Darkness Before Dawn (13 page)

I shake my head because I don't want to hear his voice, I don't want to hear his words, I just...

"I'm sorry," he says before I can respond. "I tried to get to her, I tried to-" his words fade into my strangled sobs and I can no longer hear them. When I'm able to compose myself again, taking a series of deep breaths, he clears his throat before continuing, "I got there too late, I failed her."

I nod slowly and wipe my face not able to answer him or confirm that he did fail her. Even though I have a million questions and accusations to make toward him, I have no words right now. I pick myself up using the edge of the bed as a crutch, lift up her sheets and crawl in beside her.

I adjust my body toward her and wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her neck before I lose it again. The bed creaks from my shaking body, and I have to remind myself to loosen my hold around her so that I won't crush her tender body.

I hear the door open but don't look up, I'm assuming Dean is leaving and I don't care to watch him walk out.

"I'm Dyann. I'm taking over for Ronda," a woman's voice says, making me lift my head and wipe my face quickly.

I blink a couple of times trying to focus on the blonde nurse in the green scrubs.

"Which one of you is the husband?" she asks, looking between Dean and I.

I clear my throat. "Me," I reply while glaring at Dean, daring him to say anything.

He shakes his head and puts up his palms defensively.

"What's your name?" Dyann asks me.

"Cole. Cole Brennan," I respond, not missing a beat and not caring how ridiculous Blake's last name may sound as mine.

Dyann nods and gives me a small smile while jotting something down on her chart. "Mr. Brennan, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm just going to adjust Mrs. Brennan's morphine, and I'll be out of your hair in a bit."

Despite my confusion at her choice of words, my heart constricts in my chest. What loss? Is Blake not okay? Please tell me she's okay. "What loss?" I ask hoarsely.

Her eyebrows pinch together as her green eyes look from mine down to her chart and back to mine. "Oh...the um...the baby," she responds quietly. "I assumed you knew?" she continues with a worried look on her face as she adjusts Blake's morphine and pillow.

I clamp my mouth shut with a sharp nod when she apologizes one more time before walking out of the room.

I'm frozen in place, my heart hammering against my chest as I continue to stare at the door she closed behind her. Her words echo in my head: The baby. The baby. The baby.

I shift my body to face Blake again, ignoring Dean who still hasn't moved an inch from his spot by the bathroom. I lift up one of Blake's hands in mine and kiss the palm.

"Baby," I whisper as I caress her bruised cheek. "It's me." She doesn't respond, doesn't move. The only sound in the room is coming from our breathing and the beeping machines she's hooked up to.

Dean clears his throat, making my eyes snap in his direction. "I'm going to go out into the hall."

I glare at him. "Who did this to her? Connor said you were trustworthy, so how the fuck did this happen?" I spit.

"I told you, I tried to get there as soon as I could. She didn't come outside to meet me where we agreed and-" his voice cracks and he shakes his head, unwilling to finish his story.

"The baby?" I ask in a hoarse whisper.

"Was yours," Dean replies firmly. "I'm sorry." His hazel eyes are laced with regret, which makes me believe him, but not hate him any less.

"You can leave now," I quietly inform him, and he nods in agreement.

"I'll be back later," he replies.

I get up, careful not to hurt Blake, and stomp over to Dean until I'm right in front of his face.

"Listen to me, you little shit," I say quietly, hoping to scare him, but one look at him and I know I don't scare him at all. "If you EVER refer to yourself as Blake's husband again, I'll fucking kill you."

His lips curl up in response. "Well, I don't think of myself as her brother and I had to be family," he explains with a smirk and a shrug that I don't care for.

"Get out! You've done enough. If I never see you again, it'll be too soon. In case I'm not being clear enough, don't come back!"

Dean takes a step back and looks at me, at Blake, and back at me again before he turns and leaves, closing the door behind him. I lie back down and turn my body to Blake's again, braiding our fingers together and burying my face in her hair. I inhale her, the hospital smell on her overpowering her natural scent, but I don't mind.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper into her hair. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

I stroke her face lightly before running my hand to finger comb her hair some. She looks so pale, so small beside me. It cracks my heart to even fathom what they've done to my girl. And a baby. She was pregnant with my baby this entire time? I shake the thought away from my head, not wanting the pain of that loss to overshadow my happiness of having her back in my arms. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it out to see Aubry calling me back from earlier.

"Hey," I croak, picking it up on the first ring.

"What's up man? Rough day?" he asks.

"Blake. I'm with Blake," I stammer and I start sobbing hard when it hits me—really hits me—that I am really with her, that she's really lying beside me and that this nightmare is finally over.

"What?" he whispers. "Where are you? Is she? Oh my God. Is she-"

"She's okay, we're at St. Joseph's."

"On my way," he says and hangs up.

I can't bring myself to call anybody else so I send Connor a text message saying where I am and one to Mark asking him to get us security. The paparazzi has been security enough for me since Blake's been gone. They're annoying as shit, but nobody would think of coming near me when they're around, and they're always around trying to snoop for a new story.

I lie back down and for the first time in three and a half weeks, I drift off to sleep without the help of alcohol.

