Cyrus (8 page)
“I’m not hungry,” I felt tears coming and
then felt anxious. I tried to stand and he stood in front of
me.
“You’re going to at least drink the soup
Tara,” he was angry.
“Please move, I want to leave now,” I
couldn’t cry in front of him.
“Sit! Eat the sandwich. It’s three o’clock
in the damn morning, it’s been one fucked up night…”
“One pillow, two blankets, three shirts,
four….”
“What are you talking about?” Cyrus looked
at me like I had three heads and I realized I was doing it out
loud.
I shook my head no.
“Christ Bir…Tara, please just eat,” he
looked exhausted and frustrated.
I took half the sandwich and ate it.
“I want to go to sleep now,” I stood and he
stepped back.
“Go ahead,” he waved his hands in the
direction of the bedroom.
“I wanna sleep here. I just have to use the
bathroom,” I was crampy, exhausted, and on the verge of tears.
He looked at me and for about two seconds I
thought he looked hurt again, “You sleep in the bed, I’ll take the
couch.”
“It’s your bed.”
He groaned loudly and I looked up and walked
around him. “I’m taking the damn couch!”
I hid in the bathroom for as long as I
could. He was pacing outside the door. When I walked out he
stopped.
“Get in bed Tara,” he pointed to the bedroom
and I walked quickly to it.
I closed my eyes when I walked in, “The
bedding…changed.”
“There was blood,” Cyrus grabbed a pillow
and then walked to the closet and grabbed a blanket. “If you need
anything I’ll be out there, goodnight Tara.”
“Cyrus…” I had to swallow back tears, I
couldn’t cry, “I’m sorry…I’m sorry I upset you.”
He shook his head and walked out.
I looked at the bed, there was one blanket,
two sheets, four pillows. I took one and put it on the floor beside
the bed. Three pillows, four…I needed four of something. I looked
around the room and saw a picture on his dresser, there were five
boys, one man and one women. I picked it up and noticed he was one
of the boys, and Jay. Cyrus had four brothers. Five is my least
favorite number, five minutes to cry.
I sat on the bed holding the picture I had
to make this work. There was one sun, two parents, three…three
siblings I didn’t know, four boys, five boats, six people total in
Cyrus’s family, seven...
I felt the anxiety rising inside of me as I
looked around the room. Seven pictures, black and white’s on the
walls. Eight, I yawned and looked at the picture again. Eight boats
in the background. Nine were the number of birds flying in the sky
in the photo. Ten, with his family and the four others on the beach
in the photo.
“One sun, two parents, three siblings, four
brothers, five minutes to cry, six people total in his family,
seven photo’s on the wall, eight boats in the background, nine
birds, and ten people total. Okay you can do this, now go to sleep
Tara Gardner, go to sleep.”
I was fucking done for. How do you recover
from this shit? You go out one night needing to set some shit
straight and needing to get laid and you end up fucking a stripper
who happens to be a virgin and twenty years old.
Un-fucking-believable. Add to that the fact that she’s probably
fucking crazy, I’ve caught her talking to herself more than once.
Not just thinking out loud, but counting shit.
I walked away from the room when she stopped
talking because I had to-- if I didn’t, one of two things was gonna
happen. One, I would walk in there and ask her if she had lost her
damn mind or two, I was gonna be all over her. Crazy or not, she
was a tasty little treat and I needed to get the fuck over it, no
three rides for the crazy little bird in my bed.
When I woke up it was quiet, I sent Jase a
text letting him know I wouldn’t be in today, I had shit to do. The
bedroom door was still shut and I was glad. I had no clue what I
was gonna say to her after what had happened.
I showered and threw my sweats back on and
took a deep breath before walking back in that room. I grabbed a
shirt and threw it, she was real curious about my ink last night
and for some reason, that did shit to me too. I couldn’t go through
that again.
“Tara, I’m gonna make breakfast and then we
have a lot to do,” she didn’t answer so I reached over to pat her
head. “Awe--- fuck no!”
Nickey ran in the room, “What’s wrong?”
“She’s fucking gone!”
