Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy (22 page)

I
press my head against his chest as I consider what he might have done if he had
managed to kill me. The idea of him killing himself over fulfilling his twisted
Oath bothers me more than the idea of me actually being dead.

“I
should have come to you sooner,” I say. “I was trying to give you time to heal,
but I was only hurting you again.”

“Would
you have been ready to see me sooner? Maybe we both needed the time.”

I
sigh, thinking of how desperate I was to make Milo even consider forgiving me.
I did everything he asked, except for not protecting Braden. I would have given
Milo anything the last few weeks for a chance to save our relationship … except
for abandoning Braden. “I think …” I swallow hard, ashamed and not ashamed at
the same time to admit it. “I think seeing you again would have ended up the
same no matter how soon I came or how long I waited.”

Hurting
Milo like I have and losing will haunt me forever, but Braden was the one thing
I could never give up for him. I think in my heart, I had already made my
decision. My head just wasn’t ready to agree.

“I
shouldn’t have waited,” I say quietly, more to myself than Braden.

“If
you had come sooner, I wouldn’t have missed your birthday,” Braden says. “I
feel awful about that. You’ll have to let me make it up to you, Libby.”

My
mind falls back to a request from Lance. “How about a double date this weekend
with Lance?”

His
face wrinkles up in a completely adorable fashion. He knows my history with
Lance, and used to really dislike him for turning against the Guardians before
he realized himself how corrupt they are, but his expression puzzles me. He
knows Lance and I are only friends and he definitely doesn’t hold his
allegiances against him anymore.

“What?”

“I
was hoping to do something with just the two of us,” he says. “I don’t think Lance
wants to be a third wheel, anyway.”

I
laugh and shake my head. “I didn’t mean you, me, and Lance. I meant us and
Lance and his date. He wants to ask Hope out, but she’s a little intense and
he’s afraid she won’t go unless I come. And since I don’t want to be a third
wheel, either, we’ll make it a double.”

He
still doesn’t look convinced. I sit up next to him and put on my most
puppy-eyed look.

“Please?
Believe me, you and I will have plenty of alone time. One night with Lance and
Hope isn’t too awful, is it?” I ask.

Braden
sits up as well. “Not many guys would appreciate having to go on a double date
with his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend. And if the alone time you’re referring to
is supposed to be a repeat of this,” he says, gesturing to him being in my bed,
“think again, you little scoundrel. I knew you really needed some sleep.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t have stayed.
If
I stay again, it will be in the
guest bedroom.”

“You
know Lance is just my friend, so stop whining, and you stayed because you
wanted to and you know it,” I say, jabbing my finger against his chest. “And
did you just call me your girlfriend?”

“Yes,
I did. Do you have a problem with that?” His attempt at looking vaguely
threatening doesn’t work. It just makes me want to pull him under the covers
and kiss him until I can’t breathe.

I
want to grin and revel in the title, but I say, “Not once I talk to Milo, I
won’t.”

My
hands start shaking at the thought. He is going to be so angry. He will tell me
exactly how much I have hurt him, and I’ll force myself to stand there and take
it, drink in the agony of my decision. I have made my choice, and I won’t go
back on it for anything, but that doesn’t mean I look forward to the
repercussions. My eyes close to hold my tears as memories of Milo assault me.

“Hey,”
Braden says softly, taking my hands in his, “you don’t have to do this alone.”

“Yes,
I do,” I say.

“I
can …”

I
shake my head at him. “You being there will only make Milo angrier. I have to
face him myself.”

I
can tell Braden does not like the idea of me facing Milo alone. He has seen Milo
get angry talking about the Guardians. He batted down so many plans Milo
presented because the risks he was willing to take to accomplish his goals were
unacceptable. I kept Milo’s secret about the dead Seeker when I spoke to the
board, but I told Braden everything. He saw the shudder of fear that ran
through me when I described Milo’s expression as he fired. Braden must be
thinking the same thing, because his head starts shaking even harder.

