Dangerous Temptations (13 page)

It was almost seven before I realized William had texted me to let me know he was home. “I better get going.” I knew I had to talk to Alex, too.

We said our goodbyes and on the ride home, I thought about how I was going to talk to him without falling right back into his trap.

It was going to take all the strength in the world because the last thing I wanted was to fight with William in the house.

I ARRIVED HOME
and was greeted with William in the kitchen. I stared intently at the counter spot I was sitting on this morning with Alex—flashes of his lips, body, hands surfaced and just as fast, I pushed them away.

William walked toward me with a wide smile, but I could see the defeat in his eyes. He was tired, from a long day I was sure, but I plastered on a fake smile as he leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Hello, darling. I ordered us some food. I hope that’s all right.”

“Sounds great,” I said, relieved I wouldn’t have to try to find the energy to cook anything.

Our food arrived and only William sat down with me to eat. I didn’t have the nerve to ask him where Alex was, but it was in my mind the entire time. I knew I needed to talk to him, but I’d have to wait until William was busy. I knew what I needed to say, but I was dreading it the entire time I ate.

After dinner and clean up, William said he had some things in his study to finish from the day. I decided to make a turkey sandwich for Alex since I was sure he was hungry.

“Alex?” I called, looking from room to room.

“In here,” I heard him call back. From the faintness of his tone, I could tell he was in his bedroom. I hadn’t been in there since he moved in and it felt weird going in there now.

“I have a sandwich for you…” I announced.

“You can bring it in.”

“Can’t you come out here?”

“Why? You afraid of my bedroom?” he asked with amusement heavy in his tone.

“Uh, no. Just didn’t think it was appropriate.” I held the plate in my hand and nervously circled my thumb on the bottom.

“I won’t bite, Mac. You’re allowed in.”

I sighed.
Fine.

I hesitantly pushed the door open, finding him on his bed. He was sitting up against the headboard with a book in his hand and his ankles casually crossed. What threw me off even more than the scene in front of me were the black-rimmed glasses he was wearing. He looked like a completely different Alex than the one I kissed this morning.

“You’re reading?”

He dropped the book onto his stomach and looked at me, a smirk playing on his lips. “Is that hard to believe?”

“Well…kinda.” I chuckled, setting the plate on the end of his bed. “What are you reading?”

“John Grisham’s The Racketer.”

“Sounds like a party.”

He shrugged. “Better than being out there.”

My throat dropped into my stomach at the way he nodded his head past me. I knew what he was implying and my heart raced at just the thought of what happened that morning.

I bowed my head a moment before looking back up at him and responding, “That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

He swung his legs off and placed the book on the bed. “What’s to talk about, Mac?”

I swallowed at the deep, harsh tone of his voice and the way his face tensed as he blinked up at me. “That can’t happen again, Alex. We crossed a line. I’m engaged and…”

He stood up and stalked toward me before I could finish. “You really think that ring on your finger means anything?” he mocked but continued before I could fight back. “That kiss…
that
meant something, Mac.”

“It never should’ve happened,” I shot back just as he began to walk toward me. I took a step back, but it didn’t matter—he caged me to the wall.

“It’s already happened, Mac. That night happened and whether or not you want to admit it, you feel it. And not only that, but you want me. You want us.”

My heart pounded from the strength of his words. I couldn’t believe how blunt he was and how nervous he was making me. He intimidated me and my nerves couldn’t take anymore.

“Fine!” I threw back in his face, pushing my hands against his chest. He stumbled back slightly as I continued, “I want you. I can’t help it. But that doesn’t mean anything. That doesn’t mean
we
can be anything. I made a promise to William and whether or not I have feelings for you, it doesn’t justify what we’ve done.” His eyes burned into mine, dark and tense as he absorbed my words. I whispered, “So you need to just let this be…we’ve had one night, one kiss. But it needs to stop now, Alex.”

“I can’t stop, Mac—kissing you, touching you, being around you—it’s uncontrollable.” He brushed his finger over my lower lip, popping it out.

