Cut Too Deep (29 page)

“I’m ready. Show me you love me.”

His sexy smile carved deep. Hadley wanted to lick that delicious dimple. She kept her legs clasped tightly around him as he walked to his bedroom. Miller set her down gently on the enormous sleigh bed before climbing up her frame and kissing her hard and passionately. His hands explored the delicate curves of her sides. He moved to kiss her neck. Her earlier tears wet his face, and in an instant, cooled his desire. He removed himself from on top of her, slid up the bed to his pillow, and patted the spot next to him. Hadley felt confused. She knew Miller wanted her and couldn’t understand why he suddenly stopped. She scooted up the bed until she was lying next to him. He rolled to his side and dried her face with his hand, his earlier longing all but diminished from his eyes.

“I told you I would never take advantage of you, and if I made love to you right now, I’d be a liar.”

Hadley rolled to face him. “And I told you, I’m ready.”

“You’re readiness will come unspoken, Love. You’re vulnerable and upset, and you want to numb the emotional pain our argument brought on, but you’re not ready. I understand because I was doing it too. It’s what I’ve always done, but you’re different, and I won’t use you like that, nor will I let you allow me to.”

Hadley loved him fierce, and his love in return erased every ounce of neglect she ever felt.

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you. You hit a trigger and sometimes when that happens, I can’t control my reaction.”

“I understand that.” Miller reached out, sweeping her silky hair away from her neck, and held her jaw. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Hadley closed her eyes and exhaled. Miller trailed his fingers down her neck before placing them at his side.

“In addition to being physically abusive, my father was insanely controlling. It was all to cover up his behavior, but he was a master of manipulation. My mother and I bought into it. To keep us from sharing his abuse, he made us fear leaving the house or making friends, and if we questioned him, his reply was always that it was for our safety. I can’t live my life afraid. I need to get up and go to work every day in an office with other people to prove my father wrong, to show that he doesn’t control me from the grave.”

Miller had been so worried about her safety, he never considered how keeping her confined indoors would play on the mayhem she battled daily. He hated her father and had since the stories Hadley told him all those years ago. The man was dead, but in Hadley’s mind he was still very much alive and still hurting her.

“It was very inconsiderate of me not to discuss my plans with you.”

“But very sweet of you to care so much. It’s hard to explain how crazy it was for me as a child.” Hadley paused and slid her hands under the pillow, giving herself a moment to gather strength. “I had this daybed, and I used to hide under it and use a pillow to cover my ears. I slept more nights under my bed, than I did in it.”

Miller grimaced at the thought of a sweet little brown-eyed Hadley, hiding under her bed alone in fear.

“Is that why you don’t like elevators?”

“I think so. When I was under that bed, it felt like I was trapped. The space would get smaller and smaller until I couldn’t breathe, but I knew what awaited me if I came out was worse. In Dr. LeClair’s opinion, when I’m in confined spaces, it brings that anxiety to the surface.”

“It’s a logical conclusion.” Miller looked like he was in pain. “You’re very brave.”

Hadley never felt brave.

Not now.

Not ever.

M
iller agreed confining Hadley to his home wasn’t ideal for her internal healing. Over the remainder of the week, they fell into a comfortable, but careful, routine. Hadley stayed in Miller’s condo, but was free to come or go as she always had, with a shadow, of course. The two men from the deli, who she now knew as Antonio and Armonno, were brothers that worked security for Miller since he started his company. They were longtime friends of ‘the family’ she’d been told. The man who followed her had yet to reappear, and Hadley often wondered if it was possible he wasn’t at the deli for her at all. That he simply stopped there to rest, his being there purely a coincidence.

Hadley excelled at work. Her rapport with her boss was strictly professional. They never spoke of her relationship with Miller. Paul treated her as she asked, like any other employee, which meant more often than not, he was an ass. She learned a great deal from him, though, and admired his drive to maintain his company’s reputation for employing the best designers and creating successful campaigns.

Miller played catch up at work, so lunches belonged to Mac. Any hostility the men shared was either completely smoothed over or hidden extremely well, which delighted Hadley. She hoped to never find herself having to choose between them. Losing either one of them was painful to think about. She trusted both of them with her heart, and when the voice in her head challenged her that one of them would let her down, she refused to believe it. Mac asked her to go dancing with him next week, which she agreed to, but had yet to bring it up to Miller.

Evenings were intimate affairs. Miller held and kissed her. He acquainted himself with her body. His hands explored every dip and curve, his mouth each soft patch of skin. He learned what made Hadley moan and what caused her back to arch in pleasure.  He desired to make love to her, and the increasing passionate moments they shared would soon lead them there, when she was ready, of course. In those quiet moments between Miller combing his fingers through her hair and whispering sweet desires, Hadley felt a memorable reassurance. She couldn’t pin point their connection, but it felt close, perhaps from another life, if one believed in such things.

Friday evening Miller asked Hadley to attend a family gathering with her the next day. While her fear of social situations tried to force her to say no, she wanted to go and agreed. With him by her side, she knew she would be okay.

Miller raced through the Lincoln Tunnel and down the Jersey Turnpike. He drove like a maniac. Hadley clutched her seat while staring out the window. She thought about how she’d never been out of New York. It’s not like Northern Jersey was a long distance, but it was another state. She turned in her seat to face Miller. In the car with his sunglasses on, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, Miller looked more approachable than usual, carefree and casual – younger.

