Dark Secrets (81 page)

“
You still look like
a little girl—standing there in that rainbow bikini.”

I opened my eyes to
the portrait of summer and Mike’s arm around my waist. “Well, I’m
not a little girl anymore, Mike.” I pushed his hand off my
skin.

“
I know. I just
thought you looked cute, that’s all.”

“
I don’t do cute,” I
said sarcastically, but a band of ‘gullsters’ beside us drowned out
my retort with their hideous squawking. I jumped inside a little,
clutching my locket. “God, I’m not used that sound
anymore.”

“
Scrat!” Mike said,
waving his hand at the gulls. “Get outta here.”

“
Don’t you dare kick
that bird.” I grabbed his arm as he stalked toward them.

“
I never actually hit
them, Ara. I wouldn’t do that.”

“
Doesn’t matter, what
if you did? By accident?”

“
Then I would
apologise…profusely.” He bowed his head. “But you know what I
wouldn’t apologise for?” The corners of his eyes sharpened as he
smiled and leaned slowly closer, then, the world came out from
under me; I flew through the air, landing on my back in a massive,
cool splash, with Mike’s hand catching the base of my neck before
my head went under water.

I opened my mouth to
yell, gurgling the salty burn of a wave down my nose and throat
instead. “You asshole!” I coughed, sitting up as he jumped back.
“I’m so gonna get you.”

“
You have to catch me
first.” He started running.

I hesitated only for a
moment; we both knew I’d never catch him, but it was damn well
worth a try.

Each time I reached
for him, he darted out of the way—like we were both south poles on
a magnet, but at last, I managed to grasp the rim of his shirt; I
closed my fingers around it, wearing a victory grin for only the
breath it took him to roll his shoulders, leaving me, and the
shirt, face down in the sand.

“
You’ll have to do
better than that, baby.” He laughed boisterously.

I pushed up on my
hands and sat hugging my knees, hiding my face in my arms. Sand was
stuck to the water all over my body, making me feel like a crumbed
steak. Well, it was time this steak got a little
revenge!

“
Ara, you okay? Did I
hurt you?” Mike asked, leaning over me.

Wrong move. He didn’t
even see it coming; I grabbed the back of his neck and pushed the
entire force of my shoulder into his chest, rolling his head under
my arm as I flipped him into the water. His weight came as a shock.
He never used to be that heavy. But he went down hard, wetting my
legs, arms, shoulders, and the kid a meter down from us, as the
water exploded out from under him.

“
Well,” he said,
clasping his hands over his belly, taking a breath after a wave
receded. “Girl; one. Guy; nothing.”

I stared at him, an
impish grin making my eyes small, wondering if I should point out
that we both knew he
let
me flip him.
“Well, you
taught me that move, oh-wise-Master.” I sat down on the edge of the
ocean. “You should be weary of your students; they usually
supersede you.”

He rolled onto his
stomach and smiled at me, the magic of the ocean lighting him like
a happy feeling. He seemed more alive, more spirited, sort of…free
here. He belonged on the beach, with the sand and the blue
skies.

“
What ya thinkin’?”
He jumped up, ruffling his hair into a mess as he landed beside
me.

“
I was just
remembering home.” I shrugged. “Thinking how easy all this is.
Like, sometimes, when I’m with you, I forget they’re gone.” I
wrapped my arms around my legs and linked my fingers together. “The
sunlight, the beach, all of this stayed with you when I left, and
now you’re here...it’s like you’ve brought it all back with
you.”

“
You say that like
it’s a bad thing.”

I shrugged again. “I
don’t wanna lose that when you go.”

He gave a gentle smile
and let his elbows hang loosely over his knees. “You know it
doesn’t have to be that way.”

“
Mike?” I dragged out
each vowel.

“
I’m sorry.” His
smile dissolved. “I just miss you, too, you know. I went to the
beach a few weeks ago—watched the storm come in across the bay, and
it didn't feel the same without you.”

I half smiled,
allowing memories in. “Did you sit on the fishing jetty while it
was raining?”

“
Yeah.” He nodded,
dusting a line of yellow sand off his shin. “But I just didn't get
it anymore. It was just cold and I felt silly.”

I drew a really long
breath; the salt in the ocean was so strong I could almost taste
it, as if the air were made of sand, brushing the back of my tongue
each time I swallowed. Even though this beach wasn’t nearly as
pretty as the one back home, it was good to feel the crisp water
and the weight of my body sink into the sand again.

But the heat reminded
me of the truth, because, while the sun may have burned into the
side of my face like a hot iron, the breeze was icy and strong—not
humid and wet, like home. It was nature’s truth, and it screamed
out so clearly that autumn was coming, and that David would be gone
for good.

I ran some of the cool
ocean water over my cheek, and the heat dissipated with a soft
tingle.

“
This looks better,”
Mike said.

“
Don't!” I spun my
face away from his cold, wet touch.

“
Whoa. Ara. I’m not
going to hurt you.” He leaned around and looked at me.

“
I’m sorry.” I
frowned, touching my jaw. “You just startled me.”

“
You still defensive
about those scars?”

I lifted one shoulder
and dropped it again.

“
You know, you
shouldn’t be.”

“
They’re hideous.” I
looked away, fighting back tears.

“
Hideous?” Mike’s
voice trailed up. “Ara, you can barely see them.”

“
Then why did you
touch them?”

“
It’s just…the sun
was reflecting off the water beads on your skin. It looked pretty.
Like little diamonds. I just wanted to touch you.”

And I just wanted to
run away. In my mind, the scars had faded to an almost invisible
memory. When I looked in the mirror, I never even noticed them
anymore; tiny little dots covering one side of my face and neck,
silvery and very indistinct. But Mike noticing them made me feel
uncovered and monstrous—like they were all over me.

