Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy (23 page)

Over
the past year, Milo has changed from the shaggy haired sweetheart I first met
into something different. After I unlocked his talents, I hoped some of his
anger at his parents and the Guardians would disappear. Unfortunately, it was
only a few hours later that we found out his parents had lied to him about who
he was and that the Guardians had thousands more like him locked up in the
spirit world. This knowledge didn’t change Milo into a fury-ridden lunatic, but
it did change him slowly into someone just different enough to make me worry.
His obsession with destroying the Guardians has grown over the last year. The
dead Seeker is proof of that

I
am not that same girl from my Inquest, either. In some ways, I’ve grown
stronger, accepting my purpose and destiny and charging forward, but I have
changed in other ways too. Before my Inquest, I lied out of necessity to save
my own life. Lying about Braden protected no one’s life, only my imagined
righteousness. In the dark corners of my mind, I have always seen myself as
someone only capable of hurting, but by accident and the cruelty of my fate.
The pain I’ve caused Milo has more to do with my selfishness than anything
else.

Neither
of us are who we were a year ago, but we still have the same goal. Destroy the
Guardians. My only hope as I walk in to school is that Milo will remember that
and not abandon me completely.

I
walk through my classes like a zombie, not really hearing or seeing anything. I
am too focused on looking for signs of the people I am not ready to face.

 I’m
just walking through a school hallway, nothing exciting there, but knowing that
Jen’s Concealment is cracking away, poking at me for information, makes me want
to shiver every time I catch sight of her. After the pictures she took of me
and Braden that almost ruined everything, my footsteps stall at the idea that
she might have seen me last night. Could she have alerted Milo in some way?
I’ve yet to confront her about the pictures, but if she was responsible for
this, I will not let it go quietly. Blackwood doesn’t make another appearance,
luckily. I was afraid he was going to try to pull me out today. That would save
me from having to face Milo, but I really am not in the mood for him.

Halfway
through my school day, I run out of places to hide. Perception is the one class
Milo and I have together. If I don’t go in, I’ll be pinched for ditching. But so
will Milo. I know he’s in there. I stand in front of the door questing out with
my Perception to gauge the emotional temperature of the room. Average for the
most part, except for the tightly wound ball of fury in the back corner where
we usually sit. Milo is a master at hiding his emotions from me. If I can feel
him now, it’s either because he wants me to, or because he’s so angry he can’t
keep it all bottled up. Neither option is a good sign.

But
I push the door open and step inside, anyway.

I
hold my breath as I walk to my desk. He doesn’t look at me or respond in any
way. I slide into my seat and sink into my chair. His frozen posture makes it
clear we won’t be speaking to each other right now.  He knows as well as I do
that getting into an argument in the middle of class will get us both
suspended. I look over at him for some indication of when, but his eyes stayed
focused squarely in front of him. I spend the entire class staring at my desk.

When
the bell rings, I glance over at Milo. He finally catches my gaze. The heat
pouring off of him singes me. I stand still and bear it, silently asking if I
should follow him. Shouldering his bag, Milo speeds out of the room. I don’t
try to catch up. I slog through the rest of my classes and walk to Lance’s car
after the last one. I half expected Milo to be waiting for me and lash into me
as soon as we were out of the earshot of any teachers. Lance greets me with a
sideways glance at Milo hunkering in his car. Oh.

I
slide into the back seat of Lance’s car, leaving the front open for Hope. I
guess Milo wants to do this at the training house. It’s more private than
school, but the training house is where everyone I care most about will be. I
tell myself Milo didn’t choose it because he knew that having to admit my failures
and sins in front of everyone following me will make my humiliation complete. I
tell myself that, but I don’t believe it. I put my head down and block
everything out as we leave the school.

The
drive is much too short for my tastes. Maybe Milo’s too. He doesn’t get out of
his car right away. I offer to make the first move. I get out of Lance’s car, motioning
for him and Hope to take off.

I
hold out my backpack to Lance and ask, “Don’t let Braden leave the house, got
it?” 

“Fine,”
he says, “but I’m coming back out if I need to.”

“Just
go. He’s not going to hurt me.”

Lance
looks doubtful, but Hope grabbing his hand and yanking him toward the front
door just about erases me from his mind. As soon as they disappear, Milo gets
out of his car and walks over to me. “I know where you were last night,” he growls.

“I
know you do, and I was going to tell you today, I swear.”

“How
could you do that to me, Libby?”

“Milo,
I’m so sorry. I had no intention of staying with Braden when I went to see him
last night. I only went because …”

My
voice trails off. Everything about Milo says he’s balanced on a knife’s edge
right now. I realize telling him about the Socius may disintegrate the control
he’s clinging to. If I had been able to tell him before, the information might
have changed his mind, but now …. the only thing I have left to offer Milo is a
fulfillment of his dream to erase the Guardians from existence. If he finds out
about the Socius, and that my only chance at victory may be lost, he will lose
it. Hate won’t be a strong enough word. I truly worry that if I tell him, that
look I saw when he shot the Seeker will reappear, and he will hurt me, or
worse.

“Because
why?” Milo demands.

Lying
got me into this mess, but I do it again. “Because after seeing what Drake did
to that Guardian, I got scared he was going to do it to Braden. I went there after
school yesterday to beg him to let us protect him full time.”

“I
went by his house after midnight trying to find you. You were still there.”

“I
know.”

“When
did you leave?”

I
swallow, determined to tell him the truth as much as possible. “A little after
one.”

Milo’s
face twists into a scowl. “Your car was still there this morning.”

“Braden
drove me home …” I know he’s going to ask, so I just say it. “… because I asked
him to.”