“What do you want with me? Why can’t you see this is killing me?” I asked as his hand moved to the soft part of my cheek. The air around us seemed to still as he inched closer.

“I want you. I’ve told you that.”

“Yes, but what does that mean exactly?” I challenged.

His hand traced over my collarbone and then he slid it down my arm and gripped my wrist. “It means I wish you felt how strongly I felt. My dad isn’t the one for you…he’s not the right guy. I’m not saying I’d be able to give you the lifestyle he does, or an apartment like this, and I can tell you already, we’ll fight and you’ll want to throw shit at me, but I’d always be one-hundred percent invested in us, Mac. I’d never stop looking at you, craving to touch you, and loving you. I’d always give you everything I could offer and even then, I’d want to give you even more than that.”

My eyes were glued to his as he spoke to me, telling me what any girl would love to hear. His words were beautiful and they hurt. I wanted to reciprocate them, but I knew I couldn’t. Tears stung my eyes as he continued, “That night wasn’t a mistake, Mac. What I feel—what we had—is so intense, and I know you feel it, too.” This was passionate Alex and he was perfect as hell. The way he spoke about me,
us
, made me want to give in, wrap my arms around him, and tell him I felt it, too.

But I couldn’t find the strength to allow myself to go there. I loved William and was fully content with the life we had together, but Alex was making me sick with guilt, and it wasn’t something I wanted to live with anymore.

I bowed my head and slowly pulled my wrist out of his grasp. “I’m sorry, Alex…I wish I could give you what you feel for me, but I can’t. I just…can’t.” It felt like a knife twisting in my stomach to say those words, but I needed them to hurt. I needed him to let the idea of him and I go.

“Why are you making this so difficult?” he growled. “It’s easy, Mac. You and I have something…whether or not you remember it—I know your body does. You wouldn’t be pushing so hard if you didn’t feel something.”

He placed two fingers under my chin, making our eyes connect again. I didn’t want him to see the tears, the pain this was bringing me, so I swallowed and forced them back. “This is the opposite of easy,” I choked out. He didn’t move, so I continued. “I need to go,” I said weakly, taking a step to walk past him, but he stepped in front of me, barricading me to the wall.

“Don’t leave. You know you don’t want to. I see it in your face, your movements, your words. Whether or not his ring is on your finger, you’re not his. You’re just fooling yourself and everyone else that thinks so. Is that something you can live with?”

My blood was boiling by how direct and pushy he was being. I’ve told him everything I needed to say, and now I needed to make sure this would be the last time because I was sick of feeling this way.

“All we do is fight, so what’s the point?” I pushed back.

“You’re scared. That’s why you’re running.”

“No.” I shot right back. “I belong with him.”

“Why?”
Why?
I couldn’t think when he was in my face like this—my body couldn’t be trusted.

“We don’t fight,” I said the first thing that came to my head. “It’s easy… it’s…”

“Boring,” he filled in for me. “At least with me, it’s interesting. Passionate. The chemistry is electric, Mac. I know you feel it. Stop fighting it and
we’d
stop fighting.”

“I
can’t
.” I pursed my lips, tightening my face.

“You
won’t
.” He pushed back. The intensity in his eyes was almost too much. He was pushing his boundaries and he knew it.

“Regardless of how you feel about me and how my body reacts to you, this—” I wave a finger between the both of us. “—can never be anything. I’ve had to fend for myself my entire life, be the responsible one just so I’d have something to eat, and I worked my way up to get a career I’ve always wanted. I’m happy. I am proud of everything I’ve accomplished to get here, on my own. Why can’t you just let me be content?”

“And let you live a lie? Is that what you truly want?” he challenged.

“It’s not a lie…I
am
happy,” I threw back, confused. “I might not particularly
like
certain aspects of my life, but it’s a hell of a lot better than I’ve had in the past. So no, I’m not going to ruin it just because of one night. A night that should’ve never happened in the first place.”