I
press a hand against Braden’s cheek to stop him. “Milo won’t hurt me,” I say.
“He’ll hate me, probably for the rest of his life, but he won’t hurt me.”

Only
the conviction in my voice makes him relent.

I
nod, thankful he won’t try to intercept me, and turn my thoughts to more
mundane topics. “Thank you for staying, but now you need to get out so I can
get ready for school.”

“Sure,”
he says. “I’ll go get some breakfast ready.”

I
wander over my closet looking for something to wear. I grab a black tank top
and hoodie to go with a pair of dark jeans. I look at my selections and
grimace. People are going to think I’ve turned Goth, but the colors suit my
mood so I don’t put them back. I toss my clothes on my bed and turn to Braden,
who still hasn’t left.

“I
thought you were going to make me breakfast?”

“It’s
hard to leave you,” he says seriously.

“It’s
only a few minutes.”

He
kisses me lightly. “I know.” His fingers trail down my skin as he lets go and
walks toward the door.

I
rush through my shower and head out to the kitchen in record time. The smell of
pancakes and bacon does as much to hurry me as knowing Braden is waiting for
me. I slip into a chair at the kitchen table just as he sets a plate down in my
spot. The bananas and powdered sugar topping the stack of pancakes make me
think of one of my favorite singers. His song about making banana pancakes
always puts a smile on my face. It makes it a little easier for me to picture
myself grown up and spending my weekends happily lounging around in my pajamas and
eating breakfast with someone I love, with nothing else to worry about other
than whether I have the right amount of syrup. I can almost pretend I’m there
already.

Only
the knowledge that Milo will be at school dampens my mood. I take a big bite,
hoping they will help me stay at least a few steps above terrified and
depressed. As soon as the fluffy pancakes hit my tongue, I smile at Braden.
They’re delicious.

“Maybe
there
are
some careers still available to me,” he says. “I could open a
restaurant and be a chef somewhere. What do you think?”

“Definitely,”
I agree, “but don’t go signing a lease quite yet. I’m going to figure out how
to give you back your talents, Braden. We’re going to start tonight. There has
to be some way to reverse the Serqet. I’ll figure it out.”

He
nods, but doesn’t saying anything. His faith in me is astounding.

“What
are you going to do today?” I ask. I wish he hadn’t lost his job as school
Guardian. Getting to see him there was one of the few things that made school
bearable. After the abuse I got yesterday from some of the more hostile
students, and the agony waiting for me in the form of a furious Milo, I could
use another friendly face.

“I,
uh, thought I’d go by the training house, maybe. There’s probably something I
can do, teach technique, or maybe help with the intel reports.”

He
seems so unsure. I hate that. Braden is a born leader. He got Lance and Milo to
behave and focus when nothing else could. He was always so in control of
everything—well, except me—and now he’s hesitant about what he should do.

“Of
course, Braden. Kayla has been having a hard time with her coordination. Her
Speed keeps tripping her up. Lance has been handling most of the information
we’ve collected, but he’s got school and his own training to worry about, too.
There’s probably going to be too much for you to do once you get there.”

“Hmm,
maybe I won’t go, then. I could always just stay here and watch some soaps. I
know where you keep your secret chocolate stash, too,” he teases.

Braden
sitting around doing nothing? That’s a laugh. Him taking a day off amounts to
running through the Bosque, or something equally exhausting. “Whatever, you
lazy bum. I’ll be at the training house right after school. If you want to see
me, you’ll be there, too.”

The
kiss he drops on my neck is followed by, “I do want to see you.”

“Then
I’ll see you later,” I say, standing and turning into his arms. “And,
seriously. Don’t touch my chocolate.”

He
just gives me a devilish smile. I’m serious. He’s going to get it if he dips
into my Godiva stockpile. When he tries to kiss me again, I hold him back and
wait expectantly. Finally, he gives in and promises not to touch them.

