Darcy's Temptation (51 page)

Definitively, Darcy took Miss McFarland's hand and placed it back into her lap.

“Do I offend you, Sir?” Miss McFarland asked softly, barely at a whisper.

Darcy surveyed the table again, wondering how many were taking note of his actions.“Miss McFarland, I appreciate your family's friendship, but if I led you to think I wish something more, I must apologize.” Darcy's voice held a steady determination.

“It is I who should apologize then,” she said with assurance, knowing Darcy found her attractive. “I understood you were unhappy in your current situation; I wished to give you options for the Mistress of Pemberley.”

Darcy lowered his voice, but his anger could not be hidden. “Miss McFarland, I take umbrage at your suggestion; Mrs. Darcy owns my respect and my love. I
have
a mistress for my estate; I do not need a different one for my bed.”

“Then I will take my leave, Sir.” She stood quickly and left in a huff before Darcy could even make her a proper bow.

He flushed with the notice given to Miss McFarland's exit, but he recovered and turned to the viscount seated to his left and made small talk through the rest of the meal. He would prefer to leave the gathering, but he allowed Georgiana another dance set with Mr. Harrison before they bid their hosts adieu.

Jane Austen,
Mansfield Park
, 1814

In the carriage returning to Kensington Place, Darcy laughed lightly at seeing Georgiana happy at last. “Mr. Harrison still favors you, my dear,” Darcy mused.

“I was surprised to see him at the ball tonight.” Georgiana tried not to betray her satisfaction with her brother's assertion.

“I am sure he knew of your presence at the ball. Even you could not convince me that was a coincidence.” Darcy watched her squirm under his close inspection.

“Mr. Harrison has been asked to assume a seat in Parliament in the House of Commons.” Georgiana wanted Darcy to know Harrison was a viable match.“If elected, he would spend part of his time regularly in London.”

Darcy grinned at Georgiana's sudden blush. “Then Mr. Harrison is still a favorite?”

Again, she avoided his question with a redirect of her own. “I noticed an early exit by Miss McFarland,” she said cautiously.

“We had a disagreement.” Darcy looked out the carriage window into the night.

Georgiana mustered her courage. “I am not sorry to see it happen. Miss McFarland's attentions to you have become common knowledge. I would not wish Elizabeth to hear such rumors.”

Darcy turned back to look at her in surprise. “Are you telling me I am a source of gossip?”

Georgiana blushed at having this conversation with her elder brother.“I would not wish to offend you, Fitzwilliam, but even Mr. Harrison heard the rumors, and he only arrived in London today. Miss McFarland let it be known she intended to replace Elizabeth in your life.”

A curse escaped his lips before he could stifle it.“How did I let this happen?”

“People in the
ton
often look the other way when indiscretions occur. My concern is for Elizabeth,” Georgiana added at last.

A look of bewilderment flooded Darcy's face.“I will not let my actions harm my wife; Elizabeth will never forgive me.”

“Then what do we do, Fitzwilliam?” Georgiana asked softly.

Darcy returned to looking at the night. “My first inclination is to immediately return home, but that would allow the gossip to continue. We will remain in London for another three to four weeks. During that time we will offer civilities to the Dorchesters and Miss McFarland, but they will no longer be
favorites.
At each opportunity, we will explain how Elizabeth is not only my wife, but she owns my heart as well.”

Georgiana asked tentatively,“Do you mean it, Fitzwilliam?”

“I tried to counter Elizabeth's hold on me, but I cannot. At Darling Hall, I dreamed of her constantly even though I had no memory of Elizabeth at the time. I cannot disengage my wife's presence from my being, and I will not allow my foolish mistakes to tarnish her reputation. Then I will pray some part of my wife still wants me in her life.” He paused as if trying to make a decision. “You have her confidence, Georgiana; could Elizabeth still love me?”

Georgiana could not mistake the pain in Darcy's voice. “Elizabeth loves none but you, but whether you can earn her forgiveness, I cannot say.”

Elizabeth walked the halls of Pemberley; it was days since she had even been out of the house—her turmoil so great she literally ached from the pain of it. She loved Darcy with every fiber of her being, and she could not convince herself he did not still love her. If she were not with child, Elizabeth might try to entice him back to her; after all, they possessed a mutual passion; but how could a woman whose stomach protruded out so far she could no longer see her own feet seduce a man as attractive as her husband? In London, beautiful, well-mannered, refined women surrounded him. How could she compete? The truth was she could not; Elizabeth had
nothing
to offer him.

 

She sat at Darcy's desk, recording figures in the estate's ledger. Her heart found no pleasure in the effort; Elizabeth simply went through the motions of completing her duties as Pemberley's mistress. By her calculations, Darcy would remain in London for another month.Whatever she was going to do, she would have to do it soon. The closer to her lying in, the less likely she could travel.

Being resourceful, she wrote several newsy letters for Darcy and for Georgiana. She would pay one of the villagers to post one every few days, creating the illusion she was still at Pemberley. Another concern was what to do about Kitty. Elizabeth could not simply leave Kitty at Pemberley to face Darcy's wrath. Mr. Ashford could provide immediate relief. He would gladly marry Kitty before their September planned nuptials; that was a fact; however, Mr. Ashford's living depended on Darcy. That could be a problem; she would not wish Mr. Ashford to suffer because of her cowardice. Kitty and Clayton Ashford deserved a fresh start in life; Elizabeth did not want them to live like her dear friend Charlotte and Mr. Collins, groveling for any kindness Darcy may send their way.