“You keep saying that, Mac, but how much of that do you actually believe? I don’t believe in coincidences. For that one night, you were just Mac…not arm candy, beautiful to gawk at, Mac…you let your guard down and when we met, electricity passed between us that even you couldn’t deny.”

“That wasn’t electricity, Alex. That’s called too much alcohol…way, way too much.”

He laughed in my face and shook his head. “And now we’re back to denial. One step forward, five steps backward.” He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration and spun around in defeat. I hated that this was happening, but it had to be done. I needed to reset the boundaries.

“It’s not denial. I was confused,” I defended. “You confuse me, Alex. But even so, I have to go with my instincts.”

He spun back around and faced me. “Well...” He huffed a laugh before continuing. “Your instincts are wrong.” He pushed past me and walked out of his room without another word.

Well then.

That could’ve gone better.

I sighed, wiping the tears from my eyes. I heard the front door slam shortly after that. I grabbed the plate with his uneaten sandwich and walked it back to the kitchen. I wrapped it up and placed it in the fridge before hiding away in the bathtub for the rest of the night.

Chapter Fourteen

I lay in bed all night in a haze. It was past midnight before my brain finally turned off and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I turned and felt an empty space next to me. It was a little past eight and then I noticed a note on William’s pillow.

Darling,

Sorry to leave before you woke up, but there was an emergency at the Chicago branch and I had to fly out. Be home as soon as I can!

I sighed as I realized he might not make it back in time to drive with me to the event. But I wasn’t going to let that bother me right now. I had too much other shit on my mind.
Alex
.

I rolled out of bed and immediately jumped into the shower. I had planned to be there by seven p.m. I hired Chelsea to deal with the set-up arrangements so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. She helped with the catering and making sure everything was done right. It was refreshing not having to stress over that for once—I had other things to worry about.

I’ve been looking forward to this event for months. It was a benefit for the Coalition for the Homeless—something so near and dear to my heart; I get emotional just thinking about it. William knew I was passionate about this charity, he knew my mother and I struggled financially, but he didn’t know the extent of it. He knew we lived in shelters for a time, but not the extent of it, either. I never told him the things we had to do in order to survive. It wasn’t something I was particularly proud of and knew most people wouldn’t understand.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust William. He was very understanding and very supportive of my desire to get involved, but I didn’t like talking or thinking about it. It hurt and made me bitter. I hated the way it made me feel, so I tried to push that part of my life out as much as possible.

I’ll be giving a speech tonight about the effects of homelessness in New York. I’ll discuss the facts and how, if we worked together, we could put a stop to so many children living in shelters. I knew firsthand what it felt like, the things they see and do. It’s especially terrible when you only have one parent and that one parent doesn’t try to make an effort to do better. She needed help and any time it was offered, she’d take the medication just long to get her shit together. She’d manage to find work but then stop taking her pills, and either would be fired or would just stopped showing up. I never understood her reasoning for not wanting to have a better life or at least wanting a better one for me.

Once I was cleaned up, I dressed comfortably until I had to start getting ready. Since William was gone, it was the perfect time to clear things up with Alex one last time.

“Good morning,” I said as I walked into the kitchen. He was wearing those gray low-cut sweats again, sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee and a newspaper. I walked toward the coffee maker, grabbed a cup, and lifted the carafe before realizing it was empty. “You drank the entire pot?” I spun around and held it up.

He didn’t even lift his head as he responded, “Yeah, I’ve been up a while.”

I set it down and looked intently at him. He had bags under his eyes and he didn’t look so good. “Have you even been to bed?” I raised my brows at him, but he still wasn’t looking.

“Nope.”

This wasn’t the way I planned to have another talk with him, but it was looking like it was going to have to be the only way. “Where’d you go last night?” I set the carafe back in and started putting a new filter in to make another pot. “I didn’t hear you come back home.”

“Why is that any of your business, Mackenzie?” I narrowed my brows at the way he said my name. He’s never called me that and he said it with such hurt and disgust.

