Damage (6 page)

“Well, that much is clear.”

I felt a wave of the same old frustration. Why couldn't he ever meet me halfway? “Look,” I said. “I'm tired of you guys not trusting me.”

“This behavior hardly seems likely to help with that.”

“I know, I know. I already said sorry.” I watched Zach sleeping and tried to calm down. “It's the drug thing. I don't deal drugs. I don't even use drugs.”

“Koli—”

“Is my best friend. Does he have a problem? Yes, okay, he does. But I'm not going to just turn my back on him, Dad.”

He didn't say anything.

“Dad?”

“Yeah, all right, Theo. I heard you.” He muttered something I couldn't hear, and I could make out my mother's voice in the background. Then Dad spoke again. “We want you to take a bus to Santa Rosa tonight, Theo. I'll check the schedule right now.”

“I can't,” I said. “Ronnie's out and I'm watching her son.”

“You're babysitting?”

“I guess you could call it that.”

Dad said something that sounded a lot like “harrumph.” I guess it was sort of funny, in a way—me babysitting my babysitter's kid.

“In the morning then,” he said.

I hesitated. I didn't want to leave Ronnie, but I had a life back home. School, family, friends. Ronnie's promises about connections in the movie industry hadn't exactly led anywhere. And Ronnie herself—well, she might need help, but she wouldn't even talk to me about her problems.

I could still feel her kiss burning on my lips. That kiss might have kept me here, if I hadn't suspected that she'd just done it to get me to say I'd look after Zach.

You can't keep running away from your problems
, I'd told her. Maybe I should take my own advice. “Okay,” I said at last. “In the morning.”

I hung up, watched
TV
for a couple of hours and curled up in the chair to sleep. When I woke up, pale morning light was creeping through the high windows, and Zach was starting to stir and whimper in his stroller.

And Ronnie was nowhere to be seen.

Chapter Ten

I lifted Zach out of his stroller. “Shhh, shhh,” I whispered. “We don't want to wake Joelle.” “Dada,” Zach said, snuffling a bit. “Dada.”

“Um, nope, just me. Not your Dada,” I said. Then I realized he was pushing me away and looking around the room. “Your dad's not here, Zach.” And neither is your mom, I thought, but I didn't say it out loud. Instead I tiptoed across the living room, shushing Zach, and pushed open the door to Joelle's bedroom.

No one there. Just a heap of blue sheets on the bed and a mess of clothes everywhere.

So it was just me and Zach. What the hell was up with that? But there was no time to think about it, because Zach was fussing and squirming to be put down. “I guess you need some breakfast,” I said to him. “And I need some coffee. Very. Strong. Coffee. Lots of it. Come on, buddy.”

I sat Zach down on the kitchen counter and opened a few cupboards.

“Hey look, buddy—instant coffee. And Rice Krispies! You like those?”

He didn't look thrilled.

“Or look—there's milk in the fridge. You want some milk?” I poured him a glass and switched on the kettle. Ronnie must be out with Joelle somewhere, but it was pretty uncool of her. Surely she knew her kid would wake up and want her. I watched Zach drink his milk and pushed back my anger. She was totally taking advantage of me, but worse than that was how unfair she was being to Zach. The poor kid barely knew me.

I wiped the milk that was dribbling down his chin. “How about some music, buddy? Let's see if Joelle's got any good tunes.” A few minutes later, Zach was happily sitting and listening to some techno-pop and pulling all the Kleenex out of a box he'd found on the living-room floor. He looked a little bulky around the bum, and I had a feeling he needed a diaper change.

To my relief, the front door opened. I jumped to my feet. “Hey! I'm so glad you're back. I was worried that something had happened.”

Joelle stepped inside and closed the door behind her. “I worked until two and then some of the girls invited me out with them.” She saw the look on my face. “What's wrong? Where's Ronnie?”

“She's not with you?” My heart sank. Actually,
sank
is too gentle a word. My heart plummeted like an elevator with a snapped cable.

“No. I haven't seen her since I left for work last night.”

I flopped into the armchair and rubbed my hands over my face, suddenly feeling completely exhausted. “I have no clue where she is, Joelle. She took off last night. Said she needed a break for a couple of hours.”

