Daisy's Secret (48 page)

‘Of course.’

‘Am I being naughty? Is Daisy cross?’

‘No, of course not.’

‘No bombs here. Safe with Daisy.’

‘Yes,’ she would assure him kindly. ‘You’re safe here with me.’

Somewhere in his innermost being must still be the person she’d once fancied herself in love with, though now badly damaged, broken by the war. Thinking of all this her frown faded and she smiled up at him. ‘There’s tea in the pot. Help yourself.’

‘I will, I don’t need waiting on.’ He still sounded to be in an irritable mood.

Daisy sighed. ‘I should think not indeed. You’ll not get it here. Not in this kitchen.’

‘Have you told your friend Harry that you’re going to marry me now?’

Daisy looked away, avoiding his probing gaze, deliberately striving to keep herself relaxed for the sake of the child. ‘I’ve told him about Robbie. Have you thought better of what you said the other day?’

‘What I said?’

‘Bells on her fingers and rings on her toes.’ She kissed the baby’s bare toes, making him squeal with laughter. ‘About you not being prepared to give up little Robbie unless I agree to marry you. Because if not . . .’ She paused for a moment, wanting to make matters abundantly clear. ‘If not . . . you need to understand, Percy, that I no longer love you. I’m sorry, but there it is.’

He looked nonplussed, the hurt caused by her words clearly evident in his eyes. ‘You don’t really mean that. You do love me, I know you do. I need you, Daisy. How could I make a do of things without you?’

Daisy was desperately trying to let him down lightly. Surely he would see that it was all over between them. How could he not see? All she needed was for Harry to forgive her, to not mind about the baby and then everything would be right between them again, and they could go on as before. ’Perhaps I never did love you, not in a proper, grown up sort of way. We were barely more than kids, after all. And I certainly can’t agree to ruin my entire life by sacrificing the man I do love.’

He flinched, and Daisy wondered if he understood a half of what she was trying to say. Perhaps her words had been a touch too blunt, too cruel, yet she was fearful now of retracting them. Percy had to get it into his head that there was no hope. It had to be made clear because the longer she let it go on, the worse it would get. ‘I was fond of you, Percy, still am, but I don’t feel for you what I now feel for Harry. So you see, I could never give him up.’

‘Not even for Robbie and me?’ He sounded like a spoilt child being deprived of a treat, and Daisy felt a surge of annoyance. Why wouldn’t he understand? Why did he persist with this nonsense?

She turned away, to smile into her son’s laughing eyes. ‘And she shall have music wherever she goes. I don’t believe you’d be so cruel as to deprive me of my lovely child, just because I can’t agree to marry you.’

‘Of course you and me must marry, Daisy. What would I have to live for if you didn’t?’

‘Don’t be silly, you have lots to live for.’

‘No I don’t. My ship got hit, and the navy sent me home and told me not to come back. It’s all over for me. I only have you.’

‘Don’t be silly, Percy. Your war is over, not your life. You’re still young. You’ll find someone else to love one day, you’ll see.’

‘But I don’t want someone else, I want you.’ He was getting agitated, as he seemed to do when crossed or if he was denied something. Daisy patted his hand, trying to calm him.

‘I’m sorry, love, I know it’s hard but there it is. You can’t have me. It wouldn’t be right. I’m promised to Harry.’

Percy stood unmoving for a moment, fists clenched like a child about to throw a tantrum, and then he sat down at the table, put his head in his hands and began to cry, terrible wretched sobs that dragged up from the very core of his being. Daisy was astounded. She’d never seen a grown man cry before and didn’t know what to do, what to say or how to react. The poor man was evidently on the verge of a breakdown. ‘Don’t,’ she said, reaching out to him again. ‘Please don’t upset yourself. I never meant to hurt you, Percy.’

He shook her off and jumped to his feet. ‘Leave me alone!’ he shouted. ‘You don’t understand. You’re just like everyone else. You only care about Harry. Nobody loves me.’ Then he ran from the room, tears streaming down his face.

