Dear Lover (7 page)

15

If a man has a masculine essence, then when he feels most deeply into his heart, he discovers a cognizant beingness that is the nature of this present moment. If you want a deep relationship with a man, then it is worth understanding this unchanging and ever-present consciousness, this “home” where a man knows who he truly is.

This deepest place of being is consciousness itself, which is divine love. From this deep place a man witnesses the passing drama of life. Rested open as this unchanging depth of love, your man is “already dead,” so he has nothing to gain or lose that will make any fundamental difference. He can give everything to the world and to you without fear and without holding back. He is not repelled or distracted by your emotional wildness and life’s turmoil because he stands free in depth, offering his deepest love as the moments come and go.

Most men have yet to feel their deepest heart of free consciousness. They can’t feel their deepest purpose, and so they can’t offer their deepest gifts of love, to you or the world. To you, these men feel superficial and not so trustable. You cannot feel their deep heart and authentic confidence. You cannot see the vulnerable strength of death in their eyes. Instead, they appear lost in the games and drama of life, unsure and unable to take you to love’s depth.

Most men you know probably hold back, from your emotions and from life’s chaos. However, some men genuinely
are
involved and at home in life’s fullness just as you are.

For instance, some men truly enjoy talking about their emotions with women. Maybe you have been with a man who is really refreshed by having coffee with you, chatting about recipes, new clothing, and stories of their close friends, and sharing a good cry over their relationship. Some men feel at ease while attending to their child’s tantrum, answering the ringing telephone, and keeping a conversation going with their visiting friends while also watching their favorite sport on TV.

Almost all men have some capacity to engage life’s commotion, sensual hubbub, and your emotional maelstroms. To some extent, most men can enjoy redecorating your home, planning a wedding, or finger-painting at their child’s birthday party with 30 boys and girls eating cake and running to and fro.

Even if a man has a masculine essence, he also embodies some amount of
natural feminine energy.
This part of him is genuinely at home in life’s ever-changing fullness, just as you are. However, a man may also have a
fear-built feminine shell:
he may occupy his time in conversation and parties because he has lost touch with death’s urgency and his heart’s deepest purpose.

You can probably feel the difference between a man who is genuinely enjoying a conversation—but who can still ravish you with his deep masculine claim—and a man who is ungrounded in death’s authority, and so chats with a pansy smile.

As a man learns to relax his shells and rediscover his depth, he becomes more of a
free man
—identified with the freedom of unchanging consciousness. His heart-authority and love can most deeply claim your heart. Yet, this same man may need to grow in his capacity to engage your emotional storms without turning away to seek his freedom. He can practice to lovingly enter your wildness without flinching by learning to stay in touch with deep consciousness that is ever-present.

However, until he learns to fully relax as this ever-present and unchanging depth of freedom, he may try to create pseudo-freedom by avoiding, controlling, or suppressing life—and the emotional part of you—that he feels is a potential distraction or entanglement.

A man may hold back from the fracas of relationship and life by focusing on the unchanging goal of a particular project: cutting the lawn, washing his car, playing the stock market, building a house, or writing a book. He may induce pseudo-freedom by drinking a beer, kicking back, and watching TV. He may avoid emotional hubbub by closing himself in his office and gazing steadily into his computer. He may make a genuine attempt to ground himself in the depth of consciousness by eliminating life’s entanglements and entering a month-long silent meditation retreat in an effort to achieve “ego death.”

You may feel like your man is rejecting you, but he is simply not at home in change and emotional flow like you are. He can handle your emotional expression for a while, but he can’t help trying to “fix” you as if your emotional flow were a problem. He tries to resolve your discussions so they are finished, done, and he can get back to no-problem or calm harmony and peace. He often tries to resolve your somethingness into nothingness, steering sexual fullness toward ejaculative emptiness, trying to find a solution to your emotional flow or spiritual suffering so the “problem” is over.

Rather than connecting and sharing a broad emotional flow or enjoying an open-ended dance with your feelings, most men, most often, spend their time suspended in the pseudo-freedom of zoning out in front of a TV, obliterating themselves on drugs, or becoming absorbed in a singular challenge—business deals, rock climbing, studying philosophy—especially those challenges that promise a taste of release or “death.”

Most men choose to spend much of their day trying to make a financial “killing,” struggling for political freedom, seeking a creative release, an intellectual ah-hah, or spiritual liberation. And, if nothing else, they can watch sports—men at the edge of “death” in a boxing ring or absorbed in the challenge of carrying, kicking, or hitting a ball across a line, whooping in the freedom of a victory.