Nickey laughed at me until he saw my face,
this shit wasn’t funny, “Nickey, that shit bag is gonna look for
her. I need to find her.”
“She couldn’t have gone too far man, relax.
She’s got no money, no clothes….”
I looked at the dresser and noticed my
wallet laying open. Next to it a note.
Cyrus,
I borrowed some money. I’m not a thief, I’ll
pay it back.
I know the address, I’ll mail back the one
hundred and twenty three dollars as soon as I’m settled.
I’m sorry I upset you.
Tara
I read it out loud and probably shouldn’t
have, Nickey was trying real hard not to laugh, “Not funny,
Nickey.”
“Nah man it’s funny, Cyrus Steel got robbed
by a stripper, that’s real funny,” Nickey was about to get his ass
beat. He bent over and grabbed something off the floor, “Bro, she
took the picture out of this,” and he busted up.
“I may think this shit was funny at a
different time, but right now I need to find her. Call your Dad,
tell him too…Nickey, now is not the time! Call your father…”
“What’s her name?”
“Tara.” I grabbed my leather jacket and keys
to my bike.
“Last name, age, birthday? Cyrus do you even
know any of that shit?”
It took me a minute, “I think she said Tara
Gardner last night when she was talking to herself…” Nickey stifled
a chuckle. “Tara Gardner she’s twenty. That’s all I got Nickey, but
this shits not funny. That guy is bad fucking news.”
“Go. I’ll call when I know something, and
Cyrus, I’m calling Jase.”
There was no sense in arguing, I was in
pretty fucking deep with the Latino Leprechauns right now and I
knew it. “Tell him I’m gonna go to the shop.”
~
I drove up and down so many fucking roads
looking for her, waiting for something from Nick, waiting to fight
Jase about this shit, and I had no fucking clue what to do, where
to look, all I knew was she was out there alone.
I pulled up to the shop and Jase was already
inside pacing. I took off my helmet and walked in.
“The club opens at noon. We go
together.”
“Yeah, alright. Jase I don’t wanna hear any
shit from you right now.”
“I get it, but I swear to God Cyrus,
whatever you’re doing here better be for a good fucking
reason.”
“Well, what the fuck is that supposed to
mean!”
“You like this girl.”
“No man, I wanted to fuck her, nothing more
nothing less. Then all this shit and she’s a fucking…”
“You tell yourself whatever you want Cyrus
but answer this, what are you gonna do when you find her?”
“I’m gonna kick her ass!” And I wasn’t
joking. I really wanted to.
Jase laughed and shook his head, “Like I
said.”
“Shut the hell up, Jase.”
We were interrupted by my phone, it was
Nicholas DeAngelo, “What’s up….I know it hasn’t been twenty four
hours, I just wanted it documented so when it is…Well if you can’t
report her as missing go in under something else, she took some
money out of my wallet...Yeah press charges if it can get you
looking into this quicker, but I don’t want the charges to
stick.... I can’t promise that. I can tell you I won’t go
alone…Fine. Yeah e-mail me whatever you got.”
I hung up the phone and Jase smiled, “She
took money.”
“She borrowed some cash, left a note saying
she would mail it back when she was settled,” he chuckled, “She
also took a picture, the one on the beach when we were kids. I’m
supposed to get an e-mail, DeAngelo assured me they would go to her
address, and work and check it out. So you can head back. If they
find her, I’m gonna see her, set shit straight.”
“Alright, but don’t you even think about
going there alone Cyrus.”
“I promise.”
I have never felt more shitty in my life,
well maybe once, but only once. That’s why I don’t do this shit. I
fuck people up, break them and hurt them. I couldn’t go back there
either, no trip down memory lane, I needed to find her, make sure
she was alright until I got her back to her family.
I waited for the computer to boot up and
wondered if she was a runaway, or missing. I wondered how the hell
her family would treat her after they found out about the internet
videos and what kind of people they were.
I logged into my email and opened the one
from Nicholas. It was a compressed file so I knew I was in for a
long read, which freaked me out.
