Dear Lover (3 page)

6

Your body’s openness—your capacity to surrender open with your whole body so your heart can be ravished and taken by love—is a doorway to ecstatic spiritual depth, with or without a man. If your body can’t open, your heart can’t shine. When your body is surrendering open with pleasure from deep within, then you can open and offer your heart fully from the inside out.

Orgasm is one form of sexual pleasure. You may never have had what you call an orgasm, or you may have had many. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that your body can open in love’s blissful surrender. If your pelvis is locked and your vagina is closed down or numb, then your heart is prevented from offering love fully through your body.

Opening through orgasmic surrender, alone or with a lover, can provide a unique opportunity to offer your deepest love and uninhibited yearning through your fully expressed body.

You may or may not have a man in your life, but for now, imagine that you are in bed with your lover. He strokes your belly and caresses your breasts. He touches you gently inside your thighs, trailing his fingertips from knee to crotch. Fondling, touching, loving, he eventually kisses you between your legs. With sensitivity and skill, he licks, nibbles, and sucks your most sensitive flesh, while also touching your feet and legs and belly and breasts with his hands.

Your breath becomes shorter and faster. Your eyes close. You grab his hair and push his face tightly against you. Breathing rapidly, an orgasm seizes through your body, your voice high-pitched, shrieking, your face tense, your body tightening, and then relaxing, after one or two or three clitoral orgasms.

These are the most superficial orgasms, requiring little if any emotional or spiritual trust—a vibrator can be used to achieve this pleasure. Nevertheless, clitoral orgasms can prepare you for surrendering open more deeply.

You have been making love for almost an hour, your lover thrusting in and out, his body pressing against yours, while kissing you, biting your neck, and pinning you beneath him with his loving strength. “Don’t stop,” you groan, as your body relaxes open. Your arms spread out from your sides, your heart opens, your mouth opens. Your moans are long and deep from your belly.

As the waves begin, your sound goes deeper. You gaze into your lover’s eyes, moist with vulnerable affection, your bodies softening into each other, your hearts melding. You take him in more deeply, opening your body to him, giving yourself to him, yielding fully. You gush between your legs, your vagina grabbing him, milking him, pulling him in more deeply.

His constant rhythmic loving sends a purr through your body like a cat vibrating. You relax more deeply open, and waves of open pleasure begin radiating from your vagina out through your whole body. Like an ocean of openness, your pleasure draws him in deeper. You offer your heart to him, unprotected. Your soft bodies press together, your hips moving in uncontrollable waves, your mouth ohh-ing in open pleasure, your body surrendering layer after layer more open than you have in a long time.

The G-Spot, an area of spongy tissue a few inches inside the anterior or front part of the vagina, is very sensitive in many women. If you are capable of experiencing G-Spot orgasms, but haven’t yet, this tissue can hold much tension, anger, and pain. This area of your vagina can be massaged according to your verbal guidance—slower, harder, softer, faster—eventually relaxing you enough to open in deep orgasmic waves, possibly even ejaculating fluids from this spongy tissue.

Your cervix is the physical source of extraordinarily deep orgasms. As with your G-Spot, your cervix may be quite sensitive and painful to the touch if you haven’t regularly allowed full pleasure to move through your cervical area.
But with a few weeks of receiving massage near your cervix, this area opens. And if you have a man in your life, then when you make love, as your lover’s thrust stimulates and opens your cervical area, your emotional and spiritual surrender can lead to tremendous orgasmic revelations of love’s bliss.

After an hour of heart-connected, passionate, sexual merger, imagine that your loving together with your man continues. His entrance into your body is deep, persistent, creative, unyielding. His strong hands hold your wrists, his belly presses deeply down into yours, his gentle force enters you again and again, opening you, opening places you have never felt to open.

You feel utterly claimed, taken open to God, obliterated in his deep loving. You let go even more deeply, dying in the intensity of his loving, crying as all love bursts you open. You are killed by bliss, softly, sweetly pervaded by his tender love. Your skin dissolves. Your edges melt. And again, even deeper, you let go of something you didn’t know you were holding, a minute clench deep in your heart opens, giving open to him, to God, and your tears flow.

Forgetting beginning and end, your orgasm opens deeper and deeper. Layers of surrender are offered up through your depths, out through your body, as he penetrates you to gone. Together, you open as such deep love all disappears in the fullness of bliss, light melting all hold, love filling all space, an unbearable fullness surrendering open endlessly, boundlessly, abundantly, no place remaining unopened, untouched, unrevealed.

