Dauntless (The LockDown Series Book 2) (6 page)

I feel myself drifting off with her in my clutch, my own snores mingling with hers.

I awake to light filtering through the tiny slit in the curtains. I feel the weightlessness in my arms, my daughter no longer there. I jump frantically, panicking, trying to see where she is.

I bolt up from the chair, leaning over her crib. She isn’t there. I begin to cry, hot tears spilling down my face once more.

I run downstairs faster than I thought my feet could find possible. When I reach the kitchen, I see Leighton sitting at the bar in a crisp white shirt and grey suit slacks. In his arms, our daughter, Melissa, suckles on the teat of her bottle. I feel myself instantly calm.

“Fucking hell, I was worried sick,” I tell him as I reach the kettle and switch it on to boil.

“Aha,” is all he answers with, his mood still the same as yesterday.

“Seriously, Leighton, we need to talk about this,” I tell him, trying to take Melissa from his arms.

“Firstly, I am more than capable of feeding my daughter; she’s probably safer with me anyway. Secondly, there is nothing to talk about, your bags are packed. They’re waiting in your car. Debbie said you can stay there for a while. I would prefer Melissa to stay with me, but as I work all day most days she would benefit more from having a full time parent.” What the fuck?

“Leighton, you can’t do this to me, please.” I begin to choke on my sob, my heart physically breaking all over the floor beneath the heel of his shoe as he crushes it.

“Of course I can,
sweetheart
. This is my house, my money, my life. You fucked me over, so now I say goodbye.” He waves at me, still cooing and feeding our daughter. How can he turn this malicious and spiteful? This is not the Leighton I know, the Leighton who had saved me and built me back up.

His reaction only makes me realise how monumental my betrayal was, regardless of the intentions. So much was at stake when I drove to that industrial estate; I had known the risks but still went through with it. Now, I face losing everything I care for.

“Please, Leighton, please. Let me explain what happened, you have no clue.” I can feel my heart pounding against my chest, my body is sweating like crazy and my breathing is sharp and short. I can’t stop the restrictions happening, the tightening around me.

I run to the cupboard, searching through trying to find my tablets. I need them, now. I am sooner, or later, going to pass out.

“They’re in your car with the rest of your shit, Abigail, well what’s left of the things anyway.” He uses his finger to brush a stray hair out of Melissa’s eyes. “How long have you been addicted to them, Abbi, how long have you been taking that filth whilst feeding
MY DAUGHTER
?” He tries his hardest not to shout but I can see how much he is struggling.

“I’m not addicted, I can control it. I don’t need them. I just need you, Leighton. Please talk to me. Please, I am begging you, baby. I can’t live without you, please?” I am practically on my knees by his feet, clasping to his trousers like a desperate child.

He brushes me away, standing to place the empty bottle into the dishwasher to clean it. “Your time for talking was when it happened. You,” he points at me, “should have told me, Abbi. I would have probably forgiven you, probably understood your fucked up logic, but now, after so long you want my forgiveness? You’ve got some nerve, Abigail. You have precisely thirty minutes to remove yourself from my home and drive away. You can keep the car, heck you can keep the damn ring for all I care, but know this, Abigail, I am not a fucking mug, so do not even dare treat me as such, you selfish piece of shit.”

He walks away, straight past me, still holding our daughter. I fall from my knees to my bottom. I bring my legs to my chest and howl into my knees. My heart is officially pulverised, everything my father had ever called me, every spiteful word he had ever said, comes flooding back to me. I believe them all again, I believe everything Leighton has just said. I don't deserve anyone.

I spend ten minutes of my thirty, on the kitchen floor, trying my hardest to stop the ache in my chest and the pain in my head as it throbs around inside my skull. I lift my left hand and look at my engagement ring, a promise of forever, now taken away so quickly.

Oh god, I feel sick.

I make my way up to my room, our room, and sit on the empty bed. I take the ring from my fingers and clutch it to my empty, hollow chest. I lift it to look at it once more, kissing the beautiful diamond.

I find a piece of paper from the bedside drawer and write a note to him.

I lay the ring on top of the little note, and leave it on his side of the bed. I breathe the essence of my home in, as I walk through the door and down the stairs. I don't say goodbye to my little girl or Leighton, it will be too hard to leave either of them. I need to do this, for both of us. We are no good together right now. I know deep down, somewhere, that eventually we will be okay, we are destined for one another. I will fight every single day I have breath within me, to have him as mine once again.