Originally, she wanted to leave all of Darcy's wealth behind when she left Pemberley—all the gifts he gave her, including his mother's jewelry. Instead, she decided to take enough money for Kitty and Mr.Ashford to survive Darcy's anger or to move on to another position. She would use her pin money for her own expenses. Darcy would assume she took it all for herself; he would not look at Ashford's household. Elizabeth did not marry him for his wealth, and she would not steal from him now.

She hated this deception; it went against everything by which she defined herself. Plotting against the man she loved seemed so out of character for her; Elizabeth could not imagine it, but here she was anticipating the loss of Darcy's love and how she would survive afterwards.

One of the footmen brought in a letter for her inspection; addressed to Darcy, initially Elizabeth placed it on the tray on his desk, not knowing whether she should open it or not. It lay there, calling to her, demanding her attention, but she instinctively knew it was not something she wished to see.At first she walked away from the desk, but then returned to stand in front of the furniture; and, like the Forbidden Fruit, the letter sought her. Eventually, reasoning Darcy would not return to Pemberley for several weeks, her duty defined her actions, and Elizabeth broke the seal on the message. Tentatively, with hands shaking, she unfolded the paper, and a lock of hair slipped out; Elizabeth recoiled from the strand, her mouth going dry and her eyes misting over with tears.

Elizabeth sank to her knees, no longer able to breathe—she lost him! She tried to ascertain her husband's thoughts, but now everything was clear: Darcy chose someone else. She lost everything she valued in life; the day Darcy left for Hull, Elizabeth's existence ceased to be. She knew the pleasure of his love for a few brief moments, a few brief months, but now she knew only bitterness and rejection. Her love for Darcy not only cost her her life at Pemberley, it also cost Elizabeth her life at Longbourn. She had nothing left. Sobs consumed her, and she lay crumpled on the floor in a discouraged heap.

 

Kitty found her there, exhausted from the effort of just breathing. “Elizabeth!” she cried, rushing forward to help her older sister. “Lizzy? Are you are right?” She cradled Elizabeth's head in her lap.

Still consumed by her grief, Elizabeth lay limp in Kitty's arms, cherishing this moment of tenderness as possibly being one of the last ones she would receive from her family.

“Lizzy, please,” Kitty nearly begged. “Let me help you.” Kitty supported her sister as she helped Elizabeth to a nearby settee.“Shall I send for Mr. Spencer?”

Elizabeth shook her head in the negative, but she could not verbalize her thoughts. She rested her head on Kitty's shoulder while Kitty whispered endearments and stroked Elizabeth's hair.

Eventually, Elizabeth wiped her eyes and straightened her shoulders. Softly, but with determination she said, “Kitty,
would you please read the letter on Mr. Darcy's desk? Then we have something to discuss.”

Unsure of her sister's intent, Kitty crossed to the desk to read the words which destroyed her sister's life.“Lizzy, this cannot be true!” Her words filled with disbelief as she came back to sit with Elizabeth.

“My husband expressed a desire to his cousin the colonel to be rid of me. I overheard his words clearly. Georgiana writes of his spending time with Miss McFarland and the Dorchester party.Aunt Gardiner saw him with her at the theatre. Even you heard Mr. Darcy praise Miss McFarland at dinner. Our connections cannot compete with that lady's lineage.”

Kitty reasoned, “Mr. Darcy loves you, Lizzy; he told me so himself.”

“That was before my husband left for Hull. He has no memory of us; Fitzwilliam and I no longer exist,” Elizabeth bemoaned her fate.

“What will you do?” Kitty wondered.

Elizabeth got up and walked slowly to the window. She did not want to look at her sister; fearing Kitty could read the deception on her face, Elizabeth spoke to her own reflection in the glass.“I cannot let Mr. Darcy send me away; I must leave on my own terms—be my own person. Fitzwilliam should be generous, and I will survive.” Elizabeth fidgeted with the knowledge of her manipulation of the words.“The problem is when I should depart Pemberley. One of the issues is your and Mr.Ashford's relationship; I cannot leave you here to face Mr. Darcy's rage, and I cannot allow Mr.Ashford to suffer on my behalf.”

Kitty's eyes misted over; she wondered whether Clayton Ashford would withdraw his offer of marriage if Mr. Darcy refused Ashford's living because of Kitty's relationship to Elizabeth. “I never thought of such turmoil,” Kitty nearly whined.

Elizabeth turned toward her younger sister. “Well, luckily, I did.” Elizabeth crossed back toward the settee. “Come, Kitty,
we need to talk.” They settled in together. “This is what I propose. We will tell the staff you were called home to help take care of our mother. I will send you home to Longbourn tomorrow accompanied by a household servant. If we leave together, Mrs. Reynolds and Hannah will suspect something, especially considering my condition, and so we must travel separately. Once you are there, I need for you to let Jane know of my arrival. Our mother will not be happy if Mr. Darcy abandons me; I will not be welcomed to our home.”