Darkest Fear (14 page)

Tink shrugged. “With no power, there's no AC. It's going to be pretty stuffy inside soon.”

“Oh. Right.” More mist blew across my skin as I watched the rain come down with such force that it was almost sideways. With
no streetlights, no house lights, no moon or stars, the only thing glowing in the night was the French Quarter in the distance. It was so important for the tourism industry that it had its own dedicated power grid.

Something—some movement—caught the corner of my eye. Moving closer to the balcony railing, I looked down into the side yard. All I saw was rain, the trees blowing in the strong wind, the long grass getting whipped and flattened.

And . . . a big shadow. Blinking, I wiped the mist out of my eyes and peered down. Saw nothing.

Then—

The shadow moved along the fence inside the yard. A big dark shape. A jaguar shape. My eyes wide, I turned and looked at Tink. He was on his feet in a moment, moving silently and gracefully for such a big guy. Slowly I pointed down into the yard. When Tink spotted the shadow, his brows furrowed as if he was trying to figure out who it was.

Despite the comfort of having Tink next to me, I felt like I'd swallowed a hard plastic ball, and my heart thudded heavily in my chest. Down in the yard, the shadow stopped, and even through the intense darkness it seemed like it was looking up at us.

“Do you recognize him?” I whispered, assuming it was a him.

Tink's blue eyes narrowed. “Don't think so. Not sure. The rain. But no one I know would be doing this without identifying themselves.”

There was an enormous magnolia tree in the yard—the one
I'd fallen asleep under when I'd first arrived. The one Matéo had jumped down at me from. Tink and I now saw the big jaguar coil and spring, disappearing up into the thick branches.

One of the tree's limbs ended about twelve feet from the corner of the porch. We couldn't see the haguaro, but the shaking of various leaves told us he was climbing. He reached the branch closest to this porch. He was coming to get us.

Like with my parents. Like the person who had tried to break into my house. Like the person who had killed Matéo's parents.

Get inside,
I told myself, just as I had earlier in my car.
Get inside and lock the window.
Grabbing the hem of Tink's shirt, I edged sideways toward my room. Tink didn't budge, forcing me to let him go. Then I heard it: the low, rumbling, blood-chilling growl of a predator. The closest branch shook and bent under the big jaguar's weight.

“Tink! Get inside!” I hissed, quickly raising my window.

He didn't respond, just stood at the edge of the balcony staring at the tree. What should I do now? My knees were about to give out from fear. I had to get inside and slam the wooden shutters closed and lock the window, but I couldn't leave Tink out here alone.

The next deep-throated growl was much closer, and I realized that it was Tink, and he was changing. His wide shoulders hunched, arms bent at the elbows. Standing in the window frame of my dark room I felt frozen. My legs were trembling and I could hardly breathe. What should I do? What?

It all happened so fast that most of it was a blur. Tink completely changed in about twenty seconds. The tree branch dipped, and the enormous jaguar jumped twelve feet onto my balcony. With an ugly roar, Tink reared up on his hind legs, and I saw that the two cats were matched in size, wide paws spread, crushing jaws opened. A huge crack of lightning illuminated the porch, making Tink and the stranger look like giant shadow puppets, frozen for a split-second snapshot. Somehow my legs moved, and with stupefied animal instinct I backed through my window and dove beneath my high bed, although I knew that would be no protection at all.

Covering my ears against the horrible sounds outside, I squeezed my face up tightly as if that would block out the knowledge of what was happening. Would someone hear them over the lashing violence of the thunderstorm? Surely someone would call the police. Would that be good or bad? Beneath my bed, I pressed my back against my wall, my hands curled so tightly over my ears that my nails hurt my skin. My breaths came fast and shallow—the last time I'd heard sounds like this had been the worst day of my life.

Porch furniture crashed. Heavy thumps landed against the outside wall, making me wince. My heart beat so fast it felt like beetle wings in my throat. That haguaro was going to kill Tink, and I wasn't helping. I had run, just like with my parents. Lightning made crisp, fleeting shadows in my room; thunder rolled through me, vibrating in the floor and wall. I curled up tighter, feeling like such a coward, wishing I would just pass out.