I swallowed and continued as if it hadn’t affected me. “Because I was worried.”

I spun around just as he stood up and looked at me. “Well, don’t be.”

He placed his cup in the sink and turned to walk out before I stopped him. “Alex, wait.” He froze in place but didn’t turn around. “We need to talk. Please.”

“What’s the point?”

I paused, hearing the coffee drip and steam as it poured into the carafe. “Because I don’t want it to be like this. We live in the same house. We have to see each other. We might as well figure out a way to be around each other.”

He turned around and walked toward me, taking his spot back at the breakfast bar. “Okay, you tell me how I’m supposed to be around you then.”

I hated that he was being so harsh, but I wasn’t about to push it. He was pissed and it was my fault.

“Can’t we be friends? I mean, at least pretend we can stand being around each other when we have to be.”

He pursed his lips in a tight line before saying, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Sure. If that’s what you want.”

I was taken aback by how easy he was taking this considering how upset he’d been last night. But then again, he’s probably been up all night thinking about it and hopefully, has realized we were never going to be anything.

“Yes. It is.”

“Great,” he spat out over-enthusiastically. “Friends it is.”

“Great.”

“Well, have a good day. I’m going to bed.” He jumped up and turned toward the hallway.

“Alex…” I swallowed, pushing the emotions back. “Thank you.”

He gave a curt nod and continued walking out.

THAT WENT MUCH
better than I expected—
too well
—but I didn’t have time to overanalyze it. I needed to go over my speech, get ready, and pray I didn’t faint before even getting there. This speech would be my first time sharing my past publicly, and I wasn’t sure how it was going to be received.

At five p.m., William called to let me know he was running late. “I’ll come as soon as we land,” he promised.

“All right. Please be safe.”

“Of course, darling.” We hung up, and I put some music on as I started getting ready.

After perfecting my hair and makeup, I slipped on my dress. I went with a black, sparkly dress and planned on matching it with my red heels. I pulled half my hair up and kept half down in loose waves.

A soft knock on my bedroom door grabbed my attention away from the mirror. “Yes?”

“Can I come in?” It was Alex.

“Sure.”

“The car is here…” he started but stopped once our eyes locked on each other. He was dressed up in a black tux with a red tie. He looked absolutely charming and ironically, our outfits were coordinating. I shot him a look, confused why he was dressed up like that. He shrugged. “I wasn’t going to let you go alone,” was all he said and I didn’t press for more. I wasn’t sure how he even knew, but the fact he dressed up for me made my heart pound.

I swallowed and broke the contact. “Just about ready,” I said, grabbing the earrings off my dresser and quickly putting them on.

“You look breathtaking…” He stepped closer, coming up right behind me. My body tensed as I felt his hand on my arm.

I lowered my head but kept my eyes on him through the mirror in front of me. His hand moved down my dress and I stilled. “What are you doing?” I asked roughly, my glare warning him.

A smirk played on his lips before his fingers gripped the zipper and his eyes met mine again. “Was your plan to moon the entire audience?” His hand moved over my ass and up my back, zipping my dress together. The zipper lay all the way down my lower back, but I hadn’t even noticed. My mind was a mess. The past few weeks had flipped my life upside down, making me feel like I had lost all control.

I cleared my throat and stood up straighter. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He slid both hands slowly up my arms and paused on my shoulders, gripping them between his fingers. He stood like that for a moment, his hands on me, my eyes on him, before he continued. “Ready?”

I nodded. “Yes, I just need to put my shoes on.”

He released his hold on me and backed up. My shoes were on the floor next to the full-length mirror. I slipped one foot in and went to step into the other one when I lost my balance. “Shit,” I cursed just before Alex grabbed my arm and steadied me.

“You all right?” he asked genuinely, but I could tell he was trying to hold in a laugh.