“Have
a good day, then. I love you, Libby.” Braden presses me against his chest and
kisses me lightly.

In
his arms, in this moment, I feel as if I have found the dream I have been
looking for my entire life. We’re not off to work like we might be a few years
from now, if I live that long. We’re standing in a borrowed house instead of
one that is ours. We’ve just barely begun our relationship rather than the married
couple I have pictured so many times. The children I don’t know if I’ll ever
see are just a wish. But for a moment, I am in the arms of the man I love and
never want to be apart from. We’re standing on the brink of a future that has
not been laid out yet, no matter what anyone else thinks. I can feel the real
possibility that everything will work out. Hope, happiness, optimism, feelings
I so rarely feel swallow me entirely. I will remember this moment always.

“I
love you, too, Braden.”

He
smiles and kisses me one more time before a knock on the door interrupts us.
Maybe the knock should make the moment shatter, but it doesn’t. Nothing can. I
say a quick goodbye to Braden and meet Lance at the door. His own chipper
attitude mirrors mine. About as much of a morning person as I usually am, it
catches me off guard.

“Hey
… what’s up?” I ask.

Lance
motions to Braden’s car with a questioning look. “So, uh, have a good
birthday?”

“The
best,” I say knowing I don’t have to worry about him asking about just how good
it was like he might have a year ago. He’d already know if things went that far.
Ugh, I really need to figure out something to mask that for when things do go
further than they did last night. Best not to think about that for now.

“That’s
what I thought,” he says, grinning like a big dork. “First good night’s sleep
I’ve had in months. Is he planning on staying every night? I could really use
the rest.”

My
smirk only eggs him on. He wants an answer. “That’s still under debate,” I say.

“Well,
if my opinion counts, I vote that he stays.”

I
smack his arm, and say, “It doesn’t, but I’ll mention it to Braden anyway. Now
can we go to school? You know I can’t be late.”

Lance
grabs my arm and stops me from dashing off to the car. His grip doesn’t hurt,
but the way he’s holding me is firm and filled with anxiety. “Lance?”

“Look,
Libby, I’m really happy you had a good birthday and made up with Braden. I
really am, because you’re probably going to need some good thoughts to get you
through today.”

“What
are you talking about, Lance?” I know I’m going to have to face Milo and tell
him once again that I have failed his trust and his heart, but Lance’s
shouldn’t know anything about that yet. I worry that something terrible has
happened.

“We
found out where Drake has been hiding last night,” Lance says, “but that’s the
good news. The bad news is that Milo tried to come see you last night, to tell
you about Drake, and you weren’t here. After calling everyone in a panic, it
didn’t take him long to figure out who you might be with. I guess he drove to
Braden’s and saw your car … and you not in it. He’s pissed.”

My
stomach relocates to my toes. I kept Braden from taking me out to get something
to eat because I was worried about running into Milo. I wanted to tell him
myself, not have him find out by surprise or gossip. My whole body constricts.
The one small hope I had of our conversation not being completely crushing was
that I was going to tell him, be honest, own up. I’ve lost that. “I was
planning on telling him today. I didn’t want him to find out from anyone else
but me” I say, feeling suddenly sick.

“Your
luck never has been very good,” Lance says, “sorry. I know this is going to
suck for you.”

Suck
doesn’t even begin to describe it. This is so not going to be a good day. That
pocketful of happiness is definitely going to come in handy later.

Chapter
18

Back to Lying

Not only do I have to
avoid my ex-best friend, Jen, who’s trying to out me to the world as a psycho,
and Blackwood, who I spotted roaming the hallways as soon as I got to school
this morning, but now I have to avoid Milo, too. When I first met Milo, he was
hiding from the Guardians, angry at his circumstances and parents, and
determined to melt into the background. That was the guy I fell for, the one
who worried about me constantly and was willing to risk his safety to be with
me. So much has changed since then, between us and about us.