Daisy was aghast. This was the last thing she’d wanted, to see Percy so upset. Hadn’t he suffered enough? Oh, what on earth should she do now? Go to him, or leave him to calm down on his own? Unable to decide what was for the best, she held her baby close and did nothing. Things seemed to be going from bad to worse, spiralling completely out of control.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

It was almost dinner time when Harry got back from his walk. Daisy had not seen hide nor hair of Percy since his outburst and presumed he was sulking in his room. Florrie was finishing off upstairs and little Robbie had been given his lunch and put down for an early nap. So she was alone when Harry walked into the kitchen. He came straight over but stopped a few feet away from her. She wanted him to gather her into his arms but he made no move to do so.

Daisy knew before ever he opened his mouth that she’d lost. His face looked pinched and drawn, a white line of anger above his upper lip and he seemed distanced from her in some way, a cold chill in his voice. She heard a roaring in her ears, felt a giddiness in her head, as if all the blood were rushing from it. Finding that her legs would no longer support her, she sank into a chair, shaking. She could see his lips moving, knew he was talking to her, explaining, apologising, but she couldn’t make out the words. She forced herself to listen, to concentrate on what he had to say.

‘So there it is. I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel. I know it’s stupid in a way, that I should be big enough to overlook your - your indiscretion, but I can’t. You were my girl, not anyone else’s. I can’t bear the thought of . . . what you might have . . .
 
I can’t bear it, that’s all.

‘Besides, how could I risk being the one to come between you and your child. If Percy insists that he wants you and little Robbie, how could I begin to compete? It wouldn’t be fair to expect me to.’

‘But it’s you that I love, not Percy.’

‘And you love Robbie, your son.’

‘Yes, of course I do.’

‘Are you saying you’d give up your son for me?’

There was a long and terrible silence in which Daisy frantically sought an answer, a way to salvage this one great love of her life that she was about to lose. In the end all she could think of was, ‘that’s a silly question.’

‘A very pertinent one, apparently, in the circumstances.’

‘Then no, of course I couldn’t give him up, not for anyone.’ She leaned earnestly towards him, desperation in her voice. ‘But I’m sure it won’t come to that. Percy will see that it simply isn’t on to expect me to.’

‘And if he doesn’t? I’m sorry, Daisy, but I’m not getting involved in this sort of blackmail. I love you, but I can’t marry you. Everything has changed.’

Tears were blocking her throat, filling her eyes, her nose, and only by sheer force of will power did she prevent them from falling. ‘Won’t you think about it some more? Please! You might feel differently tomorrow.’

‘I don’t expect I will.’

‘But I can’t bear to lose you.’

‘Nor I you. I believed in you, Daisy, and you lied to me. Can’t you see how that hurts? Maybe you never loved me, simply wanted a father for your child.’

‘Oh, Harry, that’s a terrible thing to say, and quite untrue.’

‘Is it any more terrible than what you have done to me? You had ample opportunity to confide in me but you didn’t, not until after I’d proposed. What am I supposed to read into that? How can I trust anything you ever said?
 

She felt stricken, at a loss to know how to convince him of her sincerity, to express her regret and sorrow at not having told him sooner. Nonetheless she tried, recognising by the closed look on his face that she was getting nowhere. After a moment or two he sank on to the old settle, elbows on his knees and head in hands, not interrupting, not saying anything, just letting her pour it all out. But in the end, she too ran out of words and fell silent.

How long they sat there, saying nothing, simply nursing the hurt of their loss, she couldn’t rightly have said, but neither of them heard Daisy’s name being called from some distant part of the house. Not until the door flew open and Florrie burst in, panting for breath, her face a mask of fear.

‘Thank God, there you are, Daisy. I’ve been calling and calling. Daisy, you must come. Right away.’

‘Why, what is it? What’s happened?’

‘It’s little Robbie. I just looked in on him and he’s not in his cot. He’s gone. And so is Percy.’

They searched everywhere, every room in the house, the barns and outbuildings, right along the lane to the cottages in Threlkeld at the bottom and as far up the high fell as seemed feasible. They found no sign of either man or baby anywhere. Once alerted, Clem volunteered to continue searching the summit, crags and gullies while the women explored further in the villages beyond.