Screams of rage and attack shook a whimpering sound from
me. Despite my covered ears, I could hear them loudly, and I knew which snarls were Tink's and which were the unknown jaguar's. If this had been a normal house break-in, I'd have run downstairs and called for help. But who could help in this situation? Only another haguari. Like me.

When they crashed into my room, roaring and howling, it was like having a car drive through my window. My eyes flew open, but I stayed huddled under the bed as they rolled together on the floor, falling against my armoire, sending my long mirror crashing to the ground.

Stop it, stop it, stop it,
I whispered, but what came out . . . was a soft growl.

My eyes open wider I smell dust

Look I have a paw a wide paw with long deadly claws

I am jaguar again why

Furniture is breaking

I am under a bed I begin to crawl out

I yell
Tink I'm coming
it is a roar

I feel my strong muscles I smell jaguar me I smell Tink jaguar I smell a stranger

I roar the strange jaguar stares at me it has death in its golden eyes

My chest feels hollow I roar so loudly I shake the windows

I go closer and raise a paw with sharp claws out

The floor vibrates lightly someone is coming human footsteps

I will fight I roar again and swipe at the stranger talons out like a steel rake

He swings back at me I duck my anger is overcoming my fear

“What's going on here?” Matéo is here I am so glad

“Vivi!” That is Aly she will help she is strong “Where's Vivi?”

I'm here!
I growl

The strange jaguar breaks free away from Tink's fierce strength

He runs outside he jumps off the balcony

He jumps into the tree

After a long time of fear and ugly sounds now it's quiet

Except for the rain

And Tink's heavy panting he is breathing hard

Lightning makes sharp dark shadows on the walls

Thunder rumbles like my growl through my belly

Matéo and Aly are here they smell like not jaguars

They smell like family

My room is broken

I go to Tink I make no sound we push our heads against each other

Rubbing our scent on each other

Tink lies down it is still raining the smell of rain is in my nose the wetness the damp breeze in my room

I smell blood Tink is bloody there is blood on the wooden floor

Tink has long slashes on his side more footsteps Dana

“What the hell happened?” Dana runs in

Matéo kneels by Tink

I want to change back I want hands what is wrong with Tink

How do I get back I want to cry but these eyes can't

How do I change I am stuck I am stuck

I drop to the ground by Tink and put my head on my paws

I do not want to be a jaguar I can't do anything I have no thumbs

“Tink, man, you okay?” Matéo says “Change back so I can check your injuries, okay?”

“Vivi?” Aly kneels next to me she rubs my back her hand on my fur is electric

I want to cry but I can't I look at Aly I can smell a hundred Aly scents

How do I change back?
Sort of a weird growl-yodel–quiet roar

Tink is changing he is smaller he smells not jaguar he has no fur

Matéo brings his clothes Tink groans he puts on his shorts he smells like Tink he is not family

Dana has a box she sits by him

“Okay, hold still.” Matéo dabs at blood on Tink

“She doesn't know how to change back.” Tink points at me

“Yeah—I heard.” Aly “I'm trying to figure out how to explain it. Though you're very beautiful, like this.” She pats my shoulder “There aren't that many of us who are all black.”

I look down at my paws I look at my flank she is right I am black like night shadows

A black jaguar my rosettes show only under bright lightning

“Okay.” Aly “You feel both jaguar and human, right? You can understand me, but you could understand Tink as a jaguar. Right?”

I look at her

“There's a place between my eyes, on my forehead. When I need to become human again, I focus on it. Aly is there, in my brain right there, and I latch on to the idea of being a person, being the person named Aly, and I clutch it.”

Words just words I have an itch I lick my arm my rough tongue feels good

“Yeah.” Matéo is putting something on Tink's side the smell stings my nose my nose wrinkles “You sort of latch on to your human part. It's like a third eye, in your forehead. Didn't your parents tell you this?”

