Dancing in Circles (Circles Trilogy) (35 page)

He shook his head. "No, babe. If it bothered ya then ya had to know. Ya said we gotta be able to talk. Anythin' else ya wanna know?" Robert kept forcing his focus back onto the conversation. Mesmerized by the way her cotton t-shirt clung to her curves he had difficulty concentrating.

"What are those?" She stroked the numbers tattooed above his heart. "These two are new."

Robert glanced at his chest. "Those are the death dates of the five guys that have been killed on my watch." He touched the last set of numbers. "This is Pete's."

Julie placed her hand on his tattoo and closed her eyes. "I am so sorry."

Robert shrugged.

Lightening the moment, Julie leaned back on a pillow, stretched out her legs and rested her drink on her belly. "I'm curious, what did you and dad talk about yesterday?"

"You, mostly." He sipped his hot chocolate and explained about the ride from jail to Aunt Kathy's. When he was finished, Julie was silent. "Hey." He snapped his fingers. "What'chha thinkin' about?"

"You, mostly." She placed her empty mug on the floor, stood and stretched out on the bed. "You made love to me. Now it's my turn to show you how much I love you."

Robert put down his drink, checked the fire and lay next to Julie. She kissed his chest above his heart. He inhaled and tensed. The suggestion of her lips was torture to every spot they caressed. Robert wallowed in the sensations racing through his body. The tension strained at the peak and broke with a rush of urgency and fulfilment.

***

Robert stroked Julie's back as she lay against him. "No one has ever made love to me before."

She rolled over. "That's because no one's ever loved you before."

"You're right. There's a big difference to what I was doin' at sixteen in the back of someone's car and what I'm doin' and feelin' now. This is…I don't know, it just feels right."

"That's because we were meant to be together."

"I'm not so sure." A brief frown crossed his brow. "You and I alone work but when ya add the rest of the world…." He shook his head. "In your dreams, do ya see us together?"

"Yes."

"As man and wife?"

Julie nodded. "What about you? Do you dream about us?"

Robert rubbed his face. "I don't dream anymore. I'm findin' reality too hard to deal with."

"Am I part of the problem?"

He snorted. "A big part. I'd love to wake up like this every day for the rest of my life. But I can't marry ya."

"Why not?"

"Where would we live? You grew up in Westland. I can't take ya to Shore."

Julie reached out and caressed his cheek. "I want to be with you. I want to grow old and gray with you." She giggled. "I want to watch you get fat and bald."

"Me? Fat? In your dreams." He tickled her ribs. "You're the one who's gonna get fat." Pushing Julie onto her back, he sat on her legs and rubbed her stomach. "You're gonna get fat from all those little Julies and Roberts you're gonna have."

"How many babies?"

"Oh, ten or fifteen. Don't want ya lazin' around the house all day eatin' chocolates and watchin' TV. So I'll give ya lots of kids to keep you busy."

"You male chauvinist." She punched him in the arm. He let her wrestle him to the bed. She sat on his hips "Ha! Got you pinned. Submit."

"Shoresmen never submit."

"Guess I'll have to get rough."

"Pain doesn't exist."

"That's because a sex-crazed woman has never attacked you before. I'll show you what pain is." She held his arms down and kissed his face, then slid her hair along his chest and neck. A tremble rippled through him. "Submit?"

"Willingly." His voice was a hoarse whisper.

His desire for her drove her to needing to satisfy him. She wanted him to know she desired him. Not what he could provide for her. She wanted his heart and his soul but for this moment, she wanted his body. Julie leaned closer and breathed across his ear. "Make love with me."

A passion surged through them. Both submitted and both were loved.

***

The chirp of her Julie's cell phone disturbed Julie from her reverie. She slid her arm out from under Robert who was sleeping on her stomach and checked the text.
Anything you need? Aunt K

She typed a reply.
Just each other.

Aunt Kathy's response was instant.
Does an old heart good to know such love still exists. I'll send some supper up.
 

Julie stared at the glowing embers in the fire and relived the last few months of her life. She glanced down at Robert and smiled. A tap on the door didn't wake him, so Julie had to wiggle her way out of bed. She slipped her jeans and t-shirt on and opened the door. A large silver tray with two covers rested at her feet. She carried it to the bed and placed it next to Robert. Taking off the covers, she let the fragrances awaken him.

He sniffed the air. "Food?"

"Food and love. What more could a person ask for?"

Robert sat up and yawned. He reached for the beer resting on the tray and cranked it open. "Beer. I knew Aunt Kathy liked me. A toast. To love, life, eternity and us."

"Is that a proposal of marriage?"

"Yes, but only within the confines of this fantasy."

"I accept. How do we make it official?"

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "One of those complicated things. You know where the couple wraps their arm around each other's arm, stares deeply into each other's' eyes and drinks but somehow doesn't spill it all over the place. I saw it on a movie. It looked cool."

Robert popped open the Diet Coke and filled Julie's glass. "I came up with that part, you're the creative one you figure out what we're supposed to say." He placed the drinks on the night table and crossed the room to stoke the fire.

"I've got it." Julie reached for the drinks and waited for his return. When he settled on the bed, she handed him his beer. "Link arms. Oh, this is tricky. I say my line, you say yours, we drink and it'll be official."

As she gazed into Robert's eyes, Julie saw the flicker of the flames as the logs caught fire. "Within the realm of this fantasy I, Julie, take thee, Robert, as my husband."

He raised one eyebrow. "Thee?"

"Thee."

Rolling his eyes, he smiled and inched closer. "Within the realm of this fantasy I, Robert, take thee, Julie, as my wife to love, honour and cherish with all of my soul. I love you." He leaned past their glasses and placed his lips on hers then jerked back. "Ok, that was cold." He reached for a napkin to wipe the spilled pop off his chest.

