Dear Tabitha (36 page)

Present

Age 24

W
HEN
I wake up, I realize that I’m still wearing Tabby’s pink, fluffy robe and that I’m sleeping in Sara’s pink, fluffy bed. I chuckle as I stand and tie the robe tight around my waist, and think there is no place that I’d rather be. These two girls mean the world to me.

I follow the giggles coming from the kitchen and find Sara and Tabby in a cloud of flour. “Tabby’s showing me how she makes chocolate chip pancakes!” Sara exclaims and giggles even harder as she points at my outfit. “Alex, you’re wearing a pink robe!” She buckles over in laughter and slaps her hand on the counter.

“Nice, Alex. I see you’re comfortable.” Tabby smirks as she turns on the hand mixer. More flour fills the air and Sara laughs so hard she begins gasping for breath. “I give up!” Tabby says and tosses the hand mixer aside. “Why is this happening?” She gestures toward all of the flour in the air.

I walk over to the counter and look in the bowl. “Um, I think you’re missing some ingredients,” I say as I back away from her. “I don’t see any milk in there or eggs. It just looks like flour and chocolate chips.” I laugh and dart across the room before she can grab me.

Sara’s cackles fill the apartment when Tabby starts to chase me, holding her flour covered hands in the air. Her face is coated so much that her eyelashes are completely white.

We play a little game of cat and mouse, and I finally let her catch me. She throws herself into my arms, transferring much of the dry pancake mix onto me. She completes her assault when she rubs her face all over mine. I can feel the dry coating on my skin as I pick her up and twirl her around. I back up into the counter and suddenly see a puff of smoke form around my head and feel something land on me.

Sara has dumped what was left of the dry mix over me as Tabby guided me into the trap. The three of us start hurling mix all over the kitchen and dining area. We’re laughing and choking on the clouds of flour in the air, and it’s honestly the best time I’ve had in a very long time.

I realize that even though Sara was devastated yesterday by the loss of her grandmother, she’s bouncing back. We all are. I’m happy to help keep her mind off of the sadness that I’m sure will seep back into her thoughts over the course of the next few days, weeks, and months.

There’s a knock on the door and Tabby says, “Oh, shit.” Realizing the curse word that just left her mouth, she covers it and shakes her head. “This place is a disaster!”

Sara opens the door and smiles when Dottie and Caitlin come in.

“Hey,” Dottie says as she looks around curiously. “Did we interrupt something?”

Caitlin starts giggling and touches Sara’s face, drawing a line down her cheek through the flour.

“Mom! How come we don’t have food fights at home?” she asks.

“Sara, I forgot to tell you that Caitlin and her mom wanted to take you to the zoo today. Are you up for it?” Tabby asks and looks unsure of the decision that she made the night before.

“Yes, I’d like to go,” Sara says quietly.

“Okay, go get cleaned up,” Tabby answers and looks between me and Dottie. I can tell that she’s nervous. Caitlin follows down the hall after Sara, and before long, the two of them are giggling.

“Are you sure it’s okay, Dottie?” Tabby asks. “I don’t know what she’s going to be like today. Maybe she should stay home with me.” She glances over at me, “Umm, with
us
.” she corrects herself. “Maybe she should stay home today, you know, just in case she needs to break down, cry, scream, get angry.”

“Tabby, it’ll be fine. If she starts to get upset, the zoo is a ten minute drive from here. We can get her home to you pretty quick. She needs to deal in her own way, and spending time with Caitlin will help keep her mind occupied. Let’s not force her sad feelings,” Dottie answers and she really does make sense. Sara is going to deal with Marta’s death in her own way, and we need to follow her cues.

Tabby considers it, and nods. “Okay. But promise me that you’ll bring her home if she seems out of sorts. Please.”

“We’re ready!” Caitlin exclaims as she pulls Sara toward the front door. “I love the lions. I think you’re going to love them, too,” she tells Sara as Dottie follows them out into the hallway. She turns to face us, “Bye!”

“Goodbye and have fun.” I close the door behind them, and turn to Tabby. She wears her apprehension like a cloak.

“Alex, I don’t think that was a good idea. I should be with her. I don’t think she’s ready to deal with this on her own.” She places her flour covered face into her hands.

“She’s going to be fine. I promise,” I whisper into her hair as I pull her against me. “You, on the other hand, are a complete mess.” I chuckle as I scoop her up and carry her toward the bathroom.

She wraps her arms around my neck and doesn’t fight me as I turn on the water and place her under the hot stream, fully clothed. I let go of her and she grabs my hand, pulling me in with her.

As we rinse off the flour that covers our bodies, she leans her head onto my chest. I drop the wet, pink robe, and she lifts her tee shirt over her head. I take my boxer briefs off, and then hook my fingers in her panties, and pull them off her. I kneel in front of her, wrap my hands around the back of her smooth thighs, and place small kisses on her as I work my way up her legs. My tongue swirls and traces around her belly button, causing her harsh intake of breath. Her fingers lace into my hair, and when I look up, her head softly hits the tile.

