Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy (13 page)

Milo’s
eyes narrow. My heart breaks as I realize he doesn’t believe me. He glares at
me for several more seconds before managing to slip another few words past his
clenched jaw. “When else?”

My
eyes drop. I can’t bear to look at him when I tell him. “When you went to Ohio …”
My breath catches in my chest, and I have to pause to compose myself. “I went
to see my dad, and Braden was waiting at my car when I came back. He offered to
stay with me, for protection … and because he wanted to. I wanted to tell him
no, but I couldn’t. We went out to Bosque Del Apache and spent the day hiking.
When he took me home …”

All
control abandons me. Tears run down my face with abandon.

“When
he took you home, what?” Milo almost yells.

“He
didn’t leave,” I say, but I rush to continue. “But he stayed on the couch, I
promise! He was afraid to leave me alone in the new house. Nothing happened.”

“Nothing
happened?” Milo demands. “Braden spent the night with you, but nothing
happened?” His voice rises with each word, fierce and angry by the end of the
sentence. I shrink into the couch, wishing I could disappear entirely.

“Milo,
I didn’t sleep with him,” I say quietly. “I can prove it if I have to, but I’m
begging you to trust me on at least this one thing. I have wanted you to be my
first since we met. That hasn’t changed.”

I
risk looking up at him. He is still pissed beyond belief, but there is a hint
of faltering. For a few moments, I am sure he’ll either demand I prove I didn’t
have sex with Braden, or tell me to go to Hell. I brace myself. My entire body
is trembling quietly as I wait for him to banish me from his heart. When his
shoulders drop and his head falls into his hands I don’t know what to think. He
looks up, and I flinch, sure he’s ready to be rid of me.

“Do
you still love me?” he asks with tortured eyes.

My
own eyes widen. “Of course I do, Milo! I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“But
you love Braden, too?”

I
won’t lie, no matter how much it kills me, though my voice is small when I
answer. “Yes.”

“Then
where does that leave us?” he asks.

“It
leaves me here, begging for your forgiveness, willing to do whatever it takes
to earn it,” I say firmly.

He
looks over at me. His eyes pierce me, body and soul. Dropping all blocks, I let
him taste my shame and guilt, my honest desire to hold onto our love. He feels
my sudden vulnerability and takes full advantage. I flinch when his power and
the force of his anger and hurt invade me, but do nothing to block it. I never
meant to hurt him. I love Braden, but I can’t give up what I had with Milo for
something I’m not sure is real, and at this point will most likely never get
the chance to test. I gave myself to Milo before I ever met Braden.

Finally,
Milo’s power withdraws. I open my eyes and force myself to meet his eyes. Less
cold than before, there is still very little warmth in them. “I don’t want to
lose you either,” Milo says, “but you can’t see Braden again, ever. I refuse to
feel like I have to look over my shoulder constantly to make sure the two of
you aren’t sneaking off somewhere. If you really want to be with me, then be
with me.”

This
one condition threatens to break my heart. Every sweet moment with Braden, the
peace and happiness his touch brings me, the gentle draw of his lips against
mine, they all beg me not to agree. My memories of him burst into full and
vivid light. Slowly, painfully, I push them back down into the recesses of my
mind where they belong. My head nods before I can form the words.

“Okay,”
I choke out. “I’ll stay away from Braden.”

Milo
looks mildly surprised I made the concession, but he nods as well. “Fine.
Okay.”

There
is no sudden return of affection or warmth. I didn’t expect Milo to sweep me
into his arms like a fairy tale prince reclaiming his lost love. I’m not
foolish enough for that. It’s a start, and I am so grateful for it.

But
I had more than one reason for coming here today. I’m not sure I can utter the
other one. It may break everything I’ve just accomplished. I don’t think I can
live with myself if my cowardice costs Braden his life. I have just agreed to
stay away from him, but that doesn’t erase my love.

“Milo,”
I say shakily, “I need to talk to you about one other thing.”