He
doesn’t ask if Braden stayed with me. I think he already knows the answer to
that question by the way his skin is suddenly flushed a violent red. “You came
to me!” he snaps. “You came to me and asked me to forgive you, to take you
back! Why did you come to me like that if all along you intended to go back to
Braden? Do you enjoy stabbing me in the back?”

My
chest convulses as I try to hold in my sobbing. “No, of course not, Milo. I
came to you because I want to be with you. I had no intention of going back to
Braden. I wanted you. I only … I tried to stay away. I begged you to protect
Braden so I didn’t have to. I knew I couldn't be around him, so I asked you for
help. I tried to stay away … I tried.”

“You
asked me to protect the man who stole you from me!” Milo screams. “How was that
fair?”

I
shake my head vigorously. “I know it wasn’t fair, but I asked you to do it
because I knew I wasn’t strong enough.”

“You
should have just let him die!”

Tears
spill past my control at his harsh words. “You knew I couldn’t. I was willing
to do anything you wanted. All I asked for in return was to know he was safe
and alive. You couldn’t give that to me, so I did it myself. I didn’t want to
be the one, but I was, and I couldn’t be that close to him and not fall. I’m so
sorry.”

“You’ve
given up on me? On us?”

“I’ve
made a choice,” I say quietly.

“It’s
the same thing,” he barks.

Maybe
it is. I don’t respond. Milo’s stiffens at my silence.

“You’re
not bringing him here for protection. I won’t allow it,” says angrily.

“It’s
not your choice. It’s mine.”

“Screw
around with him all you want on your own time, but I will not stand for him
being here with us! There’s no point in having him around anymore. He can’t
help. He’s useless. I don’t want him here!”

“You
have no right to demand that. This isn’t just your operation. It’s mine,” I
snap. “I want him here. You have no say in the matter. Braden can still help us.
He’s not useless and you know it.”

“He
has no talents, no purpose! He’s a liability,” Milo argues, his face slowly
turning red.

“Even
without talents, you know Braden still has a lot of tactical knowledge,
leadership skills, and information that no one else in this group has. You know
he can help. You’re angry at me. Don’t punish everyone else by turning away
help.”

Milo’s
hands bunch into fists before slashing out in front of him angrily. “Angry! Angry
doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now!”

I
don’t argue. I don’t block his emotions. I let his words and fury wash over.

“Why?”
he asks. “Why was it that as soon as Braden popped up I wasn’t good enough
anymore? After everything we had already been through together, why wasn’t I
worth holding onto?”

“Milo,”
I say, stunned by his words, “you were worth holding onto! I know I messed up
and made mistakes, but I tried!”

 “Yeah?
Then why are we where we are now?” he demands. “You admitted the day he was
taken that you were in love with him. You had already put me aside. You went
crazy trying to get to him! Why can’t you just admit you had already written me
off?”

Sadness
coats my skin. “If you had listened to anything I said that day, Milo, you
would have heard me say that I risked Braden’s life because I still loved you.”

Milo’s
stares at me. “What?”

“I
could have let Braden give me his Guardian Oath at any time. He wanted to. He
begged me to let him, but I told him no. I knew the Guardians might take him
and change him if I didn’t let him give it to me, but I still said no.” I have
to pause to control my emotions. Tears are burning inside my skull again, but I
try to get through what I want to say without letting them fall. “I told him no,
because I knew that the second he gave me his Oath my feelings for him would
overpower how much I loved you. I couldn’t do it, Milo. I didn’t want to let
you go, not like that. I loved you, don’t you understand that?”

There
is a second of hesitation before Milo’s anger doubles. “If you would have just
stayed away from him after he tried to kill you then everything would have been
fine!”

I
know how much agony I have forced on him, but a deep well of resentment builds
in my chest. “I begged you to help me stay away from Braden. I begged you!”

My
own anger softens some when Milo’s voice calms and says, “If you really loved
me, you should have been able to stay away from Braden when I asked you to.”

My
shoulders sag. “But I loved you both. If it had been you in danger with no one
to watch over you, I won’t have abandoned you, either.”

“But
would you have gone back to me like you have with him?” Milo asks. “That’s what
you’re telling me, right? You’re choosing Braden over me.”

“Yes,”
I say through my anguish. “And I don’t know if I would have gone back to you if
the tables were turned.”

I
think of what I said to Braden, how thinking I had lost him forever nearly
broke me, that thinking of losing Milo couldn’t compare. Changing nothing else,
if it were Milo I had gone to see last night … I can’t tell him the results
would have been the same. I don’t want to lie anymore.

Milo
looks away from me. “There was so much more I believed we would be … you and
me. I saw us defeating the Guardians together, rebuilding the world, making
things right.”

“We’re
still going to do all those things,” I tell him.

Rounding
on me, fury bursts around him like a poison cloud. “I saw us doing those things
together! This was
our
plan! Something we were going to bring to the
world together! Well, not anymore.”

Panic
grips me. “What? You’re giving up?”

“No,”
he snaps, “but this is the end of
us
. The only thing you are to me now
is a way to crush the Guardians. I am not your friend, or anything else.
We
have nothing except for this mission. If it weren’t for that …” His fists
tighten into angry knots. Energy builds around him, humming with the desire to
be let free. I take a frightened step back. Milo doesn’t seem to even see me
anymore. The same look I saw right before I watched the Seeker’s body crumple
under the force of Milo’s bullet returns. When Milo speaks, his words drive me
back another step.

“You
can give me the Guardians. That’s the only reason you’re worth anything to me
now.”