We don’t speak. We just feel. We belong here together and she needs me as much as I need her.

“Alex,” she moans as my fingers softly pinch her erect nipple. My other hand moves lower and she parts her thighs. As soon as I feel her warmth pulsate around my two fingers, I grow impatient and pull her down to her knees so that we’re once again staring into each other’s eyes. We’ve waited too long for this. It’s time.

I take her face into my hands and say, “I love you, Tabs,” against her wet lips. I don’t wait for her to respond. I kiss her tenderly, slowly slipping my tongue into her mouth. She nips at it with her teeth, causing me to lose control. She gasps when I wrap my hands around her ass and pull her to a sitting position, directly over my erection. I can feel myself at her entrance as she begins to slowly rotate her hips, grinding against me. She reaches between us, wrapping her hand around my length, slowly guiding me into her warm folds. God, she feels amazing around me, and I thrust forward so that I’m fully inside.

The water pounds on my back and over her face. She looks incredible. Feels incredible. I bury my head into her neck and say, “Only you, Tabs. It’s only ever been you.” It’s the truth and I’m not sure she fully understands what I’m saying to her. I haven’t been with anyone since her, since she got pregnant with Emily.

She wraps her arms around me and her warm lips trail small kisses from my neck back to my mouth. She slips her tongue past my lips and we become one.

“I love you, Alex,” she moans into my mouth as our passion ignites. Our hands grope, pull, and massage each other as our bodies move in unison. I reach between us and circle two fingers around her clit, causing her to begin to tremble and shake in my arms. She swirls her hips, pulling me tighter against her body and firmly positioning my fingers to bring her to where she needs. She yells, “Alex,” as I feel her walls contract around me. I lose it and pull her hard against me, pumping into her as I join her in release. We slow down our pace and she settles on me as my cock twitches inside of her. I don’t want to let her go. This is how we belong.

“Wow,” she whispers in my ear, lightly nipping it. I pull her tight against me, burying my face in her neck.

“Wow,” I say back as I trail kisses over to her shoulder.

She reaches past me, turns off the water, and then places her head back on my shoulder. “I’m so glad that we found each other again, Alex,” she whispers.

I squeeze her tighter. “We belong together,” I reply. I’m still inside her and I feel myself twitch again.

She reaches outside the shower and I feel warmer when she wraps a dry towel around my shoulders. She begins to shiver, so I find a towel on the floor and do the same. We’re both covered, warm, and still connected. I pull her mouth to mine, shift our bodies, and press her back onto the floor of the shower. She wraps her legs around me as I kneel and swirl my hips, my erection once again growing inside of her. This time, our eyes stay locked together as we slowly make love again. Tears stream down her cheeks as she climaxes around me, pulling me with her over the edge. Our wet bodies remain tangled and shivering.

“We need to get out of here before we’re both pruned,” she says laughing.

“I’ll take it if I can stay like this forever,” I reply, not wanting to leave the warmth of her body.

We reluctantly get up, finish drying off, and get dressed. When we walk into the kitchen, she gasps. “Oh my God. This place is a disaster.” She shakes her head and walks back to her bedroom. “I can’t deal with it right now.” She reaches her hand back and grabs mine. “Let’s go back to bed,” she says quietly and I follow eagerly.

We spend the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon wrapped around each other, making love. Connecting. Loving each other.

This is how it should be and I’m never leaving her again.

Present

Age 24

Dear Tabitha,

(Dictated by Sara, Age 5)

Yesterday was my birthday, and I start Kindergarten soon. Nona says that I’m a big girl now. She gave me a princess bike for my birthday. It has training wheels, but that’s okay. My helmet has all of the princesses on it. I carry my favorite Ariel doll in the basket on the front. I ride it around our driveway and pretend that I’m a really big kid.

Can you guess what I was for Halloween? I was Ariel! I wore a long red wig and a mermaid costume. Nona took lots of pictures. She says I smile just like Ariel.

Did you know that I can read too? The first book that I read is called Biscuit. He’s a cute puppy that always gets into trouble.

Nona says she’s proud of me. And that she knows you would be, too.

Love,

Sara

Halloween now has an entirely new meaning for me. A purpose. Despite the fact that it’s my birthday and the day that Trina died, I’m suddenly ready to give Sara a Halloween to remember. I want to turn this dreary holiday into fun for her. For me.

I already know that our friends are planning another Happy Un-Birthday Merry Halloween and I’m starting to get excited. I want to share and build new traditions with Sara. I realize that I have several ugly Christmas sweaters in my closet, but she has none. I plan to go to the thrift shop later today so that I can get her the perfect sweater. I can’t wait for her to be a part of our new traditions.

Tears form when I look at the picture of Sara when she was five years old. She’s wearing her favorite Ariel costume and holding her trick-or-treat bag. I’m still in shock and awe that Marta did this all for me. For us. I look forward to every new letter that I read. I loved Sara from the moment I laid eyes on her as an infant, and it has grown exponentially every single day since I met her.