Your orgasm unfolds and unfolds as never before, love rippling you open, your face drenched in tears, your body in sweat, bright beyond form. You are being breathed open in blissful death, ravished open, unable to hold on, surrendered open by a force you
are
so deeply, the living light of love that you always almost knew now shines so fully, wracking you open in unbearable pleasure, your deepest womb grasping and letting go, seizing and releasing, the pulse of the universe opening out from deep between your legs, opening out from deep within your
belly, your heart given open fully, all of you given, offered in utter devotional surrender.

For days, love’s bliss flows freely through your body. Your motions are full of grace, your face shining, smooth, and radiant with love’s flow. Your lover and your friends can feel this orgasm’s openness continuing to resound through your gestures, the way you walk, the expression in your eyes, the relaxed tone of your voice, surrendering you open for a long time after the sexual occasion has ended.

Surrendering open to the fullest flow of pleasure can be an important part of opening fully and offering your deepest love to the world and to your man if you are in a relationship. With practice and skill, solo or with a partner, your orgasmic capacity deepens along with other aspects of your capacity to offer your deepest heart. Over time, you may experience deep orgasms without any sexual stimulation at all, simply while dancing, or doing yoga, or breathing fully and offering yourself open to God to take.

Your body is built to be opened by love and to open as love’s offering. Love is who you are, and love is the gift you are born to give. With practice, you can learn to live open as devotional fullness, as if you were receiving deep sexual ravishment and offering your heart’s fullest gifts through your whole body.

How would you be breathing right now, sitting right now, moving right now, if your body were being entered by a man of enormous love and integrity, a man who felt so deeply into your heart that you were forced to reveal your most subtle closure, taking you open so exquisitely you could hardly bear to open in so much love and trust?

To live open, your body can practice feeling sexually open, whether or not you are having a physical orgasm or even having sex. Through sex and in everyday life, you can practice feeling, breathing, and offering yourself open as if the passionate force of a divine lover were entering you sexually, opening your heart and body as wide as the universe shines.

7

Your secret sexual desire is to be ravished, lovingly forced open in unbearable pleasure, and taken fully open to God by a man of deep spiritual wisdom, strength, humor, sensitivity, and integrity. But your past relationships probably fell short of your deepest desire for a man’s loving, and your current relationship is probably also lacking. Why?

The love that is deep in your heart is probably buried under layers of frustration and pain. How did these layers harden around the open yearning of your heart?

Since you were a young woman, you have probably dreamed of being lovingly
taken
by a good man, a man who could truly know you and cherish your heart, a man of deep integrity, a man you could trust with your life—a man you could trust to take you open into love’s deepest bliss. Even now, you probably yearn to be taken by a man who truly sees your deepest heart’s bright love and really knows your body, staying in touch with your unique energy as it moves and changes.

Sometimes—perhaps rarely—your lover can be so present with you that your fears relax and your body opens. In these magic moments, you and your lover connect so deeply that your hearts merge as one. All separation dissolves. Your body is given over to him, and his tender strength opens you further than you can control. You may weep and tremble in his arms, beneath his body, held in his love, pressed open by the force of his true desire for your deepest heart.

These moments are special, and few. Eventually, your man probably betrays you, either because he desires another woman more than you or because his love becomes shallow, his sexual neediness disgusting. Even in moments of intimacy, he doesn’t touch your deepest heart or even try. You know he can love you open, perhaps more than any man ever has, and yet, over time, he becomes less interested in communing with your deepest heart. He drifts into his career, focusing on his projects, sitting in front of the TV, or satisfying his need for superficial sexual release.

So you begin to learn to live with your hurt and take care of yourself. If you can’t depend on a man’s love, then you can only depend on yourself. You learn to take control of your life, to guide yourself to your own destination. But something is still missing, no matter how successful your career or how comfortable your life is. You still yearn to be taken by a man’s real love, to be truly seen and opened by your lover’s penetrating gaze, touch, and profound heart-desire.

Secretly, you still yearn to surrender to a man who is worthy of your trust. But you have not met him—and worse, you have learned that when you surrender open and give yourself completely to a man, you eventually get hurt. In the rare moments when your depth is invited, your pain comes up first and you often end up scaring your man away.