I don't know I don't remember where is my forehead

Aly laughs “You should see your face! Your eyes practically crossed!”

I raise one lip I show Aly my long, long fang she stops laughing I feel laughter in her

I want to change back where is Vivi I don't know how to change I am lost forever I am trapped

“You can't do it, can you?” Dana is talking at me “Weird.” She looks at Matéo “I have some cuva rojo.”

Matéo looks at me he shrugs he pats human Tink “I guess that would be okay. I don't know what else we can do.”

“She's gotta learn.” Aly

Dana leaves I hear her feet

“Maybe we should start with her as a human.” Aly

Dana is back she has a box she opens it she has a small thing

“I'll do her nose.” Dana sits in front of me she shows me something I don't know what it is

“This is a drug that will forcibly change you back into your human form. It comes from a plant in the rain forest. Our people have used it for thousands of years. I'm going to blow the liquid up your nose. It will feel weird, and the change is kind of abrupt, but it will change you back. Do you want to do it?”

Words words words I don't know

“Do you want to try again yourself?”

I am so tired what a long day I close my eyes I rest my head on my arms I get comfortable

“Okay, I guess you better. It's okay, Vivi. Everything's okay, you hear me?” Aly rubs my shoulder it feels good

Something cold touches my nose my eyes pop open

Dana's face is right there her lips puff liquid in my nose in my nose

It is icky it smells very strong it is somehow familiar it is cold it is uncomfortable

I leap to my feet snorting

I sneeze three times

A cold wave comes over me I crumple in on myself

In rapid succession I lost fur, muscle mass, and the vision, hearing, and taste of a big cat. Less than a minute later I was shaking, feeling the smooth hardness of the wooden floor against my naked, clammy skin. Aly was ready with the cotton blanket from my bed, and she covered me up even before I was completely human.

“Holy shit,” I managed, my voice trembling.

“I know, it's kind of harsh,” said Aly, patting my shoulder under the blanket.

“Oh, my gods,” I moaned, struggling to sit up. My muscles felt like I'd just gotten off the rack. I was sure I'd feel a hundred times worse tomorrow.

“Did you know that guy,  Vivi?” Tink asked, carefully easing back into his polo shirt.

“No,” I said. What had happened?

“I didn't either,” said Tink. “He just came out of the blue and attacked. Man, that was some fight. The weird thing is that he wasn't trying to kill me. There were a couple times when he could have tried to get his jaws around my head. But he went for my side instead.”

The thought came to me clearly. “He was trying to get your heart.” The slashes along Tink's left side said as much. Had he been after me, but Tink had been in the way? My spine tensed and went cold.

“Why not just kill me, then, and take it?” Tink asked.

We were all silent for a moment; then it dawned on me, the horrible truth. “He wanted you alive,” I said slowly. “He wanted the heart still beating.” The devastating memories of my parents flooded back to me—the deep cuts in my mom's side, my dad's chest split open. Oh gods, Papi had been alive . . .

Jumping up, I staggered into my lightless bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before I threw up convulsively, tears finally streaming down my cheeks. Papi had been alive when his heart was taken. I couldn't bear that knowledge.

When I was done, I didn't have enough energy to stand up. The
whole day had been too much. Finally Aly tapped on the bathroom door and came in.

“We'll talk more about all this tomorrow,” she said, helping me stand up, tucking the blanket more tightly around me. “Rinse out your mouth.”

I nodded and went to the sink.

“You okay, Viv?” Matéo asked, back in the room, and I nodded wearily.

“I mean, not really,” I amended. “Matéo—was that the person who killed my parents? He was here. I feel like he came here for me, or maybe for you, and Tink got in the way.”

Matéo and Aly stopped and looked at me, concern on both their faces.

“Remember how that guy tried to break into my house, two nights before I came here?” I reminded them. “Has a strange haguaro ever attacked anyone here before? Is it just since I've come here?” My voice was rising and becoming tenser.

“I don't know,” Matéo said solemnly. “It would be weird for him to come after me now, after a year and a half.”