“She left you with him?” Joelle nodded at Zach, who was sitting in the middle of a mountain of snow-white Kleenex.

“I guess so. Yeah.”

“That sucks.” Her forehead was furrowed. “She'll probably be back soon though.” She didn't sound entirely convinced.

“What is it?” I said.

She shook her head. “Ronnie likes to party. Sometimes she drinks too much, you know?”

I shrugged. Most people did, it seemed to me. My parents sure did. Which reminded me...“Yeah. I'm supposed to be catching a bus this morning.” I'd have to call my folks if I didn't, and they were not going to be impressed.

“I can't take him,” Joelle said. “I gotta sleep. I work again tonight.”

I studied Zach. He'd been wearing that diaper all night, and it had to be soaked by now. Ronnie's blue bag was on the floor, and I opened it up. A hoodie, Ritz crackers, a bag of raisins, a magazine... and not much else. The rest of her stuff was in the car, which she had taken with her last night. “Joelle? I don't suppose you have any diapers around.”

Joelle laughed. “Uh, no. Sorry, Theo. There's a Walmart close though.” She pointed. “Out to the main drag, left at the lights, walk along a couple of blocks. You can't miss it.”

“Thanks.” Should I ask her to watch Zach for me while I got diapers? Maybe I could even persuade her to do the diaper change...

She hid a yawn behind her hand. “Sorry, Theo. I have to hit the sack.”

“Right.” I sighed and picked Zach up. “Come on, kiddo. We have a mission.” I loaded Zach into his stroller, buckled him in and headed out. It was already hot, and the air felt heavy and damp. By the time we got to the Walmart, I was sweating. I pushed the stroller through the automatic doors and into a wall of frosty air conditioning.

The store was pretty empty. We cruised down the first aisle, and Zach started to squirm and struggle against his stroller straps. “You need to walk a bit, buddy?” I unbuckled him. “Come on. You can help me find the diapers, okay?”

“Diapers,” Zach said, pointing.

We were standing by a whole wall of them. “Duh. Thanks, kiddo.” I remembered that there had been a box of Huggies in the car, but apparently these things came in various sizes. Okay, not newborn, obviously, but beyond that there still seemed to be a lot of choices. What did Zach weigh? Twenty pounds? Thirty? I figured it was better to get diapers too big than too small, and since the toddler pictured on the box for thirty-pound kids looked about Zach's age, I reached to grab it. Then I realized those ones were for girls. The pink packaging should have been the clue, I guess, but who knew they made diapers differently for boys and girls? And where were the thirty-pound-boy diapers?

“You want Donald Duck or Lightning McQueen on your diapers?” I asked, looking down. But Zach wasn't there anymore.

“Zach!” I looked up and down the aisle and didn't see him.
Crap. Crap, crap, crap.
“Zach!” I yelled again.

No answer. He had completely disappeared. I shouldn't have let him out of the stroller. I shouldn't have let him out of the house. I shouldn't have taken my eyes off him for a single goddamn second. Which way had he gone? I took a few steps to the end of the aisle and glanced to the right and then to the left.

No sign of him.

Where the hell was he? I ran past the diapers, past the baby food, past the rattles and toys. “Zach! Come here, Zachy!”

God, what if he was really lost? Or worse? What if he'd been snatched by some pervert, or wandered out the doors into traffic, or...

And there, just around the corner, sitting on a bright blue-and-white display potty, was Zach. I felt an overwhelming wave of relief that made my legs feel weak. He was fine. I hadn't lost him after all. And then I realized that his tiny cargo shorts and pull-up diaper were down around his ankles.

“No, no, Zach! You can't...” I stepped toward him and realized from the look of concentration on his face that I might be too late. A second later, the potty began playing an upbeat musical number, and a strong smell confirmed my fears. Little Zachy had just made a doo-doo.

“Zach go potty,” he informed me. The kid had the nerve to sound pleased about it.

“Great,” I said. “That's just great. I'm sure your mama will be proud.”

“Mama,” he said. His bottom lip quivered. “Dada. Mama.”