Even Rita joined in, shamed into doing so by her own part in this sad affair. ‘Where can the daft cluck have gone? What possessed him to do such a thing? Oh, don’t take on so, Daisy. He thinks the world of that child. Percy wouldn’t harm little Robbie.’

‘Course he wouldn’t,’ Harry agreed, though privately he feared they’d no real idea whether the bloke would or not. Plenty like him had gone off their heads in this blasted war.

Florrie kept wailing, ‘If only I’d popped into Robbie’s room sooner. If only I hadn’t taken so long over the bedrooms. Oh, why did this have to happen? Not again. Not again. Why would he take the baby?’

‘God knows!’ Rita said.

‘To punish me,’ said Daisy, breaking her silence at last with an ominous resonance. ‘And it’s working.’

‘Don’t let it. We’ll find him, I swear we will,’ Harry assured her and Daisy shot him a look of intense gratitude. Despite their differences, he wasn’t deserting her, not yet anyway. ‘We need to look further afield. He’s not anywhere round here. Do you know anyone with a vehicle? He can’t have got far with a child, not without transport.’

The rest of that day seemed unreal, reaching nightmare proportions. How could this be happening? How could one young man and a baby vanish so quickly in so many acres of empty space? Bill the Postie gladly offered the use of his van, driving it himself up and down countless lanes, all to no avail. When there was still no sign of the runaways after three hours of searching, they were forced to call in the local bobby, who wasted no time in ringing the station to alert mountain rescue.

‘Best not to take any chances. It’s dangerous up there. I wish you’d called me sooner, lass.’

‘I felt sure we’d find them hiding in one of the cottages or barns.’ Daisy stared into the deepening hue of dusk, cold fear gripping her heart. ‘I’m beginning to believe that he might well have taken Robbie out onto the high fells. In this weather, he must be out of his mind.’

Harry said, ‘I hate having to leave in the middle of all this, Daisy. I want to go with them and help but my commanding officer would eat me alive if I didn’t show up on time. I’d be listed as AWOL, court marshalled for sure. It’s time for me to go.’

She turned to him and knew in her heart that this was goodbye. The way he didn’t quite meet her gaze told Daisy that there was to be no eleventh hour retraction. This was the end. It was all over between them.

She gathered the last remnants of her courage. ‘Don’t you fret. I’ll be fine.’ How she was managing to hold back the tears she couldn’t rightly have said. Her whole body ached for him to put his arms about her one more time, to kiss her as he had done earlier today, when he had still loved her, before she’d told him her terrible secret. ‘The police will find them, I know they will. Thanks for helping, for your - support. Whatever happens, Harry, those lovely times we’ve spent together will live forever in my heart.’

Daisy thought, for a moment, that she detected a slight tremor about his mouth but then it tightened and he nodded, quite brusquely. ‘You’ll let me know if - if things turn out all right - with Robbie. You’ll write.’

‘I will Harry. I’ll write and let you know.’

‘And if anything happens to - to change things.’

She nodded blindly, unable to speak another word.

‘You’ll have to hurry,’ Bill the Postie gently interrupted, ‘if you don’t want to miss that train. Then Harry turned from her, climbed back into the van and away it roared, spitting and belching out clouds of smoke in its effort to pick up speed. Daisy stayed where she was, the unshed tears burning the backs of her eyes till the van had vanished from sight, then she turned on her heel and walked back up the lane to the farm.

It was the longest night of Daisy’s life. She sat with Florrie and her mother in the big farm kitchen, quite unable to speak, not even allowing herself to think. Somehow the guests had been fed: cold spam salad which they’d eaten without complaint. She’d been thankful for the activity, taking twice as long as usual over the simplest of tasks. The entire household was subdued, Megan and Trish in tears at the loss of their chum. Daisy had struggled for hours to settle them both, up and down the stairs with cups of water and soothing words but, in the end, had given up and brought the children down to sit in the kitchen with the grown-ups. There was nothing left to do now, but wait.