BANG! BANG! BANG! are the sounds I hear before running down the stairs and into the kitchen. I let my eyes roam over the princess decorations and the cupcakes with the number four on top of the counter before I look at my daddy holding a knife in his hand. An angry dark-eyed man is standing before him with a gun in his hand, and my mother is lying in a pool of blood. My chest heaves, my eyes filling with tears before I let out a scream,
"Mommy!" The man narrows his black eyes, and tears roll down my daddy's face as they both look at me. My daddy starts to cry loud and scream at the man with the black eyes before the man hits him in the stomach and carries him over his shoulder out of my sight. I run up to Mommy and drop next to her on the floor, shaking her roughly, begging her to wake up before a young man comes into the kitchen.

"Let's go, baby girl," he says to me.

"Mark! She won't wake up! Wake her up!" I shriek.

"No, baby, she's not going to wake up," he replies sadly, as he, too, begins to cry while holding on to me.

"Get her out of here!!" another man screams as he walks in, taking in the scene. His chest heaves rapidly as he looks between Mommy and me. "GET OUT!" he says louder.

Mark carries me in his arms, my blood-soaked pajamas hanging heavily from my body and sticking to his, as he takes me to the black van.

"Why my mommy?" I wail.

I look up at Mark, his face suddenly becoming Benny's. "That wasn't your mommy," he says with a harsh laugh before pinning me with his crazed eyes. "That was you."

I gasp, trying and failing to sit up. I cringe from the pain that runs from the tip of my head all the way down my body. I blink at the bright lights around me and blink some more until I can focus and see that I'm in a hospital. The last thing I remember is Dean holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be fine. A sudden shift in the bed fills my stomach with apprehension.

"Oh, thank God," he says hoarsely and pulls my face into his hard chest. I squeeze my eyes shut and will my heart to slow because I know that my sick imagination is playing tricks on me again. I miss that voice so much it hurts. When I sniffle my tears, I'm consumed with his unmistakable fresh scent, and I know this has to be real…unless I'm dead.

"Blake, look at me," he says quietly as he touches the side of my face and backs away from me a little. My breath starts coming out quickly, in gasps as I tilt my head and open my eyes slowly to meet the most brilliant green eyes I've ever seen. We stare at each other for a long moment with tears in our eyes, before his arms swallow my body in his, shielding me from everything—the light, the dark, and everything in between. For the first time in a very long time, I feel safe. Truly safe. My body begins to shake from my muffled sobs and I cling on to him tighter, not daring to let him go. I pour all of my angst out, trying to let go of the bad and really just grateful that I have something good. Finally.

"Please don't leave me," I whisper against his chest once our sobbing calms. "Please, please don't let them take me away from you again."

"Oh God, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry they took you and I wasn't there to protect you. I'm sorry you had to go through that by yourself," he whispers hoarsely. I nod against him, inhaling his scent, that scent I missed so damn much and was beginning to forget.

We separate and wipe our faces as we study each other. He lightly caresses my face with his thumb. "You have some bruising...and stitches on your head," he says with furrowed eyebrows.

As I move away, I feel a heavy, gooey pool in between my legs. My eyes widen and I look at Cole, completely horrified. "What about-" I stop myself before I can continue because I already know the answer, but for some reason I need to hear somebody say it. I'm not even sure if he would have heard about it though.

"What about what?" he asks, his hand stilling on my cheek when he registers the scared look in my eyes.

"The baby," I whisper, dropping my gaze from his and holding my stomach with my hands.

"I'm sorry," he replies huskily. I bury my face in my hands and let out a strangled, tearless sob before I take a couple of breaths, struggling for air. When I'm able to look at him again, I place my hand on top of his and we give each other a squeeze.

"Me too," I reply quietly. "I should've tried harder."

"No, Blake. You had nothing to do with losing the baby, please don't think that," he says, looking at me with loving eyes as he strokes my cheek softly.

I nod, blinking away the tears pooling in my eyes again. He carefully adjusts my body to face his and we lay there for a long time cataloging every inch of each other's faces.

He presses a kiss on my lips and for a moment I forget everything. I grab both sides of his face and plunge my tongue into his mouth. He groans deeply and grabs me by the back of the neck, pulling us as close together as we can be. I hear one of the monitors behind me start beeping uncontrollably, but I don't care to check it. Somebody clearing their throat causes us to break apart, but we don't look away from each other's eyes. In this moment I realize that I'm not sure how long I was kidnapped, but nothing, nobody, can hold me hostage like Cole's eyes can. "Welcome back, Blake. I'm glad to see you're feeling better. We got notified about the increase in heart rate so I came to check up on you. Now I know why it happened, though," she says with a smile and a raised eyebrow. "You should rest."

I smile back at her, and just as I'm about to thank her, the door opens behind her and our heads turn to watch Aubry step in. He looks at me for what seems like an eternity before he buries his face in his hands and starts to cry. Cole shifts off the bed and walks over to him and hugs him, telling him that I'm okay before they walk over to me.

"Cowboy," Aubry says, his voice wavering. "I can't..." he pauses to swallow, but doesn't say anything else, just sits where Cole was previously laying and pulls me into a hug.

"I'm fine, Aub. You can't get rid of me or my laundry," I say, muffled into his chest.

He laughs and pulls away from me as tears roll down his cheeks. "I missed you so fucking much, Cowboy. You don't even know."

"Is she okay to walk?" Cole asks Dyann as she fixes my IV.

"Sure, if she's up for it," she replies, looking at me with a smile before she leaves the room.