I blew out a breath. I shouldn't have mentioned that word. “You'll see her soon,” I said, and I hoped to God it was true. But right now I had a more immediate problem to deal with. I looked up and down the aisle. No one was paying any attention to us. I lifted Zach up, pulled up his wet diaper and pants, and closed the potty lid. “Okay, kiddo. Time for us to get away from the scene of the crime.”

I tucked Zach back into his stroller, paid for a box of Donald Duck Pull-Ups and fled, pushing the stroller out the door without a backward glance.

At least that was one nasty diaper change I wouldn't have to deal with.

I was half expecting Ronnie to be sitting in the living room when I got back, but there was still no sign of her. I stripped off Zach's wet diaper and helped him into a clean, dry one, feeding his chubby legs through the elastic leg holes. He should have clean pants too, but his clothes were all in the car. I spotted Ronnie's blue bag on the floor and opened it up again. “Zach, how about some raisins?”

He beamed at me. “Raisins.”

“Great.” I pulled out a half-full jumbo bag—and underneath it was Ronnie's cell phone. I hadn't even known she had one, or I'd have been trying to call her. I pulled it out of the bag and turned it on. The ringer was off, but she had a ton of text messages. I hesitated but only for a second. Password? How about
Zach
?

Bingo.

I handed Zach the raisins and scrolled through the messages. There were about thirty, and it didn't look like she'd replied to any of them. I started at the beginning, three nights earlier.

What's up? You're late
.

Are you on your way?

Where are you, Ronnie? Call me
.

Hey, are you okay? I thought we said five o'clock.

Ronnie, we're all freaking out a little. It's Zach's bedtime. Where the hell are you?

I'm calling the police if I don't hear from you by morning.

And the next day.

Ronnie, I don't want to get the cops involved. Call me. We'll figure this out.

Damn it Ronnie. This is messed up. At least let me know you're both okay.

Trying again. Call me.

Drove over to your house. Again. Where the hell are you?

Think about Zach. This isn't fair to him or me.

Ronnie, if you don't call me I'm going to call the cops. Seriously.

And the day after that.

Called the cops. You know this is kidnapping, right?

I felt a clutch of shock deep in my chest, like someone had just grabbed my heart and squeezed it, hard.
Cops? Kidnapping?
I stared at the words on the screen until they began blurring in their little green text boxes. My legs were wobbly. I sank into the chair and Zach looked solemnly up at me, chewing.
Kidnapped.
The phone was slippery in my hand.

There were more texts—
Just come home. We'll figure it out. Ronnie, the longer you stay away the worse it looks. What the hell are you planning, Ronnie? You can't just disappear—
but I'd read enough.

I started typing:
I'm a friend of
Ronnie's. What's going on?

Seconds later, the phone vibrated in my hand. I answered quickly. “Hello?”

“Hi.” A man's voice. “Who is this?”

“Uh, my name's Theo. I'm a friend of Ronnie's.”

“Is she there? Put her on.”

“No. She's not. Is this Max?” I tried to remember exactly what she had told me about him.

“Yeah. Where is she? Does she have Zach?” His voice was strained. “Are they okay?”

“They're fine,” I said. “Zach's right here, actually.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“Uh, okay.” I held the phone by Zach's ear and waited.

I could hear Max's voice. “Zach, baby!”

Zach's eyes widened, and he dropped the bag of raisins. “Dada?”

“Yes, it's Dada. I miss you, Zachy.”

“Dada, dada, dada.” Zach pulled his head back and studied the phone for a moment, as if he might be able to see his father in it. I tried to put it back to his ear.

“Zach, you're going to come home now, okay? Dada's going to come get you. I'll see you soon.”

“Home. Zach home dada.” Zach's face crumpled, and he looked like he was about to cry.

“Soon, Zach, okay? I promise.”

I handed Zach the raisins again, hoping to distract him, and spoke into the phone. “Hi. It's me again.”

“Who did you say you were? And where the hell is Ronnie?” he said.

“My name's Theo,” I said again. “I'm a friend of Ronnie's.”

“Right. Why do you have Zach? And where is she?”

“She went out. She asked me to watch him for a few hours.”

“Where are you? I'll come get Zach right now.”