Damaged (25 page)

As soon as she said it, the tears started falling and then I started wailing. I cried hard, until I could feel snot mixing
with my tears.

“What’s wrong?” Shakira asked, jumping up and rubbing my back. “Talk to me, man.”

I shook my head, and then the words poured out. “I have to stop doing this.”

Shakira sighed. “Where did that come from?”

“I can’t believe I’m really living like this!” I said, shaking my head.

“Camille, did something happen today?”

“I saw my mama for the first time in like seven or eight years.”

“You did?” Shakira leaned in, surprised.

“She ain’t even recognize me.” I shook my head. “Her only child, and she ain’t know who the hell I was.”

Shakira looked away. I could tell she ain’t know what to say, but then she said, “Did you recognize her right away?”

I started laughing, cuz I didn’t. I shook my head.

“See?” Shakira said with a slight smile.

“But still.” And I took another hit from the J.

We sat in a quiet room for a while, and then Shakira said she was going outside to buy another bag. When she came back, I
had opened up some wine coolers. She rolled up two fat-ass J’s and then we both smoked one.

I lied with my back flat on the floor, staring at the ceiling, smoking until my head felt lighter and I felt giddy.

“Guess who I saw today?” Shakira asked, lying next to me, but upside down.

“Who?”

“Rob.”

“Rob, Chu Rob?” I said, sitting up.

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“He was at a light on Bladensburg Road, just when I was about to cross the street.”

“Did he see you?”

“Yeah, he saw me. But he ain’t say nothing.”

“You ain’t, either?”

“What was I supposed to say? The last time I saw him, he was acting like he was better than me. Fuck him!”

“Shakira, don’t say that,” I said. “How he look?”

She sat up and said, “What? You trying to holla?”

I shook my head. “Girl, no.”

“Oh,” she said, lying back down. “But he did look good. Real good. I ain’t even gonna lie. His skin look all smooth and shit
now.”

“What kind of car was he in?”

“A green Yukon.”

“Oh, he done moved up from the old Explorer, huh?”

“Evidently.”

APRIL 2007

N
ut and Peaches was throwing a party for Amir’s first birthday at their brand-new house in Mitchellville, Maryland. He stayed
true to one part of his word, cuz Peaches finally got that house he promised her and he had even bought her a little salon
with some of the money he made flipping houses.

He even married her. I couldn’t believe it. They had went to the courthouse in Virginia and she ain’t tell nobody until after
it was over, flashing her wedding ring around and shit, all proud.

Me and Shakira pulled up in her 2002 Acura. Her boyfriend, Kareem, had bought it for her since she registered for GED classes.
Yes, her
boyfriend
. He promised her he’d do it if she went back to school. Shakira begged me to go with her and I did, but not cuz she begged
me to. I was already thinking it was time to shine my light on the world. It was just cool that I ain’t have to be by myself
when I did.

Trina Boo’s white Range Rover pulled up in front of the house and she jumped out in an all-white Fendi pants outfit. She was
covered in designer labels from her Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses sitting on top of her head, all the way down to her Prada stiletto
sandals. “Hey, y’all!” she squealed, running over to us, carrying a cute little black Yorkie and a banging-ass Gucci handbag
I seen in a window up Georgetown.

We gave her a big hug and quickly started talking about New York and all the celebrities she had been hanging out with.

Peaches waddled over with a gift someone had given Amir and the baby on her hip. She was pregnant again and glowing like it
was her first pregnancy. “Wait, I want to hear about it, too!” she yelled.

“Girl, give me the baby!” Trina Boo squealed. “He’s so cute.”

I took the box from her and sat it down. “He look like his father,” I said, rolling my eyes playfully.

“He look like me, too,” Peaches whined.

Trina Boo told us the music business scene wasn’t all she thought it was cracked up to be. Of course, the parties was live,
but she said a lot of the rappers was still spitting the same corny-ass lines as the dudes in the streets.

“The only real difference is they willing to spend more money, faster,” she said, smiling. Her diamond tennis bracelet slid
up and down her arm as she played with her dog.