I have no concerns or worries of how he will look after her, he is the best father I have ever seen. He dotes on that girl something fierce.

I climb into my Aston Martin and drive away from my home. I refuse to look back in the rear view mirror as I exit the underground car park and head towards the huge gated entrance. My chest feels on fire as I leave my baby and her daddy, the two people I love more than anything else on this planet.

I will be here one day, back with them both, if it is the last thing I do.

I couldn’t bear to be around her, she was making me self-destructive. I had to get out of that kitchen. That’s why I have taken my daughter and left her there.

I am sitting in my office now, with the door locked and my sleeping beauty cradled against my shoulder. She is perfect, the most precious thing to ever be created. She is all the good I love about Abigail. The beauty, the innocence, the unconditional love all rolled into one bundle of joy. God I miss her, the real her, so fucking much. Just the smell of her around me makes me whole.

I can feel myself welling up, I don't want to cry, I have to be there for my daughter, I have to remain strong for her and myself. Abigail needed to get better, I wasn’t having her around Melissa on that fucking crap. I knew eventually I could forgive her, hell I was probably just as bad. Just yesterday, I had my fingers buried inside Kalina’s pussy. I just need to know I can trust her a hundred percent before I let her back here.

I get up from my chair as the half hour mark hits, kind of hoping she is still around to say goodbye, I already miss her beautiful face. I can't get the images and recollection of her pleading cries and distraught face, as she begged me to let her explain.

Right now, I don't want to hear about it, I’d already seen it. I just need some time to get my head around the whole situation. Soon, I decide, I will let her talk, but for now I need to let off some steam to make sure I don't go in horns-first.

I open the office door and search the lower areas of the house, where she normally is. There’s no sign of her anywhere. I walk upstairs to our bedroom, she isn’t in here either. As I go to close the door, I see a note and her ring on the side. I know she has left me; she is gone.

I pick up the tear-stained sheet and begin to read. My heart breaks inside of me to see those words on paper, her beautiful handwriting telling me she was going.

I pick up the ring, holding it firmly between my fingers. I look at it, and then hold it to my chest. She has gone, she has left and I am glad. Not because I despised her, or hated her, but because it’s what she needs. I don't know if her childhood has some fucked up connection to why she is acting the way she is, but if she needs to heal herself once again, I’m not going to stop her.

I still can't look at her face without seeing that arsehole all over her, with that total look of ecstasy over her face. I am trying hard to wipe those images out, but I can't, I don't know how to. All I do know is that I need to try a damn site harder if I am to fix my broken family, to get my girl down the aisle in June.

It has been exactly two days, six hours and thirty-seven seconds since Abigail walked away from me. Well temporarily that is. There is no way I can live like this permanently. If these last two days have done anything, they’ve taught me that I love her for everything she is, all of her faults. That isn’t to say she can weasel back into my life with nothing said, she hasn’t earned my trust yet. There isn’t going to be any more Mister Nice Guy with her, no more hiding my true self. If she wants me, she has to take the real me.

There are things about me she doesn’t know, even my boys don't know. My team know of my dominant tendencies, to the extent of going to the club to unleash my inner controlling prick, but she doesn’t. No one, and I mean no one, knows about the part of me I hated but loved at the same time, the part of me my father had driven me to.

If I had been the guy I usually was, with Abigail, then she wouldn’t have even contemplated going to see Phillip. If I had trained her from the second she was mine, teaching her control, discipline and submission, she would never have gone. She would have known, no meant no.

Melissa is pining for her mother something chronic. My heart bleeds for her; all she wants is her mother’s warm arms and scent to sleep to, the nurturing aura she emits. I have somehow coped on my own, feeding, bathing, changing and just stimulating her the way a father is meant to, but I need Abbi here with me, as a team, the way it should be.

I pick my phone up from the table, as I have done every hour these past two days, in hope that she might have text or called me to say hello, or ask how Mel is. I know she is okay because I have been in contact with Antonio, constantly asking about her. I have made him aware of her addiction and had him take her pills away. He is to dish them out if and when she really needs them. She has no control over how many she takes, so she needs someone with reason there to assist her through this tough time. I want to be the one to do that for her, but she needs time alone, so I will give it to her no matter how much it kills me.