“
Ara. I’m serious.
They’re barely visible.” He shuffled closer and turned my face.
“You’re still just the same beautiful girl you’ve always
been.”

That’s where he was
wrong. I wasn’t the same. Nothing about me was the same. Not on the
outside and not from the inside.

“
Ara?” Mike called as
I stood and walked down the beach, dusting sand off my
butt.

No one understood. No
one could possibly understand. He didn’t see the scars because he
didn’t want to see them. But they were there. They would forever be
there as a reminder of who I used to be—who I had tried so hard not
to be anymore.

I wandered past a
little girl with dark hair sitting by a lumpy-looking sand castle,
carefully placing shells around it in a swervey pattern. She smiled
at me, her little face so warm and honest I smiled back, even
though I didn’t want to. I was just like her once, and it made me
insanely jealous of the normal life she had—that everyone had, even
Mike. No one could possibly know the demons I faced; not the ones
from my past and not the physical ones that had left me
alone—scarred in my heart, just living out my days, waiting for
death.

“
Ara.” Mike’s hand
clasped my arm; I stopped walking with a jolt. “Don’t walk away
from me like that. Talk to me.”

“
About what?” The
venom in my tone made the little girl look up from her bucket and
spade.

“
What do you think,
Ara? You know how beautiful you are. Why would you pretend you
don't?”

“
That’s what you
think I'm doing? Pretending?” I turned away. “God, you’re so
insensitive.”

“
I'm sorry, baby,” he
called. “It’s just…I just don't get it. You can't even see the
scars. I’d have to know they were there to notice them.”

“
Why do you lie to
me?” I spun around.

“
Baby. I’m not.” He
stepped into me and his eyes narrowed as he studied my face—tracing
the curve of my jaw where only David’s eyes had previously been
allowed. “Do you still see them there? Honestly?”

I nodded, turning my
face away.

“
Oh, baby. I…I don’t
know what to tell you. I think it might be some kind of
psychosis.”

“
What?” I frowned up
at him.

“
Look, I don’t know
what you see when you look in the mirror, but all I see is perfect
white skin on the face of the prettiest girl in the
world.”

I touched my scars
with my fingertips.

“
Ara.” He gently
grabbed my wrist and pushed my hand down from my face. “I promise,
on my own future grave, you have completely healed.”

“
Really?” I whimpered
in a breaking voice, keeping my eyes on my toes.

“
Yes.” Mike’s
shoulders dropped enough for me to see it through my
peripheral.

Then, even with the
warm sun, the salty air, and all the families around us, I felt the
rise of pain I’d held in—the pain I never got to share with
Mike—bubbling up in my chest, then my throat, like an aching
blockage of air. I needed him to hold me; I needed him to make
everything okay. “I’ve needed you here so, so badly, Mike.” My
lashes burned on the edges as hot tears filled my eyes and the
beach disappeared into a blur.

“
Ara, baby—” He
caught me against his chest, the rough sand scratching my jaw.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here now.”

“
I
needed you, Mike. I
needed
you,” I sobbed almost inaudibly. “All this time,
and you haven't been here.”

“
Oh baby, I wanted to
be here. I just—I thought you hated me.”

“
I did.” I sobbed
harder. “I'm so sorry, Mike. I did.”

He clicked his tongue.
“Oh, baby, what has life done to you?”

The little girl by the
water stared at me as her mother grabbed her by the wrist and
quickly led her away. And I didn’t care if I scared families off.
The funny thing about breaking down is that you can’t choose when
to do it—it just hits you like a storm; a flash of heat, an
overpowering surge of anger, and then—the pouring rain. I was just
glad Mike was finally here to shelter me from it all.

“
Yeah, she’s okay,”
he spoke softly to someone behind me. “She lost her mum
recently.”

“
Oh. Oh, poor dear,”
an elderly-sounding lady said. She said something else, but I
didn’t hear. Mike pressed my face tightly against his bare
chest—causing a sort of unintentional vacuum seal over my
ears.

The sobs slowed and I
scratched the salt away from my cheek as I looked up at him. “You
really can’t tell my face is horrifically scarred?” His opinion
mattered to me more than almost anyone else’s—even more than
David’s.

“
No.” He held both my
arms and leaned back a little. “You can’t tell at all. You are
perfect, just like you were before. You still have flawless, tight,
smooth skin. Okay? So, stop feeling so bad about yourself, baby.”
He bent his knees so his eyes came in line with mine. “You are
beautiful.”

I nodded and ran my
fingers over the scars. It was hard to even feel the slight bumps
anymore; they used to feel like little pins rising up from under my
skin. “I hate looking at myself, you know. I don’t look like me
anymore.”

“
You look the same to
me. Maybe a little older—wiser, even.”

I smiled. “I really
missed you, Mike.”

“
Yeah. I know you
did.”

“
I really miss Mum
and Harry, too.” I looked at the water, trying to stop the memory
of their faces; “I keep thinking I’m just gonna go home and they’ll
be there, you know, like always.”

“
Is that why you
don’t want to move back with me?”

“
I never said that,
Mike. Okay? Look, you just came in and, out of the blue, on the
first day you get here, tell me you love me—no mind for the fact
that I have a boyfriend—”

“
Boyfriend?” Mike
said. “Ara, you knew him for a day before you decided you were in
love with him.”

“
I did not. It took
me ages to decide that.”

He scoffed. “A week
then.”

“
Are you kidding me?”
I jerked forward, pointing to his chest. “You’re the one who told
me I was being silly for not following my heart.”

“
What was I supposed to say? Forget him, he doesn’t like you,
he’s just pretending? I’m your friend. I care about you. I wanted
you to be happy.” He dropped one hand to his side. “I just never
thought you’d actually
believe
you were in love with him.”