Nut was grilling meat on the barbeque and talking to some of his friends, who was drinking beer. I couldn’t help but shake
my head at him. This dude was living the life, while I was still working the streets. But Peaches was my girl, and at least
she was benefiting. I never really saw him much anymore since we mailed him our rent. He still was an animal in my book, but
I ain’t want him dead like I had secretly wanted Mr. Big to be. Nut never even looked at me or in my direction the whole time.
I guess that was his way of taking the high road.

We stayed for a while, but Shakira wanted to go out to Love with Trina Boo later, so we left a little early to get dressed.
It was International Night, and I ain’t wanna go, but since Trina Boo was in from out of town, we had to party.

Peaches left a message on my cell phone while we was at the club. I was checking my missed calls, when her voice popped on:

“Hey, girl. Rob showed up a little bit after y’all left. You know I ain’t seen that boy since Chu’s funeral? Well, anyway,
he asked me if I kept in touch with you. I told him, no duh? But anyway, he told me he bumped into Shakira the other day.
I told him y’all live together. Of course, he was shocked”
—she laughed—
“But anyway, it’s a lot that boy don’t know. He looks good, though. You should call him. He gave me his number to give to
you. It’s 240…”

I closed my mouth and then replayed the message twice while Trina Boo zipped through the city heading toward Denny’s. My heart
skipped a beat. Maybe it was cuz he reminded me of Chu. I saved Rob’s number in my phone, but I wasn’t ready to call him.
I ain’t even mention it to Shakira or Trina Boo. I knew they would try to syce it up, hyping the situation. All Rob probably
wanted to do was check on me. Though I
was
kinda mad he was just now doing it. I lit a cigarette and thought about what he had been up to all this time.

*   *   *

S
pingarn High School sat on a hill, a few blocks down the street from our apartment building and right across from the old
Redskins stadium. The first day of night school began in the middle of May. It was cool, since mostly all the people in our
classes was right around our age or a whole lot older. I ain’t feel like I missed that much, but only time would tell if that
was true when they started giving us tests. Neither one of us felt out of place or like we was stupid, thank God. But on the
third day, this guy stopped me in the hallway.

“Don’t they call you Nectar?” he asked, grinning.

I rolled my eyes and said, “Nope.”

“You sure?” he asked, like he ain’t believe me.

“Positive,” I said and then kept walking down the hall.

“I swear you look just like her,” the guy said behind my back.

Every time somebody did that to me, it burned me up. It was like I could never get away from that part of my life. I went
into the bathroom on the first floor. After I finished washing my hands, I walked out and bumped into a big woman with long
auburn dreads pulled away from her face.

“Oh, excuse me,” she said, straightening out her jacket.

“Excuse me,” I said, adjusting my bag and the books I was carrying.

We locked eyes, but neither one of us said anything. It had been a long time, and I ain’t know what to say to my first love’s
mother. He had her eyes. She smiled knowingly, and I smiled back.

“You work here?” I asked.

“Yes, I do. I am the curriculum coordinator.”

“Oh, okay,” I said, and I shifted my bag to my other shoulder.

“I still teach courses at American, but I like this. It’s different,” she said, before frowning. “Wait, are you a student?”

I nodded. “I take GED classes.”

“Oh.” I could tell she was shocked and maybe even a little disappointed.

“Yeah, I stopped going a while back. But I’m here now,” I said proudly.

“And that’s wonderful,” she said, staring into my eyes. She rested her hand on my arm and then said, “Please let me know if
you ever need any help. I really mean it.”

“I will,” I said, and I smiled at her. Ms. Abani was reaching out to me cuz of her son, and I appreciated it, but I knew school
was gonna have to be
all
me this time. I had to focus. Being around her would just make me think of her son.

“You ready, girl?” Shakira asked, walking up the hall.

I nodded. “I’m ready.”

Ms. Abani smiled. Something made me think she was still judging me as I watched her walk down the hall.

“I think I’m ready,” I mumbled.

A
few weeks later, I was trying to clean my pussy under my miniskirt with the last baby wipe I could find in my beat-up knockoff
Prada bag, when a familiar voice said, “Camille?”