"Sorry." Julie chuckled and sipped her drink.

Robert propped up the pillows and settled back. Julie snuggled into his arms. He took the sandwich she offered him. "Well, wife."

"Yes, husband?"

"Nothin'." He kissed her ear. "I just wanted to say it." He bit his sandwich and enjoyed the closeness of their bodies. "If we're gonna be married then there are some very important things I should know about you. Like what's your favourite colour?"

"Red. What's yours?"

"Blue. Sky blue. When I was locked up, I realized how beautiful the sky was. If I can stand under it then I'm free and freedom is beautiful."

"You have the soul of a poet."

"And the love of a beautiful woman." He kissed her neck. He still wanted her. He still needed to hold her and kiss her. What a sad day it would be if this love ever faded.

While they ate, Robert and Julie chatted about favourite books, movies, sports teams and their most embarrassing day at school. Julie rubbed her hand along his fading scars on his chest and stomach. "You're healing nicely."

He swallowed the last bite of his cherry pie. "Yea. This has been the weirdest year. Are ya done?"

Julie nodded. Robert slid off the bed, placed the tray next to the door and settled back next to Julie.

She waited until he returned. "What do you mean weirdest year?"

"Well, since I've met you, I got hit on the head with a beer bottle, got beat up, stabbed, was in a gang fight and got arrested."

"Isn't that normal for a gang member?"

He chuckled. "Not in like two months! You're my good luck and bad luck charm all rolled into one. The only thin' missin' is me gettin' shot."

Julie gasped, pushed up and stared at him with wide eyes.

"I have no intentions of gettin' shot. It hurts." Robert kissed her cheek.

Smiling, Julie reached over and traced her index finger across the tattooed numbers above Robert's heart. "These two are new. What do the numbers mean?"

Robert glanced down at his chest. "Those are the death dates of every bro who died on my watch."

Julie drew her fingers across the bottom number. "Paul?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. "Can we change topics?" He opened his eyes and chuckled. "How many other boyfriends?"

"Only two." Julie settled down against his chest. "Chris you know. Corey was before him. His father transferred, so he moved away. How many girl friends? Are we talking hundreds or thousands? And do I really want to know?"

He swallowed the last mouthful of beer and laid the bottle on the floor next to the bed. "One."

"One?" Julie raised an eyebrow. "As in less than two?"

"Girlfriends – one. One night stands, quickies in back seats – lots."

"Tell me about this one girlfriend. When Paul and I were waiting for you to come out of surgery, he said you almost fell in love once."

"Paul talks too much."

"Tell me, please." Julie trickled her fingers up and down his chest. "I'd like to know about the other woman who got to you. What was her name?"

"Shali. We met when we were livin' on the streets. We were both doin' some pretty disgustin' things to survive. We had no place to live. We couldn't use the hostels. The juvenile authorities woulda thrown us into foster homes. We were fifteen. We'd fall asleep in each others' arms pretendin', the real world didn't exist.

"At Christmas, we were both broke, so we gave each other a dream. We were gonna to get off the streets, quit the drugs, johns and stuff. I staked us out a place to live. The big building I showed you across the bay. Just a mattress on the floor. No lights. No heat. Just us, the rats and the crack dealers. It was heaven. I decided to go back to school. Shali wouldn't go. I knew she was still hookin' but I thought…" His voice hitched. "I came home early from school…."

Julie remained quiet and still. From the pain she heard in his voice, she didn't want to look and see the suffering on his face.

Robert stroked her hair. "When I got home, she was lyin' on the bed. The needle was still stuck in her arm."

Julie squeezed her eyes and wrapped and arm around his stomach.

"Her john was trying to get his pants on and get out the door. She was the person I made the speech for; wherever ya are, may the sun always shine in your eyes. Shali was the first person I let get close since Mom…." His voice cracked and he sniffed.

Tears welled up in Julie's eyes. This was the first time he'd spoken of his mother as someone he once loved.

He let out a long tortured sigh. "You're the only other person I've let in. I think I'm ready to let you love me."

"I will love you, Robert. You've touched a part of me that no one ever could." Julie rubbed her cheek on his chest. "Quit the drugs. I can handle the drinking, but not the drugs. They aren't the answer. If somethin's bothering you, talk to me. Don't hide in some drug."

Robert started to speak, but Julie reached up and placed a finger on his lips. "I know you haven't been able to see another way of dealing with your problems. From what you've told me, you've led your life at a basic animal level – law of the jungle. A cop pisses you off, you hit him. You were hurting Friday night. You got high. There are other ways to deal with life."

"I don't do it 'cause my body's screamin' for the stuff. I do it 'cause my soul's screamin' to get away from the world."

"Then quit. You're a better person than you think you are. I fell in love with a caring, sensitive man. My instincts said love this man and he'll love you back. I don't want to be in love with a corpse in a coffin. I want to be in love with you."

As Robert rubbed his face, he remembered Shali and the day he found her body. Suddenly her face changed to his and it was Julie who stood over him. He didn't like that. He didn't care if he was dead, just another gang member OD. He did care it would hurt Julie and he'd do anything not to hurt her. "I promise on my love to you, I'll stop."

"Instead of being addicted to drugs, get addicted to me."

"Already am."

While Julie lay in his arms, the heat of her body soothing his soul, Robert thought about the past twenty-four hours and how wonderful they'd been and how difficult it would be having to go back to the real world. He didn't want to go back to being him again. He didn't like himself anymore. He liked this new Robert and the new one wanted more than his old life could give him. He wanted Julie.

He knew he could never have her. The real world would deny him that luxury. He'd have to let her go at the end of school in January. How? How does a person send someone away? Someone that they love. How does the person then survive the loss?