So, you begin to doubt love. You lose trust in men. You surround your wounded heart with shells of emotional protection, hopefully preventing more hurt. Your body develops tensions and even diseases after years of not surrendering, not receiving deep love, not giving yourself entirely, as you so long to do with every cell of your being. There is always tension—the tension of not being met and really stretched open in the fullness of the love you are.

So when a man feels you, he feels your shells. In your face, he sees the strain of long hours or years of holding your life together while your deepest heart would rather have surrendered open in ecstatic trust. In your gait, he feels the stress of unoffered bodily devotion, while your deep heart would rather have been a slave to love, commanded open by love’s torrential flow, undulated by love’s boundless pleasure. Around your heart, he senses the “do not trespass” warning, and so he holds himself back from entering your life deeply.

Few men are capable of entering a woman’s heart and opening her body to God’s bliss, but few women are capable of offering their heart and body to be claimed open in this way. Fear is the feeling of refusal. Fear is the
feeling of mistrust. Fear is the heart’s contraction that withdraws openness behind walls of protection. Fear is the act of unlove, the negation of love, the refusal to open and offer love’s openness as your gift. Anything less than a life of total loving is fear.

Fear—the refusal to open as love—is the only reason your sexual life and relationship are less than God-blissful. Fear forms shells around your heart and closes your body so that love cannot move deeply into you, claiming you, opening you, allowing you to trust deeper than your sense of self. If you trusted and received love more deeply, you would naturally surrender open, alive as the most powerful force in the world: the devotional offering of love.

Men are terrified of a woman’s depth of love and the energy that moves as a woman’s sexuality and emotions. And, at the same time, men want nothing more in this life than to merge completely with a woman’s devotional love and wild energy. Only as a man outgrows his fear can he handle a woman’s tremendous love-energy without running. And only such a man is worthy of your devotional offering in a committed intimacy.

Most men can’t meet you fully. So, though your heart and body yearn to be ravished by real love, you bury your heart’s longing under a life of busyness, family, friends, and distractions. You learn to plod on and get things done. You learn to seal off from your own longing. You occupy yourself with chores and to-do lists. You focus on your financial goals, or perhaps you decide to give your life to serving a social cause or following a spiritual path. You spend time with your friends, enjoy travel, exercise and take care of yourself. And still, your heart yearns, whether you are alone or with a man who is not deeply claiming your heart.

Just as you have chosen to guard your heart for fear of being hurt, the man you attract will have chosen to claim life more shallowly than his true depth. He drifts uncommitted to total love because he is afraid of losing what seems like his freedom.

Your relationship won’t work because his freedom is false and your love is hidden; you are both afraid. You are unwilling to offer yourself completely without protection, so you attract a man without the capacity or willingness to claim you completely.

A commitment to love requires opening beyond these fears. Your lover’s willingness to inhabit your life as his own, to feel your heart deeply and claim you open to love’s deepest bliss, must grow—just as your willingness must grow to offer your life and heart as love, even though you know you will be hurt and betrayed in the future.

Even if you don’t have a lover in your life or if your lover doesn’t seem able to meet your heart with his full loving presence, you can learn to keep your heart open to the flow of love. Your heart may hurt, your heart may yearn for a deeper way to give and receive love with your man, but your heart-practice is to relax open, breathing and feeling in connection with your lover and all beings. At heart, everybody wants only to give and receive love.

You can practice keeping your heart open for the sake of love’s fullness, even when your man hurts you, even when you are alone, even when the pain and yearning in your heart feel overwhelming. For the sake of love’s fullest flow, you can allow your heart to yearn open, deeply receiving and offering love without closing down to protect itself.

Then, your life is moved not so much by your man’s needs nor by your own needs of self-reliance, but by the deep wisdom-flow of love, which is alive as you and at the heart of all beings. You are fulfilled neither by a man’s attention nor by taking care of yourself, but by opening as love, feeling the heart of everyone, offering your heart open so love can move you as it will, offering your life as a gift of love to all, including your chosen man.

All the moments of your life—making a business deal, caring for your children, arguing with your lover—can be a dance of love’s emergence, an
opportunity for opening your heart and offering your life to flow open as love’s wisdom, love’s power, and love’s indestructible vulnerability.

To live with an open heart and body moved by love is your only option if you want to fulfill your deepest desire—to receive and give love’s most full bliss—with or without a man.