Even though your man may truly love you and want to spend his life with you, he can often find your emotional flow meaningless and taxing, since your ever-changing energy is so foreign to the freedom of release he seeks: the “final” or changeless consciousness and peace that feels most “home” to his masculine essence. To him, you may always seem to be changing your mind, changing your emotions, loving him, hating him, closing down, and opening up. He knows by now that whatever he does with you today won’t make a difference by tomorrow, so he’d often rather invest his time in something that at least has the appearance of achieving some form of freedom or completion.

Unless your deep heart is actively seducing and inspiring your man’s deep and fearless consciousness into life, then your native emotional flow may be actively repelling him—even if he genuinely loves you. Until he opens to the freedom of deep consciousness, his greatest fear is losing his tenuously acquired pseudo-freedom by becoming entangled in what seem to be the constraints of life or you, including your love.

He may be afraid to commit to you because he fears losing “other options,” even if he loves you. He may pull back after especially deep lovemaking because he is afraid of losing his freedom to the bond that deeper loving may imply to him.

If your man is still growing to feel the freedom inherent in every moment’s depth of consciousness, then you will probably have to
invite
his depth of presence with your depth of love. Your deepest light and heart’s yearning can actively invite his depth, seducing or enchanting his deep presence into the dance of relationship and life. Otherwise, he may tend to engage only shallowly, or withdraw in the pseudo-freedom of holding back.

If you want to inspire your man’s depth of presence and commitment, offer him your feminine heart’s most deep yearning, sexually, actively, and devotionally, receiving him into you completely and responding with full pleasure and trust. If you don’t offer him your fullness, then he may never have the opportunity to learn how to enter the feminine heart’s deepest demand for love. When he takes time off from his search for pseudo-freedom, his desire to enjoy the feminine may remain shallow. He may go to less “entrapping” feminine sources with which to merge—oceans, forests, music, beer, pornography, or less challenging women.

The
fullness
of your offering of light through your body and heart’s yearning—sexually and in every way—attracts and inspires the
depth
of your man’s consciousness to enter you and the world.

Your fullest form of inspiration is worship. You can actually worship the depth of your man’s consciousness. Even if he is holding back, you
can feel the deep part of his heart that you do trust. You can see it deep in his eyes and feel it deep in his heart. His deep consciousness becomes the subject of your devotion, whom you dance for and inspire. You know this fearless presence at his depth, even if he is unable to feel it for himself in the moment.

By reflecting and offering your worship of this deep part of your man’s heart, you can help him feel and reclaim his own truth. Your worship of his depth inspires him to feel the free consciousness that he is, at depth. When he can feel and relax open as his deepest heart’s freedom, then he not only tolerates your chaos or enjoys conversing with you, he actually worships the depth of your heart’s longing and light.

As your mutual worship deepens, your love is lived with humor. Your man pulls away and you smile, knowing the power of your heart to seduce him back into you and life. You close down or erupt emotionally and he smiles, knowing the power of his presence to penetrate your resistant energy and open you to God.

Your feminine fullness of heart yearning will always attract and inspire a reciprocal
depth
of masculine consciousness in your man. If you shirk the depth of your shine, you’ll attract a man who hides in isolation, or absorbs his awareness in heartless goals of athletic, financial, or so-called spiritual challenge, or goes to easy sex for shallow pleasure.

Your man prefers that you would simply open without moods of resistance. You prefer that your man would simply desire you without requiring your active enchantment. He is often too tired to want to deal with your emotional concerns. You are often too stressed or exhausted to want to “put it out” and attract him.

You can each complain: You want more of his loving presence and he wants more sexual energy from you. You can each compromise: He pretends to be interested in what you have to say and you pretend to enjoy his clumsy gropes and superficial life.

Or, you can each devote yourself to enjoying your heart’s
deepest
desire. Your man can relax open and “die” as the deep consciousness that is the source of this moment, free to give his fullest love to you and all without holding back. And you can relax open and love yourself, your man, and the entire world, so that your heart’s light opens wide as this moment’s livingness. Through this mutual offering, you and your man can inspire and invite the deepest gifts of each other’s heart.

16

Your attractive power is unequalled. Feminine energy is the most attractive force on earth. And, to many men, your feminine
sexual
energy is what they find most irresistible.

You know that you can wrap a man around your little finger by offering your feminine sexual energy and attracting him into your field of influence. You can use this power for your own sake, to get what you want from a man. You can also minimize your attractive power because you feel it isn’t fair to manipulate a man; you may feel that each person is self-responsible,
and that you should be able to get what you want in your life by using your own masculine direction rather than by attracting a man into doing what you want.

However, when your love grows wide open, you can use your irresistible power of attraction for the sake of magnifying the love alive at the heart of all beings.

Yes, you can get a man to do just about anything, and you know it. So, what are you going to attract him into doing? Buying you a nice house? Giving you the space to guide your own life? Or, offering his deepest gifts to you and all beings while opening his heart to God?

