didn’t change anything.

“When we were kids, he was kind to me. He promised to keep me safe from the neighborhood bullies and from my father.”

“That’s all the more reason not to tell you who he was.”

“What do you mean? It was sweet of him to look out for me.”

“Yes, but to find you all these years later and learn what you’ve been through.”

“He had nothing to do with it. It’s not like he could protect me once I left the neighborhood.”

“No, but in his mind, he broke a promise, and my guess is what happened to you weighs on him, and maybe he thought you resented Giovanni for it somehow.”

“Why are you defending him?”

“Because, I like who you are when you’re with him.”

“You do?”

“Honey, I know it’s hard to see it right now, but before the G-man, you were like a wilted flower. He brought you back to life and you blossomed.”

Hadley smiled, knowing Mac was right.

“Thank you for talking to me and putting some things into prospective.”

“Anytime. I told you I’m always going to be here for you. And…so is he.”

“I know, but I need some time to figure it all out. I think I’m going to go home and be alone for a little while.”