The first document fucking floored me. Tara
Sippora Gardner, was orphaned fifteen years ago. Her parents died
in an automobile accident while she slept in the back seat. Both
Amy and Theodore Gardner’s parents had declined legal guardianship
and she was placed into the New York foster care system.
I sat back needing a breath-- something to
calm me down because I could not imagine Little Bell losing Jase
and no one stepping up to take care of her, but instead allowed her
to become a ward of the state.
Tara was bounced between homes for fifteen
years and when she graduated at nineteen, she became legally
responsible for herself. Her longest placement was the last one,
three years. It seemed as if one year was the average, but the
first two placements were each a little over two years.
I printed out fifteen years of placement
information and shoved it in a large envelope. She had no arrest
record, and her school reports were nearly perfect.
I called Jase and asked that he have the
club watched, I was pretty sure Tara was smart enough to not go
back there but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t find her and drag her
back. I called George in IT and had him figure out how to look into
the videos online, “I want them shut down.”
I promised her I would help her stay safe,
and I was going to.
I jotted down a few of the addresses, hoping
she would be somewhere familiar, somewhere safe. I grabbed the keys
to my bike and headed out.
I shut the door behind me and locked it, the
shop didn’t open for another couple hours.
“Where the fuck is she?!” I turned to see
Tony standing there all sorts of strung out.
“That’s none of your fucking business. Now
take your cracked out ass away from my building,” I was pissed but
real happy he didn’t know, and I wasn’t gonna tell him either.
“People are gonna be looking for her. She
signed a contract, we got money upfront for the video she needs to
get a hold of me.”
“She doesn’t owe you shit. I’m pretty sure
she didn’t see a fucking dime. Again-- turn your ass around and get
the hell out of my face.”
As luck would have it the pussy did, and he
got behind the wheel of the car and drove, the piece of shit drove.
I called Nicholas’s cell phone and gave him the plate number. He
was gonna take care of it.
I was Bronx bound to try to find her. She
was out there, probably scared, probably angry and hurt by me, and
she didn’t have anyone. No parents, siblings, grandparents--- no
one except the families who she had been shuffled through for
fifteen years.
Tom and Rosie White lived in a ground floor
large apartment in the Bronx. When she answered the door she looked
at me like she was trying to place me, “I’m a friend of Tara
Gardner’s, I was wondering if she was here?”
She smiled, “No, actually we haven’t heard
from Tara since she left over a year ago, how is she?”
I scanned the living room that had a
mishmash of furniture and four kids under the age of four playing
with building blocks and two kids in a pen. It was like a kid farm,
“I’m sure she’s fine, just wanted to catch up with her. Do you have
any idea where she might be, anyone she might visit, places she
likes to hang out?”
“I’m sorry but…” she looked behind her when
one of the penned kids started to cry. “I didn’t catch your
name.”
She was uncomfortable and I could tell, “My
name is Cyrus ma’am. Tara is a friend who may be in trouble. She
seemed to have gotten mixed up with some bad people and I just
wanted to gather any information…”
“Tara? Tara Gardner, she isn’t trouble. She
never was here. She was a very sweet girl, smart too.”
“Then why…” I stopped myself.
“She was here until she graduated, it’s what
happens in the system. We do all we can. When you find her, will
you please let us know she’s alright.”
~
Nicholas DeAngelo called and told me they
were holding Tony for driving under the influence, they could keep
him for twenty four hours, that’s it. I had George working on
figuring out who the hell owned the video and fix that shit for
her. George also had a man lined up to follow that fuck Tony if I
hadn’t found her yet.
I rolled in at past midnight, I couldn’t
bang on doors anymore I’d already hit four places around the city.
Each the same, homes full of kids, none seemed shady, or any shit
like that but I just didn’t get it. I threw my shit on the counter
and grabbed a beer out of the fridge.
When I walked into the living room, I saw my
sister in law asleep on the couch. She jumped up startled and
hugged me real tight.
“Carly what are you doing here?” after a
minute I patted her back. “Okay you can let go now.”
“Nope,” I think she was crying, “If I do I’m
gonna smack you.”
“Jase know where you are?”
She finally stepped back and shook her head
yes and wiped her eyes, “Did you find her?”