Are you a selfish witch, a self-sufficient witch, or a witch for the sake of drawing your man and all beings open as a gift for all?

You may be afraid of your own power of attraction and influence. You may be afraid of living open beyond your single-bodied form. So your yearning and capacity to love, your ability to attract all into love’s communion, may lie latent and buried beneath layers of fearful shells.

Whether you are with a man or not, you can open and offer the attractive power of your feminine sexual energy
from your deepest heart
for the sake of all beings—and by doing so, you will attract a deep man into your life. And if you are already with a man, instead of waiting for his integrity to deepen, you can open right now and elicit your man’s depth with the openness of your love’s yearning. You can offer your depth of heart right now and attract from your man his reciprocal depth of presence.

Something as simple as the way you pour a cup of tea, for instance, can awaken your man’s deepest heart. You can walk across the kitchen floor, moving like a dancer, an overjoyed lover, a woman whose womb is full of pleasure and whose limbs are gliding with love. As you pour the tea, you can feel the liquid filling your man’s cup as your love would fill his life. You can gaze into his eyes, offering your deepest heart through your yearning.

If his casual non-presence persists, you need not cater to his superficiality. You stand in place, yearning wide open as love—not tense or needy, but as a work of art, fully aware of your radiant gifts, offering your heart’s beauty through your poise and grace—until he notices. You can break the pattern of casual mistreatment by
demanding
his worship—without saying a word, simply by offering the depth of your heart’s yearning and the strong flow of love through your bodily grace and poise. If you are steady and strong in your offering, he cannot resist.

The seductive light in your eyes, the tilt of your hips, the clothes you wear, the beauty with which you move and show your feminine form—your gifts of radiance are irresistible to your man. He may try to persist in non-presence—reading magazines, talking about stupid things—but if you don’t buy into your own pain of rejection, and if you maintain your fullness without catering to his pipsqueak style of shallow attention, then his thin spell will be broken.

Your artful offering of love’s yearning evokes his depth. The persistence of your heart’s light evokes the stability of his presence. Your graceful dance—simply the way you walk, move your fingers, and turn your head—can evoke his attention and awe.

Offering your deepest yearning and love is an art that will attract and inspire your man’s deepest presence, even when you feel tired or not in the mood. If you chat about your day while trudging across the kitchen floor, casually pouring some tea and plopping down on your chair with a furrowed brow and frumpy posture, you are empowering your man’s non-presence. You are actually enforcing habits of non-communion. He is unattracted, unevoked from his newspaper-zone of nothingness.

But if you
practice
opening so your body is breathing love’s fullness—as if you were on the verge of the most loving orgasm you could imagine—he will notice. If your hips are moving with the same pleasure as if you were dancing to your favorite music, his attention will move to your
body. If your eyes are soft with love’s yearning, if your voice is spoken as if in bed, modulated by the tone of love’s pleasure, his newspaper-world will feel paltry.

Remember, he is not at home in life as fully as you are. His basic orientation is toward the freedom of empty and unchanging consciousness. If his alternative to this freedom of emptiness is your clumsy body, your harping voice, your emotional neediness, or your habitual talk, he will learn to tune you out. If, however, the sound of your voice feels like the most loving sexual moan, if the movement of your body looks like a dancer gliding with ecstasy, if your speech and facial expression are of love, yearning, and worship, he will do anything for you.

In your moments of emphasizing self-reliance, you may negate the radiant power of your feminine attraction and try to emphasize your worldly functionality and intellectual capacity. Your sexuality seems to be only a small part of who you are as a “whole person.” Offering your sexual enchantment to awaken your man’s presence feels like a diminishment of your wholeness and a cheap manipulation of his desire—
because you stop short of attracting his attention open to God’s fullness through your sexuality.

When your love deepens, you feel your sexuality as a potent form of divine art, quite likely the most attractive gift you can offer to your man, your most direct way to invite him open into God through love. You give your heart’s yearning and your body’s form as a divine offering of love. You seduce your man not only to your surface, but to your depth.

You will attract in a man, and evoke in your man, the depth of worship corresponding to your offering. If you want your man to treat you like a scheming vamp, then offer your superficial charms to manipulate his superficial desires. If you want your man to treat you like a colleague and friend, then offer your humor, knowledge, and talents to interest him. If you want your man to worship your love as his chosen source of divine feminine radiance, then offer him your fullest sexual art of devotional
surrender—through every gesture, movement, sound, and expression. Offer your yearning and devotion to God through the God in him.