My
tone seems to alert him. His jaw tightens again. “What?”

“I
know you hate him. I know you wish I would have killed him. But I didn’t.”

I
don’t have to say his name. Milo knows exactly who I’m talking about. His fists
ball up and his anger slithers toward me.

“He
needs to be protected.”

“I
don’t care whether he lives or dies,” Milo says.

“But
I do.”

Milo’s
mouth opens, whether to argue or accuse, I don’t know. I cut him off before he
can say anything with a raised hand. I need to say this, get it out, or I will
hate myself forever. I can’t let Braden die.

“I
promised I won’t go near him, but I won’t sit back and let the Guardians kill
him. Regardless of what happened between me and him, Braden helped us, Milo.
Without his help, we never would have gotten the Ciphers out. I can understand
if you want to forget you ever met him, but I can’t do that. He risked
everything to free the Ciphers, and he lost. He deserves our protection for
that, no matter what personal feelings demand.”

“I
am not putting anyone else at risk for that man!” Milo bellows.

“He
would have done it for anyone of us, even you,” I say. “I’m asking you because
I know it can’t be me. My promise aside, I can’t be around him without wanting
more. I know my weaknesses, and Braden is one of them. I can’t be the one to
protect him, so I’m asking you.”

Milo
shakes his head slowly.

“Milo,
please. I love you. I want you. I will do whatever you ask of me to prove that.
I know this is hard. I hate that I have to ask, but I am. I’ll give myself to
you heart and soul, but in order to do that I need this one thing. I need to
know that Braden is safe, and I can walk away from him. I just need to be sure
I won’t cause the death of another person I love. I have so much blood on my
hands already. Please just give me this one thing and I will never ask for
anything else from you but to be by your side.”

I
am begging, pleading with everything I have. I can give up all the joy being
around Braden gives me. I can give up the bliss kissing him inspires. Even the
peace, the caress of his spirit, the absolute devotion. I can give it all up
for Milo if I can only know Braden will be safe and have the chance to find
happiness again.

The
agony of this one request pours out of me with every second I wait for Milo’s
response. His lips part and I hold my breath.

“Braden’s
life isn’t my concern,” Milo says stiffly. “I won’t waste a single resource
protecting him, and neither will you.”

Chapter
11

Specter

Guilt seems to be my
constant companion lately. I promised Milo I would stay away from Braden. I
shift in the seat of a borrowed car. I couldn’t bring my Bronco because he would
recognize it. I promised Milo, but I tried to explain how much I needed his
help. I knew asking him to help me protect Braden was a very long shot. In a
perfect world, I would never have to ask something so difficult of him. This
isn’t a perfect world. Far from it actually.

I
did my best to pass this duty off, but with training, watching the compound,
and tracking Seekers all over town, I couldn’t get Braden covered every second
with only Lance, Daniel, and Dean willing to pitch in. I stare down the street
at Braden’s townhouse with equal desire for him to stay inside forever where I
can’t see him, and for him to walk out in plain view. It’s heartbreaking to not
be able to talk to him. Even if he does come out, I still intend to keep my
promise to Milo as much as I can. I won’t approach him, won’t try to speak to
him. I just need to keep him safe.

The
three days between Braden attacking me and talking to Milo were torture. I kept
away from Braden’s house entirely. Daniel spares every free minute he can watching
over his adopted grandson, but with how much the new Ciphers have to train, it
isn’t enough. He offered to try and change his schedule, but I wouldn’t let
him. Milo would have asked questions. Lance and Dean pitch in at night whenever
they can, but they are both in school during the day. Which leaves only me.

I
have a lot more free time during the day, for the time being, since I’m still
waiting on my appeal hearing to let me back into high school. I tried to find
anyone else to fill this gap, but the risk of drawing in any more people and
alerting Milo wasn’t worth it. So I sit here, staring down Braden’s street,
watching for even the smallest hint of Guardian approach.