I dropped the used wipe on the ground and turned to see who it was, hoping it wasn’t somebody who remembered me from middle
school. Rob’s face sitting in the green truck brought back memories of a different time and of a different place and of a
person who I had been trying to forget. I lit a cigarette and walked over to his truck.

“Camille?” he asked, confused.

“Hey, stranger,” I said. “You wanna date?”

“A date?” he asked. “Nah, shawty. Peaches told me you might be down here.”

I could beat Peaches’ ass. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why you looking for me, Rob? Why now? It’s been two years since
Chu died. Why’d you forget about me?” I cried.

“I’ve been trying to get Nut to tell me where you was all this time. Tep used to call the house for you and everything. I
gave Peaches my number to give you. After she told me you and Shakira lived together, I went back to the last place I seen
her, just about every day at that same time, hoping I’d see her again. I asked Peaches to tell me where you lived, but she
ain’t want to do that. So I begged her to tell me where you might be.”

I shifted my weight and leaned on my other leg.

“Can you get in? Please? I don’t want to talk to you like this.”

I rolled my eyes and snatched the door open. After I climbed in his truck, I started smelling Chu’s Bvlgari Aqua. I inhaled
the sweet muscular scent and exhaled like I had hit a J. It wasn’t right that he smelled like him. Rob drove up to Fourteenth
and U Streets before making a right. He parked on Eleventh Street, near Ben’s Chili Bowl, but then he took me across the street
to this Ethiopian restaurant. I pressed my lips tight together and then sucked my teeth. “What’s this?” I asked.

“You’ll like it. Watch.”

I rolled my eyes.

Once inside the dark, crowded restaurant lighted by candles, I excused myself to the bathroom so I could at least wash my
hands and get my makeup straight. When I came back, the hostess escorted us to a table where Rob pulled the chair out for
me to sit down. I was shocked, cuz I certainly wasn’t expecting that kind of treatment after he just seen me wiping myself
on the street. I felt a little uncomfortable in my zebra-print tank top and jean stretch miniskirt. My four-inch stilettos
was drawing just as much attention. But Rob did look good, like Shakira said. I could tell he was working out. His shoulders
was all broad and his chest looked thicker. I couldn’t believe he would even bring me to a place like this. It just ain’t
seem like his style. He used to be eating Yum’s carryout right along with me and Chu back in the day. Maybe college was teaching
him something.

“What you looking at me like that for?” Rob asked, sitting down across from me.

“I can’t lie. I’m surprised,” I said, looking at the menu, not even sure what to get.

“About what?”

I shook my head and looked over the menu.
Here we go again with this crazy-ass language,
I said to myself, squinting.

“Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food before?”

“Nope.”

Rob smiled. “I’ll order something we’ll both like, then. So what’s been up with you, man? You disappeared off the face of
the planet and shit.”

“Me?! I was looking for you at Chu’s funeral. I tried to call you and I left messages. No,
you
disappeared.”

Rob shook his head and then started cracking his knuckles. He looked away and then back at the menu.

The waitress came over to see if we wanted something to drink. He ordered a beer and I got a ginger ale.

“So?” I asked, still waiting to hear what he had to say about his vanishing act.

“Man, after Chu got killed, like that… that shit fucked with me,” he said, shaking his head. “It happened so quick.”

He sat quiet for a moment like he was trying not to let me see him cry. I looked at the menu again, even though I wasn’t really
looking for nothing. I tried to focus on the soft music playing in the background, instead of looking at Rob.

“I blamed myself for leaving D.C. and for not being there that day. It was hard, man. I almost just stopped going to school
altogether. You know, I just said, ‘Fuck it!’ But then…” He paused as the slender waitress with wide eyes brought over our
drinks.

“Ready to order?”

He cleared his throat and said, “Yeah, let me get that doro wot fit-fit.”

The waitress nodded and disappeared.

“What the heck was that you just got us?” I asked, confused. “Because I don’t eat nothing crazy like diced rat knuckles.”

He laughed. “I promise, you’ll love it. Trust me.”

“Hmmm…” I sighed before clasping my fingers in front of me on the table.

“What?” Rob asked. He seemed relieved to change the subject. “What are you thinking right at this very moment?”