And even if you don’t have a man, why would you want to live a life that was less than devotional art? For your own sake, for the sake of all beings, for God’s sake, wouldn’t you rather relax open as love’s offering than contract in stress and subjective confusion? Even if you were cooking dinner for yourself, alone in your house, why move as less than love’s open dance while offering your heart’s yearning brighter than the sun shines? You can open as pleasure, move as a goddess, wash soapsuds off your dishes as if making exquisite love—you can live open as love’s art, moving in every aspect of life as a reflection of the sacred.

You are either allowing your life to be lived open as love, or you are settling for less. You are either disciplining your body to open as love’s art, or you are encasing your heart in shells of habit. For instance, sheer habit determines the tone of voice you would use to ask your man, “Would you like some tea?”

You can change your act into art. Rather than acting from habit, you can practice acting as an artful offering that will evoke the depth of your man’s heart and fill his life with light. Imagine you were about to have an orgasm of the deepest kind, so your heart and body were surrendered open like an infinite flower of pleasure. Now, with what tone would your words emerge from the womb of your pleasure, “Would you like some tea?”

You can speak, move, and breathe as acts of habit, or as offerings of art. You can feel and offer your whole body as a gift of love’s beauty, showing the light of your deepest heart. As love yearns open through your body of devotional surrender, you will naturally evoke adoration, reverence, and deep heart-communion. This is your moment-by-moment
choice:
to act as a habitual personality, or to offer your life as art, moving as love’s sacred gift.

Your life reflects the sacred as fully as you are willing to feel and express your heart and body’s
deepest
desires. For instance, when your body is touched, for what do you most deeply yearn?

Feel the soft surface of your skin. Would you like to be stroked so that shivers of pleasure run through your body? Do you desire to be caressed so that your heart opens deeper, evoking tears of vulnerable surrender? What kind of touch would unfold the very deepest core of your heart’s yearning, perhaps hidden and unexpressed your entire life?

Being touched can feel good. But being touched can also open your deepest heart. What kind of touch do you usually settle for? With what depth of yearning are you willing to offer your skin to be touched?

The depth of your heart’s yearning—offered through your skin, voice, and movement—attracts and inspires a man whose offering to you and the world is equally heart-deep. Even your friends and children are inspired to express more deeply their divine gifts when you allow your deepest yearning to unfold.

Love’s true offering emerges from your deepest yearning as various desires simultaneously occupy your heart. You probably desire ice cream on occasion, but the flush of yum is brief. Raising a family can occupy you for years, but how many mothers do you know whose children are grown and gone and whose once-occupied heart now feels empty and seeks solace in a lonely house? You may long for many pleasures in life, some more shallow and some quite deep. But for your heart to enjoy true and lasting fulfillment, you can learn to feel and offer your
deepest
yearning in every moment, through every desire, throughout your life.

What does it feel like to offer your deepest desire through your whole body? Imagine, right now, you were with a truly trustable lover. His body presses against yours, flesh to soft flesh. He feels any resistance you may have, and he opens through it. He breathes with you, feeling your every move and need. Your arm moves an inch, and he grasps your wrist, drawing your arms above your head, pinning you down, opening you.

When you need a rest he stops; when you need more force he enters you with passion. Because you trust him, you can relax open with him. You allow
him more deeply inside of you, in your body and heart. His loving opens you more, and soon your invitation grows strong. Your body and heart open to take his love deeper, filling you more than you can take without surrendering. All your boundaries dissolve as you receive his love without fear or resistance, until you are gone open, he is gone open, and love moves open as all.

Enraptured in love’s deepest bliss, how would your tongue and jaw feel? How would your pelvis ease? How would your throat feel? What tones would your vocal cords offer? How would your hand brush away the hair falling in your face? Would your belly be hard or soft? Would you have limp ankles or happy feet? What happens to your breathing when you feel this depth of love, even in your imagination? How would you live and move right now if you were open in the fullest loving you can imagine?

Right now, the only way you can know that you are
not
being fully loved is because you can intuit how it would feel to
be
fully loved. The only way you know that you are not open in divine bliss is because you can intuit a way of opening that is more divine, more blissful, than you are allowing yourself to open now.

You
already
intuit your deepest divine love and gifts, right now. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t yearn as you do. You may not be able to put words on your feeling, but you can intuitively feel deeper and deeper into the hole of your yearning. You can open and express this love spontaneously from your deepest heart through your whole body, so every movement of your life is a reflection of the sacred.

Sometimes your own body and mind won’t be able to sustain the openness necessary for your deepest heart to be offered. Your attention, and thus your energy, will go to superficial pleasures, sweet foods and nice caresses. You can intuit a much deeper yearning, but you may settle for less.

Also, those around you may not be able to handle the inherent demand of your deepest offering. Many people are afraid of opening, so you will frequently be met by their closure.