Braden
hasn’t bothered to leave his house yet, but he’ll have to eventually, and that
will be the perfect time for Blackwood to come after him. I wait for that
moment, fearing it as well. It’s been a long week.

I
was at Braden’s house the night before he was taken, playing—and not playing—at
making Blackwood think Braden was trying to seduce me so he could figure out
what I was planning. I remember looking for a snack that night and finding very
little. I remember other things about that night, too, things I should being
trying to forget. I shake away those kinds of thoughts.

Braden
is going to have to get groceries, eventually.

My
stomach rumbles, and I contemplate sneaking away for a quick bite to eat. I
have to be back at the training house by one o’clock to keep working with
Hammond on identifying Seekers. His Perception isn’t the strongest I’ve ever
seen. Concealment, on the other hand, that guy is incredible. I have to really
work to find him when he tries to elude me. I think he could walk into a
crowded restaurant in Uptown buck naked and go completely unnoticed. I’m learning
as much from him as he is from me. I check my phone and realize I only have an
hour before I’m due back. Lunch can wait. I don’t want to leave yet.

I
pick up the latest intel report and glance at it with one eye still on Braden’s
front door. I’m considering whether or not the Seeker who eats lunch every day
at a local Mexican restaurant is high enough up on the Seeker chain to be worth
grabbing when a black sedan rolls up next to Braden’s house. Its dark tinted
windows and general bullet proof appearance sets me on edge immediately. My
hand is on the door, but I don’t push it open quite yet. I wait until I see the
clean shaven head of a rather ragged looking Blackwood step out.

Concealment
rages through me. Thanks to Hammond’s unusual techniques, I douse myself in a
mask that pulls me into the background of anyone’s mind that might look at me. It
works even better than what I used before. I’m not actually invisible, or
anything, but not only does it make me harder to notice, it actually diverts
people’s minds from looking in my direction. I slip out of my Bronco and creep
across the street, close enough to hear Blackwood calling for Braden through
the door. For the first time in a week, I find myself truly praying Braden
doesn’t come out.

Like
always, nobody cares what I think. The door cracks open. Braden peers out at
his former Captain with wary eyes. It’s the completely wrong time, but heaven
help me, he looks good. The stubble on his face is new, and not at all a bad
look for him. His eyes blink at the bright sunlight, but the little flashes of the
clear blue of his eyes sends a profound ache through me. I only wish there
wasn’t so much pain in them.

“Braden,”
Blackwood says, “I was expecting your report days ago.”

“There’s
nothing to report. I failed.”

Blackwood
grinds his jaw together, which must be painful given the bruises I left on him that
are still dotting his jaw. I’m only sorry I didn’t do more. Stupid, psychotic
madman. My fists ball up with the desire to pound on his face a little more.

“What
do you mean you failed?” Blackwood asks. “If you had failed, you would be dead.
Since you’re not, I think you must be lying to me again. What, are you trying
to oppose the Oath? Is that why you look like crap? It won’t work. You know
that.”

“I’m
not trying to oppose anything, Blackwood. I went. I followed your twisted Oath
and tracked her down. I couldn’t kill her.”

“Then
why aren’t you dead!”

“Because
I’m not, okay? That’s the end of it, so leave me alone.” Braden attempts to close
the door on him, but Blackwood shoves it back open.

He
grabs Braden and slams him up against the door frame. I’m on the edge of my
toes, ready to finish what I started with Blackwood, whether I dent Braden’s
pride any more than I already have or not.

“Don’t
try to walk away from me, Braden. You are a traitor, and my subordinate. You
aren’t done with this mission until I tell you that you are. Do you understand
me?” he shouts.

Braden’s
eyes light up with a fire that wasn’t there before. He clamps his own hand down
on top of Blackwood’s and slowly forces it away. Impressive, actually, since
I’m positive Blackwood must be tapping his Strength. There’s no talent to back
Braden up, but his own physical strength isn’t weak, either. Maybe Lance was
right about that part, at least. Blackwood sneers at the man who used to be his
pupil with unrestrained malice.