I used his hand as support and slipped my foot in the other shoe. “Yes.” I breathed out. “God. Can you tell I’m nervous?” I smoothed my hands down my dress, giving myself a final look. “I’m not the best at public speeches,” I explained when he hadn’t responded.

He flashed a small smile. “You have nothing to be nervous about. You’ll do great.” He looked down at his watch. “That is if we ever get there.” He winked. “We need to leave.”

I grabbed my clutch off the bed and followed him out. The car was waiting for us in front as photographers flashed their cameras at us. They’ve known about this event for a while now and I knew they were going to be all over it.

Not that I minded entirely. It was good publicity for the charity. If more newspapers wrote about them, people would have a higher awareness and how they could help. That’s why I got involved, besides the fact that it was a part of my childhood.

I waved lightly and forced a smile as we pushed through. The driver was ready, leaving the door open for us and shutting it as soon as we were securely inside. I heard them rambling off questions outside, asking about the event and where William was. The press knew his son was back in town and they were looking to make an extra buck off it.

“Is it always like that?” he asked as soon as the car drove off.

I shook my head. “Not always.”

“Do you ever get used to it? Are you used to it?”

“Yes. And no.”

“It was a nice break when I was Europe,” he began. “It was nice being able to walk around without anyone knowing who I was or where I came from. It was nice that no one had those preconceived notions about me. It was nice having that freedom.”

“Is that why you left?” I asked, curiosity building up inside me. I had wondered why he chose to go across the globe to school, but I always figured it had something to do with William.

He didn’t answer right away, but then he looked up and responded. “Yeah, that was part of it. It becomes a bit much. The invasion of your privacy. The lies they plaster. The way they make money on your heartbreak and pain.”

It was obvious he experienced some bad shit with the media beforehand. I hadn’t paid attention to most of it before meeting William. I hadn’t even heard of him before we met, which just showed how invested I was in my career and getting my life together. I studied and worked, and it consumed my life until I was finally hired on. Then I worked even harder.

Something told me though it was more than just the privacy issue that got to Alex. Something between him and William wasn’t right, but I could tell William was trying to make amends. He didn’t want to talk about it as if it never happened, but that was how he was. He just wanted to move forward without going backward. He didn’t waste time trying to fix things he couldn’t change, but rather he invested in the future.

“Champagne?” I heard Alex ask as he grabbed the bottle and waved it at me. “Some liquid courage, perhaps?”

He was grinning like a little kid who had just been told Christmas was coming early. He was distracting me, trying to settle my nerves. It was the side of Alex I really liked. It made all the tension I knew was there evaporate.

I was hesitant at first but decided one beforehand wouldn’t hurt. “Okay, fine. Just one though.”

He poured me a glass and handed it to me. He poured one for himself and then clinked our glasses together before taking a slow sip and keeping his eyes on me.

“What?” I asked, taking a sip.

“Nothing. You just look really pretty. But you’re a little tense.”

“Well, I’ve been working on this event for months. I think I’m allowed to feel tense,” I mocked, taking another drink.

“The second you walk in, everyone’s eyes will be on you. Stop worrying about what people think.”

“Who says I’m worried about what people think?”

He tilted his head and narrowed his brows at me. “Am I wrong?”

“Don’t answer a question with another question.”

“Why?” He smiled.

“You’re making me more nervous,” I admitted.

He moved closer to me, bringing his hand to my cheek and leaned in. “I mean it. Everyone’s eyes will be on you.” The car slowed to a stop and I knew we had arrived at the Langham Palace. “Including mine.”

I swallowed. He was purposely close to me, not at all easing my nerves, but I didn’t have time to think about it. Cameras and crowds would swarm us in just a moment.

“Ready?” he asked, taking my glass and setting it down with his. The driver opened the door and offered me his hand. I took it, carefully pulling my dress up as I took a step out.

Flashes and people yelling for our attention immediately consumed me. I tried to stand and smile as I waited for Alex to stand next to me. It felt weird arriving without William, but the press knew who he was. He’d been the center of attention long before I arrived, and now the press was having a field day.