“Tell me about your family. How long have your parents lived in Jersey?” Miller reached over and took her hand.

“They moved after I graduated high school.”

She nodded.

“And who will I meet today?”

“Aside from my mother and father, my seven uncles; Vito, Tiseu, Alissandru, Cabbrieli, Ottavianu, Augustu, and Quintu.”

Miller said their names as though he spoke fluid Italian, and it was damn sexy.

“Do you speak Italian?” Miller arched a brow. “Say something else.”

He flashed a pantydropping grin.

“Lo adoro la mia bella ragazza.” (I love my beautiful girl.)

Hadley had no idea what he said, but melted into the seat. Before needing to fan herself, she remembered they were discussing his family. Not only were there seven uncles, but remembering their names would be about as easy as playing scrabble with alphabet soup.

“Please tell me your uncles have nicknames.”

Miller chuckled.

“They use Americanized versions, yes, except for Vito. He’s just Vito. The rest go by Theo, Alex, Gabe, Otto, Aggi, and Quinn, but only when they tell you it’s acceptable. It’s a matter of respect that you address them with their given name until they tell you otherwise.”

Hadley shifted in the seat.

“Right, good to know, since I’d like to keep all of my fingers.” Miller shook his head, letting out a small laugh. Hadley noted his lack of denial about her fingers, which slightly unnerved her. “Who else?”

“Vito’s wife Julianna, Gabe’s wife Maya, Alex’s wife Gianna, and Theo’s wife Deborah. Otto, Aggi, and Quinn are not married.”

“How old are they?”

“Our age, Otto is the youngest. My grandparents had one set of kids before they separated, my mother being the youngest of group one. After my parents were married, they got back together, had three more children, and then separated again. Otto, Aggi, and Quinn are more like brothers to me than uncles.”

Hadley felt nerves sneaking up on her, but Miller’s hand stroking her thigh soothed them. Growing up with only her and her parents, she couldn’t begin to imagine belonging to such a large and, obviously, close family.

“Anyone else?”

“Paul, and his wife, Katherine.” Hadley heard stories about Paul’s wife from Mac, but had never met her personally. Mac thought highly of her. “Not all of my cousins could make it, but I know Dominic, Adele, and…” he glanced over and grinned, “Vinny will be there.”

“You’re messing with me now.”

“His given name is Vincent. It’s very common in Italy.”

“You seriously have a cousin Vinny?” She tried not to snicker, but come on.

“Well, he had to be someone’s cousin.”

“Touché.”

“There’ll be a couple of second cousins, also. Adele will have her twins, Marina and Michael.”

“How often do you get together like this?”

“Mamma’s house is always open and always full.”

“And your uncles…er…they’re all in the family business?”

“They are, except for Otto. His participation is limited while completing his masters, but afterward, he’ll assume a permanent role.”

“Does he have a choice?”

Miller shot her a passive smile.

“It’s frowned upon.”

“But you’re mother chose not to.”

He sighed. “This is going to sound sexist, but it’s different for girls.”

It did sound sexist.

“Women are discouraged then?”

“It’s not discussed. It’s the way.”

Hadley lifted an eyebrow. “The way?”

Miller smiled. “Yes, La Famiglia, the way.”

“Okay.” Hadley rolled her eyes. It was all so complicated and dissecting it made her head hurt.

Before long, they were traveling through the woods, twisting and turning along the rural roads. Hadley would deny thinking it, but his car did maneuver the turns quite smoothly. It surprised Hadley how country existed so close to city and how she had no idea. Her surroundings were a jungle of green, occupied by maple, oak, and pine trees. Miller turned on to what Hadley thought was another narrow road, but when a large colonial home appeared at the end of her vision, she realized it was a driveway.

The house rivaled the ones on Long Island, including the one she lived in with Laura’s family. A fountain sat centered in front, surrounded by perfectly manicured shrubs. The house itself was inspired by Victorian charm with a hint of southern influence. She counted five chimneys and lost track on the windows. Between the size of the house and the anticipation of the number of people inside of it, Hadley felt way out of her depth.

“Breathe, Hadley. La Famiglia is sacred. When you’re with me, you become part of my family. You’re always welcome here.”

“They don’t even know me.”

“They don’t have to. Come inside with me. You’ll understand.”

Miller opened the heavy wood door and took her hand. The foyer was all marble, brass, and pillars with paintings on every wall. Hadley thought it had a museum feel more than a home.

“Mamma, we’re here,” Miller called out as he closed the door.

Footsteps pounded toward them like a herd of elephants.  Miller squeezed her hand. In an instant, no less than twenty sets of large brown eyes stared at Hadley.

“Everyone, this is my love, Hadley. Hadley, this is my family.”

Seconds later, Hadley was hugged and kissed on the cheek by every member of Miller’s family, starting with the uncles, who graciously introduced themselves by their Americanized names, although Hadley didn’t think it would help keep them straight. The family resemblance was strong.

Maybe it was the whole capo dei capi, head of the family, confidence he emitted, his razor shaven head, or his relationship with Miller, but Vito, Hadley had pegged immediately.

As for the other’s, the only true distinguishing features were the older uncles had flecks of gray throughout their thick black hair, but there were three of them, no clear way to determine who was who. A couple of them, though Hadley had no idea which ones, praised Miller for bringing home a nice Italian girl this time. Hadley was thankful in that moment she looked every bit as Italian as her mother.